Adriana Image
Psychotherapist
Death in psychology
The fear of death and finiteness is one of the basic foundations of psychotherapy. There are four of them in total - imperfection of the world, loneliness, fear of death and lack of global meaning. Now this is not the main topic of client requests, but usually the number of panic attacks and requests related to the fear of death increases after terrorist attacks and high-profile deaths of young celebrities.
In psychology, the fear of death is a complex of anxious experiences about one's own finiteness or the finiteness of loved ones, aimed at preservation. People are afraid to die because this fear is necessary for survival. Calling it “just an instinct” is probably impossible, but in general, most living organisms tend to avoid unpleasant and dangerous influences. This allows them to stay alive longer.
How is the fear of death formed?
At first the child does not know that he will die. His basic fear is the fear of separation, the loss of a caring adult nearby. When no one approaches a child for a long time, he gets scared and screams, because this is a strong experience.
The child then learns that his parents are older than him, that one day they will die. Culture informs the child about this through fairy tales, where there are stepmothers, murdered fathers or brothers. Then he sees corpses in the streets - dead butterflies, dead mosquitoes. Sometimes children meet with the death of pets, pigeons or yard kittens. Thus the child gradually learns that he himself is mortal. This is usually a strong experience that occurs at the age of 4-5 years. Most children react negatively to this: they report that they will never die, forbid their parents to die. But gradually get used to it.
Experiencing loss
Every culture has its own ways of dealing with death, even in Russia, different nationalities and different regions have very different attitudes towards it. If speak about Russian system, which covers most of the people, then a funeral, and then a commemoration for 9 days, 40 days and a year correspond to the normal stages of living grief and completing mourning. That's the way it should be.
Most children react negatively: they report that they will never die, forbid their parents to die. But gradually get used to
In the Czech Republic there is Kostnitsa - a church decorated with coats of arms and chandeliers made from the bones of people who died during the plague. Most likely, this is how people experienced the trauma of loss. a large number loved ones, relatives and neighbors. Of course, this required some special attitude to what was happening, but they were more or less afraid of death than we are now - a difficult question. Sometimes, in order to deal with something, you have to get closer to it. And sometimes moving away is an individual choice.
When Fear Becomes Pathology
You can talk about pathology when fear begins to interfere with life and perform daily activities. If a person is not sick with anything, nothing threatens him, he is young enough and at the same time constantly thinks about death, most likely some kind of trauma has occurred and he is approaching a phobia.
They characterize those that do not bring peace: for example, if a person has passed basic examinations, everyone tells him that he is healthy, but he is still afraid to die from an unknown disease. Or can't fit pedestrian crossing. Or has difficulty sleeping. If there is no direct threat, but there is strong fear and worries, it is necessary to consult a doctor for anti-anxiety drugs and a psychologist to provide therapeutic assistance. Fear is opposed by rational thinking - anxiety is extinguished only by the work of the frontal lobes, so the analysis of injuries reduces the level of anxiety. But only on condition that there are no disorders in the brain.
Alexander Panchin
Candidate of Biological Sciences, laureate of the Enlightener award
Fear of death as an evolutionary mechanism
From an evolutionary biology point of view, the mechanisms that keep us from harming ourselves are important for survival and gene transmission to offspring. Let's say that fear of heights is common among people, because if you see an abyss in front of you, you better stop moving towards this abyss. This feature is found even in childhood- it helps people not to fall from a height, survive, reach reproductive age and leave offspring.
AT different cultures there is a different attitude towards death, different ideas about what it is. There are people who, well aware that death is the end, claim that they are quite satisfied with the fact that they have lived at all. For example, he says that he is incredibly happy that he even bothered to be born, because many potential people did not even manage to do this.
Sometimes, in order to deal with something, you have to get closer to it. And sometimes moving away is an individual choice.
The eternal question is what is primary in a person: social or biological. Both one and the other is important. Something is laid down by nature, something is formed depending on how a person develops in society. The social is superimposed on the biological, but the basic fears of specific threats that can lead to death are present in us from a very early age. This includes real momentary threats in the form of predators, darkness, something hot, sharp, high.
Jean-Baptiste Regnault. Death of Cleopatra, 1796–1797
Shaping misguided fears
The fears that arise in a person early childhood, and a little later, become a consequence of the ability of the brain to form associations, build cause-and-effect relationships. Roughly speaking, a person was exposed to a certain stimulus and, as a result, found himself in a state where innate detectors signaled to him that he had done wrong. He may be hurt or cold, he may feel fear. When a person finds himself in a state of stress, his brain automatically tries, by analyzing previous experiences, to understand what led to this deplorable situation.
In many cases, this is a very important mechanism that helps us learn and identify real and potential threats that were difficult to foresee in advance a thousand years ago, when our ancestors evolved. But on the other hand, this mechanism has failures. Sometimes people form fears of something that actually does not pose any threat. Fear is formed simply because it coincided: a black cat crossed the road and after that some kind of misfortune happened - a person finds a relationship here and begins to be afraid of black cats crossing the road.
This is an example of magical thinking - an incorrectly constructed causal relationship. But our brain is evolutionarily capable of building different causal relationships - both correct and, in some cases, incorrect. Therefore, he is able to both form adequate connections between a real danger and the possible consequences of this danger, as well as fictitious fears - when something is not really dangerous at all.
Sergey Mokhov
Social anthropologist, editor of the journal Archeology of Russian Death, coordinator of the Laboratory for the Social Research of Death and Dying (TsNSI), expert of the Khamovniki Foundation
Russian and American Death
For the last two centuries, death in Russia and throughout the world is not a matter of tradition and religion, but exclusively of those services and goods offered by funeral agencies. These proposals are based on what regulatory and legal restrictions exist in society and what kind of funeral infrastructure is available to people. For example, in America, there are all opportunities to create private infrastructure and therefore funeral homes appear, where there are embalming rooms, farewell rooms, hearses and even cemeteries and crematoriums within the same funeral cluster. This very quickly leads to the fetishization of the dead body, as funeral directors have complete control over it, and with the help of an extensive infrastructure, they can offer more and more new services.
A distinctive feature of Russia is that private infrastructure cannot be created, there is no regulation. At the same time, the state funeral infrastructure does not work and does not develop, just like other infrastructure: roads, houses, housing and communal services. This is what determines the specifics of the very “Russian death”, which many perceive as a special gloomy aesthetics. Many see here some kind of eschatology, decadence. In fact, this is an ordinary ownerlessness, which is generally characteristic of third world countries, where there is no perception of infrastructure as the embodiment of the idea of "common good".
The funeral industry is initially unprofitable, since the magnitude of demand is constant, and competition is high. At the same time, profits are eroded between dozens of agents involved in the funeral arrangements. The funeral industry can only function if there is a high margin through the sale of related products and artificially high product prices. This is how the industry functions everywhere - this is what I write about in my book The Birth and Death of the Funeral Industry: From Medieval Churchyards to Digital Immortality.
For the last two centuries, death in Russia and throughout the world is not a matter of tradition and religion, but exclusively of those services and goods offered by funeral agencies.
Despite how far science and new technologies have come, what colossal opportunities have opened up in medicine, the vast majority of people in the world believe in afterlife, the existence of heaven and hell. It would seem that we live in a modern secularized world - but people believe in spiritualistic things. This is both in America and in Russia. The only difference is that there death is a more specific process. It is impossible to die there without anyone knowing about it and the state was not involved in this process in any way. In Russia, dying and death are things that the state treats very simply: “Don’t burden us with this social problem - well, it’s good, the main thing is to note that you don’t have to pay a pension anymore.”
In my book, I write about all these things like "positive attitude" to death, which is a new trend in the funeral industry - that is, the active involvement of buyers in the order fulfillment process. These are both eco-funerals and DIY funerals (DIY culture - Do It Yourself or "do it yourself." - Note. ed.), and an emphasis on memorialization and "designer" funerals, like organizing weddings. Such new practices do not grow out of the fact that people suddenly wanted to show their positive attitude towards death in some unique way, but from a rethinking of what a person is in general, what is life and what is death of a person - mainly due to a change in attitude to the body and physicality. This can be seen against the backdrop of serious conflicts, on the one hand, around sexuality, and, on the other hand, around the fitness industry, sports, plastic surgery. This leads to the fact that the habitual integrity of the body and the need to preserve it is not associated with the personality. As a result, there is a rejection of the traditional burial and all related accessories. Therefore, for example, cremation is becoming an absolute trend in the West.
Selective taboo
I am opposed to this whole story about the "taboo of death." From the point of view of a critical approach to knowledge, to interpretations, the fact that the topic of death is taboo is an absolutely empty statement that does not find any confirmation for itself. It is very convenient when you are, for example, a psychoanalyst, to argue that everything grows out of two things: either from sex, or from the fear of death. And it is very easy to explain everything around with this: “Do you have problems at work? It is childhood trauma against the backdrop of sexuality and death.” It turns out a comprehensive theory, which always gives its own answer to everything. I do not argue that these topics are extremely broad and find manifestation in almost any area, but the concept of fear of death as some kind of innate constant greatly limits our knowledge.
Talk about taboo is very selective. When someone asks me if the topic of death is a taboo for us, I answer: go to any Orthodox church - and you will see a bunch of dead, literally dried bodies (meaning the relics of saints. - Note. ed.) Is it a taboo of death? Or take the coolest performance recent years when millions of people stood in kilometer-long queues to kiss the dried dead body. Or do we watch a movie and see murders, blood, torn dead bodies - is it a taboo of death? Only when we talk about our own deceased, we have some difficulties. I think this is just the specifics of the conversation and not at all an indicator of taboo.
Do not confuse the taboo of the topic (as a ban) and the lack of conversation (language and ability to speak) about personal experience. Here we are like a mute person who, perhaps, wants to speak, but cannot, because he is not trained or does not have the opportunity.
The very fact that this topic is now being raised indicates that they are ready to discuss it. Another issue is that in Soviet and post-Soviet culture there is no language in which one can talk about death and dying. It's hard enough to make.
The concept of the fear of death as some kind of innate constant severely limits our knowledge
That being said, I am sure that most people are now more or less ready to discuss death. Of course, not so directly: "Hey, dude, you'll kick your hooves soon, let's discuss how it will be." Obviously, this is a little incorrect, because not everyone likes to talk about it over a cup of coffee. But we know various stories when people are discussing, sitting in the kitchen, who will get the apartment after the death of their grandmother. And for some reason such a conversation about death is quite popular, it does not cause rejection. And if you just talk about the death of your grandmother, removing the apartment from the conversation, it will already turn out that you can’t talk about it. You can't run away from death - you need to learn to talk about the most important things.
Alena Agadzhikova
Media artist, photographer, activist
On the binary perception of death
The fear of death pervades everything around. These charms in cars, spitting over the shoulder, notes for health in churches - religiosity, superstition, magical thinking and everyday mysticism in general are built on the erroneous idea that a person has power over death and can influence it if he turns to a set of rituals. And such a desire is understandable: each of us was born in the unknown, what is death, moreover, none of us chose whether to be born or not. If we discard all theories about hell, heaven, temporary spaces, reincarnation, and so on, then in the bottom line we get one thing: entering a conscious age, everyone understands that sooner or later they will die. But what is it to “die”, what sensations will be at death, and most importantly, what will happen to your consciousness, with everything acquired, is unknown. Come to think of it, humanity isn't doing so badly given such a crappy input.
"Necroobjectification"
The clothing of the dead or the dead is primarily a conceptual issue. But it should not be underestimated, because the way we deal with dead man, speaks of our attentiveness or inattention towards someone who is deprived of will. And also about how we manage our power.
Many criticized "Necro-objectification" (by Alena and Nastya Gorbunova, during which the artists explored what kind of outfits the funeral service offers a woman. - Note. ed.) for the fact that we kind of discriminated against the living with this project. Dozens of people wrote that “it is necessary to take care not of the dead, but of their living loved ones.” But if we force the memory of a person, in an abusive way dress him in the clothes that we liked, and not the deceased during his lifetime, hold a memorial service for the deceased if he was an atheist, we must understand that we are forging reality and wishful thinking . In my ideal world people discuss death and funeral nuances with their loved ones while alive. And if they do not have time, then they are guided by the image of this person during his lifetime and what rite (or lack of it) he most likely would prefer.
Everyone dies except you, and you - by self-awareness - live forever. And the moment of your death, most likely, you do not realize
Evelyn de Morgan. Angel of Death, 1881
Project #sister's grave
In November 2017, I, Sasha Alekseeva, Sofia Sno, Aram Ustyan and Vika Privalova created a spontaneous cemetery in Sokolniki Park. Each had its own tombstone and its own concept associated with it. We chose a name for the project as an alternative to the mass grave.
The first discovery that we made as part of the project was that tombstones in Moscow are incredibly expensive, and not only marble monuments, but also the simplest, metal ones. As a result, we had to order all the monuments in Tomsk - each tombstone cost us 1,500–2,000 rubles. Since the order was collective, representatives of the funeral agency gave us a discount. This capitalist gesture looked in our case and under these circumstances very clearly and correlated with the things that we have already seen in other online funeral services stores: on every second site you can see “buy two tombstones, get a third as a gift”, “order fence, and our employees arrange a flower bed on the grave.” That is, there is a collision of two worlds: mourning and metaphysical with everyday, working according to the usual rules of the market.
Another thing that caught my eye during the preparation of the project was the copywriting texts on the websites. Absolutely undisguised manipulation in each sentence: "Give the last gift to your loved one", "Send your loved one on their last journey." The sites also have separate category- These are children's coffins and monuments. There is actually something going on completely beyond. Firstly, children's tombstones and coffins are two or three times more expensive than those for adults, which, of course, is not accidental, but with the expectation of heartbroken parents who are ready to give any amount. Secondly, the texts there are distinguished by special pressure. At the beginning, it is listed how sad the fact of “the departure from the world of a small, innocent person”, and then it sounds: “In order for the monument to turn out to be unique and speak of gratitude to the departed deceased person, the customer needs to seriously and deliberately approach its creation.”
I was sure that during the installation of mine (Alena's work as part of a collective project. - Note. ed.) and my micro-performance in the form of laying out twenty-four carnations (each for a year of my life), I will plunge into a meditative state and get some kind of experience. But it was too cold. And it's scary that one of the passers-by will interrupt our action and we won't be able to erect all the monuments. As a result, it turned out exactly the way it happens at a funeral: chaotic, cold, and the participants wanted to either drink, that is, or warm up. We were also focused on ensuring that there was a distance of 50 meters between the monuments - this is exactly the interval between picketers in Russia so that their action is not recognized as a mass event. We measured this distance in steps. At the end of each installation of the monument, I jumped on the tombstone so that the legs broke through the icy ground, which looked as comical as possible.
Children's tombstones and coffins are two or three times more expensive than those for adults, which, of course, is not accidental, but with the expectation of heartbroken parents
Perhaps the most important moment was what happened to our monuments the very next day after installation. They were taken down. Sonya Sno and Dasha Serenko went to the park to check if everything was in place, and did not find any of our monuments. But they stumbled upon an old, judging by the engraved date, grave of a cat. So we were faced with the exclusion of our artistic expressions from the sacred field of burials. You can bury a cat, but not concepts, thoughts, images. The first is serious, the second is buffoonery and vandalism. It turns out that in order to talk about death, you need to face it directly and prove it to others. I think if we installed one tombstone, not six, and indirectly in the epitaph would make it clear that the tombstone is dedicated to the real deceased, the park workers, as they say, “would not have raised their hand”, as she did not rise in her time on cat burial.
Rita Pinsker
Follower of the Death Positivity movement
Order of the Good Death
In Russia, as in the West, culture teaches us to look at death sharply negatively, to perceive it as the apogee of all the most terrible. You can’t joke about it, you can’t actively discuss it. However, many cultures treated and treat it very differently: in ancient Egypt, death was considered a continuation of life, in Buddhism there is a practice of “entering death” meditations to prepare the body and spirit for this moment, and in Mexico the dead are escorted on their last journey with songs and dances .
It is difficult to determine when and how the “death positivity” movement emerged. However, if we are talking about something organized in modern world, then I would say that it all started with Caitlin Doughty, who founded and created a YouTube channel. (translated from English - "Ask the Undertaker." - Note. ed.).
Caitlin Doughty was 8 years old when she saw how mall a child fell from a height of 9 meters. No one explained to her the essence of what happened and did not help work through the emotions associated with it - because of this, she began to be overcome by fears, as a result of which she developed OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder. - Note. ed.). Later, she decided to try herself as a funeral home worker. In her autobiography, she describes in detail her work there: how her duties changed, and with them, her attitude towards the bodies of the dead and death itself. It was then that Doughty realized that the funeral industry was her calling. Then she received a diploma in Mortual Science - there is no suitable analogue in Russian, but, in fact, this is a certificate of a specialist in embalming bodies and organizing the work of a funeral home.
In 2011, Caitlin created the Order and formulated its main principles, bringing together like-minded people around her - artists, designers, educators, writers, funeral industry workers. Now Caitlin is the owner of her own funeral home, the author of the books "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" and "From Here to Eternity" (unfortunately, there are no Russian translations of these books yet), a blogger and inspirer of a whole movement with her own mission.
On a positive attitude towards death
The very expression "positive attitude towards death" sounds somewhat contradictory. If I had said something like that to my mother, she would have signed me up with a psychiatrist a long time ago and would have accused me of having links with Satanists (just kidding). However, we do not promote or romanticize death. The meaning of the movement is to convince people to accept it as an inevitable fact, stop being afraid and start openly discussing the processes associated with it.
To many, interest in the topic of death seems pathological. I think, including under the influence of Abrahamic religions (monotheistic religions, originating from an ancient tradition dating back to the patriarch of the Semitic tribes, Abraham. - Note. ed.). an unhealthy attitude towards the body has appeared in our culture: the flesh is something fallen, dirty, in contrast to the pure and inviolable soul. Therefore, many biological aspects of the body are stigmatized in one way or another - sex, visible illness, menstruation, discharge, and, of course, death. We do not want to admit that we are not only individuals, but also a biological mass that is doomed to decay. The Order, on the contrary, proclaims that death is natural and inevitable, as is interest in it.
For me, death is exactly what makes life so valuable. We begin to die as soon as we are born, and no matter how long we live, most likely it will seem to us that this is too little. That is why you need to be able to take something out of every day, some meaning, because any day can be the last.
Under the influence of Abrahamic religions, an unhealthy attitude towards the body has appeared in our culture: the flesh is something fallen, dirty, in contrast to the pure and inviolable soul
If we could openly discuss these topics, work through emotions, fears, share possible solutions these problems, then, perhaps, by the very moment of death we would feel much calmer and could concentrate on the spiritual side of the issue, on our personal spiritual experience.
Compliance with the will of the deceased
It is difficult to imagine the statistics of the execution of the will of the deceased in Russia, because it is simply not customary for us to express it. In my family, for example, only one of the relatives said that he would like to be cremated, and his will was fulfilled.
In America, making a will is a common practice, even among poor people. It prescribes the transfer of rights to property, but it can also include a will regarding burial and the degree of life support in the event of a coma. Of course, not everyone prescribes the last points, although, in my opinion, this is important. Indeed, at the time of death, loved ones can be in a very depressed state - and it will be difficult for them to make the right decisions.
I think that everyone should speak out about this in the presence of relatives, at least orally. On the this moment I asked all my loved ones about their desires regarding this topic and told them about mine.
Christina Gmiryanskaya
Video blogger, cancer convalescent
A year and six months ago, I found out about my diagnosis. I was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer and from that moment my struggle story began. At that time, my son was not yet a year old.
I went through sixteen cycles of chemotherapy and seventeen injections of Herceptin, targeted therapy. Each injection cost fifteen hundred dollars. Unfortunately, in our state (Kristina lives in Kyiv. - Note. ed.) such treatment is possible only for your own money.
fears
Four months before something began to bother me, for some unknown reason, I began to follow people who have cancer on Instagram. Then I didn’t even think that I could have such a thing. I saw victories and, unfortunately, I also saw death.
When the diagnosis fell on me, when the uzist, simply by putting the sensor to my chest, without even looking for anything special, said that everything was serious with me, that I had at least six chemotherapy courses, I was not ready for this. If at all possible, be prepared for this. Knowing that I have little son, the doctor said that I need to spend more time with him. She said it kindly, but those words made me really creepy.
My biggest fear was chemotherapy. I was more afraid of her than cancer. Four years before my diagnosis, after losing my second child, I had panic attacks. It wasn't life, it was pure hell. My moral strength was severely undermined. At the mere thought that I would be constantly sick, I began to panic.
In April 2017, I went into remission, and in August I had to undergo the first check. Each test for people who have gone through oncology is a real torture. Already a few weeks before the test, the jitters begin so strong that you can neither sleep nor eat. At this moment, you are probably more scared than during chemotherapy. Even before giving birth, I did not feel this way. According to statistics, breast cancer has the least number of relapses. And still fear will always be, unfortunately. Fear will last forever.
John Everett Millais. Ophelia, 1851–1852
Change of world view
Before, I didn't appreciate my looks. Now I think that before the illness I was insanely beautiful. I had gorgeous hair and an incredible figure. Yes, I have always had small breasts that I wanted to enlarge. Perhaps now my dream will come true, but, of course, not in the circumstances that I imagined. Now I have had complete re-evaluation values. If earlier I was fixated on the material, now I understand that the most main value This is life in all its manifestations.
Before the illness, I never filmed myself for the channel without makeup - it was simply impossible. When I went to the store, I would definitely draw my face - I was drawing. Now I am not afraid of anyone and nothing and I am not ashamed. I went bald for eight months! Of course, I still react painfully to some of the comments. For example, when they tell me that I was not really sick.
After learning that I have a small son, the doctor said that I need to spend more time with him. She said it kindly, but these words made me really creepy
On the fear of death
If it were not for my son, if my life was the same as in the last five years before his appearance, having learned that I have cancer, I would not even begin to be treated. I was in a very difficult mental state. I didn't have the slightest strength to fight. And I didn’t think death was something terrible then. I did not care. But with the advent of the son literally everything changed.
Mine is on YouTube for 7 years. I knew that my videos could help someone. And I got a return - tens of thousands of people subscribed to my channel this year. Of course, there are 2-3% of haters who are waiting for my death, but I am absolutely calm about this. These people were watching me like a TV series, just to find out what was going to happen next. When three bloggers died - Kirill Ryabov, Serezha Dobrov and Vika Gorvut - I did not have the thought to close the channel. I filmed all the procedures, talked about the drugs, how to make you feel better after chemotherapy, how to apply for disability, how to tie scarves.
Life does not end with death. Another thing is that we expect the resurrection of the dead, because the soul without the body is not quite complete. Man is threefold: spirit, soul and body. It took Christ three days to go through death, after which he resurrected. We will, of course, need more. But the term is not so important, because the concept of time beyond the threshold of death does not exist.
On the fear of old age and death
The problem of the taboo of death really exists - even among people who call themselves Christians. It arises due to lack of faith and lack of education in terms of Christian teaching. Time has done its job, and now the perception of old age, and with it death, is distorted. Previously, old age was perceived as a period of wisdom, when a person evaluates everything by the high scale of values that he acquired after going through the experience of life. In old age, a person is preparing for death, he is concerned about how he will appear before God: he will need to answer for his deeds - both good and evil. Now old age has come to be seen as weakness, as dementia. Everyone wants to keep eternal youth and, of course, along with the fear of old age came the fear of death. Hence the taboo - people live one day, they think that they need to live only in order to satisfy the needs of their flesh, but they completely forgot about the soul. They believe that everything stops with death and prefer not to think about it.
For example, in England, as in most countries of Western Europe, the dead are buried in closed coffins so as not to see the face of the deceased. And people are amazed when, having entered an Orthodox church, they suddenly meet with the deceased, lying in an open coffin during the funeral service. This makes a strong impression on them. Moreover, the impression is not some kind of terrifying, but on the contrary - it suddenly turns out that there is nothing wrong with that.
At one time, the pagans, the same Greeks and Romans, despised death - but not because they thought that the continuation of life awaits them beyond the grave. They told themselves that they must live for future generations. This is the same ideology that communism professed in its time. And it also resembles the psychology of an animal that lives only for procreation. Gradually, the thought developed and philosophers came to the conclusion that a person is an individuality, so far they did not talk about personality, but nevertheless recognized individuality. And then the question arose: if you are individual, then why should everything end with your death? It was a great revelation for the pagans when they saw Christians calmly going to their death: it means that they know some secret, it means that something is available to them that we do not know about. And the Christians had Christ, who resurrected and gave us all the confidence that our life will continue beyond the grave.
People are amazed when, having entered an Orthodox church, they suddenly meet with a dead person lying in an open coffin during the funeral service.
Attitude towards non-traditional burial
The Church advocates traditional ways burial only because it somehow has a more beneficial effect on relatives. As Muncio Felix wrote:
"We believe that a person does not experience any harm depending on the manner of burial, but we adhere to a nobler and more ancient custom - the burial of the body to the ground." The Lord is omnipotent to restore the body from any state: whether it is buried or burned - it does not matter at all. But for relatives, the opportunity to come to the grave, pray, and remember the deceased is very important.
If the deceased expresses some will before death, it will probably be right for relatives to fulfill this will. I often met with situations when grandparents died, who had been adherents of the communist ideology all their lives and in no case wanted to be buried after their death. However, relatives came and insistently asked for it. There is absolutely no point in such a funeral - after all, the person was an unbeliever. This can only be done to appease the conscience of others. But, again, according to the canons of the church, we do not have the right to bury a person who has renounced Christ. Sometimes you have to refuse in such cases. The will of the deceased must be respected, even if it is difficult for relatives to fulfill it.
- Thanatophobia: obsessive fear of death
- The main factors of fear of death
- Symptoms of fear of the end of life
- Causes of fear of death
— Tips for reducing anxiety
— Additional techniques that will help you stop being afraid of eternal rest
- 4 tips to get rid of the panic of death
- Conclusion
A separate niche in the group of anxiety disorders is occupied by thanatophobia - a generalized fear of death. This pathological, uncontrollable, obsessive and inexplicable fear is one of the most common in the modern world, and it is a relatively difficult phobia to treat.
There are very few people who have no fear of death. First of all, this is explained by the fact that a person is not destined to know what death is.
The paradox of the pathological fear of death lies in the fact that a person suffering from thanatophobia is constantly afraid, even without a source of danger to existence. Although the semantic direction of anxiety is the anticipation of the fact own death, however, the patient does not specifically know what provokes and is the object of his anxiety. Some are afraid of the unknown that awaits after death, others are afraid of the painful, in their opinion, the process of dying.
Like other human fears, thanatophobia also has positive intentions. The pathological fear of death is a unique basis for self-improvement, which allows you to symbolically end a false, meaningless life and acquire a new true "I".
Confirmation of this is the desire of most thanatophobes: turning for medical care, they still do not know what to do to get rid of the anxiety that owns their mind and how to live on, but they realize that it is impossible to lead the existence that was before.
When diagnosing the disorder, it must be taken into account that the pathological fear of death is characteristic of patients in whom the presence of an obsessive delusional idea is associated with an underlying mental illness. In any case, a specialist consultation is necessary to confirm the diagnosis of "thanatophobia". In the case of thanatophobia, self-treatment is categorically undesirable!
- The main factors of fear of death
1) Fear of illness or severe death.
Many people are afraid of this. Their phobia is based on bodily sensations. Such patients are afraid of pain and agony. These fantasies may be reinforced by some kind of illness or certain negative experiences that a person experienced in the past.
2) Pointless care.
Most patients are afraid to die without leaving a trace. That is, not to do something significant in life. These people are always late. They are chasing luck. They want to achieve something meaningful, to be appreciated. The fear of leaving without a successfully completed task is worse for them than bodily pain.
3) Loss of contacts.
This phobic disorder affects people who suffer from loneliness. At the same time, they are afraid to die, left alone with themselves. Such patients cannot be alone for a long time. Here the cause is reduced self-esteem and a violation of socialization.
4) Religion and superstition.
People who are immersed in any beliefs are afraid to die because after death they will end up in some terrible place. The fear of hell is often much stronger than that of death itself. Many are waiting for death with a scythe or something like that.
Why are people afraid of death? You can answer unequivocally. People are primarily afraid of life. Both fears are identical.
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- Symptoms of fear of the end of life
Fear of death has a variety of symptoms. First of all, there is an increased sensitivity to any stimulus. A person is afraid of almost everything. He is afraid of being mortally ill. Concomitant phobias appear, which provoke a number of serious psycho-neurological disorders.
People who fear for their lives often sit at home and avoid any change. The upcoming flight on an airplane can cause them to faint and panic attacks. The second type of disorder deserves special attention.
Panic attacks, in which the fear of death often underlies, are a complex somatic disorder. At the same time, shortness of breath, dizziness, tachycardia appear quite suddenly in a person, blood pressure jumps, and nausea occurs. There may also be upset stools, frequent urination, and intense fear that leads to panic. Patients with these disorders think they are about to die, but these are just manifestations of the autonomic nervous system, which thus responds to phobias.
The fear of death at the same time reaches a peak of intensity. The person may fall into despair. Panic attacks can occur in different time. Sometimes they happen at night, in some people they appear in in public places or some drastic change.
Thanatophobia is often accompanied by anxiety disorders. The person cannot relax. He is in a constant state of flux. As a result nervous system depleted, blood circulation worsens in various organs and systems. People with a constant sense of anxiety often feel painful manifestations in the stomach and intestines, suffer from colitis, gastritis and ulcerative defects of the mucous membrane. As a result of increased anxiety, the production of gastric juice is stimulated, which negatively affects the walls of the organ.
Often there are stool disorders. A person may be tormented by constant bouts of diarrhea or constipation. Often there is a lack of appetite. Patients with this fear lose weight and performance due to obsession with the phobia.
- Causes of fear of death
1) "Information excess".
Television is the main hotbed of thanatophobia
The information flow that falls on a person who has set out to “put life in order” is striking in its scale. To understand one specific issue, you need to spend a huge amount of time studying the sources, analyzing the opinions of experts. There is no time for a full immersion in the problem. One has to either move forward, despite the lack of experience, knowledge, or stop in despair from the impossibility of taking another step. “Procrastination is like death” and thoughts about the worthlessness of being begin to visit more and more often.
2) "Everything is meaningless."
A neurotic disorder can be caused by the thought “it’s pointless to do something”, because you can have time a little, there are no necessary resources for a quality life, and any other reason that emphasizes the lack of desire to build something in life.
3) "Popularization of immortality."
Fear of death is a phobia that can develop under the influence of the media, where they present the fact of human mortality under various sauces, including - and commercially profitable (laying the idea of immortality into the subconscious). By the way, the higher the frequency of articles in popular science newspapers about the theories of immortality (“digitization” of personality and other variants of eternal life), the more people becomes involved in a panic called thanatophobia.
4) "False prosperity."
Despite the increased safety of life and the creation maximum number comfortable conditions for a person, fears disturb more often. With a low level of medicine, frequent mortality was perceived rather as the norm and did not cause strong emotions. Today the event is painted with extremely dramatic tones.
There is a category “safe, comfortable, painless” in the human mind, but the reality shows the other side - dangerous, uncomfortable and rather painful. Neurosis often occurs at the junction of two extremes. We are too accustomed to "well-being" and do not agree with the opposite. Death in the 21st century is beginning to cause shock and rejection.
5) "True well-being."
In a separate group, it is necessary to single out people whose fear of death is due not to a “false life”, but to a true one. Fear of losing everything beautiful at once ( ideal family, financial well-being, excellent health), deprives a person of joy. Accordingly, not only "obsolete human nature" gives rise to thanatophobia. The reason may lie in the area of a prosperous life, but is it possible in this case to assert satisfaction with it?
1) focusing on the issue of self-realization: identifying unused aspects that can be implemented, searching for an answer to the question “how do I really want to live, who do I want to be?”;
2) changing your life, taking into account “potential regrets”: what needs to be done so that in a few years you will not regret what you did / did not do;
3) understanding that death only enhances the value of life, providing all the opportunities for its sensual, emotional and other enrichment: to fill every moment with action, deed, feeling;
4) awareness of the "ripple effect": your good deeds will become a continuation of your life;
5) consolation can be found in religious movements, but this is reminiscent of an attempt to get away from resolving the issue, the denial of death, its “demortality”, which is not an adequate attitude towards it.
— Additional techniques that will help you stop being afraid of eternal rest
1) It is necessary to answer the question, what is the worst thing about death. Then analyze your answer. If it is pain and torment, then try to remember similar situations. When the basis is a feeling of loneliness, it is already necessary to solve the problem of socialization.
2) Fear of death is a phobia that affects almost 80% of people on the planet. To live with it, you need to be aware of your presence in real world and not in the cloud of their negative fantasies.
3) When a state of aggravation occurs, and the thought begins to choke, it is recommended to imagine yourself from the outside. Look at your condition from the position of a doctor and draw a conclusion.
5) Keep handy essential oil mint or ammonia. When there is a feeling of the onset of an attack, you just need to inhale the listed funds and it will immediately become easier.
6) Proper breathing. If the heart beats very strongly, then you need to try to calm yourself. To do this, you can slowly walk around the room, turn on relaxing music or your favorite movie.
7) How to deal with the fear of death correctly, the psychotherapist will tell you after a preliminary consultation. In this case, the assessment of the patient's condition is very important.
1) Imminent old age.
You will not repeat the mistakes of your grandmother, think in advance about securing your old age and use retirement for travel, new hobbies and other joys of life.
2) I'll just disappear...
It is much easier for deeply religious people: they believe that Paradise awaits them after death, since they led a righteous life.
But it is better for doubters and unbelievers to know in advance how to get rid of the fear of death, because they cannot convince themselves that after death the most important part - the soul - continues to live, which means that a person is afraid to simply disappear, fall into oblivion.
Believe in God, reincarnation better worlds, fabulous countries. Think about where your soul will go after death.
3) My life is meaningless!!!
As children, we dreamed of our adult life. We imagined that when we grew up, we would have a lot of money, big house, beautiful car, family, kids and other attributes successful person. And now we are already quite adults, but there is nothing of this.
And the years are running, not far off - old age, etc. etc.
If you are not yet on your deathbed, then you have plenty of time to fix everything: find Good work, put your face and figure in order, start earning decent money, start looking for your soulmate. You have the power to make your life the way you want it to be.
4) To whom will I leave everything?
People who have achieved a lot in life have something to lose.
Fortune's favorites love life, so they are terribly afraid to say goodbye to it.
What to do: Look at the problem philosophically.
As long as you are alive, do not think about death.
- Conclusion
Fear of death torments many people. even if their lives are not in danger. However, as long as you want to live, you will not die. Therefore, do not fill your head with thoughts of an imminent death. Such thoughts will not lead to anything good.
Think for yourself, your thoughts about death will only spoil your mood and most likely bring its arrival closer. Now you are alive and this is the most important thing. Be happy with what you have now. After all, the whole world is at your feet. I think when you die, you won't care anymore. So I don't see any reason to worry about it.
The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site
Surely many of us are afraid of death, and such a fear is considered quite normal. But what is it really about? And is there any way to get rid of it?
Fear of death can be experienced by almost any person, both an adult and a child. But psychologists believe that thoughts about such a phenomenon are most likely to arise at moments of life associated with transitions from one phase to another, that is, with the so-called transitional age periods.
These include 4-6 years, 10-12, 17-24, and 35-55 years. During these intervals, people are aware of what is coming new stage, which means that it will be followed by another, and in the end, someday the very last one will come. By the way, older people are practically not afraid of death. This is probably due to the fact that they realized the inevitability of such a phenomenon and resigned themselves to it.
Why are people so afraid of death?
So why is it that almost all of us are very afraid of death? The reasons for this fear can be very different:
- Uncertainty. Agree, no one has yet been able to return from the "other world", so no one knows what will happen next. But everyone knows for sure that death is the end of life on Earth. But will there be another life? Even the act of dying itself raises many questions. For example, people who survived clinical death and were literally on the verge talked about the light at the end of the tunnel and other visions. But how will it really be? What will be the sensations, what will a person feel, will he see his body from the side, will he understand that he has died? No one knows this, and it is this uncertainty that frightens.
- Fear of pain, suffering, torment, loss of dignity, prolonged illness. Accidental and quick death is not so scary. Much worse, for example, to get sick incurable disease and to know that life can end at any moment, and this end is inevitable. And it is even more terrible to experience pain, because they are associated not only with physical suffering, but also with the awareness of one's own helplessness, loss of dignity. This is what many are afraid of. Such fears may be related to sad experience. For example, if a close relative died for a long time and painfully, then the relatives must have seen his torment and are afraid to experience it for themselves.
- Fear of non-existence. Some are afraid that after death they will not go to some other world or another reality, but simply disappear and cease to exist, in general. Such an outcome seems not only incomprehensible and unfair, but also very scary.
- Eternal punishment. Thoughts about the punishment of heaven, which will certainly overtake after the death of every sinner, of course, are more often visited by believers. But even unbelievers often think about fate and higher powers, which can also punish a person who has committed many bad deeds.
- Separation from family and friends. Anyone who has people without whom life cannot be imagined must very much not want to part with them and therefore are afraid of both their death and their own, because any of these outcomes will eventually lead to separation.
- Caring for loved ones. Many people are very frightened by the thought of how their relatives will live after their death, depending on their guardianship and care. To a greater extent this applies to parents, especially young ones. Thoughts about the suffering of children due to the loss of a mother or father, as well as possible material difficulties, can be frightening.
- Loss of control. Each person controls his life, or at least strives for it with all his might, in order to be confident in the future. And death cannot be controlled. It can come at any moment, no one is safe from it, it cannot be stopped or prevented. In other words, such a phenomenon is out of control, and some are afraid of it for this very reason.
How to fight?
How to stop being afraid of death? Some useful tips:
- First of all, fear must be recognized and analyzed. To do this, understand what exactly scares you. You will probably have to go on a journey to the farthest and darkest corners of your consciousness, but this will help to find out the causes of fear and, in the end, get rid of it, or at least not torment yourself with terrible thoughts all the time.
- If you believe in God, then believe in the fact that the human soul is immortal. If you live not quite right and are very much afraid of punishment, then remember that God can forgive a lot. Go to church, go to confession, take communion, and change your life to secure your way to heaven.
- Share your fears, there's nothing wrong with that. Telling someone about your concerns can help you get support and some helpful advice. And if the interlocutor admits that he also experiences a similar fear (and he certainly does), then you realize that you are not the only one who is tormented by thoughts of an inevitable end. Believe me, this can make it much easier for you too.
- Understand that death is inevitable and is part of the cycle of birth, life itself on earth, and the end. Everyone will die someday, you can't change that. And why be afraid of what will happen in the end anyway? It's pointless and stupid.
- Think of death as a kind of transition to another state. Some believe in rebirth and even believe that this is not the first time they have been on this Earth. Why not believe in it? Who knows, maybe it really is.
- Get distracted, this will help get rid of obsessive thoughts. For example, you can find some interesting hobby or sign up for a sports section.
- Learn to enjoy life and appreciate it every moment! Understand that it will someday end, and if you waste it, then dying will be even more terrible and insulting. So learn to enjoy the simple little things, for example, delicious food, good weather, weekends and evenings spent with the family.
- Look for new experiences. This will help to understand that life is beautiful and very interesting. And may it ever end. But, you see, if it is rich and interesting, then dying will not be so scary.
- What do you do if you can't get rid of your fear? A psychologist can help. He will find out the causes of fears and help get rid of them. If fears have developed into a phobia, then most likely you will have to contact a psychotherapist.
- Live the way you want, but, of course, remembering the norms of morality and the basic principles of life.
- If you are afraid of pain and suffering, then understand that death does not have to be associated with them at all.
- You can read jokes about death, it will help to relate to such a phenomenon easily and with humor.
What can this obsessive fear lead to?
The obsessive and almost constant fear of death in psychology is called "thanatophobia". And if you notice that fear has grown into a phobia, then by all means start fighting it, because its consequences can be the most serious.
So, many people who are afraid of death begin to be afraid of diseases and try in every possible way to protect themselves from them, regularly and sometimes very often visiting doctors and undergoing all kinds of examinations. And this, undoubtedly, interferes with life, both for the one who is afraid, and for his relatives and friends. As a result, things can reach depression or neurosis, and such conditions require the help of a specialist.
Stop being afraid of death, just live and enjoy life!
What associations does the word "death" evoke in ordinary person? This is absolute evil, pain, tears, losses... That is why no one can think about death without fear. Well, when this fear is somewhere in the depths of the soul. A person likes his life, he wants to live happily ever after and, of course, does not want to die. But there are people who are terribly afraid that something bad will happen to them, at every step they see dangers, more and more phobias appear every day. The fear of death turns into paranoia and begins to poison life. In this case, one cannot do without consulting a good specialist who can determine the cause that caused a person to have a panic fear of death.
The fear of death is worse than death itself
It is worth starting with the fact that it was on the fear of death that culture arose in its time. Story reasonable people begins from the moment when the first burials appeared. Just when living beings thought about death and began to fear it, they turned into real people.
Trying to escape from death, to see something positive in it, people created a religion. Each religion has its own idea of life after death. But it has always been based on the fact that if a person lives with dignity, then after death he will go to a place where he will feel no less good than in life. Thus, people tried to overcome the panic fear of death. Some people succeeded, some didn't.
Fear of death haunted people from ancient times to this day. Many theorists, scientists and doctors are trying to study the fear of death in order to understand how to deal with it. Thus, it was found that men are less afraid of death than women, although many experts tend to argue that the representatives of the stronger sex simply refuse to admit their fears, because they do not want to look weak.
As for who is more afraid of death - young or old people, the opinions of experts are divided. Some argue that the fear of death does not decrease with age, so older people are no less afraid of death than young people.
Studies have shown that even terminally ill people begin to fear death much less when they get into specialized institutions where they receive a qualified psychological help. This once again proves that a normal healthy person should not be terribly afraid of dying, seeing a threat to his life in everything.
What scares people at the thought of death
Each person is absolutely individual, therefore, death is understood and presented in its own way. What exactly can scare a person when he thinks about death?
Pain, suffering, loss of dignity
Very often, people are not even afraid of death itself, but of the circumstances with which it will be accompanied. This is primarily the fear of severe pain, suffering, loss of dignity. Such fears are experienced by terminally ill patients, although some healthy people suffering from nosophobia, that is, the fear of getting sick, also feel a similar fear.
suspense
No matter how much we fear death, no one really knows what it is and what awaits a person after he dies. But people have always tried to understand and comprehend everything in this world. Since death is an unknown, no one returned after death, it is simply impossible to comprehend it, no matter how hard we try. All arguments about death are only fantasies, not supported by real facts. Fear of the unknown is very powerful, sometimes so much so that it turns into a serious illness.
- Non-existence
Many people, including believers, are afraid of death because they are afraid that they will cease to exist. The idea that there will be absolutely nothing after death seems to people not only unfair, but also truly terrible.
Eternal punishment
Thoughts of eternal punishment are more likely to worry believers who are afraid of getting punished for sins they have committed throughout their lives. Simply put, a person is terribly afraid of going to hell and suffering after death, atoning for their sins.
Loss of control
Every person wants to control his life. Unfortunately, death is beyond our control. Some people who want to take matters into their own hands want to control even death. They are obsessed with a healthy lifestyle. As a result, in addition to the fear of death, such people also earn the fear of getting sick.
Problems with relatives
Every person has relatives that need to be taken care of. But some fear for their relatives more than for themselves. More often, such fear visits young parents who are worried about children, or adult children who take care of elderly parents. A person is not afraid of his death, but that his loved ones will experience problems and material difficulties.
Separation from loved ones
Those who have already lost loved ones know how hard it is. That is why it is not death itself that frightens a person, but the fact that he will have to part with his loved ones.
long dying
If sooner or later every person has to come to terms with death, then the fear that it will take a long time to die, experiencing pain and humiliation, frightens absolutely everyone. In addition, people are afraid to die alone, in isolation from their loved ones and relatives. First of all, this fear concerns patients who die in intensive care. Many experts are convinced that for those dying in last days the presence of loved ones is extremely important in life.
Fear of death and how to overcome it
Not always the fear of death brings trouble. Healthy fears for their lives make people more careful and responsible. But sometimes the fear of death crosses all boundaries and turns into tanaphobia. A person begins to panic fear of everything that is somehow connected with death. In this case, you can not do without the help of a qualified specialist.
The course of treatment for tonaphobia for each patient is compiled individually, which depends on the severity of the symptoms. Good specialist can find the right approach to any patient to find out what causes the fear of death.
Of course, whether to see a doctor or not, everyone decides for himself. For starters, you can try to overcome your fears on your own. It is not easy to do this, but it is possible. To conquer the fear of death, like any other fear, you first need to acknowledge it. Be alone with your thoughts and try to understand what caused the fear. Learn to relax. This is the only way you can control your thoughts and fears.
And most importantly - appreciate every moment of your life, enjoy the little things that are here and now. People often think about the distant future, they are afraid of the unknown, forgetting about the present, which carries real value.
