How high self-esteem affects. Can self-esteem be too high

Inflated self-esteem of a person (in psychology) is a person's problem associated with an adequate assessment of oneself. There is no single answer to the question of whether high self-esteem is good or bad. This phenomenon has both positive and negative sides. A positive characteristic is self-confidence. Bad Features: elevated level selfishness, overestimation own forces and opportunities.

Signs of high self-esteem

Signs of inflated self-esteem are manifested in human behavior. The psychology of how a person evaluates himself directly affects relationships with other people. If self-confidence prevails, problems arise in the process of communication. The worst of them is when a person is left completely alone.

Inflated self-esteem has signs:

Man is convinced that he is always right. At the same time, significant arguments can be given in favor of an alternative opinion, but this does not affect the individual in any way.
Confidence in the existence of the only correct point of view - personal. The person denies the existence of the opposite opinion as such. If, due to some circumstances, he still needs to accept someone else's point of view, he will still consider it wrong.
Another characteristic of high self-esteem is to have the last word. A person is sure that only he can draw conclusions, determine the further course of events.
One of the signs of a self-confident person is the inability to apologize, to ask for forgiveness.
With high self-esteem, a person blames others for his troubles. If something doesn't work out, then other people are to blame. If a person reaches some peaks, then this is only his merit.
An individual has an opinion that only he and no one else can bear the title of “best”.
A great desire to be the first in everything, not to make mistakes.
Having high self-esteem, a person expresses his point of view even when it is not asked for. He believes that others are always interested in his opinion on any issue.
Personal pronouns are often used in speech.
With any failures, misses, a feeling of irritability, confusion sets in. A person is easily off course.
Increased self-esteem is characterized by a dismissive attitude to someone else's criticism. A different opinion is perceived as disrespectful, so you should not pay attention to it.
Failure to soberly consider risks. A self-confident person often takes on difficult cases that are fraught with certain dangers.
Fear of looking insecure, weak, helpless.
High level of selfishness.
Personal interests and needs always come first.
A person often interrupts the interlocutor, as he is used to talking more than listening.
With signs of self-confidence, the individual is inclined to teach others, even in small things.
High tone.

Causes of high self-esteem

Most often, high self-esteem is formed at the time of primary socialization. Overestimation of opinion about oneself occurs in the process of education by parents, education in preschool educational institutions, school. A person with high self-esteem at a more mature age is no longer able to break the directions of communication with others that have been established in the mind.

The reasons for high self-esteem are as follows:

Parental narcissism. The problem begins to arise in the period of raising children. The child does not receive the satisfaction of emotional needs in due measure, tk. parents perceive it and treat it as a way of self-affirmation. Inflated conceit compensates for the lack of these positive experiences.
The reason for overestimation of self-esteem may be that the individual is the first or only child in the family. This problem is especially manifested in families that have not been able to have a child for a long time.
Childhood spoilage can be a problem. This happens in those cases when the parents incorrectly built the “child-adult” relationship: they paid him excessive attention, put his interests in the first place, did not limit the baby in anything, satisfied all the whims on demand, no matter what.
Appearance. In some cases, a person tends to consider himself better than others because of his own attractiveness. A bright appearance is perceived by a person as a certain advantage over others. Most often, this behavior is inherent in women than men.
Inflated self-esteem can form teachers, teachers. Some teachers distinguish students on the basis of personal sympathies, high material, social position student's parents.
Lack of tests of one's own abilities. For example, a child may cope well with the workload in a regular school, but studying in a more prestigious institution would require more effort from him. If an individual never encounters serious trials along the way, he may begin to attribute to himself the presence of outstanding abilities.
Having a rare natural talent. It is often said about such people that they are unique, so a person develops a high opinion of himself.
Financial security. When an individual does not need anything, his self-esteem becomes excessively high.

Individuals who have increased confidence in themselves, often come into conflict with people whose level of self-esteem is much lower than theirs.

reason high level self-conceit in each case can be determined using the methods of psychodiagnostics.

Inflated self-esteem in children and adolescents

High self-esteem is formed under the influence of certain factors. Sometimes parents overdo it in an effort to praise the child, because of this, children have a wrong perception of themselves in relation to others.

A high level of self-esteem in children and adolescents develops due to:

Narcissism. Many parents believe that there is nothing wrong with constantly praising teenagers. However, when parents too often focus on the appearance, talents of the child, the latter has a clear idea that he is unique and has an advantage over others. Thus, teenagers become narcissists.
No punishment. If parents encourage their child even for the slightest success, not paying attention to misconduct, the teenager's level of conceit increases. In case of failures, misses, the child looks for the cause on the side, but not in himself.

For the formation of healthy self-esteem in a child, it is recommended:

Make teenagers feel secure.
Make it clear to the child that he is loved, accepted in the family, school, etc. Without this identification, a teenager may experience a feeling of loneliness, rejection.
For a good, full-fledged development, a child must have goals. So he will be able to direct energy, thoughts in the right direction.
Give the child the opportunity to cope with difficulties. Thus, people develop competence, a sense of their own strength.
Allow yourself to be responsible. Being a teenager is not easy. At this age, it is important to make it clear to the child that every step leads to certain consequences. So he will learn to make decisions more consciously and, in case of failure, he will not look for reasons in others, but will take full responsibility for himself.
Let your teen be helpful. When a child contributes to this or that activity, he forms the idea that his opinion is also taken into account and matters.
Teach your child to be disciplined. If parents give real assessments, recommendations for action and opportunities to test themselves in a given situation, the child will begin to think, reason, find solutions to problems, and consider the consequences of actions that he can commit. This kind of introspection is essential for further growth.
Encourage real merit, achievements.
Give your child the right idea of failure. It is important to explain that mistakes are not a reason to fall into despair, but an incentive to improve yourself, your skills.

High self-esteem in men

Inflated self-esteem in men is common and is a problem for both the individual and others. Such a person is accustomed to exaggerate his dignity.

High self-esteem is determined by the following features:

High sense of self-importance.
The man does not pay attention to criticism, even reasoned. It doesn’t occur to a man that he might not understand something. He is completely sure that he knows everything better than anyone.
A person can afford to mock those who, in his opinion, do not deserve respect.
The need for constant admiration for oneself. If this does not happen, the man becomes discouraged.
The desire to be the best everywhere and in everything.
Confidence in your own uniqueness and originality.
A high level of self-esteem does not make you feel what compassion is. If all this is already possible to do, then such a feeling is of a short-term nature.
The belief that everyone around him is jealous.
Demonstration of fictional achievements in order to increase self-esteem.
Arrogant behavior, vanity, pronounced selfishness.
Mercantile interests. Exaggerated material demands, desires.
Irritability, anger, if someone turns out to be better than him.
Masking your negative traits, sides.
commanding tone of communication. Such people often tell others how and what to do.
Inability to accept failures, failures. If the situation has taken an unpleasant and unforeseen turn, the man does not know what to do. He becomes confused and depressed.
Excessive resentment. A man is easily offended if he does not receive due admiration for his “merits”.
Tendency to abuse, scandals. Such men are very fond of revenge if someone crossed their path.
Excessive self-admiration. Self-confident men believe that they are the most attractive, and this gives them the right to be dismissive of the people around them.
The need for total control. Such men have a great need for power. They like to feel independent. This is how they show their masculinity. Otherwise, they feel hurt, inferior.
Idealization of oneself, one's life.

Inflated self-esteem in men gives rise to such a problem as the constant desire for success and universal love at any cost. After such a man achieves a certain financial position and occupies a high place in society, he considers his ambitions satisfied.

High self-esteem is a psychological problem. It will take a lot of time and effort to solve. People with high self-esteem can turn to a psychologist for help, as long as it is voluntary.

If a person has high self-esteem, he can do the following exercise:

on a piece of paper you need to write down 10 main advantages;
each should be graded on a scale of 1 to 5;
then you should ask your friends and relatives to do the same;
then the obtained results are compared and analyzed.

If the estimates are very different, you need to think about why this happened. You should try to determine the real reason for these discrepancies in yourself, your own behavior, and not in other people.

Rules for the formation of adequate self-esteem

There are several rules for building good self-esteem:

Awareness plays a significant role on the path of transformation. It is important to soberly evaluate your external and internal data. To do this, it is recommended to look at yourself from the outside more often. You need to carefully analyze your strengths and weaknesses.
You should learn to respect the opinions of others, to appreciate their dignity. Many of them can be excellent specialists in their field.
It is recommended to learn to accept constructive criticism. Resentment is the most wrong reaction in such a situation.
When completing tasks, you need to set high goals, but in no case be upset, do not panic if something went wrong.
It is important to remember that everyone has flaws.
Self-criticism is a good cure for false self-assessments. It is useful for working on yourself and achieving new results.
It is recommended to be realistic. It is important to understand that a person cannot be perfect always and in everything.
In your activities, you should take into account not only your own satisfaction from the work done, but also the opinions of others.
It is important to allow yourself to make mistakes. Wrong decisions are not a disaster, but only a lesson for the future. You should also remember about personal responsibility for all consequences.
It is not recommended to compare yourself with others, to argue, good or bad person works next to you.

Inflated self-esteem makes a person arrogant, confident that the people around him owe him something. The individual makes inadequate conclusions about himself, overestimating his own importance. Any deviation from adequate self-esteem is a problem for a person. It is always important to soberly assess yourself, your potential.

An individual inadequately assesses his own potential and overestimates his personal capabilities - this is an overestimated self-esteem. However, such a situation is far from always negative: excessive egocentrism, lack of respect for the opinions of others, often there is positive points: confidence in yourself and in your actions

However, often an overestimation of one's abilities during the development of failure can be the cause of falling into depression, and therefore it is best to control it.

Inflated self-esteem signs

It should be noted a more uniform manifestation of inflated self-esteem and its signs than is observed with low self-esteem. First of all, we are talking about the development of irrepressible pride, which is an obligatory accompanying element of exaggerated self-importance.

Here are the key signs that characterize an inadequately self-evaluating person:

Confidence in the infallible personal correctness, even in the presence of factors convincing otherwise.
The conviction that every conflict situation must end with his phrase, regardless of the essence of such a phrase.
A complete denial of the possibility of the existence of an opposite opinion and the right of everyone to their own point of view.
Confidence that the problems that arise are the cause of the environment and the prevailing circumstances, and not their own shortcomings and shortcomings.
Inability to apologize because of confidence in one's own infallibility.
Continuous competition with others, constant striving to be the best, not to make mistakes.
Expressing your opinion even in cases where it is not interesting or important to anyone.
Excessive use of "I" in debate.
Immunity to criticism in relation to one's own person, an expression of complete indifference to opinion from outside.
Falling into despondency at failures, nervousness because of it.
Preference to get involved in cases associated with difficulties, but without calculating the possible risks.
Fear of showing oneself indecisive and helpless.
Putting personal interests at the forefront.
A tendency to teach others even in small things, with the transition to global issues.
Disposition to dominate conversations, with a constant desire to interrupt.
Condescension in the tone of the conversation, and requests border on an order.

People with high self-esteem

Of course, people with high self-esteem deep inside themselves, perhaps even unconsciously, being the highest opinion of themselves, feel themselves. Often their relationship with the surrounding society is ambiguous and complex due to their arrogance and arrogance, and sometimes even aggressiveness.

With manifestations of inflated self-esteem, the individual is prone to self-praise, to emphasizing his own importance, to disrespect towards others. The goal is self-affirmation at the expense of others, the opinion: "I" am the best, and everyone else is nothing.

Extreme painful reactions to any more or less significant criticism, its perception with undisguised aggression. The desire for total superiority over everyone and the desire to recognize such superiority.

Inflated self-esteem causes

Usually the reasons for high self-esteem lie in the wrong upbringing, when one child in the family becomes the focus of attention, when most family interests are concentrated on the fulfillment of his desires. Indulgence in everything turns out to be the cause of a distorted perception of one's own significance and one's own "I", when a person begins to think that he is the center of the whole world.

If we talk about a girl, then her self-esteem is adjacent to the rejection of society with the dominance of "chauvinists in pants", with the struggle for a personal place in society. Also, the exaggerated self-esteem of a girl can be facilitated by her outstanding external data.

When we talk about a man with inadequate self-esteem, we are talking about his indifference to the merits of others, about their perception by the “gray mass”, incapable of making their own judgments, with their lack of private opinion. Subjectivism in the assessment of personal significance dominates and interferes with the correct perception of oneself in society, this phenomenon is usually called narcissism.
If we turn to statistics, then there are much more men with such a “disease” than women.

Overestimated and underestimated self-esteem

Self-esteem is a personal idea of an individual about himself, about personal capabilities and about his role in society. In the case of excessive self-confidence of a person, it is said about his exaggerated self-esteem, when he sees himself as not real, but fictitious. Reality is perceived by him through the prism of his own exaggerated significance.

With inadequately exaggerated self-esteem, a person does not consider anyone, neither friends nor relatives, his own eccentricity becomes his personal cult. However, such an attitude to the world may well hide personal uncertainty in one's abilities, such an attitude is the essence of a shield from the outside world.

To bring personal self-esteem back to normal, it is highly desirable to adhere to a number of rules

When talking, one should try not only to listen to the opponent, but also to really hear him. You can’t think that the interlocutors express exclusively wrong judgments, in fact, they can understand much better in certain areas, because one person, in principle, cannot be an expert in everything. The rejection of the principle of avoiding mistakes actually allows you to gain really valuable experience.

Abandon the goal of proving something to anyone at all costs. It was not possible to achieve the desired, it is worth understanding the situation, and not plunge into a depressive state. It is important to realize the true reasons for your failures, without trying to blame them solely on society or external circumstances.

It is necessary to put at the forefront the fact that ideal people practically do not exist, and that you are also not absolute perfection, having, among other things, shortcomings, on the awareness and correction of which you should work, and not hide from them.

When an individual is extremely critical of himself, his low self-esteem manifests itself. This is manifested in the belittling of personal achievements and achievements, virtues and positive traits. Low and high self-esteem most often comes from childhood, when parents made mistakes in raising their child. Low self-esteem can also be the reason for the impact on the individual of the forces of the surrounding society, causing a derogatory attitude towards oneself.

Inflated self-esteem in a child

With an overestimated self-esteem formed in a child, he does not notice his shortcomings, and, thinking about his exclusivity, he encounters great difficulties in building future relationships with other children. Excessive conflict and the inability to steadfastly endure failures if it is not possible to achieve the set goals distinguishes children who have a deformed self-image.

The incessant admiration for the achievements of the baby on the part of the parents or another significant person for him, forms in him an overestimation of his own importance, which, if he enters the environment of his peers, may be the cause of problems with future socialization. At one fine moment, such a child can turn from “the very best” into “one of many”, which is most often hard for them to endure. As a result, an overestimated self-esteem is sharply reformatted into an underestimated one, causing a mental shock, and turning out to be the basis for the growth of an intrapersonal conflict.

Due to inflated self-esteem, the child will suffer from the idealization of his own "I", from an inadequate assessment of personal potential. He will begin to reject on an emotional level everything that will violate his view of himself. As a result - the distortion of reality and the attitude towards it exclusively through the prism of emotions, hence the difficulties in communication.

What to do when a child shows signs of high self-esteem? The importance of the parental attitude to everything that the child does is immutable, the support of the parents, their approval is important. However, praise should sound at the right time, because in individual cases praise is superfluous, especially when the baby has achieved some results without spending his own physical, mental efforts on it.

There is no need to praise the external beauty of the child, because it is not his merit that he was born beautiful. In a word, hypertrophied exaltation can be the cause of the formation of inadequately exaggerated self-esteem, and therefore generate future problems with the process of socialization and the development of interpersonal relationships.

Inflated self-esteem implies abnormal egoism and the desire for an ideal in all endeavors on the part of a person. Such people can rarely find a partner close in their interests, because they usually cause irritation and anger from others. Under the outer mask of a successful and independent person can be found vulnerable and unsatisfied own life personality.

The psychological norm is the presence of adequate self-esteem, when a person adaptively perceives the surrounding people and life situations. Every disappointment in life and deviation from the set goal exposes such egoists to a protracted depression. Overestimated self-esteem, as well as underestimated, requires mandatory adjustment by specialists.

Signs of high self-esteem

You can identify signs of an overestimated self-esteem in an opponent if you watch him from the side during a meeting or conversation. The psychology of the personality of such a person implies the presence of certain traits in character:

Being right and having the only correct opinion and solution to any problem is the main argument in any dialogue. The opponent’s options are not perceived by him, even if they have a clear justification and extensive evidence base. For such people, accepting someone else's point of view in the presence of their own is tantamount to betraying oneself.
During a conflict or dispute, a person with high self-esteem does not leave a single phrase or action from the opposing side without comment. It is extremely important for him to leave the last word to himself, while the outcome of the dispute or conflict does not matter.
A clearly expressed own opinion excludes the presence of any other. Even if such a person aloud agrees with another, then in his thoughts he is still sure that he is right.
Problems in business, work, at home and in all other areas never occur through his fault. It's all about circumstances and the environment.
People with high self-esteem will never admit their guilt to the end. It is extremely difficult for them to fully understand the problem, understand the reasons and apologize to the opponent.
The whole life of a person with high self-esteem is built on endless competitions and competitive races. This happens among friends, colleagues, casual acquaintances and even relatives. It is always important to remain a leader and be a few points above others. As soon as there is more successful person in some matter, he inevitably becomes a rival.
In the course of a conversation, the pronoun "I" often slips. It seems that the interlocutor is clearly pulling the blanket over himself.
He always tries to clearly define his position and express an opinion, even if there is no justification for this and it is of no interest to anyone.
Does not accept criticism. Any impartial opinion in his direction, albeit justified, causes discontent and denial. The critical person becomes unpleasant to him.
The presence of inflated self-esteem does not allow mistakes and failures, the pursuit of the ideal in everything becomes the main goal in life.
Defeat or partial failure in the planned business plunges into a stupor, causes irritability and depressive behavior.
Often takes risks, choosing the most difficult solutions. In search of another overwhelming task, sometimes he does not even study all the requirements and the other side of the coin to the end.
The worst thing for this person is to show the true inside, which is not alien to pain, suffering, failure, etc. It is simply unacceptable for him to be defenseless and unsure of himself.
Personal interests, entertainment and desires always come first, the interests of a partner do not matter.
There is a tendency to teach others anything.
He loves to talk and to be listened to attentively at this moment. He very rarely acts as a listener, only if it is beneficial for him. In a conversation, he always interrupts and is inattentive towards his interlocutor.
The tone of the conversation can be described as arrogant. Requests and wishes are more like orders.

Thus, it can be argued that people with high self-esteem cannot give an adequate description of themselves and their actions. Raising themselves above others, they often face loneliness and misunderstanding. This leads to aggression and conflicts in the social environment. increased attention to his personality, unwillingness to accept other points of view and defiant behavior cannot go unnoticed. It is quite difficult to communicate with such a person.

High conceit constantly pushes for excellence. Those around him have no other choice but to admire and bow, thereby expressing approval and praise for any of his actions.

The reasons

Causes of high self-esteem most often rooted in childhood. The only child in the family is most susceptible to it. In the process of growth and development, he has no competition among brothers and sisters. Each act receives approval and praise among relatives. Without realizing it, the kid seeks to earn as much praise as possible in his address, even without objective reasons. There is no one better - only he is able to please loved ones. The self-image is much higher than it is in reality. The first problems with perception arise when entering social environment, it can be a school, institute, Sport section, work, etc.

There is another mechanism for the development of this mental phenomenon, when high self-esteem is a protective reaction from the outside world and relatives as well. The presence of children's fears and complexes, instilled by parents or peers, push the child to withdraw into himself. Most often this happens in adolescence, when the final formation of personality takes place. At this moment, the teenager is trying to prove something to others and demonstrate his uniqueness and superiority. Often takes on overwhelming tasks and, not getting the desired result, closes in on himself with even greater force, expressing aggression.

In adulthood, self-esteem can rise sharply at work, for example, when a girl comes to the staff, where there are only men or the majority of them. A lot of attention is focused on her, she receives a lot of compliments with or without reason. The perception of oneself is distorted. There is an inner conviction that ordinary life will be the same. She begins to demand attention in her circle of friends and relatives. Faced with competition among girlfriends or strangers, when the chances of making a first impression are equalized, there is discomfort and a desire to prove that only she is worthy of increased interest.

One-time success or popularity contributes to the development of high self-esteem. At work, frequent praise from management or a promotion elevates the individual several levels above the rest of the employees. The feeling of unsurpassedness quickly absorbs the mind, and a person gradually acquires such qualities as arrogance, selfishness and narcissism. This mechanism of development in psychology is called the "star" syndrome. Success ends, the demand for services decreases, popularity fades, but the desire to be above everyone else remains. Such a person begins to show aggression and demand the same attitude, without doing anything for this.

Positive and negative sides

From a scientific point of view, inflated self-esteem is a deviation from the norm. It is believed that for optimal social adaptation, an adequate perception of oneself is necessary. Everyone who has similar affliction should strive to get rid of negative personal qualities. But there is another point of view, when psychologists recommend using the qualities acquired in the process of development, achieving great heights.

Inflated self-esteem has certain advantages and disadvantages. Arguing on the topic of whether it is good or bad to be an egoist, there will be supporters for each answer, because this is a relative concept. Many people with obvious signs of selfishness have become successful and famous personalities.

Advantages

People with high self-esteem have faith in themselves and their intentions. Expressed ambition allows you to take on the most daring projects and achieve high results in your career. The leaders of large holdings often lean towards ambitious young people, because due to their courage and determination, you can get a lot of benefits. Such individuals love themselves, usually look nice and neat.

High conceit constantly pushes such people to develop and achieve new heights. The unwillingness to acknowledge negative criticism does not prevent them from going to the intended goal and doing only those actions that they themselves seem more appropriate. Distrust of others allows you to avoid life situations crafty envious and ill-wishers.

Flaws

Overestimation of one's capabilities often leads to disappointment and other negative consequences. Inadequate perception of the situation and unwillingness to accept a third-party point of view leads to conflicts. Grandiose plans and anticipation of the desired result make such people become depressed. Frequent mood swings and impulsiveness negatively affect the building of interpersonal relationships. Most often, such individuals are careerists and do not take into account the opinions of colleagues, it is difficult for them to work in a team.

In private life while building love relationship people with high self-esteem are more likely to fail. It is easier for them to be single, and the presence of a partner nearby complicates the development of events. It is extremely difficult to find a person who will indulge in everything and endlessly admire and support an egoist.

You can cope with high self-esteem on your own or by visiting a psychologist. The development of such a state in early childhood it is difficult to correct to an adequate perception, because a person does not know how to live differently. It is necessary to rid a person with high self-esteem only of those qualities that hinder adaptation in society.

In my practice, I constantly come across a question that my clients ask me: " Why do people treat me this way, what is wrong with my self-esteem?"To begin with, let's figure out what self-esteem is in principle. This is an assessment of oneself, one's own strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem can be:

underestimated - underestimation of one's own strengths;
overestimated - overestimation of one's own strengths;
normal - an adequate assessment of oneself, one's own strengths in certain life situations, in setting one's goals and objectives, in an adequate perception of the world, in communicating with people.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

The attitude of others as an indicator. As a person treats himself, so others treat him. If he does not love himself, does not respect and does not value himself, then he is faced with the same attitude of people towards himself.
Inability to manage one's own life. A person believes that he cannot cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing in this life depends on him, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his abilities and strengths, he either does nothing at all, or shifts the responsibility for the choice to others.
Tendency to blame others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it suits them, they self-flagellate in order to be pitied. And if they want not pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.
The desire to be good, to please, to please, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one's personal desires.
Frequent claims to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others, constantly blaming them, thereby removing the responsibility for failures from themselves. After all, it is often said that best protection is an attack.
Focusing on your weaknesses rather than your strengths. In particular, being overly critical of one's own appearance. A sign of low self-esteem is pickiness to one's appearance, constant dissatisfaction with one's figure, eye color, height and body in general.
Permanent nervousness, baseless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from the loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure that has occurred, criticism from the outside, a failed exam (interview), etc.
Loneliness or, conversely, the fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: "You cannot love someone like me."
The development of addictions, addictions as a way of temporary escape from reality.
Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Failure to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence / suppression of one's own desires.
Closure, closed off from people. Feeling sorry for yourself. Inability to accept compliments. The permanent state of the victim. As they say, the victim will always find an executioner.
Heightened sense of guilt. He tries on critical situations for himself, not sharing his guilt and the role of the circumstances. He accepts any disassembly in relation to himself as to the culprit of the situation, because this will be the "best" confirmation of his inferiority.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself?

Arrogance. A person puts himself above others: "I'm better than them". Constant rivalry as a way to prove this, "bulging" to show off their merits.
Closeness as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the idea that others are below him in status, intelligence and other qualities.
Confidence in one's own rightness and constant proof of this as the "salt" of life. The last word must always remain with him. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, others should dance to his "pipe".
Setting high goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, rots himself.
The inability to admit their mistakes, to apologize, to ask for forgiveness, to lose. Fear of evaluation. Painful reaction to criticism.
Fear of making a mistake, appearing weak, defenseless, insecure.
The inability to ask for help as a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, it is more like a demand, an order.
Focus only on yourself. Puts own interests and hobbies first.
The desire to teach the lives of others, "poke" them into the mistakes they have made and show how it should be on the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity. Arrogance.
The predominance of the pronoun "I" in speech. In conversations, he says more than he does. Interrupts interlocutors.

What are the reasons for self-esteem failures?

childhood trauma, the causes of which can be any significant event for the child, and there are a huge number of sources.

Oedipus period. Age from 3 to 6-7 years. On an unconscious level, the child acts out partnerships with their parent of the opposite sex. And the way a parent behaves will affect the self-esteem of the child and his building a scenario for relationships with the opposite sex in the future.

Teenage years. Age 13 to 17-18 years old. A teenager is looking for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself by asking the question: "Who am I?"

Certain attitudes towards children from significant adults(lack of affection, love, attention), as a result of which children may begin to feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, unrecognized, etc.

Some patterns of parenting behavior, which subsequently passes to children, and becomes already their behavior in life. For example, low self-esteem in the parents themselves, when the same projections are superimposed on the child.

The only child in the family when all attention is focused on him, everything is only for him, when there is an inadequate assessment of his abilities by his parents. From here comes an overestimated self-esteem, when a child cannot adequately assess his strengths and abilities. He begins to believe that the whole world is only for him, everyone owes him, there is an accentuation only on himself, the cultivation of egoism.

Low assessment by parents and relatives of the child, his abilities and actions. The child is not yet able to evaluate himself and forms an opinion about himself based on the assessment of people who are significant to him (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). As a result, the child develops low self-esteem.

Constant criticism of the child leads to low self-esteem, low self-esteem and closeness. In the absence of approval of creative undertakings, admiration for them, the child feels the unrecognizedness of his abilities. If this is followed constant criticism and swearing, then he refuses to create anything, to create, and therefore to develop.

Excessive demands on the child can nurture both overestimated and underestimated self-esteem. Often parents want to see their child the way they would like to see themselves. They impose their fate on him, building on him the projections of their goals, which they could not achieve on their own. But behind this, parents stop seeing the child as a person, starting to see only their own projections, roughly speaking, of themselves, their ideal selves. The child is sure: For my parents to love me, I have to be the way they want me to be.". He forgets about the present himself and can either successfully or unsuccessfully meet parental requirements.

Comparison with other good kids lowers self-esteem. Conversely, the desire to please parents overestimates self-esteem in pursuit and competition with others. Then other children are not friends, but rivals, and I must/should not be better than others.

Overprotection taking excessive responsibility for the child in making decisions for him, down to who to be friends with, what to wear, when and what to do. As a result, the Self ceases to grow in the child, he does not know what he wants, does not know who he is, does not understand his needs, abilities, desires. Thus, parents cultivate lack of independence in him and, as a result, low self-esteem(to the point of losing the meaning of life).

Desire to be like a parent, which can be both natural and forced, when the child is constantly repeated: "Your parents have achieved so much, you must be like them, you have no right to fall into the dirt face". There is a fear of stumbling, making a mistake, not being perfect, as a result of which self-esteem may be underestimated, and the initiative completely killed.

Above, I gave some of the common reasons why self-esteem problems arise. It is worth adding that the line between the two "poles" of self-esteem can be quite thin. For example, overestimation of oneself may be a compensatory-protective function of underestimation of one's strengths and capabilities.

As you can already understand, most of the problems in adulthood stem from childhood. The behavior of the child, his attitude towards himself and the attitude towards him from the surrounding peers and adults build certain strategies in life. Childish behavior is carried over into adulthood with all its defense mechanisms.

In the end, whole life scenarios of adult life are built. And this happens so organically and imperceptibly for ourselves that we do not always understand why certain situations happen to us, why people behave this way with us. We feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, we feel that we are not appreciated, we are offended and hurt by this, we suffer. This is all manifested in relationships with close and dear people, colleagues and superiors, the opposite sex, society as a whole.

It is logical that both low and high self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot truly make you happy man. Therefore, something needs to be done about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it is time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

Make a list of your qualities strengths, the virtues that you like about yourself or that your loved ones like. If you don't know, ask them about it. In this way, you will begin to see the positive aspects of your personality in yourself, thereby starting to cultivate self-esteem.
Make a list of the things that bring you pleasure. If possible, start doing them for yourself. Thus, you will cultivate love and care for yourself.
Make a list of your desires and goals and move in that direction.
Sports give tone, cheer up, allow you to take quality care of your body, which you are so unhappy with. Simultaneously, there is a release negative emotions that were accumulated and had no way out. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy for self-flagellation.
A diary of achievements can also raise your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.
Make a list of qualities you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with the help of various techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty both on the Internet and offline.
Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, from communication with whom "wings grow". At the same time, minimize contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc. to the possible level.

Scheme of work with high self-esteem

First you need to understand that each person is unique in his own way, everyone is entitled to their own point of view.
Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important for them, they have their own desires and dreams.
When caring for others, do it based on their needs, not what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, and you think that tea will be more useful. Do not impose your tastes and opinions on him.
Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes. This gives real ground for self-improvement and valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.
Stop arguing with others and stop proving yourself right. You may not know yet, but in so many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.
Don't get depressed if you can't achieve the desired result. It is better to analyze the situation on the subject of why it happened, what you did wrong, what is the reason for the failure.
Learn adequate self-criticism (of yourself, your actions, decisions).
Stop competing with others for any reason. Sometimes it looks extremely stupid.
As little as possible stick out your own merits, thereby underestimating others. The objective virtues of a person do not need a vivid demonstration - they are seen by actions.

There is one law that helps me a lot in life and in working with clients:
To be.Do. Have.

What does it mean?

"To have" is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result you want to see in your life.

"Doing" is strategies, tasks, behavior, deeds. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.

"Being" is your sense of yourself. Who are you inside yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel.

In my practice, I like to work with the "being of a person", with what is happening inside him. Then "to do" and "to have" will come by themselves, organically forming into the picture that a person wants to see, into the life that satisfies him and allows him to feel happy. Where more efficient work with cause and not with effect. Removing the root of the problem, that which creates and attracts such problems, and not alleviating the current state, allows you to really fix the situation.

In addition, not always and not everyone realizes the problem, it can sit deep in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to bring the person back to himself, to his unique values and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding of this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason, I believe that the optimal way for a person to interact with himself is "being" therapy, and not "action". This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest way.

You were given two options: "to do" and "to be", and everyone has the right to choose which way to go. Find a path to yourself. Not what society dictates to you, but to yourself - unique, real, holistic. How you will do it, I do not know. But I'm sure you'll find how it works best for you. I have found this in personal therapy and have successfully applied it in certain therapeutic techniques for rapid change and transformation of personality. Thanks to this, I found myself, my path, my calling.

Good luck in your endeavors!