How to shut down your feelings. How to kill love? (about "love" dependence). Is it possible to get rid of only negative emotions

In life, sometimes we have to deal with unrequited love, with love for a person who does not deserve it or with whom, for very specific reasons, we cannot get a relationship. This makes the question relevant: how to forget it? how to kill love or love? Practical psychology will give you good answers to this question.

Despite the difficulties that arise for any person who is faced with the need to “forget”, this can be done. Let's discuss the ways that will help you fall out of love and find peace of mind.

Dealing with the cause.
There is a possibility that a person, by his presence next to you, performed an important function, helped to satisfy some urgent need, and therefore was chosen by you. Perhaps this is a need for attention, for the security that he could provide, for sharing responsibility in your life, for justifying your behavior or thinking style (if he “alone” understood you in some way) - there are a lot of options. Think, could this be? If yes, then you should listen to yourself and find other ways to satisfy the same need. For example, you can seek love and understanding from friends, make new acquaintances if the circle of current friends is limited and cannot give you what you need now. In general, try during this period of your life to communicate with people as much as possible, not to withdraw into yourself. After all, the needs associated with people can only be satisfied with the help of people.

Change of thinking.
According to the cognitive-behavioral theory, the emotions experienced by a person are based on incorrect thinking, inadequate to reality. Hence the conclusion: in order to change feelings and emotions, you need to change the very style of thinking, work with unproductive thoughts that arise - replace them with more realistic ones. For example, thoughts of obligation (“I must love / be loved!”, “I must have a partner!”) should be replaced with thoughts of preference (“I would like to have a partner, but I don’t have to at all”, “It would be nice to love / to be loved”, etc.). This will reduce the degree of expression of emotion and bring it closer to one that will be adequate to the situation.

Often a person falls in love not with a real partner, but with his idealized image, so our main task is to bring this image closer to the real one. This can be done by finding serious shortcomings in a person, searching for his psychological problems. Your task is to deromanticize the image of your loved one. Is he so beautiful? Everyone has flaws, that's the way we are. Try to find as many of these flaws as possible and focus on them when thoughts about him enter your head. Some suggest deromanticizing the image of a person, presenting him in ridiculous situations: for example, defecate, or in a clown hat and family shorts in front of an audience, or with female makeup on a serious face.

Mental pronunciation of the reasons for the impossibility of being together also helps to cope with love. Imagine what would really happen to you if you got married: exaggerate in the area where you come across unpleasant moments (betrayal, late coming home, habits that are unpleasant for you, etc.).

Some believe that in order to stop loving a person, you need to forget him and everything connected with him. In this article, I present a different position - do not forget! This is a part of your life, your invaluable experience, which is not so easy to forget, and it is not necessary. What to do with her? To work through, re-evaluate, take a fresh look at this complex, but such an important experience. Any experience in one way or another can be useful.

At the same time, after you have been able to process this experience, try to think about it less often. As soon as you feel that the thought of this person creeps up again - stop it in the bud! Immediately change the topic of the internal monologue, do something that requires you to have a good concentration of attention so that you cannot be distracted by thinking about it.

The end result of your inner work should be the following: it is necessary, despite all his shortcomings, to forgive and mentally let go of this person. This set point will complete an important period of your life, and you will be able to start a new one - a stage without this person. It is the feeling of inner incompleteness that haunts us and brings back in memory the painful experience of communicating with the object of love.

Change in behavior and environment.
The internal work with thoughts should be supported by the external - a change in behavior and the creation of favorable external conditions for parting with love. Remove or throw away his things, stop looking for something that reminds you of him and his life. Stop looking for meetings with him, try to completely exclude any contacts if possible. No wonder the famous proverb says: “Out of sight, out of mind!”

Sports and other active activities (dancing, martial arts, etc.) will help you get rid of the accumulated negative emotions, aggression and simply will not let your tone fall, which means that they will protect you to some extent from possible depression. Maintain your mood. Do not let yourself lose heart, think positive, listen to pleasant and rhythmic music, have fun and go to different parties with friends.

When a relationship breaks down, time and space in the heart are always freed up. They need to be occupied with other things, and certainly interesting: new or long-forgotten, but joyful activities, interests, hobbies.

Folk wisdom again rushes to our aid: "The wedge is knocked out with a wedge." New relationships, new feelings - this is what can irrevocably crowd out old hopes and pain. The main thing to remember at the same time: you should not look for a person who looks like a former lover. This will create a risk of unnecessary memories of him or you will again step on the same rake - why do you need this?

Time is a good doctor. It will pass, and you will suddenly feel that you are now thinking less and less about this person, feelings are slowly cooling down and bothering you less. Thank yourself for the work you were able to do. And with relief, put a fat point!

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If you are now wondering How to kill love in yourself, and you can’t do it on your own, then - and you can get rid of love addiction in your life once and for all!

The manifestation of emotions is an integral part of the psychological portrait of every person. There are no unemotional people, only those who, for some reason, hide or hold back their true feelings. In the eyes of others, such individuals look extremely closed and detached, causing mistrust and even fear. And all because emotional reactions are very difficult to control the mind, it is even possible to realize them only after the experiences subside. So for the deliberate concealment of mood, its disguise behind a demonstration of composure, there must be really good reasons.

For example, the suppression of negative emotions such as anger or resentment may well be explained by the desire to maintain a reputation or protect loved ones from unnecessary unrest. The internal struggle with sensual attachment or emotional dependence can also seem like a laudable act of self-denial. But is it always worth trying to take control of the psychological mechanisms created by nature? And won't this later turn into even more trouble than a strong but short-lived outburst of passions?

Do you need to kill your emotions?
Emotions are conceived by nature as natural indicators and at the same time regulators of the state of the human nervous system. Even if you learn to control them at will, you can control no more than 10% of these reactions. Everything else will remain in the realm of subconscious processes and will continue to manifest itself somatically. Inept suppression of emotions can threaten various physiological abnormalities, up to chronic diseases.

At the same time, blindly following your emotions is a sign of moral immaturity and irresponsibility to others. An overly nervous, exalted person, who does not give himself the trouble to control his momentary reactions, makes an unpleasant impression and prompts you to reduce communication with him to a minimum. So where is the golden mean, which determines which emotions can be freely expressed and which should be strictly restrained? At first glance, it may seem that negative emotions need to be controlled, and positive emotions need to be demonstrated. However, their classification is actually much more complicated.

Psychologists divide emotions not into “good” and “bad”, but into constructive and destructive. And this characteristic to a large extent depends on the situation and the person who shows his feelings. Roughly speaking, in different circumstances, the same emotion can be both desirable and vice versa. In order to identify it as the first or second, you must first at least be aware of what is happening, and most emotional reactions are accompanied by a state akin to affect, when common sense does not take part in what is happening. Therefore, many overly emotional people who recognize this feature for themselves turn to specialists for help.

Fortunately, most people are able to independently manage their feelings, or at least most of them. This is the main sign of constructiveness in emotional manifestations. As long as your emotions do not harm you or others and are comprehensible, they can be considered constructive and let out. You need to work and restrain those passions that are stronger than you, and instead of subordinating to your will, they themselves subjugate your behavior. If in a calm state you would not want to do what to do in a fit of emotions, then you depend on these feelings, and instead of discharge and satisfaction, they harm, and not only you.

How to Suppress and/or Control Emotions
So, when it became approximately clear what kind of emotions it is worth fighting with, let's move on to the second, no less important question. What is the suppression of emotions and what is control over them? What action is preferable in most life situations? Oddly enough, the answer can be given quickly and concisely: reasonable control is always preferable to any pressure. Especially in such a subtle area as psychological reactions.

Killing emotions means denying your body the natural reactions to what is happening, even if these reactions are necessary for it to protect itself. Therefore, where better to be not a "killer", but the master of the situation and try to manage it. To do this, you will have to pull yourself together and take a number of difficult, but necessary actions. Over time, they will begin to be given to you more and more easily and, perhaps, even move into the category of automatic skills.
Choose one or more of the above emotional state management techniques to use your new skill at the earliest opportunity. Its benefits are undeniable and will save you not only from exhausting experiences, but also from other negative consequences associated with communication. Most emotional outbursts are subject to you when you do it. This does not require either alcohol or psychotropic drugs, the use of which is generally highly undesirable and is allowed only on prescription and under the supervision of a doctor. Be calm, balanced and keep peace in your soul and thoughts.

Every person at least once in his life has experienced or is experiencing the feeling of falling in love. This feeling is multifaceted, sometimes it develops into passion or obsession, into an all-consuming love, or it can simply fade away. Love is a whole complex of emotions that one person experiences in relation to another. At this moment, the object of desire appears as a kind of creature, devoid of flaws. But falling in love does not always bring happiness, in some cases it is better to get rid of this feeling once and for all. A striking example is the love for the boss, colleague, for a married man.

• First of all, you need to recognize the feeling of falling in love with yourself as unacceptable and unnecessary. Once you understand that you need to get rid of this addiction, you will have a clear goal.
• Analyze how you can avoid unnecessary memories of your beloved.
• Plunge headlong into the workflow. You can set yourself deliberately high goals and try to achieve them. The more difficult the work, the more satisfaction the result will bring.

If the goal of how to get rid of the feeling of amorousness is set, it is necessary to move only in the right direction, without deviating from the set course. You can’t give yourself slack, find excuses and excuses, look for random meetings and dates. Overcoming the feeling of amorousness is a long and laborious process, requiring constant control and self-control.

When to Get Rid of Love

Not always experienced love emotions have a positive effect on a person’s life, sometimes they only cause harm. In what cases and how to stop this destructive process:

• Relationships with a man give a feeling of inferiority;
• In moments of quarrels, thoughts of suicide arise;
• Instead of a good mood, a woman experiences sadness and longing;
• Often there are nervous breakdowns, depression;
• There is a violation of the gastrointestinal tract.

If during the period of falling in love you experience such sensations, run away from such relationships, and the sooner the better. You need to suppress emotions in yourself, they will not bring anything but misfortune. In pursuit of a ghostly ideal, you can miss really real feelings. You must not lose your mind - if the object of adoration is prone to aggression and violence, you must urgently stop all communication.

How to survive parting with a loved one, how to cope with falling in love and continue to live on? These and many other questions are most often asked by women at a psychologist's appointment. There are several standard ways to solve the problem.

take care of yourself

A well-groomed woman always attracts attention and is self-confident. Take care of yourself, and the result will not be long in coming. A change of wardrobe, a new hairstyle and makeup, a tanning bed, a gym - all these actions will allow you to increase self-esteem and self-confidence.

New way of life

Make new friends, visit museums, exhibitions, go to the cinema and theater. The less free time you have, the less you will think about your beloved. Perhaps the principle of substitution will work - and you will start a real relationship.

Change job

Office romances are not uncommon, and there are only two ways to deal with the feeling of falling in love at work: quit or learn to cope with your emotions. If the first option does not suit you, then you need to wait until everything goes away on its own. Try to intersect less at work, the fewer meetings, the faster the feelings fade away.

Survive a breakup

Breaking up a relationship is always a tragedy that is hard on both sides. Do not hold back emotions, give vent to feelings. Break a couple of plates, cry, shout, after that there will be a noticeable relief. Emotions suppressed in oneself must find a way out, otherwise a depressive state may set in, which is more difficult to get out of than it seems.

Make a list of pros and cons

Every person has flaws, and the object of your adoration is no exception. Take a closer look at a man from the outside: he, like everyone else, has advantages and disadvantages. We are currently focusing on the negatives. Having made a list, think about whether this person is yours? Is it possible to connect your life with him, to experience all the difficulties and hardships on the path of life? If there are plenty of items on your list, most likely it’s time to take off the rose-colored glasses and soberly assess the situation.

Out of sight

All gifts, photographs, cute trinkets, in a word, everything that prevents you from starting a fight with love, you need to remove to hell. If the eye does not constantly stumble upon things related to a loved one, emotions will become less intense, and soon they will disappear altogether.

Live your life

If your feelings are not mutual, do not try to set up “random” meetings with the object of love. Such actions are clearly visible to others and can only cause ridicule in your address. Live your life, spend your free time not on sad thoughts, but on traveling, looking for new exciting activities. Positive and open people rarely wonder how to get rid of a love that has not found an answer.

Get support from friends or family

If you find yourself unable to deal with your feelings on your own, seek outside help. A close friend will be able to objectively look at your difficult situation and give advice on how to suppress emotions in yourself.

"Fight fire with fire"

This statement is one hundred percent suitable for your problem - how to overcome the feeling of falling in love with an "inaccessible" ideal. Start a new romance, albeit short, but exciting. Even if the new relationship clearly has no future, a short-term affair will allow you to force the object of adoration out of your thoughts.

Talk about your feelings

If you still have the feeling that there is still a chance for the development of further relationships, just talk to your lover. As long as this "if" exists, you will not be able to feel at ease. The main task of how to survive falling in love is to get rid of hope for a successful relationship. Either he will reciprocate, or reject, the third is not given. If it is difficult to decide on a frank conversation, write a letter.

It is not necessary to strictly follow this instruction, perhaps some items will not even be needed. A person falls in love with lightning speed, but love passes quickly, growing into a deeper feeling or disappearing forever. There are several ways to kill the feeling of love in yourself, and if you set a goal, it will certainly be achieved.

Love is an insidious feeling that cripples the soul. How many people are crippled by love, and how many people died because of love. You can sympathize, fall in love, flirt, but love, give all of yourself to someone who just wipes his feet on your feelings is impossible. At first, love seems beautiful - feelings, a desire to be together, but then - disappointment. It's hard when you love and they leave you. I'll tell my story. At the age of 17, I fell in love. She was 2 years older than me and constantly told me that I was still a child, told me what to do, how to behave, how to dress, but at the same time let me know that she needed me. it infuriated, but I loved, and therefore could not leave her, but at the same time I suffered a lot. When I went into the army, she got married (they used to meet, then broke up), this is familiar to many. After entering the institute, there were many novels with beautiful girls, but there was no love, but only sympathy, parting was easy, and I could easily move on. I easily get along with people, I was the oldest on the course (before entering, I served in the Pacific Fleet for 3 years), and the girls liked it. I met a new love, our romance lasted a year and a half, she swore her love to me, and made a “gift” for my birthday, saying that she was returning to her ex-boyfriend, who once left her, but now wants to start all over again. I was very upset by the breakup, it was painful and empty in my soul. Then there were several romances, and at the age of 24 (in my 4th year) I got married on a “flight” 5 months after we met. She was 18 years old. I didn’t love my wife, I just really liked her outwardly (tall, slender, blue-eyed blonde), but I got married not only because of her appearance and pregnancy, I felt her attitude towards me - warmth and care, and I was easy and comfortable, which I did not feel in other girls. We had a daughter, My wife and I lived very friendly, almost did not swear and did not experience any problems (we are financially more than well off). And after 10 years I met a woman whom I fell in love with. She is 26, divorced, has a 5-year-old son .Her story was similar to the stories of my ex-girlfriends - she also loved, got married, and her husband went to another rich woman. Over 10 years of family life, I had short-term relationships, but I really fell in love with this woman, and so much that other women didn’t exist for me. We began to meet often, go on vacation together, her son called me “dad” (he didn’t see his father, because he wasn’t even a year old when he left them). A year later, she told me that she realized that she loved only me, and her ex was indifferent to her (before that, she continued to love him in her soul) and wanted us to live together. I also really wanted this, but I was held back by responsibility to my family, and I told her that I couldn’t just take it and leave, I had to prepare my family for this. She didn’t like my answer, and alienation appeared on her part, which over time as it seemed to me passed. So another year passed, and I left for a month on a business trip. I regularly called my beloved and decided to go to her. When I returned, I immediately went to my beloved to inform her of my decision, but she met me coldly, my decision did not please her. She said that she should think. To confirm the seriousness of my intentions, I I bought a 4-room apartment (she lived in Khrushchev's kopeck piece), but it became even colder, she began to ignore my calls more often (they used to call each other 10 times a day), reduced our meetings to a minimum. Then I asked if she had another, and she replied that her ex showed up and began to come to the child, but most importantly, she said that she loved him again. To my question “What about me?”, She replied that she loves both of us, but does not yet know with whom she should stay. A month later, she “delighted” me by saying that she decided to be with him and, ironically, again on my birthday (April 16). For me it was a blow. I lost my head, I begged her to come back, I asked her to think, but she was cold and cruel, as if there was not that wonderful relationship between us. I saw her ex-scrawny, short, balding blond, and what did she see in him? In addition, he left her with a baby (he did not even pay alimony). I myself am a brunette, height 184, athletic build, from early youth I regularly go to the pool and the gym, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. “You can't command your heart,” was her answer. But why? After all, I gave her all of myself, I did a lot for her and her son. For half a year, the brain was torn to pieces, life lost its meaning, everything was like in some kind of fog, I didn’t want to meet anyone and even live. The work was a little distracting, but then everything came back again. I wanted to get rid of this nightmare, I was waiting for it to get easier, but it got worse, there was a void, because besides the woman I loved, I lost my family. But I still continued to love her. The only person who communicated with me was my 12-year-old daughter. Gone more than six months and unexpectedly SHE called me, asked for forgiveness, said that she had made a mistake by leaving me ("husband" left her again) and that she loved only me. And then something seemed to switch in my head: It became easier for me, life regained its colors, I felt that love had passed, but there was a desire to take revenge. I pretended to be delighted, said that I would be very happy if we were together, and the next day she moved in with me. 5 months honeymoon! I bought her expensive gifts, went on vacation to expensive resorts several times. I gave her an unforgettable holiday, but only for 5 months! As soon as I felt the sincerity of her feelings for me, when she finally decided to connect her life with me, I told her that everything was over between us and asked me to vacate the apartment. You should have seen her reaction! She begged me not to leave her, she cried, she was on her knees, but I didn’t change my decision, I KILLED LOVE IN MYSELF FOREVER !!! And again it became easy and comfortable for me, as when ITS was not in my life. And 10 days later, my wife called (we were not officially divorced) and asked to return. I probably will do that. The main thing I realized for myself is that love is an insidious destroyer, and in order to be happy, you need to KILL LOVE, uproot it from your soul.

There are situations when it is imperative to reduce emotional pain, for example, if it is too strong. In addition, emotional pain can cause dangerous situations for a person experiencing strong emotions (for example, he may harm himself or take a dangerous drug). It may come at the wrong time (for example, at work, school, or some other place where you feel unsafe), or in a situation where the person feels uncomfortable if they are genuinely expressing their emotions (for example, if they are in company of people to whom he does not want to reveal his feelings). If you want to learn how to control your emotions, this article is for you. After reading it, you will learn how to control emotions, while taking into account your needs and desires. In addition, this article describes psychological techniques, by practicing which you can learn to control your emotions, and, if necessary, turn them off.

Steps

Control your feelings

Try to find the cause of the strong emotional reaction. If you want to learn how to turn off emotions, try to understand what is the reason for the emotional outburst at one time or another. Perhaps this is due to the following reasons:

• you are a very sensitive person;
• the situation reminded you of painful events in the past;
• you feel that you are losing control of the situation, which can lead to anger and irritation.

1. There is a difference between healthy emotional detachment and its painful form. From time to time, we all experience situations where we want to turn off our emotions, especially if they are associated with pain or seem overwhelming to us at the moment. However, extreme emotional detachment from others is associated with psychopathy, in which a person commits a crime without feeling remorse. In addition, such behavior can also indicate that a person is experiencing severe trauma.

   • If you sometimes want to turn off strong emotions, there is nothing wrong with that. We are not always able to deal with our emotions. However, make sure that your condition does not become chronic. If you isolate yourself from others or become unemotional, you will have more serious psychological problems.
   • Some of the signs that may indicate a person needs treatment are social isolation, refusal to attend social events, intense fear of rejection, depressed mood or anxiety, difficulty performing and completing a given task (school or work duties), and frequent social conflicts or fights with other people.

2. Accept the emotional state. Paradoxical as it may seem, but by accepting and acknowledging our emotions, we are able to quickly take them under control when we need it. Often we want to become unemotional people because it is difficult for us to experience emotions. Nevertheless, these emotions give us valuable information about the situation we are in and about our perception of this situation. Like physical pain, negative feelings and emotions (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress) indicate that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

   Express your feelings in a safe place. In case emotions overwhelm you, set aside a cozy, safe place where you can accept your emotions and take control of them. Make it a rule to analyze your emotions at the same time every day.

   • Cry when you are alone. Tears in front of a person who insults you will provoke him to mock you or offend you further. Taking deep breaths and thinking about something else unrelated to this situation will help you not focus on hurtful words. You probably won't want to cry after that. Thus, you suppress resentment in yourself. However, this is not very good. Holding negative emotions in ourselves, we harm our body. Try your best to contain your emotions until the situation is over, so that the person who caused your strong emotions leaves the room. Now you can let your tears flow.

3. Write down your feelings and thoughts. As we mentioned above, tears cannot be held back. The same principle can be applied to anger, embarrassment and other negative emotions - do not suppress these feelings in yourself. Try to express your feelings and thoughts on paper. This will help you analyze and deal with difficult emotions so that you can detach from them when you need to. You can also use the electronic device you are using to express your feelings.

   • Put your feelings into words and write them down in your secret diary.
   • In order not to dwell on negative thoughts, try to look at the current situation in a different way. For example, you think about someone: “This person is such a jerk!” In this situation, try to look at the situation from a different angle. Say to yourself, “This person probably has a difficult life, and this is how they deal with anger and sadness.” Empathy will help you deal with sadness and anger. Show empathy and it will be easier for you to deal with difficult people and situations.

4. Try to relax. Think of something else. Don't try to just ignore the feeling or situation. If a person tries not to think about something, they end up thinking more about it. The harder he tries to suppress the thought, the surer it ricochets back. In one study, participants were asked to think about anything but polar bears. And what do you think they were thinking about all the time? About polar bears, of course. Instead of forcing yourself not to think about what causes negative emotions in you, try to just think about something else.

   Engage in physical activity. Take a walk, ride a bike, or engage in any other vigorous activity that promotes good cardiovascular function. Aerobic exercise increases the level of endorphins in the blood. This will help you control and change your reaction to people who provoke you to negative emotions. Physical exercise or grounding techniques will help you get over your emotions.

   • Think of the following activities: hiking, rowing, kayaking, gardening, cleaning, jumping rope, dancing, kickboxing, yoga, pilates, zumba, push-ups, sit-ups, running, and walking.

   Focus on yourself

   1. Engage in self-reflection. One way to take control of your emotions is to look at yourself from the outside. Try to look at yourself through someone else's eyes and see yourself from the outside.

      • When you are alone, analyze your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Ask yourself: What am I thinking about today? What emotions do I feel?
      • Also observe how you behave in society. Pay attention to what you say, how you act, and how you express emotions.

   2. assert yourself. Self-affirmation is an important step if you want to learn how to turn off your emotions. Self-affirmation allows you to confirm to yourself that your actions and emotions are reasonable.

      • Talk to yourself in a positive way. Say to yourself, “There is nothing wrong with my feelings. Even if I don't want to show my feelings to others, I have the right to feel them."

   3. Set limits on emotions. Thanks to this, you will first of all think about your needs. Decide for yourself what will be the extreme point that you can no longer tolerate when others hurt you emotionally. If possible, cut off all contact with people who annoy or upset you, such as co-workers or neighbors.

      • Try to set boundaries by directly telling the person about your current emotions and what you expect them to do. For example, if your brother is teasing you, tell him, “I get very annoyed when you tease me. I'll be grateful if you stop doing this." In addition, you can mention the consequences that may be if the person crosses the line you set: “If you don’t stop behaving like that, I won’t communicate with you.” This is an example of a situation where you were able to express your annoyance without losing control of your emotions.

   Use techniques to help you turn off your emotions

   1. Use your wise mind. According to dialectical behavioral therapy, all individuals have two minds - two different thinking abilities: rational, which comes from the mind, and emotional. Our wise mind is a combination of emotional and rational thinking. If you are trying to disengage from emotional pain, use your wise mind to find the perfect balance between the rational and emotional components of your brain. Instead of reacting only emotionally, try to think rationally, evaluating the situation objectively.

      • Acknowledge your feelings, say to yourself: “Emotions are quite natural for a person. Over time, all emotions pass, even the strongest. I can understand why I reacted the way I did when I calm down.”
      • Ask yourself: “Will this matter to me in a year, 5 years, 10 years? How much will this person or situation affect my life?”
      • Ask yourself: Is this thought fact or fiction? What does she look like more?

   2. Maintain an emotional distance. To do this, you need to be aware of the situation. As a rule, the ability to maintain an emotional distance may be needed when you need to be sensitive to someone, but you do not want to take over his emotions and experience negative emotions after that. Awareness helps to empathize with a person while maintaining an emotional distance, due to which we do not internally adopt what a person experiences. Try the following techniques to increase your level of awareness.