Aggression is a way of expressing anger. Even the meekest person cannot claim to be free from it, because it is an evolutionary survival mechanism. In reasonable doses, aggression is necessary to storm traffic jams, "burning" projects and intractable partners. But there are such forms of it that are difficult to identify, and therefore not easy to overcome. Of these, passive aggression is the most sophisticated and destructive. Often, spouses use passive-aggressive behavior to avoid short-term conflict. But in the long run, its consequences can be more damaging to a marriage than outright aggression.
The word "passive" in Latin means "suffering". “Passive aggression really hits at its source no less than at whom it is directed,” says Galina Turetskaya, candidate psychological sciences and a practicing relationship coach. “It becomes the ground for many fears: fear of dependence on relationships, fear of rejection, intimophobia (fear of emotional intimacy), fear of confronting one’s own and other people’s emotions.” This gives rise to a defensive reaction: emotional distancing, avoidance of intimacy in relationships. When a child is scared, he cries, screams, runs away, hides. An adult does almost the same thing, only puts it in “decent” forms: avoids communication, forgets, does not participate in relationships under plausible pretexts, hangs out a sign “I’ve gone into myself, I won’t be back soon.” And if in social situations (at work, in the company of friends) you can still turn a blind eye to this, then in personal relationships such behavior hurts both: the partner who does not understand anything, and the aggressor himself. This is similar to the uprising of robots: in addition to the will, an autopilot turns on in the human mind, which knows only one program - to avoid, but in such a way as not to look guilty.
Desire plus fear
First of all, it is important to understand: anger, powerlessness, guilt are the most common reactions of women in relationships with a passive aggressor. Remember that you are human too and have the right to your emotions. By suppressing anger, you run the risk of becoming the same passive aggressor as he is. “Do not lead to an explosion: when faced with something that does not suit you, immediately express your reaction honestly and openly - then you can do it calmly. Formulate a problem and state it. And then offer solutions that are convenient for you, ”advises Galina Turetskaya.
The passive aggressor also wants intimacy, but the fear of addiction is stronger than the need for love. Desire plus fear is the formula for inaction. “Neither retaliatory ignoring (scattering in different corners), nor irritation, nor the manifestation of increased care will lead to a good result,” says the psychologist. - It is important to remain calm and positive, showing with your appearance: I am ready for dialogue, but you will have to take a step. After all, an active position is exactly what the partner is so afraid of. Is the suit dry-cleaned? Let there and wait in the wings. Try to make an effort on yourself and not take responsibility shifted to you, do not fulfill his promises for your partner. Try to be calm about his excuses, do not try to catch him in a lie - he actually could stay at work. But even if he sat there to the bitter end, just not to go to the movies, as you agreed, all the same excuses are the best possible for him in this moment. Over time, as the partner gains experience of being actively involved in the relationship, they will be able to take on more responsibility.
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Psychoanalyst and specialist in genetic psychology Dmitry Kalinsky notes that at least 70% of men show passive aggression. But women also suffer from this “disease”. After all, society prescribes us to be soft and non-conflict. Under the pressure of the stereotype of femininity or the fear of losing relationships, aggression takes on hidden forms.
“We have been meeting with Ivan for several months, and I would very much like this relationship to develop into a marriage,” admits Marina (27). But sometimes I feel that he does not understand me. Recently, knowing that I am working from home, I arrived unannounced with flowers and sweets. I couldn't explain that I couldn't make time for him, that he showed up at the wrong time and was distracting me. I took the bouquet across the threshold and excused myself with urgent work. For some reason he was offended." If a man behaved incorrectly, it would be possible to declare open war against him. But he shows care, attention, demonstrates a desire to be around - there is nothing to complain about! Then the tools of hidden aggression come into play, including tests for real men.
How often at the beginning of a relationship do you test your partner for lice, as if specifically demonstrating your worst sides: capriciousness, irritability, silent games, nit-picking with or without. All these are also forms of passive aggression, but of a somewhat different kind. The subconscious signal of this behavior is: "Love me like this - and then I will believe that you love me for real." But you cannot control the line beyond which a slight female bitchiness develops into aggression. It's good if your hero is experienced and patient enough to get through probation. And if not, you will soon turn into two disappointed people who never understood who was to blame and what it was. The best thing in such a situation is to turn to a psychologist to understand the reasons and eliminate distrust in a man.
Do you trust me?
“Once I had a serious conflict at work,” recalls Evgenia (29). - The boyfriend called and asked how I felt, began to comfort, advised something. The more he talked, the more angry I became. Later I sent him an SMS that I feel bad, I will leave for some time to my parents, when I return, I will call you back. I was waiting for my beloved to rush after me, regret, hug me. But he didn't. A few days later I dialed his number and heard a distant “hello”. The former warmth disappeared somewhere, we moved away from each other.
The main effect of passive aggression is a lack of trust in a partner. Every time he wants to show his feelings, you slip away, dodge. Favorite "catches the air with his hands." And this is what causes the most irritation. If it were possible to have a heart-to-heart talk with a passive aggressor, it would become clear: he himself is not happy with such a development of relations. Why is he doing this? Gestalt therapist Natalya Kundryukova explains: “To avoid even more suffering. In many cases, this pattern (an unconsciously repetitive pattern of behavior) is formed during childhood. As a rule, in the first days and months of life, for some reason, the child failed to form an emotional connection with a significant adult. For example, the mother could not take him in her arms immediately after birth, could not breastfeed, or went to work early.” The baby did not have enough emotional and bodily contact, the basic need was not satisfied. That is why in adulthood, when trying to form close relationships, such a person unconsciously repeats his traumatic experience. Along with the desire to get closer, to receive attention and support, he experiences the fear of rejection and shame for experiencing these desires. Instead of taking a step forward, asking for help and getting it, he begins to evade.
According to Natalya Kundryukova, it is necessary to realize and live the rejection received in early childhood. Unfortunately, it is impossible to do this on your own, without the help of a therapist. It is important for a person suffering from passive aggression to understand that this way of behavior destroys both relationships with dear people and his own body. Probably the best way out is to accumulate resources (determination, hope and money) and try to work with a psychologist in the format of individual consultations. Inner pain and distrust can be experienced. Or you will have to choose a safe distance in the relationship and abandon the thought of intimacy.
How to recognize a passive aggressor
Putting things off until it's too late.
Does not fulfill promises, “forgets” about agreements, avoids emotional intimacy.
Denies, turns everything upside down, making the partner guilty.
Unclearly expresses his position, confuses traces.
Does not show attention: does not call, does not write SMS.
Sends conflicting signals: for example, talks about love, but acts in such a way that you suspect the opposite.
Never apologizes.
4 Strategies for Effectively Dealing with a Passive Aggressor by Signe Whitson, author of The Evil Smile: The Psychology of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in the Family and at Work:
TEXT: Galina Turova
Negative emotions and bouts of aggression periodically occur in everyone, but if most of us prefer to restrain ourselves, some people cannot restrain themselves and they have uncontrollable bouts of aggression. Aggression in men and women today is generally frowned upon. But the number of people who are unable to cope with their emotions does not decrease, and their families and close people suffer from attacks of aggression in men - it is on them that most of the negative emotions “splash out”. What to do with irritability and aggression in men and is it possible to cope with this problem on your own?
Aggressive behavior is considered more characteristic of males. This is due to both the action of hormones and social factors as well as upbringing. Some men continue to consider it a variant of the norm, not realizing that aggressive behavior not only spoils their relationship with others, but also negatively affects their own well-being.
It is customary to single out "positive" or benign aggression - in the form of defensive reactions, courage or sports achievements, and negative or malignant aggression, characteristic only of a person. Under the influence of such a reaction, a person commits destructive, sharply negative actions that are not approved by society.
There are many varieties of attacks of aggression in men, the reasons for their occurrence can also be different:
- Diseases of the internal organs - acute and chronic diseases of the internal organs, accompanied by pain and other symptoms, often cause irritability and aggression in men. Especially if such patients are not treated and hide their condition from others.
- Hormonal imbalance - the level of aggressiveness depends on the concentration of testosterone and some other hormones in the blood. Thyrotoxicosis, diseases of the pancreas, adrenal glands and other glands can provoke hormonal imbalance.
- Neurological diseases and injuries - increased intracranial pressure, injuries and other pathologies nervous system can lead to aggressive behavior.
- Personality disorder - unmotivated aggression may indicate serious mental problems, there are many, one of the main signs of which is the patient's aggressiveness.
- Psychological trauma - too strict upbringing, experienced violence and aggression in childhood often provokes outbreaks of aggression in men in adulthood.
- Stress - negative experiences, irritation, personal failures and other problems cause hidden or obvious irritation, which easily turns into aggression.
- Overwork - excessive physical and neuropsychic stress causes exhaustion of the nervous system, loss of control over one's feelings and behavior.
- The use of alcohol and psychoactive substances - under the influence of these substances, the character and attitude of a person changes. If it is impossible to get a new dose of a psychoactive substance or during the period of withdrawal, the aggressiveness of a person increases several times, and restraining motives (social, moral) cease to exert their influence.
- Features of character and upbringing - sometimes aggressiveness can be a trait of character or the result of improper upbringing. In such cases, the only way to cope with manifestations of aggression is through self-control and learning other ways to resolve conflicts.
Kinds
Male aggression can be different. There are several main types of aggressive behavior.
Active aggression- negative emotions "splash" outward in the form of destructive actions, words or behavior. Active aggression, in turn, is divided into physical, verbal, expressive.
- Physical - when a person uses his power to cause harm or destruction.
- verbal or verbal negative emotions manifested by shouting, swearing, cursing.
- Expressive - expressed by non-verbal means of communication: facial expressions, gestures, intonation.
Autoaggression- Aggressive actions are directed at oneself. In this state, people can cause real harm to themselves, cause physical injury.
Passive or hidden- this type of aggression is typical for family relationships. Not wanting to enter into an open conflict, people ignore the requests addressed to them and do not perform the assigned work. Passive aggression in men is considered a socially acceptable form of relationship. But often, people who do not give themselves the opportunity to openly express their experiences, "hoard" negative emotions, and after that an explosion can occur.
The most common type of aggression in men is family, alcohol and drug. Aggressive man in modern world can rarely find a socially acceptable outlet for his feelings, therefore, his aggression manifests itself in family and personal relationships, as well as when emotions are “disinhibited” after drinking alcohol or narcotic substances.
Family is the most common form of aggression. The husband's aggression can be expressed both in physical actions and in moral violence, constant nagging or passive failure to fulfill the duties of a husband and father. The reasons for family aggression in men can be different: misunderstanding and stressful situations, jealousy, financial or domestic problems, as well as violations sexual life or neglect of household duties.
Alcohol and drug aggression – toxic effect alcohol and drugs on the brain causes the death of nerve cells and reduces a person's ability to adequately perceive the situation. The disinhibition of instincts leads to the fact that a person ceases to follow the generally accepted norms of behavior and returns to the "primitive" state.
Treatment
Aggressive men rarely seek help themselves, usually the wives of the aggressors turn to them with the question of how to deal with the aggression of their husband.
There are a lot of ways to deal with aggression, but the most important thing is the understanding and desire of a person to cope with his character. It is impossible to help a domestic tyrant who is happy to intimidate his family. Such a person does not see a problem in his behavior and does not want to change anything.
When communicating with such people or when interacting with aggressive people whom you are not going to help, you should follow the following rules:
- Do not make contact - avoid any conversation, communication or any interaction with such people.
- Do not answer questions and do not give in to provocations - this is the most important thing when dealing with family aggressors. No matter how difficult it is, you must not succumb to various methods provocation and keep calm.
- Asking for help is important not to be shy and not to become dependent on the aggressor. Asking for help helps to avoid further aggression.
You can cope with attacks of aggression on your own using the following techniques:
- Behavioral control - you need to know what situations or factors can cause aggression and avoid such situations or find other ways to solve the problem.
- The ability to relax - the ability to switch and relieve nervous tension helps to reduce aggression.
- Breathing exercises or physical exercises - a good way to deal with aggression is to do some exercises or "breathe" emotions.
- Sedatives - herbal preparations help to cope with irritability, improve sleep and reduce manifestations of aggression.
Regular attacks of aggression are a reason to turn to a neurologist, endocrinologist and therapist. Only after the exclusion of endocrine and neurological diseases can treatment of aggression begin. It is equally important to establish a daily routine, reduce physical and mental stress and devote time to sports and outdoor walks every day.
So what can be hidden forms of aggression? Basically, pronouncing the word "aggression" we focus on its external forms, manifested in causing harm to animate or inanimate objects.
Aggression(from Latin aggressio - attack) - motivated destructive behavior that is contrary to the norms (rules) of the coexistence of people in society, harming the objects of attack (animate and inanimate), causing physical damage to people or causing them psychological discomfort (negative experiences, a state of tension , fear, depression, etc.) / (Psychological dictionary. A.V. Petrovsky M.G. Yaroshevsky).
The topic "Aggression" is one of the phenomena I study in conflictology and psychotherapy. The term itself - "covert aggression" - essentially suggests that:
- The personality "does not know" that it is itself a source of aggression.
- When both: the aggressor and his victim - "do not know" about the destructiveness of these relationships.
- When the object in relation to which aggression is manifested does not perceive it as aggression, or another object is mistakenly (or as a result of deliberate misleading) perceived as a source of aggression.
- The individual shows tendencies towards self-destruction of his psychophysical status, also through provoking a destructive reaction from external objects or an object.
- Aggression is the source of movement, expansion, retention.
So, let's try to sort everything out in order, and let's start with how it happens that a person does not know about the true source of aggression - which he is. "We will destroy the whole world of violence - to the ground, and then ...", - and then millions of dead and the emergence of a new state - with its own ideology, idols and, again, a great fall - carried on the shoulders of a fanatical group of people. It feels like this group of people is looking through the sight of their consciousness, keeping in focus an idea already drawn in their imagination, and everything that falls into the background is perceived as something unimportant at best. Sometimes, it takes its extreme manifestations - "everyone who is not with us is against us", - and then: one dead is grief, and millions are statistics. Persons with a paranoid personality organization are subject to such forms of thinking - and how many of these are around us? They literally breathe down the back of the head and strive, strive - to get into the Soul ... Oh, a machine gun - and the world would breathe more freely, finally freed from these despots, with serious, unsmiling faces ... - and here he is new world- filled with the aromas of flowers and joyful - toothless passers-by ... Once my daughter, having come from school, told me a joke: "Once upon a time - there were two girls, one kind and the other evil. The evil girl offended the good girl all the time. And so, the good girl - took an ax - and hacked the evil girl". And the truth of this anecdote is this: good always wins - evil !!!
At one time, psychologists conducted an experiment with newborn kittens (in my opinion, if my memory serves me right - described by Piaget). One kitten was placed in a room where only vertical lines were drawn, the other was placed in a room with horizontal lines. Approximately six months later, the kittens were taken out into the light of day and the one that lived in the world of vertical lines stumbled upon everything that was located horizontally, and the kitten that grew up in the "horizontal world" accordingly did not see what constituted verticality: the leg of a chair or tabletop, wall corner, etc. Researchers have come to the conclusion that the brain perceives the world by comparing what is inside with what is outside. And this: a neural trace - imprinted in the brain - as a result of what was once seen ... Paying attention to what has already been written: "Go there I don't know where, bring that - I don't know what"- in this context, it implies a stupor, or aimless movement, since there are no markers of what is being sought in the mind. And returning to persons with a paranoid organization, we can say that the way they perceive the world is similar, as if they looked at their own reflection, projected by consciousness outside, attributing their feelings, thoughts, secret motives to others. This dialogue with the world, in fact, is communication and struggle with oneself - as one of the defense mechanisms that saves such a person from realizing his own - the real, and not the invented and idealized inner world.
So, Nancy McWilliams, in his book: "Psychoanalytic Diagnostics" (Issue 49; p. 269) - writes: "... The malevolent, menacing qualities of many paranoid personalities prompted the reflection that one of the contributions to the paranoid orientation is a high degree of internal aggression or irritability ..." In what kind of cabbage is a paranoid personality grown? The answer will be a quote from the same book. Nancy McWilliams on page 274, writes: "Clinical practice suggests that a child who grew up paranoid suffered from serious defeats in his own reality (strength); more precisely, he was subjected to repeated suppression and humiliation ... " And further: "... Paranoid personalities of the borderline and psychotic levels, as a rule, come out of a hard house, where in family relationships criticism and ridicule prevail, or where one child, a future victim of paranoia, is a scapegoat - a target for the hatred of family members and the projection of qualities, especially those that fall into the category of weakness ... "
In "Transactional Analysis" Erica Byrne paranoid personality can be described as functional model, which manifests itself in such instructions as "do not get close" and, accordingly, scenario decisions: "I'll never trust anyone again", "I will never be close to anyone again", "I will never be sexy with anyone". That is, it manifests itself in the rebellion of the inner "Child" - the introjects of the "Critical Parent", and the "Adult" contaminated (contaminated) by these incarnations.
How to deal with such a person? Probably not to stand in his way, but if you already got up, then have the courage to take on the full power of his indignation. And if this is a low-functioning paranoid personality, then, as a maximum, he will try to inflict domestic injuries on you if you have touched on his innermost beliefs. Or, at least, in the firmament of his consciousness, another celestial object will appear - violating the harmony of the "universe" with the name: "Asshole" ... If it is a highly functioning "individual" - at five in the morning, people in black will knock on your door and invite ride in the black funnel ...
But if you find mutual language with a paranoid and stand with him on the barricade shoulder to shoulder, then be sure: under heavy machine-gun fire, your friendship will be sealed with blood! And on a mass grave, on holidays, your comrade-in-arms will make a speech ... and there will be fresh flowers.
(to be continued)
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Around each of us there are people whose relationships are more like a rollercoaster
Sometimes we can talk with them at ease, and sometimes we encounter unexpectedly their isolation and even hostility. What is the reason for such behaviour?
According to the American psychologist Harriet Lerner, aggression is a way of expressing anger. Even the most timid and calm person cannot claim that he has never shown aggressive emotions in public. Indeed, in reasonable doses, aggression is necessary to storm traffic jams, "burning" projects and intractable partners. But there are such forms of it that are difficult to identify, which means that it is not easy to overcome. Of these, passive aggression is the most sophisticated and destructive.
Recognizing the aggressor
Passive-aggressive behavior is a behavior in which passive resistance is expressed to the negative remarks of the opponent and the person achieves the set goals. People who prefer a passive-aggressive way of communicating will not openly oppose what they do not like. They have accumulated tension that requires a release, manifests itself through a refusal to perform any action. This behavior becomes aggressive due to the fact that "no" is not expressed explicitly, but passively. Here are the most common settings.
"I am not angry"
Denying feelings of anger is a classic passive-aggressive behavior. Instead of honestly admitting their negative feelings and explaining what exactly caused them, the person will continue to assert: "I'm not angry." Although at this time an emotional storm of almost global proportions can occur inside.
"Good let it be your way"
Pouting and avoiding a direct answer or arguments is another classic version passive-aggressive behavior. Instead of saying that they don’t like something and giving their counterarguments, the person becomes isolated and answers the standard “good” or “as you say, so be it.” Thus, anger is expressed in indirect ways and the door to open dialogue is closed.
"Yes, I'm on my way!"
This point is self-explanatory. Just try to call the child to clean the room, do his homework, wash the dishes, sit down to eat not very tasty dish. How many times will he need to be called? And in what tone will he say this "I'm coming!" for the tenth time? However, not only children do this, but also adults, if they really do not want to do what they are called for. In this way, they put off the inevitable, at least for a little while.
"I didn't know what you mean to do now"
This phrase is one of the procrastinators' favorites (from the English procrastination - delay, postponing, from the Latin procrastinatus - the tendency to constantly "postpone" unpleasant thoughts and deeds. In other words, procrastinators are people who are slow in making decisions, to put it simply modern language, "brakes". If a person is given a task that he does not really want to do, he will postpone its completion by everyone accessible ways. Accordingly, if he is asked if he has already completed the assigned task, the excuse will be standard: “But I didn’t know that you mean to do it now!” This phrase means that this task is unpleasant for a person and it is unlikely that he will quickly complete it even after the n-th reminder. And that this task definitely angers him.
"You want everything to be perfect"
When constant procrastination no longer fits, a person finds another option - to blame the one who gave the task. Student failed to complete homework- blame the teacher who wants everything to be perfect. The employee has exceeded the limit of funds allocated for the project - the employer is to blame, who requires perfect results for such little money, etc.
"I thought you knew"
With this phrase, a person expresses his hidden aggression through the conscious concealment of information that could help. Usually such concealment is carried out by petty dirty tricks or those who like intrigues. They didn't show the letter, they didn't say about the call - any little thing can be used. There was a conflict or embarrassment, but it turns out that you should, it seems, know about that annoying little thing which led to all this. How did you not know?! And I thought (thought) that you know ...
"Of course I would be happy"
This phrase is preferred, first of all, by service personnel, telephone operators or employees who deal with paperwork. They can smile at you as much as they want and as sweetly as they want. They may promise that your case will be considered in the first place, but, most likely, the more stubbornly you insist on urgency, the further the decision of the issue will be pushed back. Up to the point that your papers may end up in the wastebasket marked "Refuse". It is not known why, but very often people whose job is to receive papers consider themselves almost the center of the universe and think that the positive outcome of your business depends only on them.
“You did so well for a person with your level of education (qualification)!”
This phrase can already be attributed to the category of dubious compliments. Very often it is pronounced by those who want to offend you and cause unpleasant emotions. And at the same time, bribes are smooth from them: they didn’t offend you, but they made a compliment!
"I was just joking"
Sarcasm is another option to covertly express your aggression towards a person. You can say something nasty, and then immediately back down: “I was just joking!” And then any sharp response of the person to whom the aggression was directed can be turned against him, saying that he has absolutely no sense of humor. Do you really not understand jokes?
"Why are you so upset?"
After the aforementioned rude joke, a person may wonder why his interlocutor is so upset. In fact, he will specifically ask his question in this or another obvious situation, after which it would be strange not to be upset. In this way, he will get a hidden pleasure from that which again unbalances you.
What is the way out of all these situations? If you feel that they are trying to piss you off with such phrases, just do not react to them: this is a banal provocation in a hidden form.
The theory of "hidden threat"
The word "passive" in Latin means "suffering". Passive aggression really hits its source no less than the one at whom it is directed. It becomes the ground for many fears: fear of dependence on relationships, fear of being rejected, intimophobia (fear of emotional intimacy), fear of facing one's own and other people's emotions. This gives rise to a defensive reaction: emotional distancing, avoidance of intimacy in relationships. When a child is scared, he cries, screams, runs away, hides. An adult does almost the same thing, only clothes it in “decent” forms: he avoids communication, forgets, does not participate in relationships under plausible pretexts, as if he puts up a sign “I went into myself, I won’t be back soon.” And if in social situations (at work, in the company of friends) you can still turn a blind eye to this, then in personal relationships such behavior hurts both - both the partner who does not understand anything, and the aggressor himself.
Psychoanalysts believe that at least 70% of men show passive aggression. But women also suffer from this “disease”. After all, society prescribes us to be soft and non-conflict. And under the pressure of the stereotype of femininity or the fear of losing relationships, aggression takes on hidden forms.
It is important for a person suffering from passive aggression to understand that this way of behavior destroys both relationships with dear people and his own body. Probably the best way out is to try to survive the inner pain and distrust. Or you will have to choose a safe distance in the relationship and abandon the thought of intimacy.
The main features of the passive aggressor:
* he puts things off until it's too late;
* does not fulfill promises, "forgets" about agreements, avoids emotional intimacy;
* denies, turns everything upside down, making the partner guilty;
* vaguely expresses his position, "confuses traces";
* does not show attention: does not call, does not write SMS;
* sends conflicting signals: for example, talks about love, but acts in such a way that you suspect the opposite.
* Never apologizes.
4 counter strategies
1. Recognize the signals of passive-aggressive behavior in advance: these are procrastination, ignoring, hushing up, avoiding discussing the problem, gossip.
2. Do not succumb to provocations. The subconscious goal of the passive aggressor is to piss you off. If you feel like you're starting to boil over, try calmly expressing the negative: "I'm not going to yell, because it will only make the situation worse."
3. Point out to the passive aggressor the anger that he is experiencing - such people ignore this particular emotion. The opinion must be supported by a concrete fact, for example: "I think you are angry with me now because I asked (a) you to do something."
Photo from trezvenie.org
It is very important to trust your instincts on initial stage relationships, most often true essence, an aggressive man shows when he is already sure that a woman will not run away from him anywhere.
What is the behavior of an aggressive man? How on early stages romantic relationship recognize it? What signs in behavior show a person's propensity for aggression and violence?
Every woman should know the answers to these questions so that it is not too late to find out who the man really is and end the relationship sooner rather than later.
Signs of an aggressive man
- He is unreasonably jealous and suspicious
Jealousy is not always a sign of love, more often a sign of complexes and emotional instability. A self-confident man, if he is jealous, he will not make scenes and scandals when the guy at the next table just looked at you.
- Likes to control his woman
He wants to know everything about you, especially where and with whom you spent every minute of your day. He does not like when you meet with colleagues after work, he reads your texts, tries to participate in every area of your life. For example, he may insist on picking you up from work even if you don't want to.
- He doesn't respect his woman
He does not respect any woman in the world and will not treat his own differently - this is the reality. He does not listen to her, defiantly ignores her opinion. Double standards are also a sure sign of aggressiveness. If he treats his woman well and treats others badly, this means that sooner or later he will show his essence.
- Easily loses his temper over trifles
A too irritable person who does not control himself well can also behave with his woman, but not immediately, but as soon as he feels comfortable in her environment, when he realizes that she belongs to him, that she is in love with him, for example, or has become his wife.
- Often uses exaggerations in speech
This indicates a tendency to extremes in the character of a person. For people like him, everything is either black or white (more often black), there is no gray. He does not know what a compromise is, he is bad at negotiating, listening to other people.
- Prefers fast development of relationships
Numerous studies have shown that aggressive men are most often for the rapid development of relationships. They don’t want to wait, the woman should belong to him as soon as possible, because only in this way can he control her and dictate his rules to her. Women often complain that men are slow to propose marriage, but when he does it too soon, this is a good reason to think and analyze your relationship. It happens that this is really love, but if he shows other signs described in this article, then there is no need to rush.
- Tries to limit your contact with family and friends
He wants his woman only for himself and with the development of relationships, he shows more and more dislike when a woman communicates with other people from her environment. When the relationship becomes serious, or after the wedding, he simply forbids her such contacts.
- Mood changes often
The mood can change for all of us, but only in a psychologically unstable person can it change dramatically, often for no apparent reason.
- Uses threats and blackmail to control
“If you don’t do something, then I….” is a common phrase that comes from the lips of an aggressive man. He loves that everything always be exactly as he wants, while he can not use physical violence, psychological aggression is a thing no less terrible.
- Blames others for their problems
He only has someone else to blame but not himself. He is perfect and always does everything right. With the passage of time, he begins to shift more and more blame onto his woman, he makes her feel bad, often humiliates and infringes on her own dignity. This is a method of control using psychological aggression.
- He has a negative attitude towards women
Often he scolds his ex-wives or girlfriends, says nasty things about them and generally considers women “corrupt” or uses other unflattering words, which means that he already has a certain image of women in his head, and the chance that he really considers you is different, minimal. Most likely, he hopes that he will limit you and "educate" you so that you match his idea of \u200b\u200bthe right woman.
- He is aggressive towards animals and children.
A man who can show violence towards defenseless creatures will not refrain from showing the same attitude towards his woman in the future. If he allows aggression towards the defenseless, you need to urgently run away from such a man and as far as possible.
- He is rude and disrespectful to others
If a man behaves well with his woman, but at the same time treats others badly, this sure sign aggressiveness, because at the beginning of the relationship, he will not show his real essence to his woman, but with others he behaves as he used to. Pay special attention to how he treats service personnel various establishments, be it a hotel or a restaurant.
An aggressive man believes that if he has paid any amount for something, then he can behave as he wants. He has the same attitude towards women, if he spent some of his money on her, he often already considers her his property.
Of course, one can sympathize with such people, because most often such behavior is the result of psychological trauma in childhood, being raised in a family with the same aggressive father, but this does not mean that you can somehow help him. Here you need the help of a professional psychologist, and you don’t have to selflessly try to somehow survive in a relationship with an aggressive man because “he feels bad.” This is the mistake of many women. Be smarter and more selective in relationships.
