The ability to find a common language with any person. How to communicate with people with whom it is impossible to communicate. How to learn to understand each other and how to find a common language

There are a lot of interesting people around who are ready to share the joy with us, give advice, help in a professional way, or just talk about abstract topics. But what if you're shy and talking to another person gives you panic attacks?

Stop worrying and listen to the advice from books that will help you connect with others.

Don't be afraid to appear vulnerable

Most of us just feel like we stand out a lot. After all, each person is the center of his universe. because we're so fixated on our behavior, it's hard for us to accurately gauge how close - or superficial - attention others are paying to us. in fact, there is often a discrepancy between how we see ourselves (and think others do) and how others see us. Most will not notice your mistakes and oversights. But what about those who see them?

Vulnerability is attractive. Gaffes show that we are human and increase our attractiveness to others.

Scientists Elliot Aronson, Ben Willerman and Joanne Floyd set out to find out what people really think about those who make mistakes. They asked study participants to listen to a recording of a student saying how well they did on a test. First, he talks about the preparation, and then modestly adds that he completed 90% of the task.

But here's the catch: One group of subjects was given a tape in which you can hear the student at the end spilling a cup of coffee on himself and planting a stain. The other did not hear any of this. The scientists asked both groups what impression the student made on them.

And you know what? In the recording where the student spilled coffee on himself, he seemed more attractive to the subjects and received a higher rating.

Learn to joke

Not a single speech by the leaders of different countries is complete without a joke, and there can be no more serious and responsible work.

The ability to joke helps to reduce the tension of discussing any acute problem. But a joke must be presented like a gourmet dish from a chef. There is no need to hurry, and in no case should the speaker himself laugh at his witticism.

Look for strings

Tie Theory is an incredibly easy way to start a conversation, and besides, you will always have a few thoughts to continue the conversation. The more common topics, that is, threads, you find, the longer your communication will last - and the more sympathy you will cause.

People: Mutual acquaintances are the best way to find similar interests. You can spice up the conversation by trying to find mutual friends.

Context: Think you have nothing in common? Remember what brought you to this meeting. Maybe you're both on LinkedIn, or you're both on a conference call. To start a conversation, you just need to know about the motives.

Interests: Shared interests are the best connecting threads: you will be able to come up with a topic that both understand, it will bring to mind many amazing stories and will be the key to a great mood.

An effective way to achieve mutual understanding with the interlocutor is to adjust to the pace of his speech. That is, if he speaks fast enough, you should try to speak at the same pace, unless, of course, this gives you too much inconvenience.

Matching the pace of speech is necessary not only for mutual understanding. Different people perceive and process information at different speeds. This is reflected in the speed of speech.

Therefore, if someone speaks relatively slowly, or the pace of their speech is noticeably slower than yours, this may mean that he needs to think carefully.

Be an enthusiastic fan

People like to be labeled positively. They improve our self-image and gently push us to be better.

from a few phrases that you can use.

- “Yes, you know everyone here - you must be an expert in networking!”

“I am overwhelmed by your dedication to this company - they are incredibly lucky to have you.”

- "You are so knowledgeable in this matter - how glad I am that you are among the guests today."

Let the interlocutor charm you, let him impress you. Listen to how eloquently he paints his ideas. Find a way to enhance their effect. Share his enthusiasm.

In an ideal world, any person with whom we have to interact is good, kind, attentive, sympathetic, and so on. They would understand our jokes, we - theirs. We would all be in a wonderful atmosphere where no one would ever be saddened or tarnished by slander.

But we don't live in an ideal world. Around us there are far from ideal people who sometimes just drive us crazy. The ones we don't like are inattentive to us, aggressive, spoil our character, don't understand our motives, or simply don't take our jokes - but expect us to laugh at them.

You may be wondering if it's okay to be lenient with someone who annoys you all the time, especially if you also have to be together during your lunch break at work. You may be surprised when you realize that this is possible if you learn to understand people.

According to Robert Sutton, a professor of management theory at Stanford University, it's almost impossible to get a group of people who are all the same people you want to be around.

The difference between smart people is that they understand it. And here's how they do it:

They realize they can't like everything

Sometimes we drive ourselves into a trap, being sure that we are the best in the world. We think that every person we interact with should please us, even if we don't. This will inevitably lead to the fact that you will constantly encounter difficult people in communication who will not share your point of view on a particular issue. Smart people understand this. They also recognize that disagreements or quarrels are also the result of different worldviews in different people.

Just because you don't like a person doesn't mean he's bad. The reason why you cannot find mutual understanding is that you are just very different, and this creates difficulties. One day you will realize that you cannot please everyone, and you cannot please everyone, because you have a different view of the world, and realizing this can help you deal with emotions.

They associate (rather than ignore or fire) those they don't like.

Of course, you can tolerate constant criticism and grit your teeth and listen to stupid jokes, but this may not be the worst scenario. “You need to be around people who have their own point of view, and who are not afraid to express their opinion,” says Sutton. “They are the kind of people who can keep you from making rash decisions.” It may not be easy, you need to be able to interact with them. It's often the people who challenge or provoke you that can spark new ideas in us and help us succeed. Remember, you are not perfect, but others still "tolerate" you.

They are polite even to those they don't like.

If you feel something about someone, that person will be strongly attuned to your attitude and behavior, and will be a reflection of yourself. If you are rude to him, then he will most likely answer you in the same way. Therefore, you must be responsible for yourself in order to remain fair, impartial and collected.

“The development of diplomatic traits in oneself is very important. You have to be able to stay positive, says psychologist Ben Datner. In this way, you will not sink to the level of such people and will not be dragged into their dirty games.

They analyze their own expectations

It is not uncommon that many people have too high expectations and demands from others. We can expect people to do exactly what we would like, or to say what we might say in any given situation. However, this is unrealistic. People have well-established character and personality traits that will greatly influence their behavior and reactions. Expecting others to do everything the way you would like, you doom yourself to disappointment and despair in advance.

If a person makes you feel like that, adjust your expectations. Thus, you will be psychologically prepared for such situations. Smart people remember this all the time. Therefore, they are never surprised by this or that behavior of the people around them.

A smart person looks inward and focuses on himself.

No matter what kind of interaction you try, some people can really be deeply interested. The main thing is to learn how to control yourself when you have to communicate with a person who annoys you. Instead of focusing on your annoyance, think about why you are reacting the way you do. Sometimes what we dislike in others is a reflection of our own shortcomings.

It is necessary to identify the impulses that complicate your sensations. Then you will have the opportunity to know in advance, soften or even change your reaction. Remember that it is easier to change your perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors than it is to force another person to change.

They give themselves a break

The people around you may differ in personal characteristics. Maybe it's co-workers who miss deadlines all the time, or someone who makes stupid jokes. Carefully study what annoys you and causes a negative reaction.

If you can pull yourself together and control your emotions, it will make your life much easier. In stressful situations, taking a deep breath and stepping back can also help you calm down and control your negative reactions.

Smart people voice their own desires

If some people constantly make you angry and annoying, just calmly talk to them and explain your emotions. Avoid accusatory language, try to communicate calmly and kindly. Then take a break and wait for a response.

You may find that the other person didn't understand that you didn't finish talking because your colleague, for example, was so excited and engrossed in his idea that he inadvertently interrupted you.

Smart people keep those they don't like at a distance.

Be kind to yourself. If at work you have to deal with an unpleasant colleague, try moving to another office or moving as far away from him as possible. Of course, it would be easiest if those we don't like were as far away from us as possible. But life is not so simple.

Any person from time to time has to worry about how he looks in the eyes of others. Someone - fitting into a new company, others - joining the team or getting to know relatives of the second half.

First of all, when entering a new circle of people, do not worry too much. You should not set yourself up for a negative result in advance and think that everyone and everyone will examine you. After all, you still do not know how you will be received, so why expect a cold reception in advance? If you feel that you are not confident in yourself and are very worried, work on your self-esteem in advance.

Take care of the first impression. They meet, as you know, by clothes, which means that it is important to take this rule into account. If you are going to an interview, think about the dress code in advance. When you go out on your first day at work, also think about clothes: if the company where you got a job has a strict dress code, you will look defiant in jeans, and if, on the contrary, a free style and conducive to easy communication is adopted, defiant ones will already turn out to be your formal blouse or tight tie. The same should be taken into account for those who are worried before an important meeting with parents or friends of the second half.

Don't fit in with those around you. Having taken care of your appearance and that you are "accepted as one of your own", remember that you are a new person. You may not be accepted right away, and there is nothing wrong with that. You should not build yourself into your boyfriend or best friend of everyone around: this may seem strange. But after waiting for some time, you yourself will feel like your own person, to whom you are accustomed and whom you have accepted.

Choose a topic for conversation. Try to find out how your strangers feel about music, politics, cinema. What is better not to talk about, and what they consider inappropriate - the latter is especially important when you choose a topic for the first conversation.

Use the "echo" technique. Its essence is very simple - try to unobtrusively repeat the pose of the interlocutor, copy a couple of his gestures, just make sure that it does not look like you are trying to imitate the person with whom you are talking. Notice the speaker's key words and then use them to respond. This behavior is subconsciously endearing - you make it clear that you share the point of view of the person with whom you are talking.

Say nice things. No, fawning, of course, is not worth it. But if you liked your colleague's hairstyle or her manicure, and your future husband's mother cooks well, why not give a compliment? It costs you nothing, and your interlocutor will be pleased to hear sincere words.

Don't gossip. Even if it's accepted and you want to "fit in" - beware. It's better not to talk about people in the third person.

Expand your horizons. Make it a rule to learn something new every day, in the most unexpected areas. Even if it seems to you that this advice has nothing to do with your problem, try it anyway. By diversifying topics for conversation, in any case, you will only win.

Keep what you promise. So your word will gain weight, you will demonstrate that you are a reliable person who can be relied upon and trusted.

Be mindful of sign language. A stooped back, a “closed” posture, arms crossed on your chest - all this makes it clear that you are not confident in yourself, fenced off from the interlocutor, or even want to end the conversation at all. If you are afraid to look cheeky, rehearse in front of a mirror.

Finally, don't be afraid of trouble. This attitude can literally program yourself for failure. And then, instead of communicating with pleasure, you will have to think how to get rid of the negative program. We wish you good luck, mutual understanding, and don't forget to press the buttons and

Many today cannot figure out how to find mutual language with people so that your communication becomes more pleasant, so that you are a good conversationalist and attract positive friends and buddies into your life. After all, all life is impossible without communication, so until we learn to find a common language with the people around us, we will not be able to achieve success.

This article will show you how to find mutual language with people, what needs to be done for this, what methods and tips are there to improve relationships with others. Anyone who learns to find a common language with any person can achieve anything in life he wants.

Understand what people want

To get along with people, first understand what they want. Start a conversation about what will be useful for your interlocutor, and end with what you need. To receive something, you must first give it away.

To find mutual language with people, you need to become like them. People like people who are like them. Try immediately during a conversation to copy the conversation style of the interlocutor and then it will seem to him that you are one of his close friends. Find out how to make friends.

Try to talk less

To find a common language with a person, give him the opportunity to speak more than you. Listen carefully, support and extract the information you need. So you will get more benefit, as you will learn something new and become a good friend and interlocutor for this person.

To get along with people, try to smile during a conversation if it's appropriate, especially when your interlocutor is joking.

You also need to learn to respect and appreciate the person with whom you communicate and then, he will do the same.

Don't take too long, speak clearly

To find mutual language with a person, you need to stop taking him and your time for nothing. Immediately talk about specific things that will help this person and you as well. People think of themselves most of the time, so offer them something they can't refuse.

Try to speak confidently and clearly

To find a common language, try to speak confidently and pronounce words clearly. If a person does not understand you, then it is unlikely that you will achieve his respect for yourself and find common ways out of a particular problem.

Compromise

To find a common language and agree with any person, you need to compromise. Rise above your selfishness and try to understand what this person wants. Offer him everything he is looking for in exchange for what you need. Make sure that neither he nor you remain losers. Find out: how to become the soul of the company.

Do not criticize, do not quarrel or argue

Remember to find a common language with any person, never quarrel and do not see each other for criticism. Even if you are the best versed in this or that issue, but the person does not want to listen to you and proves his point of view, it is better to leave the conversation and never return to it.

But if it is possible to turn to facts and logical resolutions of the dispute, then prove in practice what is true. But at the same time, do not leave the interlocutor in an awkward position. Support his point of view and offer to turn to more detailed facts and examples, rather than mere words.

How to win over an interlocutor

There are several simple ways, following which, you can easily find a common language with different people.

Remember, in a conversation, addressing a person by name, unconsciously there is a positive disposition of the interlocutor towards you.

Be polite, do not skimp on compliments, but at the same time be careful not to "overdo it", do not strum. Speak clearly, do not raise your voice. Of great importance is the tone of speech, through which feelings and emotions are conveyed. You should work on the setting of your voice, its timbre, speak at a normal volume so that you are not thought of as a timid or, conversely, a sharp and aggressive person.

We are all very different, but in some ways we are always similar. In a conversation, focus on what you have in common (“I also have a small child, like you, girl”, “We graduated from the same school / institute”, “I also like to grow flowers!”). This will allow your conversation to flow without tension, without unnecessary pauses, freely and easily, new topics for discussion will appear.

Be not only a good storyteller, but also a listener

Once a friend of mine was introduced to a handsome young man. But after talking with him, she did not want to continue their acquaintance and friendship. The reason was precisely that he could not be a good listener, despite the fact that it was predominantly a girl who spoke! But, she said, apparently not to him, but to the surrounding air, since in the conversation he asked things that had already been said before, or added something extraneous that was not related to the topic. Therefore, be able to listen, listen carefully, showing interest, do not interrupt. It will definitely be appreciated!

The posture should be relaxed, facing the interlocutor, the body is slightly tilted. Make eye contact, exchange glances, nod your head in approval. The hands should be relaxed, open palms up means sincerity and openness. Try to avoid crossing your arms over your chest (defensive posture).

Also, by changing postures and gestures of your interlocutor, you can understand how comfortable it is for him to communicate with you, talking about what he likes, and which ones are alarming. From here, in order to maximally arrange a person for communication, you yourself will be able to choose the most suitable topic for conversation.

You can show a person his importance by sharing his emotions and experiences, asking his opinion on a vital issue that interests you, telling something personal about yourself.

Psychological training MASTER OF COMMUNICATION or

"MASTER OF COMMUNICATION" or

Adults and teenagers from 15 and older are allowed to participate in the training. You can come alone with a teenage child.

Communication is our whole life!

Effective communication is our success!

90% of relationship problems are communication problems! Learn to communicate and your whole life will improve!

It is important for every person to know the psychology of communication. BUT the psychology of communication is not taught in school!

To communicate effectively, it is important to know the psychological type of a person and understand how to find an approach specifically to him. Communication without taking into account the psychological type of a person cannot be effective.

Probably, you had situations when you could not agree with someone, find a common language. Or you could not understand the other person, accept his values and beliefs. Admit it, how often have you wanted to change another person? And in the end, you only spoiled your relationship with him.

Thanks to training "How to find a common language with people of different types?" you will be able to better understand people, understand them better, and as a result, improve relationships with them.

After the training you will be able to:

In this psychological training “How to find a common language with people of different types?” you will learn how to easily make contact, quickly determine the psychological types of people without special tests, find an approach to any person, master the techniques of verbal and non-verbal communication, determine the psychotypes of your loved ones and learn how to competently build communication with them and improve relationships.

If you find it difficult to connect with people or find an approach to another person, you will overcome communication barriers. You will improve relationships in the family, at work, with friends, loved ones, you will be able to expand your circle of acquaintances, meet and build relationships with the man or woman of your dreams! And it's all thanks to effective communication.

Effective communication skills will greatly enhance your quality of life and your success. Psychological training is especially important for those whose work is related to communication: for advertising and insurance agents, salespeople, managers, and leaders.

Conducts psychological training "How to find a common language with people of different types?" or "Master of Communication" a well-known psychologist, coach, trainer, expert in the field of psychology of interpersonal relations, who has repeatedly participated in programs on central television and radio - Dmitry Vitalievich Seinov.

To view the schedule, click SCHEDULE

The training takes place in the office of the 5 YES! in the center of Moscow

m. Okhotny Ryad (5-7 m. p.), Teatralnaya, pl. Revolutions (15 l.), Pushkinskaya, Chekhovskaya, Tverskaya (20 m. p.)

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"HOW TO FIND A COMMON LANGUAGE WITH PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT TYPES" or "MASTER OF COMMUNICATION":

Training "Master of communication" or "How to find a common language with people of different types" is easy to understand. The training provides detailed instructions for action. I understood how to build communication with people. I determined my psychological type and the types of my relatives. I will try to determine the psychological types of all the people with whom I communicate, and build conversations based on the recommendations from the training. Thank you very much Dmitry!

I always had problems with communication, I was very complex because of this. The psychological training "Master of Communication" helped me to remove barriers in communication and learn how to quickly and easily make contact, I consider this the most important thing. It became easy for me to talk about nothing, on not very serious topics, to tell something and even to convince and persuade.

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At the psychological training "Master of Communication" I discovered a lot of new things, although I never had any particular problems in communication. It is important that I learned to quickly determine the psychological type of a person and, on the basis of this, find an approach to him. I realized how to pick up “their key” for each person. I realized my mistakes, why I could not agree with some people before.

Kazantsev Petr, 35 years old.

The psychological training "Master of Communication" helped me to determine the psychological types of not only my relatives, but also my colleagues and regular customers. As a result, I found an approach to even the most difficult clients. With those with whom I used to find it difficult to work, it became easy for me. In addition, she revised her relationship with her relatives and began to relate to them differently. ”

Suvorova Tatiana, 32

I really liked the psychological training "How to find a common language with people of different types":

firstly, I was able to determine what psychological type I am;

secondly, I realized that for effective communication it is necessary to listen to people;

thirdly, I began to determine the psychological types of my relatives.

Right tonight I will take a closer look at them in order to clearly define their psychological types. Also, in the near future I will definitely look for an approach to close people and colleagues, taking into account the knowledge about psychotypes received at the training. Very interesting.

Sources:
How to get along with people
Many today cannot understand how to find a common language with people so that your communication becomes more pleasant, so that you are a good conversationalist and attract positive friends and acquaintances into your life.
http://psyh-olog.ru/2014/09/kak-najti-obshhij-yazyk-s-lyudmi/
How to win over an interlocutor
It is very important to win over the interlocutor when meeting. There are several simple ways, following which, you can easily find a common language with different people.
http://mirsovetov.ru/a/psychology/relations/win-buddy.html
Psychological training MASTER OF COMMUNICATION or
How to find a common language with people? Psychology of communication? How to find a common language with different people? How to connect with people of different types? How to make contact? How to communicate with people of different types? How to properly communicate with people? How to find a common language with people of different types? Non-verbal communication. Verbal communication with people of different types. How to quickly determine the type of person? Psychological types of people. Personality types. Psychological training of the Center for psychological support of business and family "5 Yes!". We invite everyone to our trainings and consultations
http://www.5da.ru//masterword.html

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When a person joins a new team, goes for an interview, negotiations with colleagues or another meeting, as a rule, he wants to achieve the result he needs. How to reach it? Separate tricks can help you find a common language with people in business and personal life. How to get along with everyone?

When, try to exude confidence and optimism. When meeting a person, shake his hand, even if it is a woman. Look into his eyes and smile. Shaking hands helps you get closer quickly, and it will be much easier for you to win over the interlocutor.

Simple rules during communication or negotiations: do not turn away from the interlocutor and do not lower your head, do not lay your hands behind your back, do not cross them on your chest.

All these movements are defensive, and expressing uncertainty about what you are talking about. In order for a person to be disposed to a frank conversation and achieve the desired result, your gestures must show openness. To strengthen the argument, do not use instructive gestures.

Ability to find a common language

There is a talent that not many have - the ability to listen. In most cases, you have to educate yourself to be sincerely interested in people on your own. At the time when you communicate, try to fully focus on the story of the interlocutor.

If you didn’t hear or understand something, then apologize and ask the interlocutor. When you show genuine interest in another person's story, you subtly endear them to you.

At the first meeting, you can bring a small gift with you. For a woman - a flower or a chocolate bar, for a man - a keychain or other souvenir. This technique gives a good result, and the person immediately begins to treat your request more attentively.

Do not forget that praise and compliments can work wonders and quickly win people over to you. Such principles can be used with great success in family life, and more often praise all your household. Usually, people really want to live up to the positive opinion that you expressed about them.

How to find a common language with everyone - do not be afraid to also talk about your shortcomings and make fun of yourself. The ideal person is not overly trusted and treated with caution.