The thinking of a person is his features the concept of truth. Summary: Human thinking. What methods of determining the level of thinking are known

30.05.2019 09:15:00

Many parents are faced with the fact that the child tells lies - lies and deceives. As a rule, the reaction of parents to such behavior is to scold, shame, punish the child. But once you begin to understand why your child lies and cheats, then you can help him change his behavior and become more honest.

The key word here is "help". Do not force, do not force, namely to help the child not to lie and deceive, but to tell you the truth. If we start to figure out why the child is lying, we will see that he is just the same afraid of punishment, screaming and being scolded. It's kind of a vicious circle. The more we scold the child for lying, the more he will hide the truth from us in the future.

Children, as a rule, find quite logical reasons to hide the truth - they want to avoid unpleasant consequences for themselves, they don’t want to disappoint their parents, they don’t want to listen to screams and hourly moralizing.

How to understand why a child is lying: the reasons for children's lies

Most parents think that children lie to get what they want and avoid consequences and punishment. >These are common motives, but there are some less obvious reasons where children may not tell the truth, or at least the whole truth.>

The child lies because he is afraid of punishment

It is hard for a child not to lie when he knows what an unpleasant outcome awaits him for the truth. Therefore, understanding all these reasons, we need to create such conditions in the family so that the child can easily tell us everything as it is.

For example, a child tore his new trousers on the street; when he came home, he carefully hid them. When asked by his parents where the trousers are, he replies that he does not know, because. afraid that adults will punish for a damaged thing. This behavior is relevant in families where parents often punish the child, including physically.

The child wants to save the parent from worries and disappointments

All people make mistakes, but when you have to be perfect and obedient in the eyes of your parents, it is very difficult to allow yourself to be mistaken. Someone does not pay attention to their mistakes, but there are children who are more sensitive to criticism.

When such a child has done something, according to the parent, bad: soiled clothes, lost his phone, forgot to do his homework, it is very difficult for him to confess and it is easier to hide these facts so that he is not disappointed.

The child does not lie, he embellishes reality

It happens that children want to embellish the situation in order to impress others, to gain more weight in the eyes of others. This happens when the child feels that he is not good enough as he is.

Instead of scolding, you need to understand and assure him that everything is in order with him and it is not at all necessary to invent something about yourself that is not really there. The child should feel his uniqueness and significance in this world simply because he exists.

The child does not deceive on purpose, but to test a new behavior

Matthew Rouse, a clinical psychologist at the American Institute of Children's Mental Health, believes that one of the reasons children lie is that they have discovered this new idea and try to test it, as with most behaviors, to see what happens. That is, they do not always give a report that this is a lie and this cannot be done.

Children can lie on purpose in order to see from experience what consequences await them and draw a conclusion.

Children's lies as psychological protection

Fantasizing for children works as a psychological defense that helps to cope with some difficult circumstances. For example, a child's dog died. He does not want to believe it and fantasizes that the dog actually just ran away and lives in the forest.

At the same time, he himself begins to believe in this fantasy so much that he tells others about it. In this case, we cannot say that the child is cheating. He uses fantasy to protect himself from painful experiences for which he was not prepared. in his subjective inner world, the dog really lives in the forest. And he believes in it.

Attempt to separate from parents

Often children try to show us that they need personal space, avoid control and set their own boundaries. For example, a child may lie that he read a book or did his homework only because his desires do not coincide with the desire of the elders now.

He may want to draw, sing or sew, but never read. Therefore, by lying, the child, as it were, shows that he has his own personal boundaries and time.

Increase self-esteem and gain approval>>

Children who lack confidence>> may tell big lies to make themselves appear more impressive, special, or talented, boost their self-esteem, and look good in the eyes of others. >>

Dr. Matthew Rouse recalls treating an eighth grader who wildly exaggerated events in his life. For example, a boy said that he went to a party and everyone started singing for him when he walked in the door.>>

Attract attention

Children with anxiety>> or depression>> may lie about their symptoms to get the attention of adults or friends. Children can invent imaginary illnesses, tragic stories and in every possible way convince others of this.>>

Or, conversely, they can minimize their problems by saying things like, "No, no, I slept well last night," because they don't want people to worry about them.>>

What should parents do if their child is cheating?

Once again, when we punish children for lying, they continue to lie in the hope of avoiding any punishment in the future. The following tips will help you create a climate in your family where it is easy for children to tell the truth. But be patient, change will take time.

What parents can do about a child's lies>>

Dr. Matthew Rouse says it's important to think about the function of lying first. He insists that behavioral therapies depend on the function of the lie and the severity of the problem. That is, there may be different types lies under different circumstances. >>

Level 1 lie>>

When it comes to lies that need attention, Dr. Rouse thinks it's best to ignore them. >Instead of rudely telling the child, “That's a lie. >I know that didn't happen to you,” he offers a gentle approach where the parents don't necessarily have the consequences of lying, but they also don't try to draw much attention to the issue.>>

This is especially true if the lies are due to the children's low self-esteem. >For this kind of "low-level lie" that doesn't hurt anyone, you can choose to ignore the strategy and switch to other topics.>>

Level 2 lie>>

If that doesn't work, the psychologist suggests parents be more forthcoming>. >If a child tells one of the made-up stories, one of the parents will gently say, "Hey, that sounds like a fairy tale, why don't you try again and tell me what really happened?".>It's about pointing out misbehavior and encourage children to try again.>>

Level 3 lie>>

If it's something more serious, like older kids lying about where they've been or whether they've done their homework, parents might want to consider the consequences>>. >Children should be clear that the consequences of this kind of lies will be more global. >>

Also, depending on the severity of the problem, there should also be a component regarding what they are lying about. >If a child says they haven't had homework all week and then the parent finds out they have homework every day, there must be some consequence to the lie, and he must also sit down and do all the work.>>

>If he hit another kid and lied about it, there are consequences for lying and also for hitting. >In that case, says Dr. Rouse, you can also ask him to write an apology letter to the other child.>>

What parents should not do if the child is lying>>

If you understand that your child lied, you do not need to morally humiliate him, bring him to clean water harsh methods, insult. The best way out is a frank conversation that will benefit and make it clear to your child that you are a friend, not an enemy.

Do not drive your child into a corner, thereby you yourself force him to lie. If the parents know the true story, they should jump straight to the issue and discuss it. Instead of asking the child if they did their homework, the parent could simply say, “I know you didn't. Let's talk about why it's not very good idea". Do not play games with your own children. >>

1. Don't call your child a liar.>> >> Dr. Brady says it's a big mistake to call a child a liar. The wound that this word leaves is greater than the fact that he lied. >He thinks next time, "Mom won't believe me." This makes him feel bad and may lead to cheating again.>>

Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It​. Child Mind Institute.https://childmind.org/article/why-kids-lie/

Online project "Children's and family psychology online”, the author is a child and family psychologist Ekaterina Kes.//ipsyholog.ru/

Now that you know why a child lies and how to recognize the reasons for children's lies, you can follow the recommendations for parents and improve your relationship with your children.

Most likely, many mothers and fathers had to face the fact that their child does not always tell the truth. Children like to embellish their stories a little and fantasize. Parents are worried: why do children lie? And if you do not pay attention to this, then an incorrigible liar can grow up in the family. Our article is about how to wean a child to lie. You will also learn what to do if your child is lying and read helpful tips psychologist.

Where does deception begin?

Children's lies: norm or deviation?

It is interesting that some psychologists consider children's lies to be the norm and do not consider them as negative phenomenon. From what? In the first years of life, the child develops rapidly, receiving a large flow of various information: he processes it, learns to use it daily. He begins to understand what is reality and what is fiction. Developing speech, the baby relies on his logical thinking. He has a certain impression of the world around him, and what he cannot find an explanation for, he supplements using his imagination.

Small children begin to cheat when adults forbid something. Here the logic turns on again and the kid thinks: “If this is not possible, then if I say something else, will it be possible?” And the child begins to pick up options on how to get what is forbidden. This is where the deception begins.

“As they grow older, a baby’s innocent lies can develop into a habit of getting what they want with the help of deceit, and this is no longer good.”

The main reasons for children's lies

Children lie for a variety of reasons.

Among the main reasons for children's lies are the following:

• desire to get what parents forbid
• the desire to appear better than he really is
• fear of punishment
• self-justification
• improved social status
• child's conflicting expectations
• pathological lies.

Let's consider each of the reasons separately in order to understand how to be in this or that case.

Desire to get what parents forbid

How does this happen?“Dad let me have candy!” (and dad was not at home). “I didn’t know what time it was, so I was late home,” etc.

How to be? If in your family the word “no” is repeated more often than others, then the child will be forced to defend his rights and interests with the help of lies. It is better to review your prohibitions and reduce their number. Leave those that are related to the safety of the child, his diet and food traditions, as well as some educational moments. Having received a little more independence, the child will feel freedom and will develop a sense of responsibility for his actions. In addition, explain to the child that what you want can be obtained through other means, for example, by asking and explaining why he needs it, as well as following the rules outlined by the parents.

Desire to appear better than he really is

How does this happen? A child can begin to talk about his extraordinary strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance, although it will be clear to adults: he is trying to wishful thinking.

How to be? How to treat it - as a lie or as a fantasy? This symptom is very disturbing. The child lies to interest the parents. Why? Maybe he does not have enough warmth, affection, attention, love, interest, real support. One of the main tasks of parents is to stimulate the development of their child's abilities and explain that each person has his own talents. Someone is good at skating, someone is great at singing or dancing, and someone knows everything about the Egyptian pyramids or space. So you need to develop and show your real abilities, and then no one will consider you a liar or a braggart.

Fear of punishment

How does this happen? If the child understands that for an accidentally broken cup he can be deprived of something good or, worse than that, beat, he will try his best to hide the "traces of the crime."

How to be? Too often and severely punishing the child, parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. It is better to make decisions about the punishment after the fact: if you break it, you need to clean it up; if you break it, you need to fix it; This will be fair, since such an attitude will not offend the dignity of the child, as a result of which he will not want to resort to deception.

self-justification

How does this happen? Sometimes the child realizes that he has done a bad deed, starts muttering something, talking a lot, trying to explain himself in order to justify himself, for example: “He started it first!”. After that, a story is given about how the offender started first, what offenses he caused, etc. Note that the “offender” tells a similar story.

How to be? Lies like this are the hardest to eradicate. This lie, like a stain remover, is designed to bring the self-esteem of the “victim” back to normal. Try to make it clear to the child that you still love him, even if he was the one who “first started”. Discuss what happened on a friendly note, and then there will be less deception.

Improvement in social status

How is it happening?Sometimes d Children tend to invent simply incredible stories about their parents: about their wealth, about toys that are given in tons, about trips to distant countries, about how dad appears on TV almost every day. These dreams of a better existence speak of the child's dissatisfaction with his social status. A child can understand such things as early as 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already be quite good at orienting himself in who is rich and who is poor.

How to be? If the deception of the child is “status”, you need to think about whether it is possible to give him at least a part of what he so dreams of? Maybe not “just like that”, but for the child to make a little of their own efforts. For "greedy" preschoolers who want all the toys on earth without restraint, explain that this is not realistic, but it is possible to receive good gifts from time to time.

Contradiction of child's expectations

How does this happen? Suppose a girl loves to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; the boy wants to join the radio circle, and his father sees him as a talented translator. While the parents are away from home, they draw and construct, and then deceive that they were diligently studying music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom parents want to see as an excellent student, talks about the bias of teachers, justifying his low level of success.

How to be? Unfortunately, what happens is that the expectations of parents are a heavy burden for children. This is a worrying symptom. Think about whether your expectations contradict the inclinations and interests of the child? It is dishonest to force him to show his abilities and achieve goals instead of you (in accordance with your unfulfilled childhood dreams), "for you in childhood." Understand that your child is on his own path, and if you create favorable conditions for the development of what he does best, there will be less deception.

Pathological childhood lies occurs infrequently, and it requires consultation with psychologists in each individual case.

Lies of children of different ages

It is difficult to distinguish lies from fantasy in preschool children.

“For the first time, children can lie for 3-4 years. And at the age of 6 years, the child will already clearly understand that he is deliberately lying.”

Let's see how children's lies manifest themselves at different ages:

4-5 years. Preschoolers can confuse reality with a fictional world, so they wishful thinking - these are the features of their development. The lies of children of this age should not be taken as the opposite of the truth. It's more of a fantasy.

7-9 years old. In the minds of younger schoolchildren, there is already a line between the real and the fictional world. Children experiment with the possibilities of lying, knowing that their words are not true. Parents should know what frequent lies there may be more serious problems that are better understood.

How to teach your child to be honest

If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own good, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it.

"Advice. In education, one cannot do without prohibitions, since permissiveness is not a way out.

How to explain to a child that any lie is a bad quality?

1. If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own good, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the situation and find out the reasons for dishonesty. After all, children usually do not lie just like that: their current circumstances provoke this. Having calmly sorted out the reasons for the lie, it will not be difficult for the parent to achieve a positive result.
2. It is necessary to talk more often with the child on the topics of good and evil, analyzing various situations, using examples of children's films and cartoons, fairy tales.
3. Show your positive example. For example, when dad is at home, and you say on the phone that he is not, you show the child that lying is not bad at all.
4. Tell your child that there is a "polite lie" that involves treating people with tact in order not to offend them (for example, when they did not like a birthday present).

Watch a video about the manifestation of children's lies and how to eradicate it

Useful advice from a psychologist will help you properly organize the educational process:

1. Don't punish cheating. Your indignation and screaming will only tell the child that the lie should be hidden more strongly. At the same time, the child will not stop lying, but will only become more secretive.
2. Learn to distinguish between childhood fantasies (which can be useful) and lies. Children tend to be imaginative. If you hear them more often than you would like, try diversifying your child's leisure time.

A child will be honest if he is sure that his parents will never humiliate him.

An honest child will be if:

• will be sure that his parents will never humiliate him
• will not be afraid of the wrath of dad and mom or be rejected by them
• will know that he will be supported in a difficult situation and will be given good advice
• be sure that if punished, it is fair
• will know that in a controversial situation, parents will be on his side
• will be sure that there is trust in the family.

Do you want your child to be honest? Make the truth a cult in your family. Praise your child for being honest. It is better to teach a child not to lie than to punish him all the time.

Ekaterina Morozova

Reading time: 8 minutes

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All parents want their children to be honest. Moreover, moms and dads are sure that this quality should be present in a child from birth, by itself. Regardless of how the parents behave.

Naturally, the disappointment of moms and dads is indescribable when they discover that the child is growing up far from being an ideal child, and lying becomes his habit.

Where to look for the roots of this problem, and how to deal with it?

Causes of children's lies - why does your child constantly deceive you?

According to experts in the field of psychology, children's lies are one of the first symptoms of distrust of parents or the presence of a serious problem in the external or internal world of the child.

Even a completely innocent, at first glance, lie has a hidden reason.

For example…

• Afraid of exposure. The child hides a certain act(s) because he is afraid of punishment.
• Embellishes to appear more special. It is a very common occurrence among children when any story is embellished, exaggerated or downplayed according to the situation. The reason is the desire to attract more attention to yourself. Usually among the braggarts there are 99% of children who were not praised and disliked.
• He just loves to fantasize. Fantasies are characteristic of children at the youngest age and about 7-11 years old, when children try to “finish” what they lack in life.
• Tries . For these purposes, lies are used by children only when parents "buy" for it. For example, “dad allowed me to watch cartoons until the evening”, “grandmother said that she would take away my toys herself”, “yes, I did my homework, can I take a walk?”, “I have a headache, I can’t brush my teeth” and so on.
• Covers brother (sister, friends). Such a “white lie” for another person is not a tragedy. And even vice versa - to some extent a feat. After all, the baby consciously goes into a possible conflict with his parents in order to save another person from punishment.
• Afraid of disappointing parents. When mom and dad overestimate the bar too much, the child becomes nervous and twitchy. He is afraid to stumble, make a mistake, bring a three or a remark, and so on. Any disapproval of parents for such a child is a tragedy. Therefore, wanting to please them or out of fear of punishment / disappointment, the child is sometimes forced to lie.
• Expresses protest. If a child has not only trust but also respect for his parents, then lying becomes just one of the ways to demonstrate his neglect towards them, revenge for inattention, etc.
• Lies "like breathing." Such cases of unmotivated lies are the most difficult and, as a rule, hopeless. The child lies often, if not always, and this lie is part of his character, his ineradicable habit. The child usually does not think about the consequences, and they, in general, do not worry him. Usually such children do not stop lying even after being publicly convicted of lying and grow up to be serious liars.
• Takes example from parents. For example, a mother does not love her mother-in-law and says bad things about her. The child who hears these words is asked - "don't tell grandma." Or, instead of the zoo, the father leads the child to an adult shooting range, where the pacifist mother categorically forbids him to go, and the father asks the child - “does not tell the mother.” Etc. Cases of parental lies, which they do not even notice, in front of a child in the course of only 1 day - a cart and a small cart. Naturally, the child will not consider the cultivation of honesty in himself necessary when mom and dad lie without a twinge of conscience.

It is worth noting that the reasons for lying at each age are different ...

1. For example, a baby of 3-4 years old just fantasizes. Do not interfere with the child to pass off his fables as the truth - this is part of the game and growing up. But be on the lookout - observe and keep your finger on the pulse so that fantasies do not develop into a habit of lying all the time over time.
2. After 5 years, the child begins to gradually distinguish lies from the truth, as well as practice his own. This age is the most important for establishing trusting contact with the child. If now a child receives pokes and slaps (even psychological ones) for any misconduct, then the fear of telling the truth will only take root in him, and the parents will lose the child’s trust completely.
3. 7-9 years old. This is the age when children have secrets, and when they need their own personal space, where only they are the owners. Give children freedom. But tell us about the limits of reason and warn that freedom does not mean permissiveness. Now the child will test his parents for strength in all ways, including lies - such an age.
4. 10-12 years old. Your child is almost a teenager now. And he perfectly understands the difference between a lie and the truth. They lie at this age simply with inspiration - and you won’t even understand that they lied to you. What for? Then, that begins the period of formation of oneself in society. And children want to take a more respectable place in it, for which "all means are good." Control the situation, talk to your child more often, be his friend and remember that you no longer have the right to brazenly get into your child's personal life - wait until you are invited into it. If you have been a good parent in previous years, you will always be welcome there.
5. Over 12 years old. This is the age when the child demands autonomy from the parents. The period of self-affirmation begins, and the psychological burden on the child increases greatly. Usually a child at this age has 1-3 people to whom he reveals himself completely, and parents do not always enter this “circle of trust”.

What is strictly not recommended to say and do if the child is lying - advice from psychologists to parents

If you care whether your child becomes a liar or an honest person - and you are determined to fight lies, then First of all, remember what not to do:

• Apply methods of physical punishment. This is not the case in which "a good spanking does not hurt." However, there are no good occasions for spanking. If a parent picks up a belt, this does not mean that the child has gotten out of hand, but that the parent is too lazy to fully educate the child. Lying is a signal to pay attention to the child. Look for the root of the problem, don't fight windmills. In addition, punishment will only increase the child's fear of you, and you will listen to the truth even less often.
• Count on the fact that after your educational conversation about the dangers of lying, everything will change dramatically . Will not change. You will have to explain many times, proving the rightness with examples from life and personal example.
• Lie to yourself. Even the slightest lie of the parents (in relation to other people, in relation to the child himself, in relation to each other) entitles the child to do the same. Be honest yourself, and only then demand honesty from the child. Honesty also includes the fulfillment of promises made to the child.
• Leave lies unaddressed. Of course, it is not necessary to throw at the child. But it is necessary to respond to lies. Think about what your reaction should be so as not to frighten the child, but to encourage dialogue.
• Clarify the relationship with the child in public. All serious conversations - only in private!

What to do if a child is lying, how to wean a child to lie?

Most main advice when talking about raising a child, it comes down to a single axiom -. Educate yourself, not your child. And looking at you, the baby will grow up and honest, and fair, and kind.

If you still overlooked your child, and the fight against the little liar has already begun, take note of the recommendations of experts:

• Be a friend to the child. It is clear that in the first place you are a parent who must be sometimes harsh and strict, for the sake of the child's safety. But try to combine parent and friend for your child. You must become the person to whom the child comes with his problems, sorrows, complaints and joys. If the child trusts you, if he receives the necessary support from you, he will not lie to you.
• Don't be too strict. The child should not be afraid to tell you the truth. Encourage the truth. If your toddler admits to accidentally ruining your paperwork while watering flowers, painting, or feeding a cat, don't yell at them. Thank you for the truth and ask to be more careful in the future. A child will never admit to his deed if he knows that punishment or even mother's hysteria will follow the truth.
• Don't make promises you can't keep. A word that was not kept is tantamount to a lie for a child. If you promised to play with your child for a couple of hours in the evening, the child will wait for the evening and count these hours. If you promised to go to the cinema on the weekend, break into a cake, but take the child to the cinema. Etc.
• Discuss with your child family system prohibitions. But there should ALWAYS be exceptions to this system of prohibitions. Categorical prohibitions cause a desire to violate them. Leave the loopholes that are allowed by the family "law" to the child. If there are only prohibitions around the child, then a lie is the least you will encounter.
• In any difficult situation, look for reasons. Do not rush into battle and re-education without understanding the situation. For every action there is a reason.
• Tell your child more often about what a lie can turn out to be for a person. Show themed cartoons / movies, give personal examples - do not forget to talk about your emotions at the moments when your lie was exposed.
• Do not beat or scold children for deuces. If the child brought a deuce, you should more carefully prepare with him for the lessons. The deuce of a child is a lack of attention from parents. It is much more effective to repeat the material for which a deuce was obtained and retake it. Teach your child not to freak out because of bad grades, but immediately look for ways to correct them.
• The child must clearly understand that the mother is more likely to be upset because of a lie. than because of the act he is trying to hide.
• If a child constantly exaggerates his dignity - it means that he has nothing to stand out among his peers. Find an activity for your child in which he can succeed - let him have his own honest reason for pride in himself, and not fictitious.

Your child is your continuation and repetition. It depends on your honesty and your attention to the child how truthful the child will be, and how open he will be with you.

Honesty in parent-child relationships is something that many moms and dads aspire to. It is not surprising that they are severely disappointed when the child suddenly begins to lie, dodge and shield himself in every possible way. It should be noted right away that deception in childhood can be entertaining, but most often similar phenomenon speaks of serious problems in family relationships and means that the baby needs support. So, what to do if a child is lying, and what are the sources of childish dishonesty?

Every child learns to lie sooner or later. That is, it can be argued that everyone lies, but insecure children are much more likely than others. For example, a preschooler or teenager may lie to avoid punishment or to assert themselves. And every case that hides a childish deceit requires special attention and study.

There are a lot of factors that make a child lie to parents or peers. American psychotherapist Lawrence Kutner, whose main specialization is the psychology of children, identified the main reasons that encourage kids and adolescents to cheat.

Fear of punishment

The most common reason why children lie is fear of punishment. This is especially true for those kids who are brought up in excessive severity or who are subject to excessive demands.

A simple example: a child breaks a cup and tries to hide the pieces so that adults do not establish the fact of a “crime”. If pieces of glass are found, the baby either refuses or shifts the blame to a brother or pet.

This behavior is a way to adapt to parental authoritarianism, avoid punishment, and further meet unrealistic expectations. Agree, a 5-year-old child is not yet so dexterous as to clean and wash dishes without problems and “accidents”.

Low self-esteem

The psychology of children is such that recognition from their comrades is vital for them. That is why a child can say that his dad is a super agent, and he himself met with some famous person. Rare cases of such deception are not considered pathological, since children tend to show off.

Another thing is when a child constantly lies, either exaggerating the family income, or talking about his imaginary achievements. This may indicate a serious dissatisfaction with oneself. Parents should find out, perhaps he feels his own uselessness, or classmates mock him.

Riot

For many teenagers, cheating means going against various prohibitions, lowering parental authority. A rebellious child passionately strives for independence and often does not tolerate adult intervention in his personal life.

Read also: What should I do if my child is embarrassed to answer in class? Psychologist's advice

Hence the increase in cases of lies or silence. Adolescents are silent, deny obvious facts, begin to shield their peers, especially since in this case pastime in the company of friends becomes more interesting than family gatherings.

Expansion of the boundaries of what is acceptable

Another reason why children lie to their parents is again related to growing up. The child needs to create his own space, to feel like an independent person, but these natural desires are faced with parental control and misunderstanding of children's problems.

As a result, a conflict arises: the more often adults resort to their authority, trying to control the actions of the child, the more often he lies, dodges or keeps silent. Some children, in an effort to defend personal boundaries, also begin to be rude.

Family problems

If a child lies constantly, often and completely out of place, perhaps a crisis is brewing in the family. Often, in this case, theft and damage to property are added to the deception. Such signals cannot be ignored as the child desperately needs support.

According to the observations of Lawrence Kutner, such actions are typical for children whose parents are getting divorced. Obvious lies, theft, vandalism - this is sometimes the only way to unite adults, even if they set them against themselves.

We would note a couple more weighty reasons for children's deception. First of all, this is a personal example of parents. If the older generation regularly resorts to lies (even if for good), the child can adopt this way of coexistence with loved ones.

Another reason why a child lies is related to the development of imagination and fantasy. Probably, little dreamers are the most pleasant of all liars. In addition, such a deception is for the benefit of the baby himself, as it develops thought processes and intelligence. This rule applies if the fantasies do not take on a completely pathological character.

Signs of childish lies

So, we figured out the reasons for children's dishonesty, it remains to answer another burning question: how to understand that a child is lying? Psychology comes to the rescue again, only now body-oriented. Experts suggest noting several characteristic symptoms that indicate deception.

1. Posture static. Subconsciously preparing for a possible conflict, the liar, as it were, freezes in place, does not fidget and tense up. If a little fidget suddenly when explaining his behavior becomes "static", he is clearly hiding something.
2. Involuntary hand gestures. A little liar can turn a pen or paper in his palms, wind a strand of hair around his finger, scratch his nose, pull a button. However, it is important to remember that such actions are also inherent in anxious children.
3. Head tilt. You can see exactly how the child will react to the most direct question. Does your little interlocutor tilt his head back or to the side? Most likely, he wants to deceive you or just hide part of the truth.
4. Mouth touch. If a child in the course of a conversation constantly brings his hand to his throat or mouth, as if covering them, he is clearly nervous and tries, as it were, to exclude the “breakthrough” of truthful words outward. Such actions are one of the most telling signs of deception.
5. Thinking. The child's psyche is arranged in such a way that impulsivity manifests itself in almost all moments. But if the child pauses before answering (coughs, asks for a cup of tea, straightens his clothes), most likely he wants to buy time to think about lies.
6. "Hide and Seek". If you lie, you try to "hide" behind a computer or a book. The child also tends to isolate himself from the interlocutor, for example, he can pick up his favorite teddy bear, phone or tablet.

Read also: What to do if you have an irritable child? Psychologist's advice

Let's not forget about the eyes. If the child tries to look away, you should be alert. However, the most "professional" deceivers, on the contrary, impose eye contact, wanting to avert suspicion. At the same time, little liars try not to blink.

How to wean a child to lie?

Many studies have been devoted to children's lies, as an interesting and widespread psychological phenomenon. However, it was not possible to find the only correct solution to this problem, since each case is individual. And yet, we have highlighted the advice of a psychologist that can help parents choose the most appropriate method of dealing with lies.

• Find the reason why the child is lying to you. This is the first step to solving the problem, since establishing the motive will tell you how to proceed. A simple example: if a kid is lying to assert himself, it will be enough to give him the opportunity to reveal his strengths.
• Start with yourself. We often understand the problem this way: an adult lie is a justified action, but a child’s lie is a terrible and irreparable act. However, in order to teach a child honesty, you yourself need to behave truthfully - both in relation to him and in relation to others.
• Avoid harsh punishment. Of course, physical measures of influence should be excluded altogether. You should also abandon excessively severe punishment, for example, for a slight offense, you can deprive a child of entertainment for a day, etc. Perfect option- Learn to communicate with children.
• Communicate more with your child. This method Works better with preschoolers, as toddlers are sincerely attached to moms and dads. However, teenagers will also not mind discussing matters with their parents if they talk about topics that are interesting to everyone. However, do not go to the other extreme - overprotectiveness.
• Don't expect too much from your child. Your child will continue to lie if he realizes that he does not meet the requirements you put forward. Let him not grow up as a great musician or artist, but he will be able to reveal other talents. Let him express his own uniqueness.
• Talk about your feelings. The conversation might be: “I understand that your deceit was dictated by a desire to spare my feelings, but the lie, on the contrary, upset me very much.” Thus, the parent shows support for the child, but asks to continue to be honest. Just do not need to turn a conversation about emotions into a way to manipulate a child.
• Offer to evaluate the consequences. For example, a student constantly “falls ill” before a responsible dictation or test. In this case, you can call a doctor to simultaneously make sure that there are no health problems and show what deception of other people is fraught with.

Parents are alarmed and frightened by the lies of their children. What kind of punishment can be applied by relatives, what exactly is so frightening and why does a child lie at 10 years old? For advice about childhood lies, most people turn to psychologists. It's one thing when a kid is deceiving, another thing is if it's an offspring at the age of ten. Here it is necessary to understand the reasons that prompted this. Child psychologists believe that mostly lies are due to.

Aggressive behavior of parents is one of the main reasons that cause a feeling of fear in a student. Leaves its mark and the environment in which the parents of the child grew up. In some families, it is taken for some kind of misconduct, whether it is an untimely made bed, a briefcase is not collected, a full bucket of garbage, homework is not done, for which the child may receive a slap in the face or a slap in the face. The worst thing in such families is if a child brings an unsatisfactory grade or a diary entry about bad behavior and the need for parents to come to school. Fear of reprisals forces the student to hide everything from his parents, tear out a sheet in his diary and think that everything will somehow be forgotten and get better. Thus, children are drawn into a vicious circle. After all, if on parent meeting lies are revealed, then retribution will be inevitable. For a student, this is fraught not only with physical reprisals, but also with punishment in the form of being locked in a room, a ban on watching TV, using a computer, etc.

And if the reason is the divorce of the parents?

Mental imbalance after divorce in women - common cause, contributing to the fact that the child is lying. When, the strongest trauma is inflicted primarily on children who cannot understand why dad left them. Sometimes such traumas remain for life, because when the baby is 2 years old, he does not understand that the father has left the family, but when the son or daughter is already 10 years old, divorce hurts the children. In providing for the family, caring for its members, but not all women cope with such a fate.

Very often, weak women experience a mental breakdown, and they begin to blame the children for the fact that their husband left them. The worst thing is when such mothers “tear off evil” on children, blaming schoolchildren for everything. Often such mothers use comparison methods not in favor of their children, emphasizing the superiority of their peers, as smarter, fitter. In response to such criticism, a ten-year-old man begins to deceive, because he wants to be praised. A common mistake divorced women make is that they try to make little soldiers out of their children, giving them orders and demanding unquestioning obedience.

Such a mother screams at the top of her voice in the morning - get up! The natural reaction of the child will be a lie that he is ill and cannot go to school, or there are no first lessons. Things are even worse in such a family with a check homework. A woman will not have enough time to work with children, because now she is preoccupied with finding additional income and a new spouse. Such children, as a rule, remain in the second year of school, and the mother may not know about it until next fall.

parental vanity

Parental vanity serves as a pretext for lying among children as young as 10 years old. Some mothers see their children as winners of various olympiads and sports competitions, although the abilities of offspring leave much to be desired. In this case, the children will lie, starting with their academic performance and ending with non-existent victories in various competitions. Psychologists assure that children are afraid to disappoint their parents, who so much want to see their daughter or son an excellent student. Children want to be leaders, the best in the class, and they brag about what they don't have - good grades, exemplary behavior - this is not a complete list of imaginary successes.

In the event that a lie is exposed, all the blame falls on the neighbor on the desk, which he prevented from fulfilling test distracted with questions. The opinion of psychologists is that boastful children are those who did not have enough love, and teenagers want so much to be loved by their parents for good studies or winning the Olympics. In order not to upset their father or mother, some sons invent victories in sports.

Role of own example

Lies of parents provoke systematic, which copy their actions. Some parents themselves are not a model of honesty. When talking on the phone or when calling the apartment, unwanted people ask the child to say that no one is at home. Sometimes a mother asks her child to tell her grandmother that they are leaving so as not to invite her mother-in-law to New Year. The child learns that lying is good, and he begins to lie when it becomes profitable. In the future, he will lie to teachers at school and his classmates, and this will become a habit.

Reminders from adults about lying are often the reason that reinforces the reputation of a liar for a child. Sometimes parents themselves lose money or valuable gold items, not realizing that they have shifted everything to another place, they begin to accuse their child of stealing and lying, remembering that he was previously caught in a lie. No matter how the child justifies himself, they do not believe him. So adults do not blame themselves for absent-mindedness and lack of order in the apartment, but shift the blame onto the minor, offending him with their distrust. Often, then adults apologize to children, but the subconscious of children has already remembered that they are considered liars, thieves, and they, without noticing, begin to deceive adults. Often scolding your children means that they will lie, dodge, because they have already completely lost the trust of adults.

The tendency of parents to overprotectiveness is a provocation of children's lies in order to fight for their rights.

In many families, they take care of their children very much, forgetting that they have already grown up and have their own opinion, their own point of view. Trying to defend their rights and not be ridiculed by classmates, children resort to lies to assert priorities.

In the case when the spouse has not yet left, but the conflict is brewing and divorce cannot be avoided, with a nervous breakdown of the mother, minors can begin to lead an immoral lifestyle associated with peers, endless lies, and animals. This is the last chance stop family breakdown. This is the “cry of the soul” of the child to his parents, a call to change their minds and save the family. It happens that such behavior is noted when the mother marries a second time and a new member of the family is born, to whom all attention is directed, and the eldest child expresses his protest in this way.

How to prevent lies?

Measures to prevent lying in children:

• do not lie yourself;
• do not promise what you cannot deliver;
• do not allow aggression, assault, do not raise your voice during a conversation and do not break into a scream;
• establish a trusting relationship with the child;
• do not compare your son or daughter with more successful peers;
• reckon with his opinion, but do not patronize excessively;
• participate in solving your child's problems so that he does not have a feeling of loneliness.

Parents should remember that children are the closest and dearest to you, say as often as possible how you love and worry about them. Show concern for all family members, including grandparents. Do not ignore the comments of elders in the presence of children, otherwise the opinion will be formed that such behavior is the norm. If a son or daughter has committed a fault, then one should not remember this for a long time, recalling the incident in convenient cases. After all, even criminals in prison have the right to amnesty. It is necessary to reprimand for the misconduct, but not to go over to the personality of the child.