Hello. My boyfriend is very gentle. everything does what I say. does not offend, loves, respects, very polite, treats everyone well, always good mood. but it's annoying sometimes. somehow unbearable. once said, be strong like a man. and he asked me for forgiveness. I myself have a fighting, strong character.
Hello Dana, your boyfriend has a soft character, on the contrary, you are a girl with strong character. Is it bad, because you kind of complement each other. He lacks your courage, and you lack his peacefulness and gentleness. You yourself will compete next to a strong man and most likely often conflict, because two strong characters rarely get along together. So think about what is still better for you - to be the leader yourself and at the same time always have a calm guy nearby, or look for a strong guy with whom you will compete all the time. Both in that and in another case, there are pluses and minuses, but which of them are more acceptable for you, of course, you decide. You don’t need to remake anyone, (I once said, be strong like a man.) Your boyfriend is who he is. You just have to decide for yourself whether you can accept it or not. Good luck to you.
Bekezhanova Botagoz Iskrakyzy, Astana psychologist
Good answer 1 bad answer 0Dana, hello!
I suggest you reconsider your assessment of your boyfriend.
You write:
"My boyfriend has a very gentle character. He does everything I say. He doesn't offend, loves, respects, is very polite, treats everyone well, always in a great mood."
The fact that he does not offend, loves, respects, is very polite, treats well - says that he has high level culture, excellent upbringing and flexible nature.
But his excellent mood is an indicator of inner strength. Soft and weak people very often arrive in a depressed state, experiencing their humiliating position.
The fact that he does everything you say only says that he is ready to support you. Isn't it valuable? If you do not manipulate this and include, for your part, bestowal, then an excellent format of relationships exists.
"But it's sometimes annoying."
It's good that you are not annoyed by aggression and cruelty ...
"once said, be strong as a man. and he asked me for forgiveness."
Perhaps he was brought up in strictness and was "accustomed" to asking for forgiveness for everything (not even for his own actions).
There is a lot of value in a guy, just like in a person. With your respect for him, a warm attitude, the ability to admire him, in certain situations, he can become outwardly stronger and demonstrate his strength more clearly.
You have everything to create a harmonious relationship with him.
I sincerely wish you this!
Sincerely,
Snegireva Inna Vladimirovna, psychologist Astana
Good answer 2 bad answer 0Hello Dana! Sometimes you can’t please women, soft and loves, you don’t like it, it’s rude and humiliating - you don’t like it either. Perhaps you should love your man for who he is, and not demand from him what is not characteristic of him by nature. Think about it. Good luck to you!
Gabbasova Anargul Abishevna, psychologist Astana
Good answer 6 bad answer 0The soft nature of a girl or a young man is always a great stress, because many people tend to take advantage of this. This article will tell you how to live if a person has a too soft character.
Very often a person with gentle nature may encounter a number of problems. They are often used and tried to push around, getting into trouble. How can this be dealt with and is it possible in principle?
Reasons for the problem.
Most often, people who have been brought up in a similar vein have a soft character. Parents rarely shouted at such a child, they allowed him a lot. In addition, the child, as if in nature, had a need to please. Most often, future softness and spinelessness manifest themselves from childhood. The child begins to yield to the children in the yard, few people communicate with him, and if other children enter into a dialogue, they often offend the child. This can cause complexes and further problems with the child.
In fact, the soft character of a girl can be changed in childhood and adolescence. If we start this problem, then in the future it will have a much larger scale and turn out to be incredibly serious for the future person.
AT modern world it is almost impossible to do without some rigidity. That is why, from a certain age, it is necessary to educate a child in character, his own opinion and the ability to defend it. In this case, the child is unlikely to be able to offend someone. Rather, on the contrary, he will always be able to stand up for himself in a given situation, to correctly protect his own interests.
It is wonderful if a child has an individuality since childhood, which allows him to always express his opinion. This child will have a great future. However, if it was not possible to cope with the problem in advance, you can try to overcome it after a while, already in adulthood.
Ways to solve the problem.
So, a person began to observe a strange softness and inability to resist what he really does not want. In fact, today this problem is increasingly tormenting young people. When a person himself does not know what he wants, it is very easy to lead him astray.
The first thing to do is to teach yourself to say no. Sometimes colleagues and friends rely too much on a gentle person. They can throw all the work and all the assignments on him simply because a person does not know how to refuse. In this situation, you need to practice in front of a mirror, try to imagine a colleague in front of you and try to say “no” to him. Of course, at first it is too difficult, because a person so rarely refuses someone. However, gradually, all acquaintances will understand that pushing around this person, as before, will no longer work.
Also, if you have a soft character, you need to learn how to express your opinion in public. Sometimes a soft-bodied person is used as a pawn in disputes, because he is afraid of offending someone and always takes one side or another. In such a situation, it is necessary to accustom yourself, in spite of everything, to always speak about your opinion, express it to acquaintances and friends. Soon, such resistance will have an impact, as a result of which, a person will only win.
Also, too soft a character can cause failures in personal plan. Women are often afraid to connect their lives with a man who does not have his own opinion, who is afraid to express anything to people. In the same way, men are not too fond of soft-bodied women, who for them can become simple cooks, guardians of cleanliness and comfort in the house.
In order not to doom yourself to a similar fate, it is necessary to always put yourself differently in new relationships. A man must show his character, prove that he has his own opinion and outlook on life. The girl must, of course, notice that she does not mind cooking and cleaning, but at the same time she wants to build a career. A strong personality is capable of anything if he really wants it.
It is also wonderful if a person finds out for himself what he loves in this life, for which he is ready to work and work actively. With the help of such an analysis of one's own interests, it will be possible to identify the features of personal opinion. Perhaps a person will soon realize with pleasure that his former features and complexes have disappeared forever. To resist other people's influence and all life's problems, you need to have a strong character. Of course, you can ignore these tips, retaining your character. However, such a person is unlikely to be able to achieve something in life, to overcome own complexes and a range of challenges for future success.
Of course, it is very difficult to turn from a soft-bodied person into a self-confident person. However, if a person sincerely wants this, he will definitely achieve what he wants, while feeling complete satisfaction.
Removed from comm.
What if the adored lady went too far and began to behave - how to put it more precisely? - disdainfully. It ceases to reckon with you, less and less takes into account desires and problems ... Moreover, all this can be accompanied by the most sublimely amorous rhetoric.
Some comrades advise in the name of a long-term relationship to become henpecked. Like, and you will be happy. But the bottom line is that henpecked is only happy if he doesn't realize it. I consider the call to change one's own nature, its deep, essential core, to be deeply demagogic. If God has endowed you with a gentle character, then it is forever. Work on an already established character may not be suitable for those who have it imprisoned for certain life tasks, which they can perform with brilliance. There is a risk, starting to break your character in the name of abstract future firmness with women, to lose something important in yourself (I state this speculatively, I have not tried either one or the other). It is my deep conviction that the life tasks of a man are more important than any, even the best women. "Airplanes first..."
It seems that you can try the model "from riches - in the dirt." A kind of "preventive lowering". Since it is obvious that the relationship is at an impasse, and subsequently they will only wipe their feet about you more and more, you need to disappear from the life of the lady of the heart. Do not call or write ... Then continuous Occam's razors begin.
1. If she really loves, she will probably show up soon. Worry, where have you gone? It cannot be that loving woman did not begin to worry why the beloved man disappeared. Maybe he was offended by something? It is necessary to make sure that she will certainly show up first - only then can she impose her own scenario, her own game. If she didn’t show up, then to hell with her, we need to look for the one that cannot live without us. In short, this item is the best test for her love. And the most risky, at the same time.
2. When it appears, you must in no case lose the initiative. Don't act the same. That is - do not make excuses for a long silence. You need to immediately put the question squarely. To openly proclaim that you have a lot of complaints against her, but there is no point in voicing them, because (in fact, there really is no point in voicing them: in the ensuing discussion, she will most likely begin to act in a tried and tested female way, single out each of them and refute, and we talking about the negative process as a whole). In general, in no case arrange a showdown: a woman will surely arrange the matter in such a way that you will find yourself in the position of making excuses. It will be necessary to immediately postulate as firmly as possible that the relationship will continue, but on different conditions: now she will seek you, and you will (in figuratively, of course) to wipe your feet, up to overt rudeness - depending on how far the situation has gone, if not far, then you can get by with light preventive measures. If he agrees, we graciously accept him back; if not, we boldly send him to the garden. She did not pass the test of love and willingness to accept.
3. If she agrees. You begin to behave the way you want, not in accordance with her desires. If you go forward - then after lengthy requests. Let him appreciate your former complaisance. The logic here is simple: if she needs you, she trusts you, and understands that the trials will end soon, then she will endure all this, gritting her teeth. Again: what is so criminal here? Not frank tortures, but only the maximum neglect of a person. After a while, you would have been neglected in the same way. If she can’t stand it, she runs away - it means that she didn’t need you on your own, as a unique personality, but something from you.
4. After some time, God willing, she will come to her senses and learn to appreciate what was. If she can't stand it and leaves - again, to hell with her. It’s not a problem to find one that will be delighted at least at first, and arrange a celebration of life in a new way. This point is especially important if your chosen one managed to make confessions to you at the beginning of the relationship, such as she had a GREAT LOVE before you with an UNUSUAL PERSON (the same highly primative hero that was discussed in previous entries). So now let him prove that he loves you more than him. Word and deed. Or let him look for another extraordinary person ...
5. If she survives to the end, explain in detail that preventive maintenance will be resumed periodically. And in general, in the future to act according to the principle that preaches chigrishonok : a spoiled woman needs to be smacked. If you marry her, then you will certainly conclude a enslaving marriage contract, according to which she is no one during a divorce. And so on... It's difficult, but apparently there are no options.
What else should be noted? A gentle man should ask himself: what is the source of this gentleness? For example, a mentally developed man may turn out to be a "feeling addict." After all, it is known that the more you do for another person, the more you love him. And the "sensual addict" begins to serve the other person more and more in order to make his feelings as vivid as possible. He does not notice that in the name of his own vivid experiences he sacrifices the most important thing - relationships.
"Yes, year after year, day after day, you secretly expect only one thing - a happy love meeting, you live, in essence, only in the hope of this meeting - and all in vain ..." There may be another reason: perhaps everything stems from unnecessarily long loneliness: for years he could not find a mate, dreamed about her all day long, starved without a full-fledged relationship, and then seized upon a good person, well, he began to woo and give in with might and main ... In this case, a man can be ruined by this cyclical: sometimes he was hungry, then he suddenly reached for food. And then hunger again for a long time... So a person gives another a kind of "psychological bribe", fearing that if something goes wrong, he will again be left alone for many years.
Never be afraid to be alone. If you don’t have a woman, then you will actually not be alone, but with hope. Hope to meet true love. A person with hope is never alone. Only a cynic is lonely - one who does not trust anyone, does not hope for anything, does not know how to love anyone.
Of course, strong! They are like two different pluses: a plus and a minus. Two completely different people.
What distinguishes a person with a strong character from a person whose character is soft?
First of all, it is decisiveness and confidence in their actions. If a person with a strong character decides something for himself, he does it. He, unlike a “soft” person, will not hesitate for a long time in his decision. A "solid" person is firmly convinced of what he is doing. For example, if this person decides to quit his job, he will write a statement and leave, and will not doubt whether he is doing it right or not. And a “soft” person can not only hesitate in decisions, but, in the end, change his mind about quitting his job altogether.
Secondly, it is courage. A "solid" person is bold and courageous, he "jumps into the abyss" and learns the unknown, the character of such a person is almost fearless. For example, if a young man decides to marry, even if his parents did not approve of his choice, he will do it anyway. Even if he understands that it will be very difficult, he will have to do everything himself, without the help of others: look for housing and new job with a salary that is enough for everything. He knows that his parents will not help him. What is ahead is just an abyss and uncertainty, strong difficulties. But he will do it anyway. Because he was determined to do so. A “soft” person, on the other hand, can obey his parents, be afraid of difficulties and break his own destiny depriving yourself of personal happiness.
Thirdly, it is purposefulness and perseverance. If a person with a strong character sets a goal for himself, he will go towards it without leaving the chosen path. He will not be upset that everything does not work out right away and not everything does not go as smoothly as he would like. He will go step by step towards his goal. For example, if a "solid" person decided to learn foreign language, he will raise his level to perfection. He will have enough willpower to deal with the subject, prepare for classes, learn the rules and words. "Soft" will work out a couple of classes and quit. Because there will be laziness, get bored and it will all become uninteresting. So it will remain with knowledge in the amount of ten words.
As a rule, people with a strong character are leaders who enjoy respect and authority from other people. These are good leaders, coaches, strategists. It will be more difficult for a "soft" person to take responsibility, because his soft character will more strive not to offend anyone, not to offend, not to criticize, and this, you see, is difficult to avoid in a leadership position. Soft people are good performers.
The downside of a strong character can be called stubbornness. Such a person is difficult to convince, even if he is wrong. He won't agree with you no matter how hard you try. A "soft" person will listen to you, understand his wrong, listen to your opinion. Also, a minus of a solid character is the immobility of its owner, which brings big problems in relationships with those around him. A "soft" person is quick-witted and friendly to people, even if you quarrel with him, he will quickly forget the insults and forgive you. A person with a soft character gets along better in society than with a person with a strong character. He is non-confrontational, friendly and easy to communicate with.
Each character is good in its own way. However, it is worth saying that most often people have a mixture of a “hard” character with a “soft” one, and depending on specific situation Every person has one or the other character. What character you show, you decide.
Who is a soft man or character traits of a man.
Today I want to talk about who are soft men, weaklings pleasing everyone and putting other people's opinions above their own? Insecure people or just soft and more receptive internally, but does not mean weak at all? And if they are weak, then what is it and are there any advantages to such a man. By the way, I am also soft and I am not going to change.
To begin with, I would like to write about confident men, who are they and what is inherent in them - a strong will; a high self-evaluation; are not afraid to express their opinion, but respect the opinion of others; resolute; people of the word, having their own life principles; know what they want and how to get it; if necessary, stand up for themselves and for others.
Can a gentle man have all the qualities of a confident and strong man?
Someone will say "no", because he believes that the soft one is the one who tries to please everyone, unsure of himself; dependent; his own opinion is not so important for himself, in comparison with the opinion of others; mumbling and rag dancing to someone's tune.
If a man has a gentle nature by nature, does this mean that he is weak morally, physically, or something else? I am sure that a gentle man can easily have the qualities of a strong, confident personality, as well as business and all other possible qualities of a successful person.
To state unequivocally that Soft means weak and a loser is just as wrong as Hard means strong and successful. It is not important what qualities of character prevail in us, but our self-esteem, self-respect, willpower and faith in yourself and your strengths. Who said that a Soft man cannot have all this, but a Hard man has everything a dime a dozen .... It is not at all necessary that softness is weakness of character, insecurity and lack of will.
Yes, soft is not hard at all and hard. It has its pros and cons, like every person. Such features that someone would call a disadvantage, and someone would call a virtue. For example, soft and good man, by nature does not like conflicts and does not like to hurt people, whether with words or deeds. Such, for the sake of his goal, will not go over the heads of others, and I personally like such people more. In addition, such a man will better appreciate the qualities and understand what his woman feels and experiences.
Perhaps this is a kind of disadvantage in business, politics, etc., but even here there may be pluses - he will treat his subordinates better, and they, in turn, will be more devoted to him. Among both soft and hard men there are enough real successful people.
Yes, perhaps sometimes we lack decisiveness and firmness at certain moments when toughness is required. We may, because of our softness, not go or do what would be best, it all depends on each of us. If a person sees some such shortcomings in himself and works on them, then nothing is impossible.
What would you like to wish and maybe somewhere to advise soft, strong men - to remain yourself, as you are - this is your dignity and not only as a person, but also as a man for so many women. And the advice is that in a situation where your decisiveness is required of you, you need to show this decisiveness more, because your success or failure may depend on it. And it may be necessary, somewhere to give up such as- do not harm a person with words and deeds. Here you need to remember:
First, you can’t please everyone, especially if you have big plans. And secondly, there are situations when pity and gentleness towards a person can only harm him. You do not tell him the truth, even if it is rude and unpleasant, and he will remain in his own way, will be inactive. So sometimes, if necessary, you need to overpower yourself and do what you think is right, let it be rude, but it can push a person to action. Gentleness and pity are not always justified.
Gradually, such actions of yours, even if you are very gentle, will become more familiar to you. You just need to remember and remain people and yourself, because 
rigidity is just a necessity, not a goal.
Well, and an impudent bastard, if he does nasty things, you need to answer with what he deserves. However, I am sure that even soft, but strong, normal men do this. Namely, give in the face.
As for women, you can't please them. Some women are fine with being treated rough and they love it. Others will prefer soft and affectionate, so every man needs to find only the one my woman.
By the way, this article prompted me to write one such soft, but I'm sure strong and purposeful person. His name is Evgeny under a nickname Sema. I accidentally met him - they argued because of one comment. He also has his own blog and I followed the link to it. It turned out that he was the same age as me, more precisely, a year older than me.
Eugene, without fear, writes the whole truth about himself, what kind of person he is, what he does and what he did and does in life. It turned out that he had a lot of problems. Big debts, broke up with the girl, at some point there were problems in business. Now he has a different one, but there is not much support from her.
The man did not fold his hands after everything, he does everything himself, quietly achieves his goal and does not lose faith in success. I'm sure he will succeed. In addition, he writes very interestingly, you can see for yourself. By the way, if you want to know can a man be a bitch and how is it? and a bunch of other interesting things, then you are here semas-blog.ru
Well, separately about Sensitive men,- yes, it's not the best suitable quality for men and most women, they are not attractive. But again, sensitivity is given to each person by nature. Some more, some less. But what is natural is not ugly and does not mean bad. Let's remember famous artists, designers and many others - without them life would be more boring. They are individuals and play a role in life.
In addition, this sensitive, if he is sufficiently strong-willed and confident man, with a strong desire, can correct this character trait of his. In life, this was not enough. And a lot of wars, proof of that. When hard and so self-confident became cowardly hares, and soft and weak in appearance, they performed real feats. And for such men, too, there are women.
Well, for those who would like to learn more about, first of all, for themselves and in relation to women, click on this link.
