Anyone can doubt themselves from time to time. normal person. Even more than that: the occasional thought that you have shortcomings and that you have achieved little in your life is a sign that you are growing and developing. True, when you delve into yourself too persistently and tend to blame your person in everything that happens around, your self-esteem is clearly not all right. How do you know if you have enough self-confidence? We encourage you to do so immediately!
Sign 1: You know how to communicate
It is easy for you to keep up a conversation with a person, even if you do not know him well. You react kindly to the treatment of a stranger, and with good friends have long conversations. Moreover, you know how to actively listen to the interlocutor: do not interrupt, do not “load” with your problems. You can have many friends or just one, depending on your personality type. However, no matter how many friends you have, they are willing to communicate with you.
Sign 2: You are in a predominantly good mood
A self-confident person will not hang on to problems and spoil his mood for the whole day because he was rude to him in the morning in transport. Yes, you have troubles (how can you do without them?), but you are convinced that everything that happens is for the best. Even from a problem, you know how to benefit and learn a lesson.
Sign 3: You are prone to self-irony
Only those who are aware of their shortcomings and accept them as part of themselves can laugh at their mistakes and oversights. You do not take criticism with hostility, it makes you think and, possibly, change. But it does not cause much damage to your attitude towards your own person.
Sign 4: You know how to give and receive compliments
If someone from those around you utters a laudatory ode in your honor, you thank him with a smile - and say something pleasant in response. Unlike notorious persons who are always embarrassed when compliments are given to them, you know how to accept them with dignity, because you are able to distinguish a sincere benevolent attitude from flattery. And you are also able to see and voice the merits of others: you are not gnawed by envy about the fact that a friend has longer legs than you, and a colleague has a higher salary. You know: and you have your undeniable merits.
Sign 5: You don't overdo the apology
Sign 6: You are not inclined to divide the world into black and white
Such maximalism is typical for teenagers and ... notorious personalities. You understand very well that the world is full of shades, and even an inveterate villain can have nice character traits. True, this does not prevent you from rebuffing such persons. You have the ability to view situations from different angles.
Sign 7: You know how to share
And not necessarily food or money, but also intangible things: mood, kindness, joy. Generosity is the quality of a self-sufficient person who knows that the world is abundant and the Universe is favorable to him.
Lack of self-esteem- this is the presence of doubts in one's skills, choices, strengths and fulfillment of the plan, on the basis of which fear arises, and in critical cases even refusal to perform active actions. The feeling of self-doubt is closely related to the feeling of wrongness of oneself or the idea of defectiveness of some side of life.
A similar sense of self is born in childhood, when a system of self-perception is formed, based on the response of others. And if there is no clarity in determining which actions and statements should be praised, and which punishment or rejection should be in emotional and activity contact with the world, then in the future there are no elements for building personal ideas about the negative and acceptable, everything is the same and hostile. It is the priority left from childhood external evaluation own being (the words of people, the priorities proclaimed in culture) leads to an increase in uncertainty.
The problem of self-doubt is due to the impossibility of the same response different people per event, which means that the idea of the constancy of self-perception through other people's assessments is absurd and entails only an increase in disturbing uncertainty and exhaustion.
What is self-doubt?
Uncertainty refers to the result, which is an important mental property necessary to correlate one's capabilities with the tasks of situations that have arisen along the way or goals assigned by the person himself. It's kind of measuring device our life, which makes it possible to control and expediently build the course of its events. Adequate self-esteem contributes to building harmonious relationships with people and the world, and predetermines a calm and sober look where there is an understanding that the course of life is conditioned by its own laws and there is no task in them to subdue or elevate one of the people. Inadequate, at the behavioral level, it is expressed by uncertainty, fear of moving forward in life achievements or expressing an alternative opinion, a stop in implementation and.
The problem of uncertainty causes difficulties in communication, problems in implementation own desires and plans, affects the emotional background by its decrease, the emergence of constant feelings, anxiety, despair. A confident person is characterized by a bright and emotional speech, the desire to openly and honestly voice his thoughts and present feelings, the presence of moderate gestures, correlated with the story. In a conversation, a confident person can oppose his opinion to others, is not afraid to seem strange or not accepted, accepts compliments without the desire to diminish his merits.
Self-doubt usually manifests itself in some specific areas or situations due to the individual specific situation of the formation of this feeling, although there are situations when uncertainty becomes a defining character trait and penetrates into all areas.
Self-perception is not confident person rather deplorably, moreover, a feeling of insecurity begins to affect activity in the outside world, often hindering or even stopping it. Asking how to overcome self-doubt, people come to a psychologist's office or even to a shaman's ritual, looking for any means of deliverance.
Causes of self-doubt
The environment in childhood is responsible for the emergence of favorable ground for the progression of self-doubt - the behavior patterns that a person sees in early age are imprinted in the psyche and remain there as reference ones, as well as the reaction of significant adults and the environment to the child's behavior form the type of reaction and behavior. For example, if any active actions lead only to a negative reaction from the outside world, then the child loses any active activity. But we should not exclude the fact that the absence of a negative response is not always a defense against the development of uncertainty. In the absence of any emotional reaction to what is happening, the so-called "emotional vacuum" (when there is neither a positive nor a negative reaction), self-doubt also develops.
Through his own actions and the subsequent response of reality to them, a person learns to build not only models of behavior, but also a picture of the world in which he is. The absence of emotional reactions or constant only negative or formally positive reactions lead to confusion in determining the surrounding reality, causing anxiety and self-doubt.
Self-doubt causes many problems in life path, more and more people want to get rid of it, read special articles, sign up for trainings, but do not look at the root of the problem. Knowing the causes of self-doubt, you can prevent its occurrence or aggravation, as well as draw up the most effective plan to overcome it.
The first and deepest reason is ignorance of oneself and the structure of the features of one's own inner peace. When a person lives, focusing on external clues, then his self-perception consists of a set of social roles, they are unique for everyone and add up to an individual pattern, but they are not the essence or reflection of the inner nature. After all, if you are a bad husband and son, but a good father and worker, this does not characterize you at all, it is an indicator of how you cope with a certain role.
If self-assessment is based on an assessment of the roles played, then the internal observer becomes confused and self-doubt arises. You should spend a huge amount of time and effort to determine your inner essence, thereby removing yourself from identification with the functions performed. As soon as this disidentification occurs, the uncertainty disappears, you know exactly who you are, what you can do, what you want, regardless of the situation, people and their opinions.
The problem of self-doubt correlates with having . A person who has no idea why he lives and what he strives for, or who constantly changes his life priorities to suit the desires of society, loses any motivation. When there is no motivation, everything is done through the application of efforts, forcing oneself. Such people do not have a twinkle in their eyes and that confident perseverance in all, even everyday issues, which a person has who has chosen a meaning and direction for his life.
Ignorance of one's true values and priorities is similar to ignorance of the meaning of life and introduces a disorganizing component into a person's life. Confidence dissipates like a fog if a person finds it difficult to explain to himself what is truly important, and tries to build his life on the basis of other priorities that are alien to internal correspondence. Such actions cause a feeling of insecurity and.
The feeling of self-doubt increases when you lose contact with your own body. Despite the need for a great mental load, a complete rejection of physical sensations and actions in the direction of the mental is erroneous. In addition to the fact that work with the body gives a feeling of joy and involvement of a person in the present moment, i.e. brings him back to a living, not a thinking state, this is still a deep source of clues. Focusing on their own physical sensations, a person begins to feel the world better, up to predicting events. Naturally, the relationship with one's own body affects the development of self-confidence.
Ignorance and inability to defend psychological boundaries is both a cause and a consequence of self-doubt, closing the circle. Knowing the boundaries allows you to make positive communication better, and minimize the negative. The most common sign of a weakening of internal boundaries is the inability to refuse, and the other pole of the same reason is refusal to everyone. This behavior is formed in childhood, when refusal led to punishment, humiliation or defiance. In adulthood than more people bends, allowing others to destroy his boundaries and enter his personal territory with impunity (justifying this by the fact that the person is dear and beloved), the more the defense function atrophies and, if the need really arises, a person can become confused from not knowing how to protect his mental state, doubting his abilities.
Signs of self-doubt
Self-doubt is a trait that does not have age, gender or national characteristics. It is most often laid in childhood, but can also occur in adulthood, under the influence of life events. A sign that characterizes the presence of self-doubt is the unwillingness to get into the spotlight, it does not matter whether it is a censure from the leader in front of the whole team or an award on stage. For an insecure person, any increased attention to his person causes severe stress, since there is no positive experience of behavior in such situations.
Often there is embarrassment when receiving gratitude (while constantly seeking approval), a desire to diminish one's merits or in general to make a person have nothing to do with what he is praised for. The same fear turns on, because having accepted gratitude, we also accept responsibility for what has been done. This is a kind of statement to the world “I am”, while an insecure person tends, on the contrary, to disappear or become less noticeable.
Self-doubt also manifests itself on a physical level. Such people have an extinct look, an emotionless quiet voice, and stuttering is possible. Movements can be jerky (when they don’t know how best to please) or constrained (when fear, having manifested itself, begins to increase). The shoulders are usually folded, there is stoop and hunchback - all these manifestations are caused by the desire to hide, curl up, take up as little space as possible.
In addition to these more or less obvious and logical signs of uncertainty, there are also more subtle ones. For example, frequent resentment is inherent in people who cannot protect themselves and represent a manipulative way of influencing the situation, while a confident person will act openly. A person's speech can tell a lot about him, so talkativeness, gossip, obscene expressions are just a mask, a defensive reaction behind which lies a vulnerable essence and an inability to find adequate ways to defend one's interests.
Where there is no calm, open and friendly attitude towards oneself and others, uncertainty is hidden, and in an escaping or attacking form, it depends on the individual.
How to overcome self-doubt?
The first step towards overcoming the feeling of self-doubt is to recognize its presence, not to run away from this fear, but to get to know it, to see in what situations it arises, from what it increases, and from what it decreases. It is impossible to get rid of that which is not given a name. And only after identifying the problem, you can build a plan on how to overcome self-doubt.
Start going beyond the usual actions and rituals, open the door to something new. Do something atypical or scary a few times a week. If you are sure that gray suits you - buy a red dress, consider dating on the street unsafe - talk to a random passerby, and all in the same vein. The more you expand the list of such actions, the faster you will discover new interesting things in yourself and the world.
One of the reasons for the development of uncertainty is the reason for the loss of contact with the body - return it. Sign up for the sport or dance that you enjoy. Perhaps it will be yoga or jogging in the morning, or maybe a massage. Listen to your desires and carry out all the actions that will help restore vitality to your body. Of the side effects - improved posture, figure, well-being and sleep.
Connect to your conscious activities. Play situations leading to your success, visualize, imagine smells, tastes and touches. Your task is to fully experience the upcoming activity in a positive way, using the emotional sphere. What we think about programs our activity, respectively, the more often you scroll through a failed scenario, the more likely it is that in the situation that has arisen you will start acting on it automatically. Play it safe - lay in your subconscious mind a favorable scenario that brings success.
Practice relationships. It is better to start with the closest people, as the safest in the manifestation and initiation of contact. Show your feelings, let it be in the form of a surprise for them - an invitation to the theater, an insignificant present. Try to give others positive emotions, using this as a way to build contact. But at the same time, listen delicately to yourself so that the giving of joy does not grow into service and stepping on the throat of your own song.
There are many recommendations, the essence is the same - you must gradually move forward, while not experiencing extreme unpleasant emotions. A certain tension, anxiety from the new - yes, fear, discomfort and compulsion - no.
How to overcome fear and self-doubt?
Inability to defend one’s interests, despite being completely right, to express one’s feelings in a form understandable to the opponent, to establish contact and get to know each other, to answer no, to lead people along, to offer new idea These problems arise at the intersection of uncertainty and fear.
Due to constant failures in communication, the negative emotional background increases, and the person either finally stops trying to establish interaction and withdraws into himself, or becomes redundant in a defensive position. But before the critical moment of no return has arrived, many are trying to do something about their social fear. Reading useful articles is the first step, but real actions are needed, practiced in Everyday life with living people.
It is worth understanding such an axiom that everyone has fears, insecurity and complexes. Successful in interaction is not the one who destroyed them in himself (this is impossible), but the one who concentrates on communication. Those. when talking to a person, your focus should be on the conversation and the topic being discussed, and not on your own fears. Otherwise, a vicious circle arises - you think about your fears, scrolling various options a fiasco, while your brain is busy with your own thoughts, the interlocutor suffers from a lack of attention, you miss significant parts of the conversation, which is why communication becomes a failure. If you followed emotional reactions person, lined up a worthy selection of arguments, i.e. were in the conversation itself, then everything would have gone well.
Another common fear is not being accepted, not appreciated. He has almost a genetic condition, because being an outcast in old times meant imminent death. From this fear, indecision is born in the manifestation of one's own individuality, the desire not to stick out and merge with the crowd. The paradox lies in the fact that it is the grays and no personalities that are interesting or important. It is more interesting to learn about even the most ardent enemy, and this emotionally involves more in communication than a person who does not have his own opinion and tries to please. Strive to live according to your own convictions, without trying to please everyone. There will always be those who will be dissatisfied with you, only in one case you live to please them, betray yourself and deprive yourself of pleasure, in the second you may also not like others, but catch a buzz, living in your own interests. And most likely, it is this position in life that will attract friends, supporters and like-minded people to you.
Overcoming any fear and self-doubt lies in constant training and gradually raising the bar. If you are afraid of heights, then start gradually climbing higher and higher, start by looking out from the balcony of the second floor, gradually reaching the roof of a high-rise building or the top of a mountain. Similarly, with communication - if you are afraid to meet people, then you can start by asking three people a day for time, then getting to know each other, and then having half-hour dialogues with new acquaintances. It is important to gradually build up the missing frightening skill.
If your insecurity and fear of failure are caused by an objective lack of knowledge (for example, professional), then it makes no sense to develop a confident voice and rehearse a persuasive speech - it is worth improving your skills and the knowledge itself will fill the missing reserve of calmness.
The main rule of victory is friendliness. You can have any kind of shortcomings, do not meet high criteria, enter into a completely unfamiliar company, but if you show friendliness, then it is you who are psychologically right, and the people around you, instead of attacking, ridiculing or pointing out mistakes, will seek to suggest, help or protect.
Self-doubt is a tricky thing. It combines elements of anxiety and fear, lack of behavioral skills, inadequate perception of the world and oneself, problems of interpersonal communications. At the heart of such a state is doubt about the correctness or denial of almost any information that a person receives from the outside world.
How does it appear
This applies to a wide range of feelings and sensations. As well as a sense of confidence, self-doubt is formed under the influence of the surrounding society, relatives. Such a person is often in a state of internal conflict. All this can be supplemented by various complexes, shame and feelings of fear to do things differently. Therefore, it is difficult for him to develop and make fundamental decisions. As a result, self-esteem is lowered. Then, under it, through self-hypnosis, the person himself forms the corresponding psychotype. In accordance with these features of behavior, a person is perceived by his environment.
Over time, this may affect social status person, the prospects for his professional and cultural growth and interpersonal relationships. The main danger here is to pass for time as a chronic loser. Therefore, it is important to see and understand a person who is not confident in himself, and, if possible, help him overcome this.
There are many signs that distinguish a person who constantly doubts himself from others.
What can be seen in the team
The team in which a person spends a significant part of his time quickly reveals someone who is not entirely confident in himself. This can be supplemented by simple confidential conversations, analysis of actions. Usually he is distinguished by excessive caution, fear of publicly giving any assessment, expressing an opinion on specific issue. If this has to be done, then emotional experiences arise.
Even a well-deserved appreciation of his work can lead to shading, unjustified reduction of his merits. Confident people take praise with dignity for granted. As a result, a person voluntarily becomes psychologically attached to the opinions of other people. For many, it becomes characteristic to constantly compare themselves with others, sometimes in everything, which leads to new facts of negative self-perception. Therefore, such a person, sometimes making a request, each time overcomes himself.
On the other hand, at work, such people demonstrate their reliability, which sometimes leads to the fact that colleagues are happy to use this quality to “sit on the neck” of a person who does not know how to refuse. He seeks once again not to attract the attention of his comrades.
By virtue of such an approach, high professionalism, deep knowledge and other advantages can be unreasonably hidden. It interferes with teamwork. After all, admitting the fallacy of his thoughts and proposals, he will not be able to present them without taking into account people who are authoritative for him. Although, it is worth accepting that such a view is not always wrong.
virtual vent
An individual weighed down by his complexes often experiences inconvenience in communication with other people. He is not able to be the first to initiate acquaintance with another person. Sometimes this leads to unsociableness and outward hostility.
Often torn before the fear of possible failure and the desire to become better, such a person realizes his desires in the virtual world. Today it is communications in in social networks, computer games, as well as role-playing games, sometimes risky.
Here things are done that an insecure person is afraid to do in reality. Apparently, there is a direct relationship between the level of complexes and the degree of immersion in virtuality. Often this is caused by the difficulty of meeting an insecure person with other people, entering a new team.
Tell body language
The way a person walks, stands, sits in many ways can reveal his self-doubt. An important indicator is posture, which is the main individualizing feature of any person. It allows you to accurately determine his degree of self-confidence and other mental differences from afar.
Good posture with your head held high is a clear indication of a confident person. On the other hand, if the shoulders are raised and brought forward, the head is lowered, and the back is hunched, they speak of insecurity. Such a person is usually constrained, his muscles are tense unevenly.
Sometimes a person walks with a trembling gait or tries to move by gently stepping on his toes or with his toes inward. This speaks of doubts about their abilities. Often this is how pessimists move, not sociable people who do not want to attract attention to themselves.
It is worth paying attention to how a person stands. Psychologists believe that an insecure person often stands with his legs crossed, and one of them accounts for the entire body weight, and the other is placed on the toe. Such a person can fail in a difficult situation.
It is difficult to communicate with people because of excessive suspicion and distrust. The bending of one leg of a standing person can also speak of uncertainty. And the arms crossed at the same time on the chest will give reason to assume the presence of complexes. Such a person may feel uncompetitive among others and flawed.
What's in the mirror of the soul
It is no coincidence that the eyes are called the mirror of the soul. After all, the look is able to express and evoke various emotions and states of mind. Suffice it to mention the mutual look of professional boxers before the start of the fight. The one who could not stand the opponent's gaze has less chance of winning. It is known that people who are not confident in themselves hide their eyes. Feeling ashamed, such a person averts his eyes and lowers his head.
He fears his mental suppression under the gaze of the opposite side. Especially if that side trained such a look. On the other hand, a confident, friendly look reduces tension and stiffness and helps to establish contact. Experts note the ability to assess the condition of the interlocutor by the dilated or narrowed pupil, other characteristics of the eyes.
What will gesture and facial expressions show
These concepts connect a person with his environment. A person who doubts himself, in difficult situations for him, may have reactions to fear. Stiffness and difficulty in movements appear, and if the tense situation does not stop, tremors may appear throughout the body. The lower jaw is tense and may drop. The color of the face turns gray due to the reflux of blood. There is a feeling of "cottoniness" of the legs and arms. Legs may wobble. The person seems to become smaller, shrinks, his head is drawn into his shoulders.
The opposite effect is also possible, when sweating increases, which is noticeable on the face, clothes stick to the body. At the same time, there may be a need to fiddle with something in your hands, endlessly adjust your clothes. The whole appearance of such a person testifies to vanity.
There are techniques that allow you to determine the mental state of a person by the features of his face.
The lack of a state of uncertainty is not given once and for all. It can be adjusted using various self-hypnosis techniques and special trainings.
Confidence is one of the most important human qualities. Confident people live life to the fullest and don't let fear and doubt control them. They handle their emotions well and always think positively. These skills play a huge role in their lives, since a person’s behavior, his actions and whether a person can feel truly happy depends on the brain.
If you want to become a confident person, then you can use simple method- develop the same habits and qualities that are inherent in self-confident people. When you start behaving like a confident person, you will see everything in a completely different light, you will be able to look at your capabilities in a new way. After a while, you will really believe in yourself and understand that you can handle everything.
Self-confident people cope much better with various life difficulties and more easily endure the condemnation of others. They are not afraid to openly show their emotions and talk about how they really feel. Below are 7 behaviors of confident people. Start developing these qualities in yourself right now!
Language of the body
Many people understand "body language": they can draw conclusions about a person's character without even talking to him. Posture and body position reflect the mood of a person and the degree of his self-confidence. Therefore, watching a large group of people from the side, you can easily point out a self-confident person: he feels inner strength and knows how to influence others with the help of body language. Such a person stands firmly in one place (does not walk back and forth, does not shift from foot to foot) and always maintains eye contact with the interlocutor.
They often smile around
They do not criticize or judge others
A self-confident person does not waste time on gossip and criticizing other people, but on the contrary, always supports his friends and treats them with understanding and kindness. He is always very careful in his words and actions. That is why many people want to communicate with such a person.
People who are truly self-confident do not interfere in the lives of others - they are focused on achieving their goals and overcoming various difficulties.
They are sociable
Many people often lack the courage to start a conversation with a stranger. However, a confident person can easily start a conversation, because he believes that a new acquaintance is a new opportunity, and it can bring something good into his life. This attitude towards others really gives self-confident people new opportunities, for example, one of the new acquaintances can help with a job or with starting a business.
Start developing your communication skills so you can overcome your fears and get rid of tension.
They are not afraid that they will look stupid
Do you often do extraordinary things? Are you afraid that if you do something strange or unusual, you will look stupid in the eyes of others? Try to get rid of these fears and be more confident in yourself, because it is confidence that allows people to feel quite comfortable (without tension and excitement), even when something goes wrong and they do not appear in the best light in front of others. It is important to understand that there will be many situations in life in which you may look stupid. However, no ridicule can unbalance a self-confident person or make him doubt himself.
When a confident person gets into an awkward situation, he tries to get out of it with least loss, and humor - great way do it. The ability to turn everything into a joke is a very important quality for a confident person, because it's really hard enough to stay positive when you look stupid.
They can easily praise or compliment
One of the main signs of a confident person is the ability to make compliments with ease, and not reluctantly. And you need to develop this skill in yourself! When you see, for example, that your colleague did a good job, then tell him about it! Say compliments as often as possible, and there can be any reason! The main thing is that compliments come from the heart. Be sincere with your interlocutor. Self-confident people are very attentive to others: they know how to accurately notice strengths a person, in order to later compliment him - thereby helping people to believe in themselves.
Compliments are always answered with a smile.
Many people do not like to be complimented and try to possible ways avoid it. Such behavior means that a person lacks self-confidence. If you ignore compliments or, for example, try to change the subject, you may offend the person who complimented you. Remember that confident people feel quite comfortable when they receive compliments. They respond to pleasant words with a sincere smile - such behavior speaks of good manners and friendliness towards the interlocutor. Therefore, if you want to become more confident in yourself, then show respect to the one who gives you a compliment, and be softer. If you do not know what to say at this moment, then just say "thank you".
Strong people, no matter what country they live in, have a lot in common: they have certain qualities and they have similar habits. Confidence is a very important character trait that is essential for personal growth. Therefore, develop this quality in yourself, and then you can become a truly happy person.
