Hello dear readers! Being able to stand up for yourself in a verbal battle is a very useful skill. How to defend your opinion? What is the difference between a healthy discussion and groundless accusations of each other? What will help you always find mutual language with people? All this and more in my article today.
healthy dispute
In a dispute, it is very important to be able to choose the right arguments, listen to your opponent, not play on emotions and be able to admit that you are wrong.
What is the difference between a healthy argument and empty chatter? Both people calmly describe their point of view, listen carefully to each other and try to find the truth. After all, as they say, it is born in a dispute.
The ability to argue your point of view helps not only to speak indiscriminately about everything, but to show the person how you came to this conclusion, what prompted you to such conclusions.
In a normal discussion, there is no place for unnecessary emotions. If a person treats his opponent badly, then he will perceive his point of view negatively. This is the wrong approach to business. You should always try to step back a bit and try to hear what the person is trying to tell you.
The right words don't always come to mind. Has it happened to you that when you come home, a witty answer comes to mind that would have come in time in a conversation with your boss in the morning. Clever thought to come after. I bring to your attention the article "". It will help you not only understand how and when to answer, but also teach you how to find the right words in time.
Remember that the ability to argue your point of view is a skill. If things don't always work out the way you want, don't despair. With practice, you will definitely succeed.
Things to Remember
It is very important to be able to hear the other person. Sometimes people argue with foam at the mouth, trying to defend their opinion, although in fact, if you listen, they are talking about completely different things. It doesn’t matter if you are talking to your husband or hanging out in front of your superiors. The first thing you should master is the ability to hear what your opponent is talking about.
Always ask clarifying questions, don't be afraid to ask again, ask for more details if you have any gaps. Very good technique - repetition main idea in the form of a question.
For example, when your boss tells you that he will not raise your salary until a new branch is opened, you can safely ask the question: do I understand correctly that as soon as the branch opens, you will raise my salary?
Each person gets used to communicate in their own language. He expresses his thoughts the way he likes. If you want to convey your opinion to a person, then try to speak in his language. If you are talking to a doctor, try to give him an example from his professional sphere so you will be successful faster.
Whether there is a dispute in the family or at work, try not to insist on being right. Remember that everyone has their own opinion and two people look at the same problem differently. Therefore, it is important to understand your ultimate goal of this dispute:
- just express your opinion
- to convince a person
- find a new solution and so on.
If you know exactly what you want to achieve, then it will be much easier for you to select arguments and arguments.
In a dispute, you need to be confident, but also leave some doubt in your words. Learn to take a broader view of the world around you.
What to do if you are not understood
At least stop arguing. The more you defend your opinion in front of a person who does not hear anything, the more the situation will heat up. Watch your behavior. Try somehow during a dispute to track your reactions, your words to counterarguments, to provocations and manipulations. Learn to be cool and as calm as possible.
If the opponent begins to switch to rudeness, speaks badly of you as a person, then at the same moment stop the conversation. To be more prepared for such a turn of events, I recommend that you read the article "". Your behavior should not provoke a person to a negative reaction.
Among other things, it is very important to learn to refuse. How to say no if the person looks very convincing? First, if you can’t refuse right now, ask for a pause, say that you need to think. Don't make a decision in a hurry.
Learning how to resolve conflict is not easy. There are people who quickly and easily find a common language with almost everyone around them. Others have to communicate and get to know each other for a long time before they understand. As they say, patience and work will grind everything.
Be patient and work on yourself. Ask friends to debate. You can choose absolutely any topic, for example, they don’t climb into someone else’s monastery with their charter. Try to find arguments for and against.
What prevents you from defending your point of view? What kind of people do you find it hardest to argue with? On what topic do conflicts most often develop in your life?
Good luck and all the best!
Maxim Vlasov
Subjective point of view
We often exchange information with each other, get it from sources such as television, newspapers, radio, the Internet, and read books. However, any information, no matter how it is transmitted, by word of mouth or through mass media sources, is information coming from other people. There is information that is around us, the sky, water, trees, and so on, which can tell us something, but the information coming from another person is of great importance today for shaping our way of thinking and our psyche. Have you thought about the objectivity of such information, and what criteria are you guided by when making a decision based on the information received? They say that you can’t trust people, but we all do it without exception, to a greater or lesser extent. We are forced to do this, because we cannot personally check everything, and it is impossible to live without certain information.
Let's take with you as an example a situation in which three parties are involved, one of the parties emerged victorious, the other lost, and the third remained an outside observer. What we will get in the end, we will get with you three different points of view on this very event, three subjective points of view that are radically different from each other. And on the basis of which of them, it is possible to draw an objective conclusion? Yes, perhaps not one of them individually, will not be reliable. Only the overall picture will give you a complete picture of what really happened, and on the basis of this, you will already form your own, subjective point of view. Understand, when a person becomes a witness to an event, then he then conveys it not as he saw it, but as he understood it. Having seen or heard something, each of us in our head creates our own idea and image about it, based on the initial data, our inner feelings and the peculiarities of our upbringing. Then you should not forget about your own interests, which undoubtedly also have a tremendous impact on your point of view.
Therefore, it is extremely important to think not about what you were told, but about why you were told this, why you were given this or that information, and what is expected of you in return. When people say that they said something for no reason, they are bluffing, nothing just happens, and therefore a certain reaction or action is expected from you. Basically, people do it instinctively, at best, partly understanding what they want. But those whose work is connected with informing large masses of the population understand perfectly well what they are doing and what will be the reaction to it. That is why I have such a negative attitude towards the media, although I recognize their necessity. Now on this battlefield there is a fierce battle for the ability to control our brains. The information that a person receives from the outside starts a lot of processes in his head, it affects everything, the psyche of behavior, the formation of a subjective point of view, the definition of life priorities, and human health. Information can kill a person, we also know this, and therefore, today, it is information that is the main weapon for conducting large-scale war against humanity.
But back to the point of view of each of us, which is supposedly individual. It is extremely important for each of us that his point of view be heard and respected, even if it is not our own. More precisely, it is ours, but it is formed from someone else's information product, and therefore it is not a fact that it can be erroneous. But as a creation of our own thinking, it is important for us, and therefore all that is needed to enlist the support and respect of another person is simply to respect his point of view. And it is stronger than it seems, the main thing is to be able to do it correctly. If you can show true admiration for the conclusions of a person, show maximum respect for his words and his understanding of things, you will bring him closer to you like a magnet. But arguing with a person about external events is very stupid, because objectivity is what we see it, everything else is a product of our thinking. And to say that my subjective point of view is more objective than yours is like a children's argument in the sandbox about the coolness of superheroes. In addition, a person has one feature based on his personal impression of what he saw, and the emotions that arose in connection with this.
People like to exaggerate and distort events in order to give them the form that, in their opinion, is the most ideal for conveying this information. And the more emotional a person is, the more he distorts information, giving them their own emotional connotation. That is why, over the centuries, the heroes of the past years are becoming stronger, their exploits are more courageous, they are taller, more beautiful, and so on. Everyone makes their own changes to the information they receive before passing it on. In addition, we must not forget that a person is suggestible, and if you tell him about something with confidence and violent emotional accompaniment, he will take it on faith, as if he himself was a witness to what he heard about. His point of view will be completely identical to someone else's, but having understood it as best he could, he will now consider it his own.
Of course, people have their own point of view and their own opinion, but do not rush to trust and rely on it, objectivity can be completely different than the one you will be told about. Your point of view should be formed only from the information that you yourself witnessed, otherwise, you take other people's words on faith. In this case, at least make sure that they reflect your interests as much as possible, otherwise you will become a tool in the wrong hands, because the person sharing information with you consciously or unconsciously expects a certain reaction or action from you.
On the psychology of relationships: Friendship is a disinterested personal relationship between people based on love, trust, sincerity, mutual sympathy, common interests and hobbies. Mandatory signs of friendship are reciprocity, trust and patience. People who are related by friendship are called friends.(from Wikipedia)
How often do we say today - "my friend", "my girlfriend"? Do you wonder what these words mean? Are there such relationships between adults as true friendship? The psychology of relationships is more interested in inter-gender relationships and the interaction of people in teams, missing such an important area - relationships in friendship.
As a child, the most terrible curse was - "I'm no longer friends with you!". It was tantamount to expulsion from society. Indeed, in childhood, friends are our society, a model of adult life, the development of life scenarios. Here is Vaska the bully, he is the main ringleader in the yard - everyone wants to be friends with him. And no one is friends with this quiet bespectacled man, he is somehow strange, no one even remembers his name.
We have grown. Our friends went to different cities and countries, got families, useful acquaintances. What happened to friendship? Has friendship between people turned into “a hundred friends on social networks”?
In friendship there are no other calculations and considerations, except for itself.
(Montagne M.)
No matter how much strong friendship is sung, everyone perceives this concept in their own way. Moreover, each person develops his own "friendly relations" with people.
PSYCHOLOGY OF RELATIONS BETWEEN PEOPLE - WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?
No matter how society develops, no matter how high tech no matter how invented, the mental nature of man remains unchanged at its root. This immutability determines exactly the same ratio of people with different properties of the psyche in the modern metropolis, as in the primitive savannah. These properties also define the features of friendship.
A brother may not be a friend, but a friend is always a brother.
(Benjamin Franklin)
Do you know such wonderful guys who are friends from school or even with kindergarten? As children, they rarely ran with other children, more often they could be caught fishing. They got together to make something or watch football. And now, when they have become adults, they also get together in the garage, at the matches of their favorite sports team, or just drink beer in the bathhouse.
These are representatives anal vector. Among us there are 20%. It is these guys, as the song says, who divide everything in half, to be honest - “and the crust of bread”, and the blame for two equally.
Possessing a somewhat rigid psyche, both anal men and women hardly get used to everything new, but like no one else they know how to preserve traditions. And, of course, they can long years keep friendship!
Their friendship is more correctly called "brotherhood", so strong and lasting is their relationship.
Everything should be shared between friends.
(Euripides)
Representatives muscle vector is the largest group. Muscle people never think in terms of "I". All their worldview is built on "we". The whole world at muscular man divided according to the territorial basis into “we are ours” and “they are strangers”: our yard is someone else’s yard, our street is someone else’s street.
The musclemen are absolutely guided and strictly obey the tradition. Their relationship will be built as is customary, as taught. “Where everyone is, there I am!” - a muscle friend is picky in choosing an occupation, although he prefers physical labor. The main thing is that the company of friends does not turn out to be a “bad company”.
What people usually call friendship is, in essence, only an alliance, the purpose of which is the mutual preservation of benefits and the exchange of good offices; The most disinterested friendship is nothing but a deal in which our self-esteem always expects to win something.
(La Rochefoucauld)
Profitable acquaintances are simply adored by representatives skin vector. They don't even just prefer - they don't think otherwise. “I have influential friends”, “I need to be friends with him” - you can often hear from a leather worker. The skinner's thinking system is based on economy, profit and logic. There is no way a skinner will waste time on another person if he does not see any benefit in this.
Two skinners will always "make friends" on common idea mutual benefit. But with the anal man they will not be friends. The anal man will suspect the kozhnik, and quite rightly, of opportunism, and his excessive fussiness will unnerve. The skinner will be annoyed by anal slowness and a passion for perfectionism. But between people with a skin and anal vector of the opposite sex, relationships can develop based on a different attraction, but not a strong friendship.
Everyone in the world has enemies
But save us from friends, God!
(Pushkin A. S.)
In this article, we have considered the concept of friendship from the point of view of only a few lower vectors. Vectors that are "responsible" for time and space.
Just as deliberately, we "missed" the urethral vector. Urethral - or a leader leading a pack to conquer the future, or a lone wolf. This is the same Vaska the bully with whom everyone wants to be friends, even if mom does not allow it. Next to him, any member of the pack feels protected. AT this case it's not about friendship.
But next time, we will touch on the topic of incredible beauty and the crazy intensity of emotional ties and spiritual intimacy.
Written using materials
It may seem a little counter-intuitive at first, but the fact that the couple often quarrel may mean that the partners love each other very much.
"At the end of the day, it's not whether you fight or not, it's whether you're good enough at handling conflicts and finding solutions as a couple."
It may seem a little counter-intuitive at first, but the fact that the couple often quarrel may mean that the partners love each other very much. Technically, an argument is an expression of contradiction between people who adhere to different points vision. During a dispute, both participants honestly present their personalities and ideologies to each other in words. Many people think that close relationships should be an ongoing honeymoon, during which people only laugh, hold hands, smile and kiss. The situation clearly escalates when it turns out that everything is not at all what we imagined in love and relationships. We have to confront the idea that not everything will go as smoothly as we want. You will have to make compromises and concessions.
It is through these concessions and compromises that we show what kind of people we really are, and also get a better idea of our partner as a person. Thanks to this, the situation develops so that we understand each other better and we can learn to love each other in a way that we would not have guessed. Relationships are like pumping muscles: before you really see the result, you pull yourself something a couple of times or earn strength. But as a result, you will become better and stronger. In relationships, we always learn something and it would be foolish to deny it.
One way or another, there must be balance in everything in life. And, despite the fact that sometimes quarrels have a good effect on relationships, one must understand that there are fruitful quarrels, and there are completely unnecessary ones. There are ways to make showdowns more productive, rather than empty and non-constructive. If we enter into disagreements in a relationship, we must conduct them in a sensible and civilized manner in order to maintain the "chemistry" and strength of the bond in the union.
You should also be careful with your words. After all, the word can destroy, but you can save. You should always watch what you say and not say anything you will regret. Try not to deviate from the topic and remember that whoever remembers the old is out of his sight: do not bring up past quarrels for discussion. Listen and hear each other, and not just wait in line to defend your point of view. If you feel upset or angry during the fight, let your partner know. And when you find yourself behaving irrationally or illogically in a conflict, don't be afraid to admit you're wrong.
If you get personal during an argument, pause and take a good look at your thoughts. Learn to better manage anger and deal with conflict more constructively. Sometimes, after all, the situation is so heated that everything becomes rather destructive for relationships. Do you feel that this moment has come? So it's time to take a breath. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. You never really understand the person if you refuse to look at the situation through his eyes. We must accept that our worldview is not always the only true one and that we need to look at everything from a completely different angle. Communicate openly with each other and try to be more receptive to views that run counter to yours. Open-minded people undeniably achieve more in life. Remember that the goal of your relationship is for both of you to be happy, but happiness is not achieved by refusing to put yourself in the place of the other.
Do your best to remain calm during an argument and don't let your emotions take over, as this will lead to disaster. It is very important that the arguments make sense. If the topic of a fight is particularly sensitive, it becomes even more important to be collected. The purpose of the quarrel is not to hurt each other, but rather to enter into a new, stronger bond with each other.
In conclusion, maintain a sense of tact and dignity during quarrels. Never stoop to labeling, yelling, bullying or swearing. You need to behave like an adult. In such a delicate situation, both of you simply cannot afford immature behavior if you want to save the relationship. All successful relationships are built by mature people.
“At the end of the day, it's not about whether you fight or not, but whether you're good enough at handling conflicts and finding solutions as a couple. The strength of your love and determination should help you overcome any life circumstances together.
Marriage statistics are now disappointing - almost half of the divorces occur in young families who have been married for up to 9 years, but did not stand the test of fate. And we did not include this in the list of relationships based on cohabitation. Why is this happening? How does a relationship that has been dominated by love and acceptance get to the point where ex-spouses are no longer willing to fight for their future? The mistakes of many couples are written off from each other, as if under a blueprint, it seems that people simply forgot about what real and strong love is. And we decided to remind.
5 whales on which love stands. What is important for a relationship?
1. Trust
When lovers make vows, what is the first thing they talk about? That they do not want to have secrets and secrets from each other, that they want to share in half all the sorrows, sorrows, and joys, achievements. What happens then, where does this trust go? He is corroded by doubts and fears, quarrels and selfish imposition of some demands, expectations and obligations on a partner. But to trust means to accept a person in his true light, without fear of getting burned again. Yes, there was pain and betrayal in the past, but you started new life with a new person, so stop projecting your fears onto him, stop hindering your development as a couple. Love as much as if your heart has never known pain - that's the main secret.
2. Understanding
It is impossible to accept the identity of the partner and his dreams, if in a relationship both speak different languages as if they don't feel each other. Love is not just about maintaining a common life and raising common children. This is the ability to listen to your soul mate, the desire to share common views, values and beliefs with your loved one, to be open, giving feedback. When you want to share feelings and thoughts, when it resonates with your partner, when you help each other to unlock the inherent potential and recognize the value of a partner in your life.
3. Freedom
Love also implies giving each other complete freedom of action, when there is no desire to control the time and boundaries of the partner, to get into his head and thoughts in order to manage everything. When you value each other's personal space, you freely allow your partner to develop in the direction he likes, because you are sure that he loves you and will not harm you. Jealousy, restriction of freedoms, humiliating control and fear of loss, alas, have little to do with love. This is addiction, an attempt to tie happiness to oneself, to perpetuate feelings in stone, which destroys relationships and kills trust.
4. Support
Constant criticism and sawing of a partner, methodical blows to each other's most sore spots achieve their goal - irritation, anger and hatred appear, which are forced out by love. Women who love to point out their shortcomings to their spouses are especially guilty of this: “I scattered things again”, “How much to ask you to take out the garbage”, “You earn too little”. But love implies the presence of mutual respect and support, as well as the ability to forgive each other's weaknesses. Each of us is imperfect in some way, it's time to stop looking for rough edges and concentrate on what you originally fell in love with each other for. Stop demoralizing the atmosphere in the family, be merciful, learn to accept even dark side partner.
5. Passion
Feelings fade over time, but only we ourselves are to blame! Where does the romance of the first meetings go? Why do partners allow resentment and unfulfilled expectations to take over, forgetting about tenderness? If you want to keep love, then take care of each other, keep the flame of passion and eroticism. Remember, your partner is a gift of fate, not something taken for granted. Arrange pleasant surprises for each other more often, diversify your joint leisure time with trips to concerts, trips to cafes or outdoors with a tent, and don’t forget to experiment in bed. Are you sure you know absolutely everything about each other's sexual preferences? How long have you been doing anything new together? Did they just sincerely confess their feelings?
Love is a thin thread that holds you together, which is why it is so important to saturate and strengthen it with the right actions. Speak words of love to each other more often, look for common ground and common interests, confirm the importance of a partner and do not forget about the main goal of a relationship - to make each other happy.
