Perhaps one of the most common and dangerous human misconceptions about a person is the belief that one cannot change oneself, one's personality. This belief rests on the conviction that there are qualities, abilities, tastes, habits and shortcomings assigned to us that are the essence of our personality and cannot be changed. Often heard “Well, I’m such a person (lazy, without certain abilities, necessary qualities, etc.) I can’t do it differently and there’s nothing to be done about it”. Many people think so and carry this belief all their lives.
So is it possible to change your personality? If yes, then how can you change yourself?
Can you change yourself?
Or, indeed, a person is something imperishable and unchanging, and all the metamorphoses that can occur in it are, so to speak, cosmetic and do not concern its essence. I am sure that you can change yourself and for the better: get rid of personal shortcomings, acquire and develop certain qualities, change your character ...
Everyone can, if he wants, be transformed beyond recognition: overcome "natural" cowardice and shyness, becoming a strong character and confident, moderate the tendency to anxiety and worries, gaining strong nerves and equanimity. Yesterday's timid and downtrodden young man can become a sociable and young man, simply by making some effort.
And it would be a mistake to believe that this young man has shyness and isolation in his blood and that he is "by nature" clamped and not adapted to communication. This mistake, this delusion is not harmless, from a practical point of view, in nature, such as the delusion that Singapore is the capital of Africa (of course, provided that you do not pass the final exams in geography at the institute, and if you fail, you will not waiting for a lot of unforgettable experiences in the vast expanses of our country as part of an army unit).
This false belief is much more dangerous than a harmless geographic one, because, believing that you cannot change yourself, you give up, you are afraid to make efforts to work on yourself and you live with your shortcomings that prevent you from living and poison the lives of those around you. of people.
Why am I so sure that can you change yourself?
Firstly, the human species is naturally equipped with a strong adaptive potential, the ability to change, adjusting to the conditions of the surrounding reality. This makes a person flexible and makes it possible to change either under external influence or by controlling the conscious efforts of the will from within, commensurating this effort with the internal need to change the personality. (in the context of this resource, we are interested in the latter, namely the conscious control of how we will change and whether we will change at all. We ourselves want to decide what we become? Right?)
Secondly, there are many examples of how people have changed either for the worse or for the better. One such example is myself, the author of these lines. I managed to overcome internal resistance and become more self-confident, disciplined, organized and sociable.
This has manifested itself in an improvement in the quality of my life and the realization of significant life achievements. But before, I also considered laziness, a tendency to worries and depression, cowardice, shyness, inability to control oneself and control one’s feelings, to be inherently my enduring qualities and did not believe in the possibility of changing them.
It seemed to me that I am who I am and will remain so. Reality showed that I was wrong: I coped with depression and anxiety and panic attacks without any pills or treatment, my mathematical abilities improved (I used to think that I didn’t have them at all) even my musical tastes changed (not just changed, but greatly expanded) and much more, this list can be continued for a very long time.
The value of fighting yourself
So I will insist that the reader of these lines, instead of destroying himself by believing in the immutability of his personality, still takes and tries to work on himself and change. Even if he fails to become what he wants, his efforts will still be rewarded. Since the struggle and attempts to cope with the internal resistance that is sure to arise along the way, if you want to change yourself, always pays off!
Acting in spite of resistance, against your weaknesses and ingrained habits, you train your will and temper your character. The degree of control over your feelings increases and a sober understanding of what is happening inside you and what guides you comes!
And exactly the opposite. An individual who is used to seeing himself as a collection of unchanging characteristics, habits, shortcomings and pathologies always follows his character and weaknesses. It remains as it is.
His will is not tempered in the fight against feelings, he is controlled by his Ego, fears and complexes. Every day he capitulates to them: his will weakens, and the true essence begins to fade behind the abundance of shortcomings and habits.
Internal struggle and resistance and their value is the core of my system of self-development and self-improvement. The value of these things is not only of an instrumental nature (that is, not necessarily only a means to achieve a certain goal: the fight against complexes in order to defeat them), but they also carry great value in themselves. I will write more about this more than once.
Can personality change?
You must understand that your true identity is not a multitude of habits, fruits of upbringing and childhood traumas. All this is just tinsel and habits of the mind and senses!. This is acquisitive, i.e. appeared as you become and will also disappear as soon as you want to: after all, all this is not written in your genes. Personality is a dynamic, constantly changing concept, and not something predetermined forever!
Well, of course, there are some natural limitations, innate inclinations, etc. Something that you will not affect in any way, and I understand this very well. At the same time, I see a general need to exaggerate the number of those personality factors that supposedly cannot be influenced.
What is simply an acquired flaw, manifested as a result of laziness and unwillingness to do something, is mistakenly perceived by many as a natural and once and for all determined property of a person! Perhaps this is just a psychological ploy designed to write off responsibility for one's character from a person.
This is the same blatant delusion as "congenital illiteracy"! (Well, think about how it can be innate? We are all born without knowing the language, our first words are the simplest syllables “MAMA”, “PAPA”) In fact, many properties of our being, which we fundamentally cannot influence due to natural, There are far fewer natural restrictions than we are all used to thinking.
And you yourself will be convinced of this when, as a result of your self-development, you experience many positive personal metamorphoses that will affect those of your qualities that you previously considered rooted in you forever.
My experience of personal metamorphoses
I myself managed to overcome many internal negative character traits that have bothered me since childhood and would continue to bother me and spoil my life (and I was a very weak and sickly child, and then a young man and had many shortcomings (and now I have them, but much less). It is a pity that I did not pay attention to them even then and did not start working on myself, having secured the confidence that I was able to cope with it.
And the practice only confirmed my confidence, giving me a valuable result both in terms of developing my inner potential, and in the context of improving the factors of external comfort and order (relationships with people, financial situation, life achievements, etc.), as a reflection of personality changes.
Usually those who say “I am such a person and will remain such” have never tried to do something with themselves and change for the better. Then how do they know that nothing can be done?
How to change yourself? This is a big question and almost all the materials of this site will be devoted to this. After all, self-development and self-improvement imply changes in oneself, and this is always the case. Therefore, this article is simply an attempt to break down a well-established misconception and call for action and may give hope to someone that you can change yourself. And you can find specific recommendations now and later as they are published on the pages of this site - the topic is very extensive.
Is it unnatural to change for the better?
Once I ran into such an objection. “They say, yes, you can change yourself, but why do it? Isn't this unnatural? You are who you are, why show violence against a person?
I asked counter questions: “Well, what do you think shaped your personality, what factors influenced its formation? Why are you the way you are now? It must be due to upbringing, parents, social circle and some innate parameters (heredity, natural predispositions, etc.).
Basically, all these factors are random, those that you could not influence. After all, parents are not chosen and the social circle is also not always. Not to mention heredity and genes. So it turns out that the development of you as a person under the influence of external, arbitrary factors that do not depend much on your will, you consider natural.
And attempts to consciously influence your character and habits, based on an understanding of who you want to become and the formation of what qualities in you meets your goals - does this mean it is unnatural? To follow the lead of external circumstances, attributing everything to the mercy of chance ...
What is so right and natural in this? And why is conscious work on oneself, changing oneself for the better in order to achieve happiness and harmony, is this perceived as violence against oneself?
On the contrary, by determining the vector of self-development on your own, you bring the order into your life that you yourself desire and do not allow external circumstances to completely decide what you will be like. This brings you closer to the implementation of your life plan, to satisfaction with yourself, your life and your environment, which you yourself choose, and not content with what external circumstances have imposed on you.
As for the question “why change yourself?”. I answer it, perhaps, in most of my articles in an explicit and implicit form. I will answer again. Self-development is a dynamic process of continuous improvement of all the best human qualities.
The best and worst qualities of a person
By the best qualities, I mean those qualities of nature that correspond to considerations of personal comfort and happiness, harmonious relationships with people, success in life, overcoming difficulties, inner peace, order of thought, health, willpower and spiritual freedom.
Bad qualities are those that make us suffer, get angry, torn in internal contradictions, make our lives difficult and poison the lives of others, make us sickly, dependent on passions and desires, morally and physically weak.
Developing good qualities and freeing yourself from bad qualities, you strive for happiness and freedom, doing the opposite, you fly into the abyss of suffering and dependence. Self-development implies the first. When you develop the best properties of your nature, you change, as new abilities appear in you and old shortcomings disappear. This is the meaning of self-development in these positive personal metamorphoses.
That, in fact, is all, no tricky philosophy or relative morality, everything rests on your personal happiness and harmony, and not on some abstract ideas. This is what I want you to strive for and what this site is all about.
I have already said what a terrible mistake it is to believe in the impossibility of changing oneself. But even more dangerous thing is the lack of need to change something in yourself. Many believe that they are already the crowns of creation, the most worthy representatives of the human species, and they have seen all sorts of sites of self-development in the coffin.
It really happens that a person is really very developed, but most often he falls into the trap of his pride and pride, believing that he has nowhere to develop, because almost always there is an opportunity to move somewhere and improve something.
And besides, very often education and upbringing are not able to fully develop personal potential (and can even harm somewhere), leaving behind a lot of gaping gaps, undisclosed abilities, hidden anxieties and complexes within the structure of individuality.
Therefore, in almost all cases, it is necessary to make efforts in order to make something out of yourself: after all, few people are so lucky that their educators and parents were able to give the leap necessary for harmonious development and solve all the internal problems and contradictions that arise.
If you're wondering can you change yourself?, then you recognize the presence of such properties in yourself that need to be changed and do not consider yourself an ideal and a dead end of development and everything is not so scary, you are taking the first steps towards self-development, standing on the threshold of wonderful metamorphoses.
It remains only armed with the support that I will provide you with my advice and recommendations for self-improvement, with a song to move on this difficult but bright path.
Sometimes we realize that we are thoroughly stuck, that the life that we have is definitely not to our liking. There can be many reasons for this: our relationships can fail, the work we do can get boring, the people we have to deal with can become disgusting, and it can also happen that the thought flashes in the brain like a match that everything that is around - this is far from what we really need.
But regardless of the reasons that prompt you to change, you can start all over again, having previously clarified everything and determined for yourself guidelines and a plan for changing yourself and your life. I sincerely hope that these 15 steps help you start a new life and change yourself.
Step 1. Determine the direction of movement and your motivation.
Your life is always a movement towards a certain goal, regardless of whether you are aware of this goal or not. Your former life, which does not suit you, could be subordinated to someone else's false goal, which contradicted your inner nature, your nature, your desires and your values. For example, you were in a relationship that you didn't really want, or got a job that you were disgusted with, or interacted with people who turned out to be complete strangers to you.
Now you can determine for yourself which trajectory you should move on, now you yourself are the master of your life path. Use the right motivation. Start from "Where am I going?" and not from "Why am I running?". Running away from something is not a useful motivation. Avoiding bad feelings does not solve real problems. Emotions tend to follow you wherever you go. Therefore, you will have to deal with them before you start a truly new life.
How to develop a life strategy
Step 2: Release yourself from the burden of loss or defeat.
Often, serious life events push us to start all over again. Divorce, separation, collapse of career plans, ruin of a business, job loss, health status. All this leaves a serious emotional imprint and can be a source of constant stress, worries, anxiety or even depression. You need to understand that making serious decisions with such baggage is a very dangerous business.
If a life event made you experience deep and strong emotions, then it takes time for everything to calm down. This gap can be reduced if you work through your experiences with the help of within one or more sessions.
Step 3. Explore your life
For the success of your enterprise at the beginning of a new life, it is not enough just to know where you need to move. It is also important to clearly know and clearly understand where you are starting from. Imagine that you are about to make a powerful jump into the water, but you are jumping from a very slippery bank. You spend your strength and energy on a powerful jump, but at the decisive moment you slip and everything goes down the drain.
To prevent this from happening in your story, study your past life (it will also be useful to go through rapid test "Life Analysis"), write down on paper and examine your habits, your past patterns of behavior in different life situations (for example, how you cope with difficulties or react to unexpected opportunities; how much you manage to follow your decisions, etc.).
Surely, in the process of studying your past life and your behavior, you will notice a lot of things that you would not like to notice, which will cause you rejection and internal resistance. But this is exactly what you should pay attention to in the first place.
“The darkness of low truths is dearer to us than the uplifting deception,” said Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin. What is "low truth"?
They are what you know about yourself, but what to know, and even more so to hear from others, is unpleasant. What you drive from yourself. Things that require thinking make you feel uncomfortable. And in general - to grow. Uplifting deception does not promote growth. Ryaba the Hen is a film about low truths. I think that's why a lot of people don't get it.
Why wasn't Chaadaev accepted, why was he declared insane? Others even today categorically deny it. Although he was largely right. But he talked about "lower truths" that caused a feeling of discomfort, which was not customary to talk about. No one has yet been put in a lunatic asylum for "elevating deceit." And for the "low truths" suffered enough. As a rule, it is for them.
And this is not only in Russia - no one in the world needs a frightening truth. It needs to be hidden. So that few know it and do not allow others to see it ..
Konchalovsky A., Low Truths, M., "Collection" Top Secret ", 1999
Step 4. Examine your values
Before making big and serious decisions about what your new life will be, you should analyze your own life values. If you know what is most important to you, then based on your values, it will be easier for you to make the right decisions about how to start a new life and change yourself.
Take a sheet of paper and write down on it everything that you believe in, everything that you consider the main and important in life, in relationships between people, what things make you think deeply or inspire. Look at what you do in life, what you like to do and ask yourself a simple question: “Why?”, “What is it for?”. The answers you receive can reveal completely unexpected facets of your personality.
You can also look at a few people (these may be living and familiar people, famous personalities or historical characters) that you admire and ask yourself: what do I respect most about them? Why? How can this play out in my own life?
Step 5: Decide what big changes you want to make
For some people, starting a “new life” may mean a major change: moving to another city or country, a complete renewal of social ties, a change in professional field, etc. For others, it may mean small but significant changes, such as liberation away from old habits or behaviors and focus on developing new lifestyles. Regardless of your desire, make sure you are clear about how big a change you want to make.
Find out what needs to change in your life. For example, is there something that makes you unhappy or dissatisfied? Or can you decide to change every aspect of my life for me, or would it be more appropriate to focus on one or two areas? Remember that change (especially when done without outside support) is always difficult, so start small and work your way up to be successful.
Step 6. Create an image of your new future
Do one useful exercise that will help you figure out what goals and objectives to set for yourself and what changes need to be made. In addition, it will give you the necessary motivation and strengthen your intention to change.
Imagine a certain moment in the future. Let this moment have the exact date and time. Imagine that in this future, you have received the magical power to achieve all your hopes and dreams. You are exactly who you want to be.
Imagine it in as much detail as possible. Who surrounds you? Where do you live? What are you doing? What does it look like? Include as many details as possible to create the clearest possible image. One of my clients imagined that he was a successful designer, he had his own studio, interesting orders came to him from all over the world and he traveled a lot to other countries, doing interesting and amazing things (in reality, after a couple of years he really founded his studio and became receive foreign orders).
Now think about your strengths, abilities and skills that are needed to make this vision of the future a reality. What do you already have? What areas need improvement? Be honest with yourself. For example, if you want to be a famous musician, then perhaps you already have musical ability, or at least a love for music. You will also need a stronger mindset to work on improvements.
Using your imagination to create an image of the future, make that image achievable and positive. Obviously, you cannot become a superhero or the owner of any superpowers and super-powers. Here you better think about what attracts you to such a superhero. His desire for justice and defense of the weak? Then you can choose for yourself a profession that contributes to the fulfillment of this mission. Or do you like the ability to make quick and accurate decisions? Then imagine how you should train your thinking to reach that level.
Step 7. Set clear and specific goals
The famous sage Lao Tzu said: a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. And your journey into a new life must also begin with concrete steps. Setting clear personal goals will help you move forward confidently and stay on course to build a new life.
Think about where you see yourself in 6 months, a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years or more.
Set your goals. Make sure they are well-defined goals, that is, they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and have clear deadlines.
Start by defining your big goal and then break it down into smaller ones. Then break smaller goals into tasks.
For example, if you decide that you want to find your own business and make it a source of your income, this is your overall goal. To achieve it, you will need to achieve smaller goals. For example, the first thing you should do is contact a professional who will help you find the case that suits your purpose (for my clients, this service is included in the program «» ), then you need to draw up a marketing plan and conduct a study of the target audience. Examples of tasks here can be: creating a test product, researching people's needs and their willingness to use this product, studying competitors and their products, analyzing the market, etc. You can split these tasks even further, for example, set yourself the task of communicating with potential customers or going to places where products are sold (services are provided) similar to the product that you are going to give.
Step 8: Determine the necessary internal changes
In order for your project of a new life to be successful, you should think carefully about what internal changes you need to make to your own personality. In other words, you need to define who you BE in order to successfully DO what will allow you to HAVE another life.
Let's take a look at what these internal changes can be.
It can be changes in your physical condition. You may decide that you must enter the new life with a new body. You may want to get rid of excess weight or increase your level of physical fitness, get a more athletic and developed body. Do not forget that excess weight depends on 2 main reasons: slagging of the body and a low level of vital activity.
I recommend that you start by increasing your level of physical activity and do so gradually over time (at least 45 days) to become a habit. You may need the help of a consultant to develop an optimal program and change beliefs and mental attitudes that prevent you from changing your body.
It will be easier with a change in appearance. You can choose your own style or consult with a stylist. Buy new clothes, change your hairstyle. Remember that how you dress and how you look affects how you feel and how others perceive you. Research has proven that when you dress in a way that aligns with your goals, you are more likely to achieve them.
Changes in worldview. This is about the well-known expression "You can take the girl out of the village, but you can not take the village out of the girl." If you do not want to be this most notorious "girl", then you have to work hard on how you think and how you perceive the world.
Think about what beliefs the person you want to become should have, how this person should perceive the world, people, events, relationships. What principles and rules should it be guided by. Explore the list of ,to get about a completely new way of looking at the world.
Changing your mindset is not an easy process. Force of habit, old patterns and inertia of thought can form the core of your personality. Within the framework of the program «» we do with clients so that a person can see his true nature and find his real self. After this process, any changes in consciousness with the help of any psychotechnics are much faster and easier.
emotional changes. In order for your new life to be prosperous, you need to learn to let go of your past. This includes the ability to forgive. Forgiveness frees you from the burden of past trauma and pain. You forgive others not for them, but for yourself. Research shows that forgiveness makes you feel less angry and anxious. Learn to also accept defeats and losses as part of life, pass them through the "sieve" of awareness and let go. And you will feel great relief.
Change your approach to life using the power of gratitude. Learn to thank life for any of its manifestations, remember that difficulties on your life path are trials, not punishments. Accept them as well as all the good things that happen to you.
Research has shown that practicing gratitude makes you feel happier and more content with life; it will help you learn flexibility and adaptability to change; will enhance your physical health and sleep quality, and may help you overcome emotional trauma. Practice the power of gratitude for 5 minutes every day 1 or more times.
Step 9: Rethink your relationship with people
The world is people, and life is relationships between people. It's hard to start a new life if there are "toxic" people in your environment who drag you down. In some cases, it is necessary to "cut" such people out of your life in the interests of your own safety. In other cases, you can simply stop spending time with them, and you will feel happier by removing them from your life.
Interpersonal relationships are critical to your functioning and improvement as a person. Numerous studies show that we strongly influence the people with whom we interact, so when starting a new life, take into it only those people who are important to you and will give you the love and respect that you deserve.
One of my clients, having decided to start a new life and open his own business, faced numerous difficulties, the reasons for which, as it turned out, lay in the fact that his so-called. "friends" were people not inclined to independent actions and taking responsibility. They are accustomed to live a measured, stable and dull life, and communicating with them, my client involuntarily fed those parts of his personality that resisted the risks and dangers of entrepreneurial activity. In practice, this led to the fact that "business did not move." My client needed a serious rethinking of the role of these people in his life in order for the situation to change and his business to begin to grow and develop.
The following anecdote illustrates this situation very well:
The old devil drowns in hell three boilers with sinners. A young imp is sent to him for practice.
Young Devil. Old Devil teaches him:
- So, look - the first boiler. He must be carefully monitored. The Jews are here. If at least one gets out, he will drag all his own behind him ...
Second boiler. Here you can keep an eye on the lid half-heartedly. The Americans are sitting here, it’s every man for himself, one will run away - it’s not scary, he won’t go far anyway.
You can not look at the third boiler at all. The Russians are here. If at least one climbs up, the rest will seize them and put them in the hottest place.
Clear your space of people:
- with whom you feel empty or constantly stressed
- who constantly criticize or judge you. And you feel like you can't do anything right when you're around them.
- who say bad things about you to your face or behind your eyes
- around whom you do not feel safe sharing your hopes, thoughts, needs or feelings.
Eliminating unhealthy social relationships will help you move forward more confidently and many times faster towards a happy and healthy life. Forming a supportive social environment that does not include your past habits is critical to ensuring your success path. Surround yourself with people around whom you will grow as a person and develop towards a new life.
Step 10. Start a New Financial Life
Whether you just graduated from college or have been in the business for 30 years, it's never too early or too late to start your financial life over again. You may want to start saving for meaningful life goals, such as buying a house or a comfortable old age. Or maybe you want to rethink your spending habits to stop wasting money left or right. Or maybe you want to invest. Take a look at your goals and decide how you need to manage your money to get what you need.
Try to get rid of all your debts first. Debts - they are from a former life. They have no place in the new life. One of my clients, after our work with her, got rid of 90% of her debts in less than 6 months. If you have more debt than you can pay, then current legislation allows you to go through personal bankruptcy. Perhaps this will be the right option for you.
Then analyze your finances. Structure your income and expenses, start budgeting. See where you can reduce "leaks" (for example, buying unnecessary things), and where you can get extra money (for example, by selling things that you do not use through the avito.ru service). In any case, keeping a budget will tell you good financial decisions.
Step 11. Talk to people
When you decide to start a new life, talking to people who are already living the life you want can be a very helpful move. This is useful because it can give you an idea of how to get there. For example, if you want to give up a boring boring job and do something that you love and that interests you, then you just need to look for those people who have already done business in your favorite business and, for example, take an interview from them, during which ask about their road map. Perhaps one of these people will agree to become your Mentor on the way to a new life.
You can also ask people about difficult moments that may arise in your new life. You may be delusional about a new career, a new relationship, a new business, or a new country. Understanding the smallest details that others will tell you about will allow you to avoid many mistakes and wrong movements.
For example, you may dream of leaving your boring job in Moscow and moving to Bali, where life is paradise. If you interact with people who already live there, you may discover things you don't know about, like how incredibly expensive it is, unfriendly visa policies, health care issues, difficulty engaging in activities that require concentration. Of course, this does not mean that you should not move, but this knowledge will help you better adapt to the realities of a new life.
Step 12: Get Support
Starting a new life can be a daunting prospect. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you and who can help and support you on your journey. Knowing that you have sources of emotional support will help you feel much stronger as you face the realities of your new life.
If you do not have family or reliable comrades who can support you, then it makes sense to look for such support elsewhere. This may be support within interest groups or communities or even religious communities. Go where people freely and openly communicate with each other and make new acquaintances.
Step 13: Test Yourself
The big life changes that are needed to start a new life will require serious work, dedication and patience from you. This can be stressful and intimidating. Make sure you are ready for this. How are you feeling? What kind of behavior is acceptable to you? Are you worried about something? Keeping a diary will help you understand your emotions and determine if there are areas where you need more support or need deep work.
The process of serious and profound changes in life can often cause feelings of depression. You may start to feel sad, stop enjoying certain things, feel anxious or guilty, feel empty or hopeless. In this case, quickly and painlessly you can help . Work on this technology allows you to eliminate negative emotional sensations during one session.
Step 14: Make the necessary changes
A new life will not mean that difficulties, obstacles and problems will disappear forever. Starting a new career does not mean that you will never again feel unappreciated or uninspired. Moving to a new city or a new country does not mean you will never miss home. When you have problems, acknowledge them as such and do what you need to do to resolve them and adapt to the situation.
You may face a lot of difficulties on your way to a new life. For example, perhaps you wanted to pursue a military career to follow your values of service and honor, but found out you were not healthy enough to go to military school. You could see this as the failure and collapse of your dream, or you could go back to the drawing board and see if there are other things you can do that will also allow you to express those core values.
Step 15: Work with a consultant
Even if you don't think anything is going "wrong" in the process of building your new life, it can be helpful to reach out to a counselor or personal trainer, especially when it comes to making major changes. The fact is that such a difficult process as starting a new life and changing oneself can contain a variety of mistakes and hidden obstacles that can only be seen from the outside. A good consultant is able to give you high-quality feedback and save you from wasting time, effort and resources.
Another point is that deep personal changes are always accompanied by stress and internal resistance (self-sabotage). Sometimes they are so strong that they give up and lose all desire to move forward. With the help of a consultant, you can work through and get rid of internal fears that block changes. A counselor can also help you learn useful ways of thinking and responding to challenges.
Seeking a counselor is a sure sign that you love yourself and take care of yourself enough to get help when it's needed and helpful, and that's good news. A personality change consultant is to you what a dentist is to your teeth: You fix minor problems and complexities before they become catastrophic.
Start a new life today!
After reading this article, you may decide: “OK, this is all great! I will definitely take these recommendations into account and even begin to follow some of them.” But the fact is that the process of change is a systemic process, where everything is clearly connected with each other and each step affects the other. It is important not to make a mistake here.
Do you want to know how to start a new life in which there will be self-realization, high meaning, activity, motivation, strength, leadership, new discoveries, energy, exciting changes, an interesting game, new horizons, pleasure from the moment you live, a clear understanding of your own path, no self-sabotage and insecurity , clarity of intention and action? And at the same time, you will not make gross mistakes and avoid many “pitfalls”, and the journey itself will take several months instead of decades.
Then . I will give you a solution!
Many people feel an urgent need to radically change their lives for the better, making it more interesting, happier. The need can turn into another disappointment, or it can become the first decisive step. Even successful individuals will agree how hard it is to change yourself.
Independent change in life attitudes
Psychology has proven that personality changes begin with thoughts. Negative thinking is characterized by constant complaints, reproaches, discontent. If an individual thinks negatively, then the chances of healing himself are small. Change your life by working on your thoughts.
It is easy to talk about individuality, the obligation of others to accept you. It is necessary to accept appearance, character traits, hobbies, goals, but positive thinking will lead the individual to the fulfillment of true desires.
The intention to change your life is encouraging, it needs to be backed up by practice. Wise books, films, lectures, seminars, environment help us a lot.
- According to the famous psychologist Louise Hay, the power is hidden within us. First you need to change your thinking, and the environment will already adjust. It sounds so simple - it's unbelievable! Intention is the first step towards change.
- Creating a strong motivation for the fulfillment of desire. Many psychologists say that the Universe is ready to fulfill any desire if it is formulated correctly, creating a powerful message for its fulfillment.
- It is important to learn to think positively. Saying the phrases “no car”, “no money”, the individual attracts failure.
- Daily planning allows you to feel like a master of the situation.
- Think that happiness has come. Visualize a picture showing the fulfillment of desires. The main thing is to enjoy the current moment.
The theoretical understanding of thinking is the basis without which practical advice is meaningless. Also, theory is nothing without practice, so it is important to pay attention to certain techniques.
Practical exercises
How to change thinking? Some practical exercises:
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| 2. The magic of positive energy |
Now you are a source of light, positive energy. |
| 3. The power of thought. good luck for loved ones |
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Positive thinking changes fate life scenarios
How to change the script of your life? For psychologist Eric Berne, the life script is the same type of behavior. In other words, habits. Why can't you change your life? The scenario is formed in childhood - negative attitudes “you can’t do anything”, “don’t be yourself”, “don’t be a child”. It is important to strive for a reboot, by eliminating the “not” particle.
Parenting determines the scenario of the child. Successful families often raise successful people. Cases when people from poor, dysfunctional families achieve success in life have become more frequent. People have learned to work on themselves.
Realizing how to change the script of your life is quite simple - everyone subconsciously feels it. Having set a goal, you will understand why it is still a dream. A life script is something that hinders or helps to fulfill a dream. The exercise is difficult, so you need to write everything down, diluting the notes with real facts.
Getting rid of negative attitudes is a painstaking process. It is necessary to write out habits, life views, which are a negative scenario. Slowly, step by step, try to understand how to change the script of your life.
- The first step is tracking. The realization that the current situation is a negative habit, an attitude. There is no point in intensively preventing the situation, only awareness is enough.
- The second step is change. The change may not be drastic, it is enough to at least try to do something differently.
- The final step is exit. It brings proper relief, joy, awareness of control.
The exit from the scenario takes a long time, because negative attitudes, habits come from childhood. It is important to notice even small changes while continuing to move forward. Rewrite your history!
sources of inspiration
Joe Dispenza's book "The Power of the Subconscious, or How to Change Your Life in 4 Weeks" helps change. The main attention is paid to the subconscious, the belief that it is able to work real miracles. The short terms in the title of the book “The Power of the Subconscious, or How to Change Your Life in 4 Weeks” are especially attractive - they are real if you complete all the exercises in the book.
Practical exercises - a set of meditations. After reading, the reader understands how to change consciousness, getting rid of fears, obsessive thoughts, manifestations of depression.
Peel Norman Vincent wrote the book The Power of Positive Thinking., becoming one of the founders of this popular term. He gives examples of real people, how they were able to change their way of thinking, find peace, filling life with joy and bright colors. The book is also full of methods that require practical application.
The film "I'll go back in time and change my life" comedy genre plainly talks about the importance of accepting one's own destiny. Best friends suffer from bad decisions. They are given a unique chance to change their lives - moving back 25 years. Will the heroes of the film "I will return to the past and change my life" change their fate.
Self-development is a painstaking process that allows you to gradually trace changes. Therefore, it is important to write down positive results, to be able to praise. It is also important to learn to thank the Universe, to accept any situation. Change your life with positive thinking, and you will become happy by making those around you.
Focuses only on certain areas of life and neglects others.
For example, if he is interested in finding himself and self-realization, he may not think about physical development. If he is interested in his figure or personal life, he may not think about a career or finances, etc.
But, as practice shows, this approach is a mistake.
In order to achieve results in any of the areas of life, one must not forget both the entire personal strategy and those specific areas that seem unimportant to you, but actually play a significant role. This is the only way to solve a specific issue and change life in general.
If you don't know where to start, start by improving your appearance.
Here is what a famous plastic surgeon and psychiatrist says:
When you change a person's face, you almost always change their future as well. By changing his idea of his appearance, in almost all cases you change the person himself - his individual qualities, behavior - and sometimes even talents and abilities❞
This statement applies not only to the cardinal alteration of oneself through plastic surgery, but also to all positive changes in appearance. Having lost five kilograms or made a new hairstyle, you begin to perceive yourself differently, you feel more confident and attractive.
Analyze your habits
The next step is habits. Our habits are at the core of our character. Remember the famous aphorism of Aristotle, which is familiar to many from childhood:
❝If you sow a thought, you will reap an action; you sow an act, you reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; you sow a character, you reap a destiny.
Habits are patterns of our behavior that govern our lives. Are we really going to let them decide everything for us, following their lead?
Method: Carefully analyze each of your habits and its impact on your life. Eliminate those that interfere with yours, replace them with new, useful habits.
For those who really decided to work on themselves, I offer the Success Diary - a classic diary with applications for achieving success and working on yourself
4. Conditioned reflexes
No wonder the scientist Pavlov tormented dogs: conditioned reflexes are the basis of the foundations. With this key, you can form any habit you need.
Method: Repetitive actions with reinforcement develop new skills and habits. When a new skill is fixed, it will go into and you will do everything automatically, unloading your brain for new achievements.
Reward yourself for success or take something away if you backtrack on your plan to change yourself. Let your new quality be necessary and desirable for you.
5. Eradication
What cannot be converted into a plus, just eradicate.
How to identify your negative qualities and how to see yourself from the outside, read the article. You can also download a table of negative human properties.
6. Double life
The technique is suitable for developing new character traits and more significant changes in oneself.
Method: Imagine yourself the way you want to be. Rehearse the new role mentally over and over again. To be more convincing, buy things that will help you get into character and emphasize your new qualities. Wear them only for your second life.
Your environment is unlikely to immediately accept you new, so communicate with those who do not know you! Rehearse your new qualities on them. How much will they believe in your image? And if something does not work out, you can always change the place and environment, and try again.
7. Use your imagination
In the course of the experiment, it was proved that if a person spends a certain period of time daily in front of a target, imagining himself throwing darts at it, then his results will improve to the same extent as if he really threw darts at the target every day.
Mental images allow us to "practice" new relationships and character traits that would otherwise be unattainable. Our nervous system is not able to distinguish reality from what our imagination vividly painted. When we imagine ourselves doing something in some particular way, it is almost the same as actually doing it. Mental practice helps to achieve perfection.
Method: Every day in the morning and before going to bed, mentally imagine yourself the way you aspire to be. How you speak, how you move, what you wear, how you react to situations. Do it over and over. This imaginary picture will have a strong influence on your behavior. And remember, how you see yourself from the inside largely determines how others see you and others.
8. Shock
If you want to change yourself but still don't find enough motivation to start, let failure be your motivation.
Method: Associate with people who will openly despise you. Use other people's ridicule to your advantage. Prove to them that you can be better, prettier, smarter. This method has never failed.
9. Alien
Often with our loved ones, we behave like a pig. Hamim, we neglect them and do not respect them at all. Whereas with strangers we are completely different, especially with superiors. If you want to change your behavior, try this method.
Method: Imagine in the place of the father or mother a complete stranger to you, whom you want to impress. Treat them like a boss on whom your salary depends. Try to look at them from a distance, as if seeing them for the first time.
10. Tune in
Method: change the environment and communicate with the people you want to be like. Adopt their habits, their way of thinking. In every book on achieving success, communication with successful people is an obligatory item, how does this work?
In the course of communication with another person, we tune in to his wave - to the mentality of the interlocutor and his worldview. Without this, communication is impossible. As a result of this adjustment, we temporarily change our ideas, stereotypes of thinking and behavior, to someone else's. And the more often this happens, that is, the more often we communicate, the more we adopt until someone else's picture of the world becomes ours.
11. Cold shower of the "future"
When you really grow up and think about the future, you suddenly realize that it would be time to get rid of many habits and character traits. The thought that you will soon have to build a new life with your family is sobering. I no longer want to overspend, be optional, drink all night with friends.
Method: Think about the future and the life you want to have, and figure out for yourself how you need to change and what habits to eradicate.
But I want to warn you don't take on too much. Weakly amenable to change innate temperament.
An introvert (a person deep in himself), of course, can change and become his opposite - an extrovert. But he will soon get tired of this “role” and will be unhappy, being in plain sight, secretly wanting to be alone with himself and his thoughts. There will be a feeling of emptiness. It arises from the loss of energy, because introverts draw it from within themselves, and only spend it in communication with others. It becomes clear that to lead such a long life is difficult and exhausting.
Be sure to record your wins and losses in a Success Diary, which is a must-have if you are aiming for serious results.
Or maybe you don't need to change?
Find your circle where you will be accepted as you are and there you will be happy. Everyone has their own value system and it is quite possible that your dream is to change and become more popular, successful, etc. will not bring the desired joy.
Or sublimate your energy into creativity. How can this incomprehensible Freudian term help us? The fact that we can redirect ourselves, life, others into creativity, using the protective mechanisms of our psyche.
Leonardo da Vinci, the great painter, scientist and engineer did just that. Whatever he took on, he brought it to perfection. However, it is reliably known that he had no interest in sex. Such sublimation can be traced in many creative people. They simply cannot create when they are happy.
Sublimate (redirect) your energy and desires into creativity, to new hobbies. Are you a bespectacled man with a bad figure and therefore experience difficulties with the opposite sex? There are two ways out here - to change by working on yourself: exhausting workouts plus pickup courses. Or - find the passion of your life and create. We miss your talent so much!
As you change yourself, don't forget to change the space around you. Tidy up a cluttered apartment and change your wardrobe, how to do it easily and quickly - in Erin Doland's motivating book "Simplify Your Life" ().
Here are three defining factors of an approach that will help you understand yourself:
- You are a black box. Recognize that you don't know yourself as well as you think, so it's hard to predict your future behavior.
- You can study yourself. Test habits, introduce new processes, change the environment to see the output.
- You can "hack" yourself. By understanding your actions, your passions, and your motivations, you can model processes to work for you.
1. Imagine yourself as a black box
Daniel Kahneman, in his book Think Slowly, Decide Fast, describes many experiments that prove how easily we deceive ourselves. For example, if you ask a group of people about the likelihood of a critical event, they greatly overestimate the likelihood.
Let's apply this example to everyday life. Provide a list of likely events for the coming Saturday:
- sit on the Internet;
- read;
- pursue your hobby or project;
- spend time with friends or family;
- buy groceries and cook food;
- sleep off.
If you've observed yourself long enough, you've predicted your behavior fairly accurately. If not, then most likely you overestimated the likelihood of productive activities and activities and underestimated the likelihood of unproductive ones. Test yourself by writing down your assumptions and observing yourself over the weekend.
This approach will help get rid of. Many experience it at work, constantly torn between urgent tasks and not noticing progress in important matters. It may even seem to you that you made a mistake in choosing a field of activity, that you are not suitable for this profession, that you will not succeed.
Considering yourself as a black box, you can avoid this. You will be able to say to yourself, “The work I do (or don't do) is not me. It doesn't define or limit me."
Instead of hating yourself for not getting enough done in a day, think about what you can do to get more done.
Think of your work as a complex series of interactions between you, your environment, and your colleagues. Then you can make some changes to the workflow.
2. Watch yourself
Mindful meditation is the best way to do this. In other words, it is a daily practice of observing mind, body, and the present moment. The thoughts that float through your head do not characterize you as a person. Knowing this will help you release many of the stressors.
After a few weeks, you will begin to notice repetitive thought and behavior patterns behind you. You will notice that they are largely shaped by your environment and that thoughts feed off of each other no matter what your goals for the day are. In order to achieve your goals and not drown in the stream of thoughts, you may have to introduce new patterns of action.
Stanford University professor BJ Fogg introduced the concept of the "motivational wave". According to his concept, a person's desire to do something rises and falls just like waves in the ocean. Therefore, it is quite natural that during the day there are moments of downturns when nothing works out. Try to identify your motivations and downswings and plan things in accordance with them.
3. Hack yourself
People who achieve their goals try to hack their nature in order to move forward despite their weaknesses.
For example, actor, stand-up comedian, and screenwriter Jerry Seinfeld forces himself to write with a calendar. Every day, when he finishes writing, he makes a bold red mark on the calendar. “After a few days, a chain of such marks is formed, and gradually it grows and grows. You'll be pleased to see your chain, says Seinfeld, especially after a few weeks. Then your task will be simply not to break it.
Cal Newport, author of Head Work, emphasizes the importance of deep work. It is distinguished by a higher level of attention and involvement of the brain in the task. To delve deeper into work, he advises abandoning habits that distract attention (like sitting on the phone), and adopt habits that improve it. This is task planning, time distribution, interval work with. Such habits will help accelerate progress towards any goal.
