Example useful selfishness Aesop showed. The legendary fabulist was a slave. One day, he and the rest of the workers on their own backs had to deliver a load to distant lands. Aesop volunteered to carry the heaviest burden - with bread, which was intended for workers. The whole "caravan" praised a sympathetic colleague. The days passed, the provisions melted - and the bag became lighter. The sage arrived at his destination lightly. So Aesop took into account the interests of the team, but did not offend himself - and remained the winner. Hence the conclusion: good self-love is when you do good to others, but do not forget about yourself. Moreover, the position “I am equal to others” is appropriate in any area of life: at work, in the family, in communication with friends. In the office, this is work according to the rules: “I share my experience and knowledge, but I want decent pay and respect from my colleagues for this.” At home, a different scenario: “I take care of my loved ones, cook lunches and dinners, but sometimes I can afford to sit in an armchair with a book in my hands, as my household does.” In friendship - relationships of the type "I help my comrades, but in difficult moment I'll ask them for support." This is how harmony can be achieved when a person is loved and respected at the same time. It is necessary to find out whether it is always bad to be selfish?
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Photo gallery: Is it always bad to be selfish?
Psychologists do not operate with the concept of “healthy egoism”. They talk about normal self-esteem. A person who objectively evaluates his strengths also protects his desires. He is able to defend his personal territory (the space of his interests, attachments and habits) when someone encroaches on it. And at the same time, he does not violate the private boundaries of others, he takes into account the needs of his neighbors. Golden mean Self-esteem is developed in childhood with the help of proper upbringing. But, alas, often people get parents - not very talented teachers. And then the arrow “I am ...” unreasonably rises - or falls ...
The motto of such people is: "Everything for him, nothing for me." They will rush to work with a temperature, borrow money, although they themselves do not have enough, give up their place in the minibus - despite their fatigue. Their phone does not stop, because it is they who will always help out and help. Altruists are needed, but behind their backs they often call them the contemptuous nickname "nursery". And they use their pliability at any opportunity.
From low self-esteem
They were usually subjected to dictatorial upbringing - they practiced a policy of prohibitions and a belt. They also manipulated their feelings. In childhood, altruists often heard: “If you behave well, we will love you, but if you become capricious, we will give you a woman.” Having matured, such people try to buy the love of others with exemplary behavior. And they remain psychological dwarfs. They feel very small - that's why they try to please everyone in order to grow in their own eyes.
Such individuals are often emotionally drained, depressed and in danger of losing themselves. How in ancient Greek myth about Narcissus and the nymph Echo, who adored the narcissistic youth so much that she lost her ego. Unconditional altruists run the risk of not finding an answer to the questions: “who am I?”, “What do I mean in this world?”. And they will suffer from it.
Learn to consider your motives and desires. First you need to decide what is important to you and defend your personal territory. You need to set life priorities and follow them. Sometimes you can do it yourself. But in most cases independent work impossible. It is worth seeking help from a psychologist. Effective - cognitive-behavioral method. With its help, the thoughts of a person that affect his behavior change. For example, an individual strives to always help everyone in the office, so a lot of work is put on him. His emotional reaction- sadness, because he really does not like to plow. And between behavior and emotions, thoughts flash: “I don’t work well,” “I’m not appreciated.” Conclusion: try to think differently: “I am just learning this job”, “I do this job better than anyone”, “I am a professional”, “I will be appreciated”. Rational thoughts will help to change the behavior to a more adequate one, that is, to take the task according to one's strength. So the altruist will take a step towards healthy egoism: he will do as much work as he can do without harming his physical and moral health. And experience joy.
Similarly, an excessively altruistic position in the family and with friends is corrected. But our consultant does not recommend auto-training. This measure will only smooth the problem, but will not solve it completely. Of course, the rise of the Ego star will be noticed - and many will not like it. Against possible reproaches, there is a good way: best defense is an attack. For example, if questions arise at work, you can object: “Are they really interested in me, because I finish everything for others? I'm doing my job." And you will be considered. You can say to a comrade or loved one: “What is friendship (love) - to live for you and forget about yourself?” Those who treat you really well will accept you as you are.
I don't see anyone
An inveterate egoist puts himself at the forefront and does not consider anyone. On a hike, he will slip his backpack to another tourist, strives to eat the most delicious at dinner, will not lend money under any circumstances, and in the office will certainly shift his task onto the shoulders of colleagues.
From high self-esteem. It happens when parents take care of their child too much, consider him the navel of the earth, automatically forgive any pranks. Emotionally, the egoist will not suffer too much. But there is a risk that others will turn away from him. This is especially bad at a respectable age, when a person will need help, but they will not want to support him.
Learn to consider the interests of others. You need to feel whether the other person likes the situation to which you bring him. And if this cannot be caught on a non-verbal level, it is better to directly ask the person about it. In the psychologist's office, inflated self-esteem is corrected quite simply. Using examples from life, the specialist shows the advantages of “going to the people” - the ability to take into account the opinions of others, the desire to help people. His Royal Highness the Egoist will understand the benefits of such behavior and change absolute monarchy full of selfishness constitutional government"I live for myself and for others."
The attitude of colleagues and acquaintances will change. People will smile more often at the “reformed egoist”, invite him to visit, the notebook will be replenished with new phone numbers. Opening up to the world and receiving feedback from it is what it is worth working on yourself for.
The mythology of the egoist
In fact, genetics has nothing to do with it, as well as whether it is always bad to be selfish. Excessive selfishness is a consequence of improper upbringing, and not the work of chromosomes. But the misconception that selfishness is inherited exists because often people copy their parents' upbringing methods. And if a person was raised in an atmosphere of "you are everything" - most likely, he will pass on similar codes to his child.
Selfish ones are more often men, selfless ones are women. The maternal instinct is strong - it is natural for women to take care of others. Also, women are more adapted to do several things at the same time than men. Guy Julius Caesar can stand in the kitchen and write a report - it's easier for her to come to a consensus. Hence the altruism at work, in the family.
A man sees one goal and cannot be sprayed on another. To achieve something in life, it is easier for him to become an egoist. Plus, there is a difference in education. The boy is often made the main one, he is given the role of the successor of the family name. While the girl is taught to sacrifice herself for the sake of others. But this does not mean that all self-lovers gather on Mars, and philanthropists - on Venus. It happens that ardent egoists are ladies, and good-natured altruists are men.
Housewives are altruists
The words “I gave birth to you and raised you, you are indebted for my self-sacrifice” is an example of veiled female selfishness. lady by own will becomes a housewife (husband earns). And then she emphasizes to her sons and daughters that she sacrificed her career for them. Alas, in such children, a sense of guilt towards their mother is deposited in the subconscious, and so-called suicidal behavior is often formed. They lead a reckless life in the style of "my being is worth nothing" - driving cars at breakneck speeds, climbing mountains, skydiving (setting changes when such people have a family). You can correct the position of female pseudo-sacrifice if you help her to realize herself outside the home. For example, to do charity work, creativity - to prove yourself not only at the stove, but also in other areas of life.
“Love yourself, sneeze at everyone, and success awaits you in life” - the truth of the Soviet cartoon about imp No. 13 today can partly become quite relevant. Although, of course, many do not need to learn to sneeze at everyone - they are already born with this magnificent anti-human set of qualities.
But to learn to love yourself, value your time and work, respect your opinion and personal space, be honest with yourself and not succumb to external provocations of the offender-fate - this is all healthy egoism, which many lack so much. And all because for some reason they believe that loving themselves is shameful and ignoble. Therefore, they live 30 years and 3 years unhappily with each other, but they do not get divorced for the sake of children.Therefore, "valuable employees" and work for a penny for 12 hours a day, supposedly for the benefit of the common cause. And that is why they lend their entire salary to negligent and lazy pseudo-friends, who then do not even think of giving back these honestly earned pennies. The consequences of such altruism, as a rule, do not lead to good and create only an appearance for the foundation of a sense of one's own nobility.
5 "FOR" in favor of healthy selfishness:
1. In work
Do you know who the lucky ones are who don't have to suffer every Monday morning? These are those who love their work and go to it with pleasure! Work takes up too much of our lives, so you need to do what you like. If the profession of a marshmallow stacker at a factory is, to put it mildly, not the limit of your dreams, but a temporary salvation from lack of money, then you must at least understand and set yourself goals for further development.
Look for ways and ways for your own development at any, even the most seemingly boring and tedious job. Have a favorite hobby? Get him on the right track and don't be afraid to learn new things and be honest about admitting to yourself that you're in the wrong business. By the way, absolutely every person has unique abilities. Therefore, excuses from the series - I have no talents and I can't do anything - will not work here.
2. In money
Money is the equivalent of your work, nerves, efforts and efforts that you spend in 8 (or even all 12) working hours. Therefore, if it is not in your rules to goof around at work and the process, you give yourself up with all responsibility, then you should evaluate your work accordingly.
Don't be afraid to openly ask for a raise if you know the time is right and your boss isn't in a hurry to give you a raise for overtime and a busy schedule. And do not be afraid to say goodbye to your familiar place if you understand that there are no prospects, and work has long turned into an exhausting routine.
3. About relationships
Almost every woman publicly declares that she needs a man who will guess all her desires and carry in her arms. And yet they all lie! In fact, we secretly dream of a recalcitrant, unpredictable, arrogant impudent. To be tormented by guesses about his feelings and wait for him to finally break our heart to smithereens and not even apologize.
And all because you can fall desperately in love only with someone who loves himself! According to psychologists, we choose those who treat themselves in exactly the same way as we treat ourselves. We lack healthy selfishness, so we crave to fill the spiritual emptiness with feeling and find it in abundance in those who know how to love themselves.
4. About sex
What can we say, but in this sphere of life egoism is the place. A man feels like a real hero in bed only when he is sure that he is able to give the girl pleasure. Therefore, during this very act of love, you can safely forget about your hairstyle, extra pounds, which are visible only to ourselves, and you can not worry at all about how good a man will be.
Give in to passion and think about your pleasure, then you yourself will learn to enjoy the process and will not receive the offensive status of a “log” from a man.
5. About children
Stories that “we haven’t divorced my husband for 20 years” just because of the children are not uncommon. Quite often, people who have long been unloved to each other believe that it is much safer to maintain the illusion of a family than to try to explain to a child what happens when mom and dad stop loving each other and want to live separately, but do not stop loving a common child. As a result, create the appearance happy family such altruists fail, and the child becomes a witness to quarrels, insults, or even worse, fights between parents.
The only way to make a child happy is to be happy yourself. And if necessary, then alone. Sacrificing oneself to stereotypes, fears and fear of responsibility is not the most best example parental behavior for the next generation. Moreover, often parents who have sacrificed their careers and personal lives for the sake of “allegedly” raising a child, then consider themselves entitled to demand the same thing from their child: sacrifices and giving up their personal lives in favor of taking care of themselves.
On the way to healthy egoism, you can pick up a sick one. How, then, to determine that your egoism is within the framework of common sense and has not already run away into independent swimming?
So, your selfishness is healthy if:
Achieving your goal, you do not infringe on the interests of other people;
know how to seek compromises and benefits in any situation;
in order to love yourself, you do not need a positive assessment of others and blind adoration of other people;
you have your own opinion and can freely express it, but do not seek to impose it on other people;
ready to protect themselves and their loved ones from dangers in any way;
you know how to give constructive criticism without getting personal;
do not want to obey anyone, but do not seek to subordinate others to yourself;
do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of others and do not demand sacrifices for your sake;
know how to respect the wishes and capabilities of other people, but do not step over your principles;
Having made a decision that you have been thinking about for a long time, you are not tormented by feelings of guilt.
I would like to end this article with the words of Howard Roark, the protagonist of the novel The Source, an American writer with Russian roots Ayn Rand: “In an absolute sense, an egoist is by no means a person who sacrifices others. This is a person who is above the need to use others. He manages without them. He has no relation to them either in his goals, or in the motives of actions, or in thinking, or in desires, or in the sources of his energy. He is not for other people and he does not ask others to be for him. This is the only possible form of brotherhood and mutual respect between people.”
Think about your interests, take care of your own well-being - how can this feature be bad in the realities of the modern world?
In reasonable doses, being selfish is useful, profitable and pleasant. This contributes to personal growth, self-realization and the rapid achievement of success.
Being selfish: good or bad?
Grandparents vying with each other advise: "Be sure to have a second child, otherwise the first one will grow up to be an egoist!"
And parents become scared: really, what could be worse than raising a proud child? After all, it will not love mom and dad, but only itself!
Children are taught from a young age mercy, compassion, empathy. The child is explained why it is necessary to share, why it is necessary to help the weak, the younger, the elderly, the sick.
The basics of humanity and high morality are instilled in him, moral values are explained.
Such a strategy has one nuance: excessive philanthropy can go sideways. willingly use for their own purposes everyone who realized in time how greedy they are for compassionate requests for help.
At the same time, even violent egoists are quite capable of loving loved ones (husbands, children, grandmothers).
Moreover, in adulthood they feel more comfortable, achieve success faster and do not allow their kindness to be used for other people's selfish interests.
Types of selfishness and human instincts 
Selfish people, acting, think only about their own benefit and benefit. Other people's goals and aspirations are out of their field of vision.
Many behave in this way unintentionally: they are simply not taught to think about others. And the logic of human existence suggests that this is normal.
Taking the best for himself and acting in his own interests, the individual makes capital and climbs up the evolutionary chain.
The so-called "healthy egoism" - moderate, reasonable, dosed - originates from the instinct of self-preservation. It is in our nature to think about ourselves..
It is difficult to imagine an ancient tribe in which a strong warrior gave the captured mammoth to the weak, and he himself remained hungry. Closer to the truth is the option when he was the first to eat his fill, and that is why he survived in difficult times.
Any crumb by nature is an egoist, everything else is achieved by education. Therefore, by completely eradicating the “harmful” trait, you, in fact, go against nature. A life - supreme value and self love effective method save her.
Reasonable selfishness is useful in terms of survival. A person evaluates the options, chooses the most profitable and acceptable for himself, looks for ways to achieve the desired goal. He thinks soberly, realizing the consequences of his actions. In case the price is too high, he will refuse or find another way.
And here irrational selfishness is not useful to anyone. It does not allow thinking about the consequences, which often go sideways for the individual himself.
This is an infantile, impulsive, eccentric character trait: "I want, and that's it!". She is often written about in children's fairy tales and legends.
One king asks “to bring something, I don’t know what”, another demands to steal a golden-maned horse from a neighboring sultan, and give the third the Firebird in a golden cage.
It doesn't end well. Remember how the selfish Paris kidnapped the beautiful Helen, which provoked the Trojan War.
Pros and cons of selfishness: the boundaries of what is permitted
Up to a certain point, human egoism is not perceived by society as something shameful.
The crowd won't judge a child who didn't share candy or a woman who filed for divorce to get out of the marital routine and build a career.
The pursuit of one's interests is normal and not punishable, but for the time being. Somewhere there is an invisible line beyond which public rejection and condemnation live.
This line is in violation of rights and freedoms, infringement of other people's interests. It looks unattractive when a person puts himself above everyone else, when he does not consider any other life valuable.
Extremely harmful egocentrism, which is characterized by:
- heightened self-esteem,
- a sense of one's own uniqueness
- disdain for others
- demand for worship
- over-selfishness that went beyond.
And there is a little selfishness in everyone. After all, any person thinks about his well-being, satisfies his needs, seeks to receive pleasure, dreams of success, seeks benefit for himself.
Imagine being asked to work for one month for free, out of sheer compassion (“there are not enough employees and the budget has been cut”).
You will probably immediately ask: “What is my benefit? Why should I waste personal time and my family's time, solving your problem? There are no perfect altruists, and if they ever existed, they were long ago canonized by name.
How to be selfish and live in society 
Some people are able to combine personal egoism with the observance of other people's interests and freedoms.
Not everyone "goes over their heads" in order to achieve the goal, many manage to beat the situation with comfort for everyone.
No one suspects a hidden, rational selfishness in them - they can seem like the sweetest colleagues and friends.
Imagine a situation: two selfish people live in a house, and both like to listen to loud music at night.
The first one has soundproofed himself and enjoys concerts at any time. The second disturbs the neighbors and therefore often communicates with the police called by them.
You will be surprised: which of the first is an egoist, because he thought about the interests of others? But no, he thought about his interests - he just does not want to be fined and sit out the evening in the station.
Born egoists have useful trait: they don't really care about public opinion. They are characterized by self-sufficiency, self-confidence, purposefulness, strong self-esteem. They do not depend on someone else's approval.
The rest are very embarrassed when society expresses indignation or annoyance at their behavior. They strive to be better for others and miss out on the best for themselves.
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Egoist, Egocentrist - these two words come from the word "ego". First, let's figure out what "ego" is. According to the definition of psychology, this is a part of the personality, which is called the “inner self” and is in contact with society through personal perception. In other words, if a person is “friends” with his Ego, then he lives with his true desires, attachments and listens to his instincts, relying on his “want”. So, what is an egoist, what is an egocentrist - this is the person who knows how to listen, hear and fulfill the needs of his ego. However, there is a significant difference between the two concepts.
The concept of egocentrism
Egocentrism is understood as the center of the circle. It is already clear that a person considers himself the navel of the universe, the world revolves around him and the light converges like a wedge on him.
The egocentrist does not want and is not even able to consider someone else's point of view if it does not correspond to his own.
He perceives his point of view as the only one that exists, not even the correct one.
From 8-10 years old, a child can easily afford to be an egocentric. Then it's not so great anymore. The parents of such a child can still understand and accept his behavior and worldview, quietly complaining about the first transitional period, but the society does not tolerate this.
The egocentric does not just live as he wants, he imposes his position on his environment and forces them to submit. He dictates, intervenes, breaks, bends his line, because the words “consensus” or “compromise” are not from his vocabulary.
Who is an egoist
An egoist, in principle, is the same person as an egocentrist who is “friends” with his Ego, but does not impose his position on society.
His principle is to let everyone live as he wants and not interfere with his rules of life. The basis of the word is a simple and unambiguous word - "I".
The behavior of an egoist is completely in the segment of self-interest and benefit. The egoist always puts personal interests above the interests of society, even those closest to him.
If you look for the opposite, then an altruist can be placed on the second scale of the egoist. An altruist who lives does everything for others, completely destroying his ego. His meaning of life is to completely dissolve in others and live in the interests of others. In a word, be handy tool society.
Psychologists divide egoism into:
- Pure selfishness;
- reasonable selfishness;
- hedonism.
But here, as in the case of “envy”. You can call it black, gray and white, but the essence remains the same, just a degree less or more.
Selfish traits
A weak society does not like egoists. And this is understandable. Well, how can you control someone who is not controllable? How can you use those who are not given? How can you impose guilt on someone who does not even have such a concept?
To put pressure on pity, to hold accountable, to impose a sense of guilt, to force, to coerce - this is all for the altruist. The egoist has completely different plans for life. In his life there is his “I”, and it is him that he will please all his life. But one should not think that an egoist is a callous, insensitive tyrant who does not know how to love, appreciate and respect.
It is the egoists who, giving their all to their loved ones in certain segments of life, remain honest both before the gifted person and before themselves.
The egoist does what he wants. But good man and the right egoist will want to give love, care and devotion to dear people. He does nothing under the pressure of society, he can only give a scolding to himself.
And if an egoist sits next to you, gives you hot tea, covers you with a checkered blanket, reads a novel aloud when you have a cold, know that he does it from the bottom of his heart. He wants you to get well, not to be ticked off.
When a “convenient” person, the same altruist, does the same, then you may have a suspicion that he does not do it from the heart, but because he “must”.
Aesop can be called an example of correct egoism. Many people know him, but not many people know that he was a slave. Once, he, like his other brothers, was given the task of carrying a load on their backs, choosing which Aesop took the heaviest. Altruist, you say? Not! Right egoist. His cargo was provisions, or rather bread for the slaves. Companions were happy that he took the heaviest burden. But the days went by, the provisions became smaller. Aesop brought empty bags to his destination. At first, Aesop took on the hardest part - giving a compliment to his team. And then, he walked light, rewarding himself with hundreds of compliments.
The main conclusion of a reasonable egoist: doing good to others, never forget about yourself.
Is it good to be selfish? Definitely good. Moreover, to the egoist himself and his environment, if it is mature. It will be bad for an immature environment. Such people who are used to living at the expense of others, inspire others with guilt and put pressure on pity, use everyone and everything, engage in vampirism and consumerism, and also ordinary envious people.
Man is happy
The soul comes to the world of people in the shell of the body in order to be happy. The soul knows what it wants, what it needs, what plans it has, what it deserves and what it is capable of.
Listening to his soul (his inner self, his ego, his inner voice), a person simply fulfills his mission, therefore, lives a happy life.
If the soul knew that it would be belittled all its earthly life, do the opposite, offend, not hear and destroy, it would clearly prefer to sit on a cloud and talk with God. 
Gives what he has
Based on the first point, an egoist is happy man therefore, he gives happiness. Such a person does not whine, does not complain, does not sow darkness around him. He laughs, rejoices and shares methods for achieving happiness. He shares, but does not pinch himself. And this must be understood correctly.
He gives the main thing - his positive energy, love, time and feeds the souls of others with happiness.
The more positive people around us, the more happiness becomes around and in their hearts.
With a cheerful and cheerful egoist it is better than with a depressive paranoid - an axiom. An egoist is a guru who own example will show you how to live.
Good environment
People do not gather by themselves, they are gathered by the egoist around him. Like tends to like, this is not physics, but life.
Successful people are drawn to successful people, and unsuccessful people are drawn to unsuccessful ones.
As a result, self-sufficient, strong and mature personalities become the environment of the egoist.
Life gets brighter
Money sticks to money, happiness to happiness, illness to illness, and trouble to trouble. Again, the law of the nature of life.
A positively minded reasonable egoist attracts into his life the same people who bring with them an excellent job, reliable friends, the right half, a pleasant hobby and leisure, health and eternal youth.
Doesn't betray himself
The egoist does not betray himself in the first place, does not belittle his Ego, and no one will ever betray him, throw him overboard and step over his corpse.
He is a self-sufficient person, therefore it is impossible to knock the ground out from under his feet.
Even in the event of dismissal from work or parting with a person, he will not have the end of his life. For him, this will be the stage at which the paths simply parted. He will take a different path and become even happier than he was before.
Is it bad to love yourself and defend your interests, even to the detriment of others? We will try to understand all these issues, and help someone rethink their views on life and actions.
After all, I just want everything to always be my way.
Bernard Show
"Why are you so selfish?!" - the mother exclaims in her hearts, scolding her negligent son. The boy is standing with downcast eyes. He is ashamed, incredibly ashamed of his low deed. When he grows up, no one will call him an egoist anymore. He will do everything for others. And this piece of cake, eaten in a hurry, now seems bitter. Or is it tears? Terrible, now dad will not get treats. But the cake was so delicious...
From childhood, we are told the same thing: do not be selfish Well, why are you not like Masha (Fedya, Styopa ...) from the next entrance? After all, you need to share your things, act to please others, and not yourself. Is it right? After all, children are inherently selfish, and the idea that being selfish is bad is instilled in us by others.
Is selfishness so harmful? Is this really a trait to be ashamed of, to try to eradicate with all your might? Is it bad to love yourself and defend your interests, even to the detriment of others?
Selfishness: good or bad?
In this article, we will try to understand all these issues, and help someone rethink their views on life and actions, as well as realize that healthy egoism must take place in your life, and self-sacrifice never leads to anything good.
Who is the cutest in the world?
Lyubochka was one hundred percent sure of her irresistibility. Well, still, after all, such a beautiful, smart, kind and cheerful girl not to be found in the whole world. And of course, she demanded only the best for herself. If the clothes are stylish and expensive, cosmetics - lipstick and shadows for each blouse.
The girl’s favorite phrase sounded something like this: “I’m alone at home, and I don’t feel sorry for anything for myself.”
But it is worth noting an important fact, Lyubochka was not alone. There was a seal in the passport, which meant the presence of a beautiful husband in the life. Serezha fell in love with the girl instantly and tried with all his might to achieve her favor. And so, the great day came true - the wedding. Now they will live for a long time, and their happiness will be cloudless.
The reality turned out to be more prosaic. The newly minted husband worked as a sales manager in one, not very big firm. He had to look for a better job, because his beloved demanded only the best for himself. Sergey took care of buying groceries (Lyubochka should not be allowed to carry weights), as well as cooking and cleaning (manicures are expensive).
And the girl did not really want to work. “You are a man, so provide for your family!” Lyubochka exclaimed in response to her husband's timid attempts to rectify the situation. So they lived, hardly for a long time (together) and - very doubtfully - happily ...
Think, perhaps you will recognize in "Lyubochka" one of your acquaintances, friends or relatives? And not necessarily female. This is just an image. Egoism in its purest form. All thought is only about yourself beloved (oh).
Good self-esteem is the key to success in life, but when in your thoughts the world begins to spin only around you, and the meaning of other people's lives is to please your whims, here you need to think carefully about what this attitude will lead to sooner or later.
Remember how often in a conversation you mention the word “I”, interrupt the interlocutor in mid-sentence, just to tell him about your problems or “incredible achievements”. If the conversation mainly revolves around your person, believe me, soon people will scatter from you like the plague, just not to hear another story.
“Well, okay,” some will exclaim. I need these people. If they don’t want to communicate, let them.” To remain in splendid isolation is not very a good option. You can make new friends, but, unfortunately, there is no escape from the reputation created earlier.
In our time, contacts decide a lot, and it doesn’t matter in which area you work. Good, friendly relations can be maintained with the saleswoman in the store.
Therefore, we will give some tips on how to pass for a pleasant conversationalist and reliable person, and eliminate the possibility that you will be called an egoist.
1. During a meeting, to a simple question “How are you?” do not dump mountains of unnecessary information on the interlocutor, even if you have known each other for a long time.
On the one hand, do not constantly complain about your problems (there is no money, your health has let us down, and there is no life at home at all) - people don’t really like it when other people’s problems are dumped on them.
On the other hand, it’s also hard to win sympathy with boasting, and singing praises to your beloved person like “I’m so smart, beautiful, talented, everything works out for me, and chickens don’t peck money” will also not add points in your favor.
Therefore, in a conversation, limit yourself to a simple “Thank you, everything is fine” and ask about the interlocutor. Naturally, if he himself in response begins to “load” you and this is repeated at every meeting, getting to know this person does not bode well for you (unless he is your boss). Ask about things at work, perhaps give a couple of tips (but not intrusively), take an interest in the health of loved ones and the affairs of children. In the future, you will evoke positive emotions in this person.
2. Provide assistance when asked.
They say that people remember only the bad, and they prefer to forget about the good. Sometimes this is true, but in most cases you will also be helped when the time comes. Just do not constantly remind about your "good deed". The effect will be the opposite. Also, don't let it sit on your neck. You can help once or twice, but if it turns into a habit, take action.
3. Help without expecting compensation.
To move grandmother across the road - no problem, to bring a heavy bag to a neighbor - please. P remember: a good reputation is highly valued, especially in small towns, where you don’t spit anywhere - you will end up in a friend. But don't talk too much about your "accomplishments."
4. Make compromises
, you should not defend your opinion with foam at the mouth.Perseverance is a good trait, until it develops into banal stubbornness.
The main thing is that others feel good ...
Our second heroine was complete opposite Lyubochki. Svetlana Sergeevna is a beautiful, educated woman, thirty-five years old, who devoted most of her life to serving people.
She, too, in her childhood was told more than once that, first of all, it was necessary to think about others, to put their interests above her own, and selfishness is one of the worst vices that needs to be eradicated. The woman remembered the instructions of her parents and followed them exactly.
Our heroine worked as a teacher in English in one of the district schools. She knew her subject perfectly, but the trouble was that the children didn’t care about the “teacher” who cannot maintain discipline in the classroom.
Colleagues used the woman's reliability at every opportunity. On the street, Svetlana often met a variety of "poor and suffering" and could not refuse them. At home, the situation was no better. The husband, who in his youth imagined himself a great artist, now indulged in thoughts of human cunning and stupidity, sitting comfortably on the sofa in front of the TV. Sometimes he tried to create a "masterpiece", but it was not possible to sell it to a daub.
A fifteen-year-old daughter considered herself an adult and independent, but this did not stop her from asking her mother for money for a “new thing”, because a girl of her age did not stop walking in the same blouse for two days in a row.
Svetlana Sergeevna was sure that she was doing everything right. Even if she dresses in "secondhand" and buys third-rate cosmetics, her family does not need anything.
The main thing is to help people, even if they do not thank her, her efforts will certainly be rewarded ...
In this case, we see an example directly opposite to selfishness - complete self-sacrifice. In the biblical sense, very commendable, but in real world it's impossible to live like that. You can forget about yourself and your own needs, just wait for gratitude for your efforts harder than snow in July.
Think about how often you are asked to do something without expecting gratitude. Perhaps a friend begs to come to her at three in the morning to hear about her amorous affairs? Or the boss persuades you to work overtime without extra pay, explaining that you are simply an indispensable worker and without you all the work will become.
You can help others. Until they understand that your kindness can be used with impunity and comfortably located on the neck, legs dangling. Never allow yourself to be manipulated.
If doing something is not in your best interest and it brings nothing but anxiety, say “No” firmly. It will be difficult in the beginning, but remember: you will not earn the favor of people if you unquestioningly begin to fulfill their requests. More like a rag. Do you need it?!
And now a few tips on how to stop giving all of yourself to the service of ungrateful people for the most part and start living for yourself.
1. If you have a hobby, a favorite thing that you do with pleasure, but you often don’t have enough time for it, make a rule every day for, for example, an hour to do only it.
No matter how much your family, friends, and co-workers need you, they can wait or do just fine on their own. Doing what you love, which also turns out, will give you weight in your own eyes, confidence and good mood.
2. Buy something you've been wanting for a long time.
Naturally, if you dream of an expensive car, and finances sing romances, this advice is not relevant. But you must buy some small thing, a pleasant trinket. Because you wanted to, that's all. Are you on a diet and craving chocolate brownies? No problem, a couple won't hurt. The main thing is that you make yourself happy.
3. Don't be afraid to say no.
You don't owe anything to anyone. If the person is actively pushing your guilt, keep communication to a minimum.
4. Don't help street beggars.
For the most part, the monthly income of these "sufferers" exceeds yours.
5. Realize a long forgotten dream.
Would you like to go hiking or mountain climbing? A little time and money can be allocated without compromising the family budget.
6. Start your morning with positive affirmations.
Say to yourself: "I am the best, the most beautiful." Write your own statements and repeat until you are sure they are true.
Golden mean
As a friend of mine said, only the dead and the mad do not possess selfishness. So Don't Feel Guilty When You Put Your Interests Before Others. Of course, if it does not become a habit. Everything should be in moderation.
A little selfishness never hurt anyone.
Be a self-sufficient person, your self-esteem should not depend on the praise or condemnation of others. Don't care about society - not the most best idea, but putting society above yourself will also not bring you happiness. published .
Elena Krivtsova
Have questions - ask them
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet
