Dangerous, but even it is sometimes necessary. In this world, not everything is as simple as many people think. You need to think deeper on such topics and engage in more introspection in order to understand the mechanisms of operation of any life process. Egoists who go too far are doomed to failure, but being an altruist is also in modern world it is simply impossible, especially if the standard of living of your children or your soulmate, your parents depends on your success.
It helps to find a pleasant job
When you are moderately fixated on your convenience, then you will not work at a hated job, but will try to find ways to earn money so that you do not have to get up at 6 in the morning. Selfishness motivates like nothing else. This is a great motivator for modern people. It very often helps to look for more simple ways for material gain, saving you time and effort.
Saving time after a breakup
"Normal" egoists do not flatter themselves with hopes for the restoration of love. They just take what they need from the relationship. If they have outlived their usefulness and there is no point in pretending to be friends, then why communicate with a person at all. Here thoughts about your loved ones are very important, because you have a chance to wallow in these empty thoughts that relationships can be revived. This also applies to friendship, as well as purely working, business relations. If you know that a person is no longer capable of being kind to you, why do you need him?
You can always say "no" to a person
When you are a little selfish, it is always much easier for you to refuse a request for help when it is really needed. This again brings up the topic of altruism. You do not need to give yourself completely to those who do not care about you. When the word "no" doesn't make you feel remorseful in the right situations, it helps keep you on your nerves. good mood and positive attitude.
Our dreams are above all
When you think of yourself in moderation, your own dreams take precedence. This is how it should be - the ideal model of behavior in modern society- 90 percent attention to yourself and 10 percent to others.
Pleasant life for your children
When you live with your significant other just so your kids don't have to worry, that's not true. Living with someone you don't like is a total nightmare. It is easier to call such a way of life a meaningless existence. Yes, the child will be hard in any case, but at least you will not suffer.
Egoists are more attractive
When everything works out for you, when you know what you want, then people are drawn to you automatically. Selfishness is not anathema if you know how to use it for its intended purpose. Fulfilling your dreams, you become brighter and ready for new achievements. Helping others is a double pleasure.
Achieving harmony
Internal balance is very important for a person, because without it, well-being and mood suffer. Moderate selfishness makes you loved by yourself. When you are overwhelmed with love for yourself, you are ready to share it with others. This is the first rule for those who are single and cannot find a soul mate - love yourself and make yourself happy by thinking about yourself more often.
Strengthening authority
When you think more of yourself than your parents require, then you become stronger and more influential. There is no need to go over the heads and betray friends you love for the sake of profit, but when you have an honest and real chance to take a higher position, then there is no need to give it up.
Just the right relationship
Very often we show weakness and do not tell a person that we do not need his company. Thus, “dead souls” accumulate in our environment, who call themselves friends, but do nothing for you and to maintain friendship. They don't call you, they don't write, they don't let you know. Such people should not exist.
Saving nerves
When everything is balanced in you, then your nerves will always be in order. When things are bad, think about yourself, not about problems related to work, school or anything else. Stop living for other people. If it makes you unhappy.
Good luck will always be with you. If you know how to use selfishness to your advantage. It will even help you quit smoking, because it is costly from a material point of view, and also spoils your health. With selfishness, you can find love, get rid of addictions, gain freedom. Don't forget that everything is good in moderation. Good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and
Selfishness is the behavior of a person, where he seeks to achieve his goals, comfortable life completely disregarding the surrounding people. Sometimes, it appears a little softer, when a person puts himself first, but at the same time does not hurt the needs of others. Within the normal range, this good quality, moreover, it is laid down by nature for us, in order to be able to survive. On the other hand, often selfishness crosses the permitted line, and as a result, the people around suffer.
What you need to know about the manifestation of egoism?
If a person does not put the opinions of others in absolutely anything, and lives only for the comfort of his beloved, this clearly indicates his selfish nature. It is worth saying here that, depending on how he manifests himself, one can understand when egoism crosses the boundaries of what is permitted.The egoist is inclined to talk only about himself, he does not care what others have there. What, perhaps, problems, or vice versa, joy, he is not interested. At that time, he is completely focused on himself. Such people are characterized by leadership qualities, self-confidence, inflated self-esteem. They consider themselves the center of the universe and think that other people are created to serve them.
Where does selfishness come from?
Basically, the selfish nature lies in the mistakes of upbringing in childhood.1. Parents always told the child that he is the best, handsome, successful, beloved, and so on. In addition, usually, the mother and father of the future egoist are prone to self-sacrifice for the sake of their child. Subsequently, a person understands that for the sake of his interests, his parents abandoned theirs. Accordingly, he believes that all other people should do the same.
2. Lack of attention from parents. Here everything goes from the opposite, that is, small man, who did not receive due attention in childhood, subsequently, begins to prove to everyone that he is worth something. In the end, he also becomes an egoist, unable to love and give.
How to communicate with an egoist?
In this life, have to face different people, often come across the most real egoists. Depending on what value this person brings in life, you can make out some types of communication with such people.If the egoist is a random person and you do not have to communicate with him constantly, it is quite possible not to pay attention to some of his unpleasant qualities. You should look at the situation, and conduct a conversation politely without getting personal.
When, however, a person with a selfish character, a relative, friend, colleague, boss, that is, one with whom one would not want to spoil relations, one can feed his vanity by expressing agreement with his point of view. Such people are very fond of when they agree with them and respect his personality. Here it should be noted that for yourself, if possible, it is better not to have long conversations with him.
If an egoist is a loved one, you should understand that you cannot expect attention and care from him. You will have to completely dissolve in it and forget your interests. By the way, friends will also have to be left in the background. After all, an egoist will not tolerate a person with his own opinion next to him, and the opportunity to pay attention to someone else besides him.
Whatever it was, healthy egoism will not interfere with anyone, but the most important thing here is to feel that fine line where it already begins to interfere with others.
In psychology, as in life, there is very little that can be said without even a little bit of uncertainty. Around there are only some assumptions, hypotheses and conjectures. In psychology, there are many theories of personality, even more theories of the occurrence of depression and neurosis, and even psychotherapy techniques ... However, all psychological theories solidarity with each other in at least one important fundamental principle.
Both Christian morality, upbringing, and even more so social norms teach us from the cradle that it is necessary to take care of the people around us, help the weak, take care of relatives, resist dictatorship and tyranny. We are constantly told that the highest achievement of a person is a feat that he performed for the benefit of the whole world. Our children's books contain tales of those heroes who were not afraid to give their lives in order to save other people. We are told that we should experience a twinge of guilt for any manifestation of selfishness. It doesn't matter if he's neurotic or healthy. But how often do we think: who is the egoist? When can a person be considered an egoist?
Egoists... Who is this?
The word "selfishness" comes from the Latin word ego, which means "I". Most often, this concept is interpreted as "selfishness" or, in other words, behavior that is entirely determined by the thought of one's own benefit and benefit, preference for one's interests and desires of others.
Egoism is divided into rational and irrational. In the first case, a person evaluates possible consequences his actions and acts, evaluating the expediency. And in the second case, the actions of the egoist are short-sighted and impulsive, that is, a person is guided solely by his desires, goals and interests.
Are there types of selfishness?
Psychologists say that there are two types of egoism: active and passive.
An active egoist is often well versed in the world around him, knows perfectly well how to make people pleasant and say the necessary compliments at the same time. However, talking with him, you can understand in ten minutes that the person did all this in order to achieve his own selfish goals. For this, he is ready to make any sacrifices, for example, to show hypocrisy, give a bribe, and even sacrifice his own reputation.
But the passive egoist has a completely different line of behavior. They tend to just do nothing for others. It is easier for them to achieve their goals, going "over their heads", and at the same time act arrogantly and rudely. Often, people around them quickly enough understand their true nature, as a result of which they begin to avoid them. Therefore, passive egoists in most cases simply become lonely, without friends and relatives on whom one could rely.
Reasonable or healthy selfishness - is it possible?
Of course. Reasonable egoism is nothing but the call of our soul. The main problem is that an adult who is exceptionally “normal” can no longer hear the voice of that very natural egoism. What comes to his consciousness under the guise of egoism is only pathological narcissism, which is the result of long suppressed impulses of rational egoism.
Selfishness and selfishness: what's the difference?
Selfishness is more a sensation or a feeling than a system of behavior. It is undoubtedly one of constituent parts selfishness, and it is selfishness that is completely based on how we perceive our own Self, the benefits that we bring to society, and also the preference of our interests to the desires of the people around us.
It can be said that egoists are painfully proud, since they are the owners of extreme degrees of self-esteem and are very critical of individuals who try to challenge their superiority.
How do I know if I'm selfish or not?
Such a character trait as selfishness is often invisible due to the fact that people rarely listen carefully to what others tell them. Why? Because they are busy listening only to themselves. Why? Because it's nice, which means it's good.
However, if the egoist would be a little more open to the world around him and would be more attentive to his soul, then he would certainly pay attention to how much inconvenience he causes to loved ones or work colleagues.
Egoists are people who rarely notice that they bring people around just a lot of problems. And how can they understand this if they are selfish? The answer is simple: you just need to listen and look closely. Perhaps the egoist has been told for a long time that he does not have the habit of making his bed, maybe he has been asked for something for a month, but he only brushes it off and refers to the fact that he is very busy and does not have enough time for all sorts of nonsense.
Therefore, if around you has accumulated a large number of dissatisfied with your behavior of people is a reason to think. Excessive touchiness can also be a signal that selfishness has taken root in you.
Diagnosis: selfish. Is this good or bad?
First of all, selfishness is a product of the natural instinct of self-preservation.
If you look from the point of view of ethics, then this is good, because then the need for egoism is determined by the value of human life. This quality is necessary in order to realize one's values and realize them, to fulfill one's moral duty, which consists in bringing the existing skills and knowledge to perfection.
But looking from an ethical point of view, egoists are those who give someone else's life less value than their own. In this case, only the mad and the dead are unselfish.
Thus, in some situations, you may not feel guilty about striving to achieve your goal. Of course, if it does not turn into a habit, because in everything you need to know when to stop. Be a self-sufficient person and don't let your self-esteem suffer from what others think of you.
I have to communicate with an egoist ...
Naturally, it is often extremely difficult to communicate with such people, because they are absorbed exclusively in themselves and, accordingly, hear only themselves. Egoists need listeners, not interlocutors. In addition, it is desirable that the listener be admired and fully support the egoist in his plans and aspirations.
You have two ways to build a relationship with this person. The first is to immediately begin to criticize his views, to remind him of past miscalculations and existing shortcomings. In this case, you have a chance to get rid of the egoist for a long time, if not forever.
However, if you do not want to spoil the relationship, then you should choose the second line of behavior, namely, start praising a colleague, flatter and compliment. Having convinced the interlocutor that he is “the one and only,” interrupt the conversation under the pretext of urgent matters. Then the selfish person will remember you as a reasonable and pleasant conversationalist.
I'm in love with an egoist. What should I do?
If you can, run away from him as soon as possible. Why? Because otherwise your woman or selfish man will only do harm. You will have to completely dissolve into your partner and at the same time lose yourself as an individual and as a person. An egoist is a person who does not tolerate next to him someone who has his own opinion, views, ideals, principles and interests, or who is critical of the egoist.
However, if you are firmly convinced that your chosen one is truly exceptional, then you simply will not notice that your life has ceased to belong to you and revolves only around the interests of your partner and his desires.
Egoists are people who are not capable of real self-sacrifice and love. All of them consider themselves extremely intelligent and, most importantly, capable individuals. Consequently, they are always right, and all those around are fools who know nothing and are worth nothing, and they are always to blame and always owe something to the egoist.
Selfish natures are simply not able to create strong close relationships that would be based on the love and trust of both parties. And without such a relationship, true friendship and love cannot be achieved. That is why egoists are deprived of the opportunity to enjoy family happiness and cannot understand this themselves.
Is it possible to re-educate an egoist?
Possibly, but only in rare cases. If an egoist is a person experiencing a strong shock or, perhaps, even grief, then there is hope that he will understand: people around him also live who have their own desires, feelings, worries, problems, dreams. But it is almost impossible to remake an adult person, unless he wants to change himself and asks for your help, while applying his efforts and strength. Therefore, if your partner really loves you, is afraid of losing you and is ready to change for you, then there will undoubtedly be relapses. You just have to be patient.
Aesop demonstrated an example of useful egoism. The legendary fabulist was a slave. One day, he and the rest of the workers on their own backs had to deliver a load to distant lands. Aesop volunteered to carry the heaviest burden - with bread, which was intended for workers. The whole "caravan" praised a sympathetic colleague. The days passed, the provisions melted - and the bag became lighter. The sage arrived at his destination lightly. So Aesop took into account the interests of the team, but did not offend himself - and remained the winner. Hence the conclusion: good self-love is when you do good to others, but do not forget about yourself. Moreover, the position “I am equal to others” is appropriate in any area of life: at work, in the family, in communication with friends. In the office, this is work according to the rules: “I share my experience and knowledge, but I want decent pay and respect from my colleagues for this.” At home, a different scenario: “I take care of my loved ones, cook lunches and dinners, but sometimes I can afford to sit in an armchair with a book in my hands, as my household does.” In friendship - relationships of the type "I help my comrades, but in Hard time I'll ask them for support." This is how harmony can be achieved when a person is loved and respected at the same time. It is necessary to find out whether it is always bad to be selfish?
0 59787
Photo gallery: Is it always bad to be selfish?
Psychologists do not operate with the concept of “healthy egoism”. They talk about normal self-esteem. A person who objectively evaluates his strengths also protects his desires. He is able to defend his personal territory (the space of his interests, attachments and habits) when someone encroaches on it. And at the same time, he does not violate the private boundaries of others, he takes into account the needs of his neighbors. Golden mean Self-esteem is developed in childhood with the help of proper upbringing. But, alas, often people get parents - not very talented teachers. And then the arrow “I am ...” unreasonably rises - or falls ...
The motto of such people is: "Everything for him, nothing for me." They will rush to work with a temperature, borrow money, although they themselves do not have enough, give up their place in the minibus - despite their fatigue. Their phone does not stop, because it is they who will always help out and help. Altruists are needed, but behind their backs they often call them the contemptuous nickname "nursery". And they use their pliability at any opportunity.
From low self-esteem
They were usually subjected to dictatorial upbringing - they practiced a policy of prohibitions and a belt. They also manipulated their feelings. In childhood, altruists often heard: “If you behave well, we will love you, but if you become capricious, we will give you a woman.” Having matured, such people try to buy the love of others with exemplary behavior. And they remain psychological dwarfs. They feel very small - that's why they try to please everyone in order to grow in their own eyes.
Such individuals are often emotionally drained, depressed and in danger of losing themselves. How in ancient Greek myth about Narcissus and the nymph Echo, who adored the narcissistic youth so much that she lost her ego. Unconditional altruists run the risk of not finding an answer to the questions: “who am I?”, “What do I mean in this world?”. And they will suffer from it.
Learn to consider your motives and desires. First you need to decide what is important to you and defend your personal territory. You need to set life priorities and follow them. Sometimes you can do it yourself. But in most cases independent work impossible. It is worth seeking help from a psychologist. Effective - cognitive-behavioral method. With its help, the thoughts of a person that affect his behavior change. For example, an individual strives to always help everyone in the office, so a lot of work is put on him. His emotional reaction- sadness, because he really does not like to plow. And between behavior and emotions, thoughts flash: “I don’t work well,” “I’m not appreciated.” Conclusion: try to think differently: “I am just learning this job”, “I do this job better than anyone”, “I am a professional”, “I will be appreciated”. Rational thoughts will help to change the behavior to a more adequate one, that is, to take the task according to one's strength. So the altruist will take a step towards healthy egoism: he will do as much work as he can do without harming his physical and moral health. And experience joy.
Similarly, an excessively altruistic position in the family and with friends is corrected. But our consultant does not recommend auto-training. This measure will only smooth the problem, but will not solve it completely. Of course, the rise of the Ego star will be noticed - and many will not like it. Against possible reproaches, there is a good way: best defense is an attack. For example, if questions arise at work, you can object: “Are they really interested in me, because I finish everything for others? I'm doing my job." And you will be considered. You can say to a comrade or loved one: “What is friendship (love) - to live for you and forget about yourself?” Those who treat you really well will accept you as you are.
I don't see anyone
An inveterate egoist puts himself at the forefront and does not consider anyone. On a hike, he will slip his backpack to another tourist, strives to eat the most delicious at dinner, will not lend money under any circumstances, and in the office will certainly shift his task onto the shoulders of colleagues.
From high self-esteem. It happens when parents take care of their child too much, consider him the navel of the earth, automatically forgive any pranks. Emotionally, the egoist will not suffer too much. But there is a risk that others will turn away from him. This is especially bad at a respectable age, when a person will need help, but they will not want to support him.
Learn to consider the interests of others. You need to feel whether the other person likes the situation to which you bring him. And if this cannot be caught on a non-verbal level, it is better to directly ask the person about it. In the psychologist's office, inflated self-esteem is corrected quite simply. Using examples from life, the specialist shows the advantages of “going to the people” - the ability to take into account the opinions of others, the desire to help people. His Royal Highness the Egoist will understand the benefits of such behavior and change absolute monarchy full of selfishness constitutional government"I live for myself and for others."
The attitude of colleagues and acquaintances will change. People will smile more often at the “reformed egoist”, invite him to visit, the notebook will be replenished with new phone numbers. Opening up to the world and receiving feedback from it is what it is worth working on yourself for.
The mythology of the egoist
In fact, genetics has nothing to do with it, as well as whether it is always bad to be selfish. Excessive selfishness is a consequence of improper upbringing, and not the work of chromosomes. But the misconception that selfishness is inherited exists because often people copy their parents' upbringing methods. And if a person was raised in an atmosphere of "you are everything" - most likely, he will pass on similar codes to his child.
Selfish ones are more often men, selfless ones are women. The maternal instinct is strong - it is natural for women to take care of others. Also, women are more adapted to do several things at the same time than men. Guy Julius Caesar can stand in the kitchen and write a report - it's easier for her to come to a consensus. Hence the altruism at work, in the family.
A man sees one goal and cannot be sprayed on another. To achieve something in life, it is easier for him to become an egoist. Plus, there is a difference in education. The boy is often made the main one, he is given the role of the successor of the family name. While the girl is taught to sacrifice herself for the sake of others. But this does not mean that all self-lovers gather on Mars, and philanthropists - on Venus. It happens that ardent egoists are ladies, and good-natured altruists are men.
Housewives are altruists
The words “I gave birth to you and raised you, you are indebted for my self-sacrifice” is an example of veiled female selfishness. lady by own will becomes a housewife (husband earns). And then she emphasizes to her sons and daughters that she sacrificed her career for them. Alas, in such children, a sense of guilt towards their mother is deposited in the subconscious, and so-called suicidal behavior is often formed. They lead a reckless life in the style of "my being is worth nothing" - driving cars at breakneck speeds, climbing mountains, skydiving (setting changes when such people have a family). You can correct the position of female pseudo-sacrifice if you help her to realize herself outside the home. For example, to do charity work, creativity - to prove yourself not only at the stove, but also in other areas of life.
“Love yourself, sneeze at everyone, and success awaits you in life” - the truth of the Soviet cartoon about imp No. 13 today can partly become quite relevant. Although, of course, many do not need to learn to sneeze at everyone - they are already born with this magnificent anti-human set of qualities.
But to learn to love yourself, value your time and work, respect your opinion and personal space, be honest with yourself and not succumb to external provocations of the offender-fate - this is all healthy egoism, which many lack so much. And all because for some reason they believe that loving themselves is shameful and ignoble. Therefore, they live 30 years and 3 years unhappily with each other, but they do not get divorced for the sake of children.Therefore, "valuable employees" and work for a penny for 12 hours a day, supposedly for the benefit of the common cause. And that is why they lend their entire salary to negligent and lazy pseudo-friends, who then do not even think of giving back these honestly earned pennies. The consequences of such altruism, as a rule, do not lead to good and create only an appearance for the foundation of a sense of one's own nobility.
5 "FOR" in favor of healthy selfishness:
1. In work
Do you know who the lucky ones are who don't have to suffer every Monday morning? These are those who love their work and go to it with pleasure! Work takes up too much of our lives, so you need to do what you like. If the profession of a marshmallow stacker at a factory is, to put it mildly, not the limit of your dreams, but a temporary salvation from lack of money, then you must at least understand and set yourself goals for further development.
Look for ways and ways for your own development at any, even the most seemingly boring and tedious job. Have a favorite hobby? Get him on the right track and don't be afraid to learn new things and be honest about admitting to yourself that you're in the wrong business. By the way, absolutely every person has unique abilities. Therefore, excuses from the series - I have no talents and I can't do anything - will not work here.
2. In money
Money is the equivalent of your work, nerves, efforts and efforts that you spend in 8 (or even all 12) working hours. Therefore, if it is not in your rules to goof around at work and the process, you give yourself up with all responsibility, then you should evaluate your work accordingly.
Don't be afraid to openly ask for a raise if you know the time is right and your boss isn't in a hurry to give you a raise for overtime and a busy schedule. And do not be afraid to say goodbye to your familiar place if you understand that there are no prospects, and work has long turned into an exhausting routine.
3. About relationships
Almost every woman publicly declares that she needs a man who will guess all her desires and carry in her arms. And yet they all lie! In fact, we secretly dream of a recalcitrant, unpredictable, arrogant impudent. To be tormented by guesses about his feelings and wait for him to finally break our heart to smithereens and not even apologize.
And all because you can fall desperately in love only with someone who loves himself! According to psychologists, we choose those who treat themselves in exactly the same way as we treat ourselves. We lack healthy selfishness, so we crave to fill the spiritual emptiness with feeling and find it in abundance in those who know how to love themselves.
4. About sex
What can we say, but in this sphere of life egoism is the place. A man feels like a real hero in bed only when he is sure that he is able to give the girl pleasure. Therefore, during this very act of love, you can safely forget about your hairstyle, extra pounds, which are visible only to ourselves, and you can not worry at all about how good a man will be.
Give in to passion and think about your pleasure, then you yourself will learn to enjoy the process and will not receive the offensive status of a “log” from a man.
5. About children
Stories that “we haven’t divorced my husband for 20 years” just because of the children are not uncommon. Quite often, people who have long been unloved to each other believe that it is much safer to maintain the illusion of a family than to try to explain to a child what happens when mom and dad stop loving each other and want to live separately, but do not stop loving a common child. As a result, create the appearance happy family such altruists fail, and the child becomes a witness to quarrels, insults, or even worse, fights between parents.
The only way to make a child happy is to be happy yourself. And if necessary, then alone. Sacrificing oneself to stereotypes, fears and fear of responsibility is not the most best example parental behavior for the next generation. Moreover, often parents who have sacrificed their careers and personal lives for the sake of "allegedly" raising a child, then consider themselves entitled to demand the same from their child: sacrifices and giving up their personal lives in favor of taking care of themselves.
On the way to healthy egoism, you can pick up a sick one. How, then, to determine that your egoism is within the framework of common sense and has not already run away into independent swimming?
So, your selfishness is healthy if:
Achieving your goal, you do not infringe on the interests of other people;
know how to seek compromises and benefits in any situation;
in order to love yourself, you do not need a positive assessment of others and blind adoration of other people;
you have your own opinion and can freely express it, but do not seek to impose it on other people;
ready to protect themselves and their loved ones from dangers in any way;
you know how to give constructive criticism without getting personal;
do not want to obey anyone, but do not seek to subordinate others to yourself;
do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of others and do not demand sacrifices for your sake;
know how to respect the wishes and capabilities of other people, but do not step over your principles;
Having made a decision that you have been thinking about for a long time, you are not tormented by feelings of guilt.
I would like to end this article with the words of Howard Roark, the protagonist of the novel The Source, an American writer with Russian roots Ayn Rand: “In an absolute sense, an egoist is by no means a person who sacrifices others. This is a person who is above the need to use others. He manages without them. He has no relation to them either in his goals, or in the motives of actions, or in thinking, or in desires, or in the sources of his energy. He is not for other people and he does not ask others to be for him. This is the only possible form of brotherhood and mutual respect between people.”
