Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb It's okay to dream. How to get what you really want. Barbara Sher: Dreaming is good. How to get what you really want Find your calling

Barbara Sher

The job of your dreams. How to make money doing what you love

Barbara Sher

Barbara Sher's Idea Book

How to Discover What You Really Want (Even If You Have No Clue)

Published with permission from ICM Partners

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Dreaming is not bad

Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb

What to dream about

Barbara Sher

I refuse to choose!

Barbara Sher

Find your calling

Ken Robinson

remote. Office not required

Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson

Anyone who wants to do what they love and still pay the rent

Introduction

I don't want to be in the business of selling, buying or processing anything. I don't want to sell what I've bought, or buy what's sold, or work on what's sold, or repair what's sold, bought, or processed. You see, I'm not interested.

John Cusack's character in Cameron Crowe's Say Something (1989)

What is your new book about, Barbara? I was asked by a security officer at LaGuardia Airport, from where I recently flew. He sees me so often that we have become friends for a long time. This time he was standing at the second X-ray scanner, about two meters from me, and it was noisy at the airport.

“How to do what you love and not die of hunger,” I shouted.

Without exception, everyone in both lines stopped and looked at me.

Usually, if you're screaming in New York, no one stops and looks your way. But here everything was different.

The employee who was checking my luggage leaned closer.

- Can I talk to you? I really need to come up with something. I don't want to leave the kids alone all the time,” she whispered.

The man in front of me, with a laptop protruding from his briefcase, walked out of the queue, gave a business card and asked:

- Write me please.

- Where can I get your book? asked the woman behind me. When will it be in bookstores?

I definitely hit a sensitive chord.

I have always liked books that offer many interesting and unexpected ways to make money. Even before I started Idea Parties and Success Team Seminars in 1975, I had a decent library on the subject. Here and about 365 ways to make a living without a job, and about dollars that are knocking on the door, and about 100 ways to start a business with $1,000. I still review these books periodically, although many of the ideas there are outdated.

But most of the ideas for the book you are reading came from my daily work. The main and favorite component of this work - in private consultations, in telephone lessons, TV programs, seminars, or at any time when they recognize me and start a conversation - is to try to find ideas that allow seemingly impossible dreams to come true. It usually goes something like this.

I ask: "Well, what do you want to be when you grow up?" And my interlocutors answer: “I don’t know.”

So far this has never been true. Within minutes, we found out that:

1. They know perfectly well what they want, but it seems so impossible that it was never seriously considered.

2. They want too much and can't choose just one.

The second scenario I usually deal with in a matter of seconds: “Who said you have to choose one? Do everything." And I get great results right away. At first, people are silent and frozen - sort of like a horse in a paddock, which suddenly noticed that the gates were open in front of it. Then they smile broadly, and I can almost hear them thinking, “Exactly!” And they look like a mountain has fallen off their shoulders.

But the first scenario is more difficult. Why do dreams seem so impossible? Because these people, like most, rely on common sense and their dreams stop before they reach the starting gate. They believe that what they love should bring money - money usually means a regular salary. Or that the dream is expensive: to start your own mini-hotel, you need to buy a Victorian house. Or that you need a lot of experience and relevant education, while all this is not only not necessary, but can also make it difficult to find a job. They always have a lot of installations: they are already too old, and there is no market for their product, and there is not enough time ... and so on in the same vein.

Among those who turn to me for help, these are approximately 99%. And it turned out that the best way to help was to show as many completely new ideas as possible, which would blow their mold and demonstrate how limited and inaccurate traditional ideas can be.

* * *

In general, many dreams die undeservedly. People give up because they lack information. Corporate employees are convinced that there is only one way to start a business - with mandatory business plans, bank loans and investors. Those who belong to the teaching and scientific community believe that education and an impressive track record are indispensable for any occupation. However, some do exactly what they love and make decent money - without business plans, loans, sitting in an office from nine to five, or a degree.

So, if you too think that it is impossible to do what you really love (and not starve to death), it's time to look at things in a new way. You need a different approach, a different perspective, innovative strategies. In other words, it takes you many, many ideas to finally see truly original ways to do whatever your heart desires.

Fresh ideas are a marvelous thing, absolutely necessary to plan a path to a goal that satisfies you. Of course, even the best idea "does not give milk," as my rural neighbors often say. But don't worry. When you come across ideas that pique your interest, this book has a first-class way to tailor them to your needs. (See Appendix 2 Idea Soup.)

(ratings: 6 , average: 2,67 out of 5)

Title: Dreaming is not harmful. How to get what you really want
Author: Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb
Year: 2004
Genre: Self-improvement, Foreign applied and popular science literature, Personal growth, Foreign psychology

About the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb

Dreams are something for which it is worth not just living, but striving for more, developing, setting high goals and constantly moving forward. Dreams make our life bright, rich, interesting and very happy. Everyone should have a dream, but it is important not just to dream, but to do everything to make it come true.

Unfortunately, in the modern world, we are used to putting off pleasant things for later, for a better time, dealing with such problems as work, family. And sometimes we do not notice that life turns into something colorless, ordinary. It seems that there is a dream, and I want it to come true, but there are a lot of reasons and problems that prevent this.

This situation occurs when we treat ourselves and everything that happens around us incorrectly. The book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to get what you really want” by Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb will help you understand how to dream about something in order to make it come true.

We are arranged in such a way that we put work and material well-being in the first place, considering them the most important and valuable. As a result, our dreams go far into the background, and as a result, we completely forget about them. Disappointment, despondency comes, we feel unhappy.

The book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to get what you really want” helps to build your life correctly. First, you will collect all your dreams, because if we dream about something, then it means something to us, we need it. The author helps to understand what will change if our dream comes true, because we need it for something. Then you will learn how to properly achieve goals with the help of practical tasks.

Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb talk about people who had dreams and couldn't achieve them, but changed themselves and ended up achieving more. Sometimes we incorrectly set goals for ourselves or cannot assess the scope of a dream, its purpose and role in our life.

One moment that I really liked in the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to get what you really want” is to clearly imagine yourself, what we will become after our dream comes true. Presenting the result, the emotions that will overwhelm you at that moment, makes you one step closer to the goal.

Modern man is arranged in such a way that it is easier for him to act according to the schedule. For example, to complete the work in a strict time frame. The same applies to dreams. You need to clearly decide for yourself when it should be implemented, and actively work in this period of time.

The book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want by Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb has tons of great tips and practice. There are some points that may be outdated and not quite suitable for our society. The book is also aimed at the target audience - Americans, whose lifestyle is different from our country.

On the other hand, the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to get what you really want” is incredibly helpful and positive. Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb very easily and clearly described how to act to make dreams come true. Recommended reading for anyone who has dreams, and even more so for those who believe that they do not have dreams.

Published in Russian for the first time.

On our site about books, you can download the site for free or read online the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want by Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb in epub, fb2, txt, rtf, pdf formats for iPad, iPhone, Android and Kindle. The book will give you a lot of pleasant moments and a real pleasure to read. You can buy the full version from our partner. Also, here you will find the latest news from the literary world, learn the biography of your favorite authors. For novice writers, there is a separate section with useful tips and tricks, interesting articles, thanks to which you can try your hand at writing.

Quotes from the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb

Winning, in my understanding, means getting what you want. Not what your dad and mom would like for you, not what you think is achievable in this world, but exactly what you want - your desires, fantasies and dreams. A person becomes a winner when he loves his life, when he gets up every morning, rejoicing in a new day, when he likes what he does, even if sometimes it is a little scary.

The surest, best, and most fun way to learn anything is to do it.

If you do not have enough strength, you constantly want to sleep, you do everything through strength, then the reason may not be at all a lack of vitamins and low blood sugar. Maybe they just didn't find their purpose. You will immediately know your path as soon as you step on it, because you will immediately be overwhelmed with energy and creative ideas.

The first thing you need, son, is money. Here's a loan. We figured that you could return it in four years. Harry has a company here that will provide you with seed and fertilizer to get you started. I don't grow anything on my lowland land, so you can use it for now. You can also take my equipment, here are the keys to the barn. We have trade connections in every city in the state, and “Old Sam has trucks. If you need anything else, just come by, okay? We'll drop in on you from time to time to see how you're doing."
So began Jimmy Carter, a man who achieved everything on his own.

The only person you should please is yourself.

All we think of as geniuses are people who have eluded the need to lull the curious, interested child in them. On the contrary, they dedicated their lives to equip this child with all the tools and skills needed to play at an adult level.

Who are you really? You forgot. But you knew! We knew in childhood, quite a child.

There is a wonderful saying in Mexico: La ida es corta, pero ancha (“Life is short but wide”). I'm not very sure about "short". Have you ever thought that you have something to fill in another twenty, thirty or forty years?

I intend to do everything I can. I'm determined to get everything I can. And I am convinced that the question “what do you want?” there is only one answer - "everything"!

Scientific editor Alika Kalaida

Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

Dedicated to my mother who always believed in me

Foreword

It's hard to believe that thirty years have passed since I held my first book in my hands, looking at the cover with the title "Dreaming is not harmful" and my name. My life hasn't changed. At least not right away. Like ten years before, I raised two boys alone, worked hard and struggled to make ends meet. I'm not saying that I was almost forty-five and by the standards of 1979 it was considered that it was too late to start something new, especially for a woman.

But that day, I felt like Cinderella at the ball, because my book was published. Everything was like a dream. In the depths of my soul, I was always afraid that I would live my life and no one would know about me. Everything was fine now. I had written a book, a good book, and I had no doubt about it, because it was based on a carefully designed two-day seminar that I successfully led for almost three years. I knew that this seminar helped people. Before my eyes, they used my techniques to help each other achieve the seemingly impossible, started their own business, got their plays staged in theaters in New York, received grants and went to Appalachia to photograph local kids, entered the prestigious law school. faculty and graduated from it, found ways, assistance and adopted children. These dreams were as unique as their owners.

I hoped that Dreaming Is Good would help people, as my seminar helped them, but I wasn't sure. The seminars were recorded (a lot of audio cassettes - after all, each lasted about twelve hours), everything was stated in the book in the same words as in the classroom. But there people were working face to face, and I was worried that the book would not be able to have the desired impact.

I didn't have to worry for long.

A few weeks after the book came out, I started receiving letters. Real letters in envelopes, handwritten and stamped. First, a few letters a week, then more and more, and within six months my closet was full of cardboard boxes of letters. Readers thanked me for my practical approach and simplicity - for the fact that I understand their lives, for helping them pay attention to their dreams. I warned them that they would face fear and negativity, and they appreciated it. They liked my advice to complain to someone from time to time.

Some, drawing attention to the training origin of "Dreaming is not harmful", began to read my book in groups. Sometimes it took them a year to go through it together and make their dreams come true. Some said they studied Dreaming Well in college, others wanted to build "success teams" using the book as a guide and asked for help. Many simply read the book and said they no longer feel alone. By letters they let me into their lives, they wanted to say that thanks to “Dreaming is not harmful” they were understood, heard and found help. I experienced an incomparable feeling.

Thirty years have passed and I still receive letters of thanks, sometimes from people who, years later, re-read It Is Good to Dream and tell me that the book helps them again and again. Sometimes their grown-up children even write to me.

I have a small stack of the very first letters. And then there are a few emails that continue to come to this day. But no matter how much feedback I get, I always feel honored and excited when I read it and try to respond personally.

Since 1979, "Dreaming is not harmful" has been constantly reprinted. Publishers were happy to take my new manuscripts and publish new books, which also turned out well.

Thanks to "Dreaming is not harmful" I became "someone". Journalists approached me for comments on their articles. I have spoken hundreds of times to audiences ranging from the largest Fortune 100 companies and firms that look for work abroad for laid-off employees, to unschooling parent conferences and gifted children in rural schools. I have performed in the USA, Canada, Australia and Western Europe, and even in countries that have recently got rid of the Iron Curtain and want to learn how to dream again.

As of this writing, I have completed five special editions of my speeches for fundraising marathons in support of public television channels and plan to continue. Sometimes they even recognize me at airports, which is surprising, because usually after long-haul flights I am disheveled, tired, and even with a dog in my arms. I don't look like a celebrity and I'm not addressed as a celebrity. We talk like old friends, and I really like it.

From a personal point of view, the success of "Dreaming is Good" exceeded all my expectations. I have had a rare and amazing opportunity to help people realize their dreams by offering them practical and working techniques. Help even if they don't see their purpose, don't know how to believe in themselves, or can't keep a positive attitude. I make them laugh at their own negative thinking and show them that they already have everything they need to create the life of their dreams. It's just that isolation destroys desires, and outside support works wonders.

Now my message, which was first heard in "Dreaming is not harmful", has resonated with millions of people. Thanks to this, I can earn a living doing what I really love. Like everyone, I had my ups and downs, but I never got bored. Not for a second. So thirty years flew by like a flash.

And it all started with the book you are holding in your hands. I sincerely hope that "Dreaming Is Not Harmful" will give you the same interesting and full of meaning life as it did me. Moreover, I hope it inspires you to help others achieve their dreams. This will make me the happiest.

Introduction

This book is written to make you a winner.

No, it's not meant to shove you like a tough American football coach - "Go and stomp on everyone there" - unless, of course, you yourself strive for it with all your heart. However, I do not think that most of us enjoy the opportunity to trample on rivals and remain alone on an imaginary peak. This is just a consolation prize, to which those who at one time were not explained what it means to win are eager for. I have my own definition - simple and radical.

Winning, in my understanding, means getting what you want. Not what your dad and mom would like for you, not what you think is achievable in this world, but exactly what you want you are yours desires, fantasies and dreams. A person becomes a winner when he loves his life, when he gets up every morning, rejoicing in a new day, when he likes what he does, even if sometimes it is a little scary.

Barbara Sher's book was published in 1979 and has since gone through many reprints, all the while remaining consistently popular. She helped thousands of people realize their dreams, turn into reality even seemingly unrealizable and fantastic plans. To do this, the author has his own proven unique technique, tested many times in life.

Read online Dreaming is not harmful

About the book

A big plus is that this is a book-practical guide, a book-training. It is based on seminars that Barbara Sher conducted for three years. In fact, the text is a recorded lesson. The author says that in the book everything is even explained in the same words as in the trainings. Barbara Sher communicates positively and kindly with her readers, knows how to talk about complex things in a simple, understandable and accessible way. She teaches us to take our dreams seriously, even though they may seem absolutely unbelievable and impossible. Realizing the possibility of fulfilling your desires, believing in yourself is the first step on the way to a dream. It is very important to correctly and specifically formulate your goal.

Moreover, Barbara Sher does not call for changing herself, she is just sure that this is impossible. The author offers to accept yourself once and for all and build around the world that you want. The book tells a lot of stories of people who succeeded, even if at first their desires seemed to everyone, including themselves, too bold and exotic. Barbara Sher insists - once they succeed, anyone can succeed. You need to leave all the excuses, overcome the fears and doubts that only interfere, and begin to act. The entire second part of the book is devoted to this. Here are exercises that will help you move forward step by step towards success. Barbara Sher shows how to turn an abstract dream into a concretely achievable one. It tells you how to make a plan, who to ask for support. Reminds that on the way to a dream, it will be quite useful to reward yourself for your efforts. The author gives readers ready-made recipes that really work.

The book can be recommended to anyone who wants to understand himself, feels that he is ready for change, but cannot decide on them. Barbara Sher motivates and inspires to start the journey towards a better tomorrow. “Dreaming is not harmful” has long been appreciated and loved by readers abroad. The legendary book is published in Russian for the first time.

Current page: 1 (total book has 22 pages) [available reading excerpt: 5 pages]

Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb
Dreaming is not bad. How to get what you really want

wishcraft

How to Get What You Really Want

Scientific editor Alika Kalaida

Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

* * *

Dedicated to my mother

who always believed in me

Foreword

I didn't have to worry for long.

Since 1979, "Dreaming is not harmful" has been constantly reprinted. Publishers were happy to take my new manuscripts and publish new books, which also turned out well.

Thanks to "Dreaming is not harmful" I became "someone". Journalists approached me for comments on their articles. I have spoken hundreds of times to audiences ranging from the largest Fortune 100 companies and firms that look for work abroad for laid-off employees to parent conferences on unschooling. 1
Unschooling is a kind of home, family education based on the interests of the child. As a rule, it does not involve systematic studies and following training programs. Here and further approx. ed.

And gifted children in rural schools. I have performed in the USA, Canada, Australia and Western Europe, and even in countries that have recently got rid of the Iron Curtain and want to learn how to dream again.

Introduction

This book is written to make you a winner.

Is it about you? If not, what needs to be changed to become a winner? What is your most cherished dream? Maybe lead a quiet peaceful life on his two-hectare farm? Swim out of a huge Rolls-Royce under the flashes of reporters' cameras? Photographing rhinos in Africa, becoming the VP of the company you currently work for, adopting a child, making a film… starting your own business or learning to play the piano… opening a theater with a restaurant or getting a pilot's license? Your dream is as unique as you are. But whatever it may be - modest or grandiose, fantastic or real, distant, like the moon in the night sky, or very close - I want you to start taking it seriously right now.

We have always been taught that dreams are something frivolous, superficial, but in reality everything is not at all like that. This is not a prank that can wait while you are doing "serious" things. This is a necessity. What you want is what you need. Your cherished dream is rooted in your very essence, it is made up of information about who you are now and who you can become. You must take care of her. You must respect her. And above all, you must have it.

This is available to you. You can.

Wait a minute! You have already heard this. And if you are like me, then the words “you can!” enough to sound a wake-up call. “The last time I bought into this, I hurt my forehead! The world is harsh, and I'm not in the best shape. I don't think I'm ready for all this positive thinking stuff again. Perhaps you can. And I have experienced it in my own skin, and I know that I can’t.”

I've seen a lot of books and programs that promise just ten simple steps to self-respect, self-discipline, willpower, and positive thinking, and I know what I'm talking about. This book is different. Written for people like me. People who were born without outstanding qualities and lost hope of acquiring them. Are you persistent in achieving your goals? Me not. As soon as I started sticking to at least some kind of routine on Monday, by Wednesday I was already giving up this business. Self-discipline? Once I went for a run in the morning. About four years ago. Self confidence? Oh, she filled me up after the success seminars. It took exactly three days. I'm a pro at postponing. I love watching old movies when I have to do important things. My positive attitude is inevitably replaced by fits of despondency. As my kindly but tactless friend once said, "Barbara, if you can do it, anyone can."

And I did.

Eleven years ago, I landed in New York, divorced, with two small children, penniless, and a bachelor's degree in anthropology. (Laughing? So you know how much life is worth from this degree.) We were forced to live on welfare while I was looking for a job. Fortunately, I found what I liked. I worked with people, not with papers. Over the next ten years, she opened two very successful businesses, wrote two books and one study guide for her seminars, and raised two healthy, sweet boys. (And she also lost nine kilograms. And even quit smoking. Twice.) And yet she has not changed a bit for the better. I'm still constantly distracted by doing something. I often find myself in a very bad mood. But I have achieved everything myself and I love my life even at times when I hate myself. By my own definition, I am a winner. So you can become one too.

I relate to this short word as a starving person to bread. Ten years ago, if some kind soul had told me exactly how to turn my dreams into reality, instead of kindly assuring me that it was even possible, I would have saved a lot of time and not suffered. While I tried to believe in myself and overcome bad habits, I failed and blamed myself for this. This went on until she gave up trying to fix herself and tried to come up with techniques that would work in any conditions (because she was not going to live to the grave without getting what she wanted, deserve it or not). It was then that I came across the secret of those who have achieved true success. It's not about the genes of a superhero and not a steel grip, as the myths say. Everything is much easier. What is needed is to know the right techniques and get support.

You don't need mantras, self-hypnosis, character building programs, or a new toothpaste to get started creating the life of your dreams. You need hands-on problem-solving techniques, planning, skills, and access to relevant materials, information, and contacts. (See chapters 6, 7, and 8.) You need a smart strategy for managing feelings and weaknesses like fear, discouragement, and laziness that won't go away. (See chapters 5 and 9.) Changes in your life can cause temporary emotional storms in your relationships, and you need to learn how to deal with this while gaining the extra friendship support you need to make risky decisions. (See chapter 10.)

The "embodying" part of the book is based on the needs and capabilities of people - such as they are, and not as they should be. I had to deal with all this on my own, through trial and error. I don't think you have to go that hard way either. So I'm sharing with you the results of my experiments: the techniques tested in the "success teams". Thousands of men and women have used them to make dreams come true in everything from stud farming to hand-binding books, from choir singing to city planning, from writing children's books to selling securities. The second half of “Dreaming is not harmful” is a detailed answer to the question “how?”. Now I will tell you only one thing: you do not need to change yourself, because, firstly, this is impossible, and secondly, you are already good enough. With the help of pencil, paper, your imagination, your family and friends, you will create a life support system that will take care of all the hard work and allow you to operate with maximum energy.

But, of course, first you have to find out what you want.

The first half of the book is devoted to desires. Unlike the ability to turn dreams into reality, the very real - akin to engineering or carpentry - the ability to desire does not need to be learned. In humans, it is innate, like the ability to fly in birds. You don't need anything extra to get your imagination going, but there are a few things you need to get rid of. From the enchanting spell "it can't be done". And from the heavy burden of disappointment that you probably carry after the last unsuccessful attempt to fulfill your dream. Many of us have never been taught how to make a dream come true, and after a few attempts, we have become convinced that it is impossible or terribly difficult. So we began to aim lower and be content with what seems affordable. But here's what's interesting: the art of granting wishes, which the book talks about, will not work if you do not put your wildest hopes and most cherished dreams into the cause. Methods and strategies explain how win, but our desires are extremely important why, is the force that drives the entire mechanism.

Our language is full of expressions about the impracticability and helplessness of desires - “one will not achieve anything by wanting”, “wishing the moon from the sky”, “an incorporeal fantasy”, “a hopeless dreamer”. Fluff is everything. Desires and dreams are the source of all human effort. See for yourself: mankind has been striving for the Moon for many millennia, and in the 20th century we got there. That's what desire, together with skill, can do: it can change reality. Yes, one desire is not enough for this. It, like steam without an engine, will simply dissipate in the air. But a technique without desire is like a cold and empty engine: it will not work. If something seems difficult, stop and try to understand what exactly is difficult for you: paperwork? dig a ditch? clean the floor? If necessary, you can do this, but it is incredibly difficult to put your heart into such an activity and devote your whole life to it.

In our society there are a lot of hardworking and responsible people who know how get the job done, but never felt they were allowed to look inward and find out what what they want to do. If you are one of them, then the first part of the book will be a revelation for you. It will help you understand how and why you lost touch with your dream, and tell you about simple and enjoyable exercises to bring it back. And then help make what you love a real goal. Doing what you love is far from impractical or irresponsible, rather it can be compared to an oil well: you get a burst of energy that will take you to the pinnacle of success.

On the other hand, if you started reading the book with a clear understanding of your desires and goals and are only looking for specific instructions on how to achieve them, you may be tempted to jump straight to the second part. But still read the wish. It will be easier for you to formulate goals as clearly as possible, which is already half the victory. I promise this will expand your understanding of what can be done in one human life.

The famous psychotherapist Rollo May wrote a book called "Love and Will" 2
Rollo May. Love and will. M.: "Vintage", 2013.

My book is about love and skill, the two most important components of real success. And now let's move on to you.

Part I
Human genius: feeding and care

Chapter 1
Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are? A very interesting question. And how interesting it would be if those who asked us about this in childhood really wanted to get a sensible answer. Unfortunately, they did not need the answer at all - they already had it ready. They talked:

“Who do you think you are? Sarah Bernard? Take off that shawl this minute and wash the dishes!”

“Who do you think you are? Charles Darwin? Get that nasty turtle off my desk and go do some arithmetic!”

"Are you an astronaut? A scientist like Madame Curie? Movie star? Who do you think you are anyway?"

Familiar? Many of us have heard this question growing up. Usually at that critical moment when we are especially vulnerable, because we decide on something for the sake of our dreams, plans, cherished thoughts. But just imagine that this question is asked with interest and participation, without causticity and the usual contemptuous tone.

I propose to conduct a very simple experiment. I will ask you this question again. But now try to hear the question in it. A question that is waiting for your answer. Who do you think you are?

Exercise 1. Who do you think you are?
Take a blank sheet of paper (you and I will use a lot of paper) and answer - from a few phrases to half a page - the question: who do you think you are? I'm very interested. What are the four or five main traits that define your personality? There are no right and wrong answers here, and there is only one rule: do not think too long and hard. Just write down the first thing that comes to mind: "It's me."

Now take a look at your answer. I'm more than fifty percent sure that you wrote something like:

"I'm twenty-eight, Catholic, single, working as a secretary in an electronics company, living in Buffalo."

"Height 178 cm, weight 79 kg, black-haired, brown-eyed, Italian, former football player, vote Democratic, Vietnam veteran, electrical appliance salesman."

"Former teacher, married to the man she loves, a general practitioner, mother of three amazing children: Marty, thirteen, Jimmy, eight, and Eliza, five and a half."

Or:

“Cherny, was born in Detroit, the eldest of five children in the family. My father worked for General Motors. Studied at Wayne University, B.A. Programmer. Next summer I will marry the girl I have loved since high school.”

When we meet, we usually say something like: “I work here, I live there, married, not married, I earn money, I don’t earn money, my mother is so-and-so, a Protestant, I go to school.” Having exchanged such data about our life and work, we think that we have told the main thing and we have some idea about each other.

What can I say? We are wrong.

Undoubtedly, all this is very important for us. Our life, in fact, consists of life experience, history, roles, relationships, earnings, skills. Some of these we choose. Some of what we call our choice is actually a compromise. Something totally random.

But that is not your essence.

You may be surprised, but if I, sitting next to you, helped you choose a goal and plan an ideal life for you, then I would not ask about anything like that. I wouldn't care how you make money, unless you love your job. I would not ask about what you usually include in a resume - experience, skills, education. Too often we are great at doing things we never chose to do, things we were forced to do, like typing or scrubbing floors (as in my case). It's not at all what we like.

When it comes time to choose a business that you would do with joy and energy, a business that would bring you stunning success, your skills are completely unimportant. Moreover, they can even get in the way if you do not severely relegate them to the background. Forget about them for a while.

Yes, yes, that's right. I want you to forget now about your job (unless you love it), your family (even if you love it), responsibilities, education - everything that makes up your reality and personality. Don't worry. They won't go anywhere. I know they are important to you. Some of this is necessary and very expensive. But all this is not you. Now focus on yourself.

I'm interested in, what do you like.

Perhaps you can provide an answer. Perhaps not. It could be your job, hobby, sport, going to the movies, something you like to read about, a subject you'd like to study in school, something that fascinates you when you happen upon it even if it's nothing. don't know about it.

There may well be several such hobbies. Whether it's playing the guitar, bird watching, sewing, stock trading, Indian history, there's a very, very important reason you enjoy it. These are the keys to what lies within you: to talent, opportunities, your unique view of the world. You may or may not be aware of this. You may have peculiar memory lapses. The kind of failures that make you not even sure what you really love. Howbeit , that's what you are! It is your individuality, your essence.

And even something more. Your essence is not something passive, permanent and unchanging. As one philosopher said, this is the most important plan, a blueprint that must be translated into reality through living your whole life. And the unique pattern of your talents, abilities, hidden in what you love, is a map for finding a life path.

Did you ever look for treasures as a child? Have you read The Golden Bug by Edgar Allan Poe? Then you know that before you go for the treasure, you need to find a map. It can be well hidden, torn in half or even into a million pieces, but first of all you have to find it and put it together like a puzzle. This is what we will be doing during the first part of the book.

The clues and clues to your life path are not lost. They are scattered all over the place and hidden, sometimes right under your nose, in plain sight. They need to be collected and carefully studied until you begin to understand how to create a life that is right for you.

A life where every morning you will joyfully jump out of bed towards the world, albeit sometimes feeling fear, but always living to the fullest.

If you do not have enough strength, you constantly want to sleep, you do everything through strength, then the reason may not be at all a lack of vitamins and low blood sugar. Maybe they just didn't find their purpose. You will immediately know your path as soon as you step on it, because you will immediately be overwhelmed with energy and creative ideas.

This is part of the secret of people who have achieved real success. They found their way. In addition, they have special skills that allow them to turn dreams into reality. This is very important, and to teach you such skills is the goal of the second part of the book. But first you need to unleash your creativity and passion, and the only way to do that is to find your own way. Only he will captivate you for real. The treasure to which this path will lead you will be success.

Let's do something symbolic right now. Take a piece of paper on which you answered the question "who do you think you are?" Look at him again. Now crumple and throw in the trash can.

This is the only sheet that I will ask you to throw away, and I have already mentioned that you will have to write a lot.

Or keep it as a souvenir. In the future, it will serve as an excellent illustration of the "before and after" comparison, a symbol of your misconception about yourself. Because you, like most of us, are delusional about who you think you are.

Who are you really?

You forgot. But you knew! We knew in childhood, quite a child. This is where we will begin to look for the lost map of your treasures - your talents. In the first five precious and mysterious years of your life. In the period when you learned the most.

I'll tell you something about you at that age.

Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb It's okay to dream. How to get what you really want. Barbara Sher: Dreaming is good. How to get what you really want Find your calling

About the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb

Quotes from the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb

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