Nigerian letters examples. Millions of Limpopo or Nigerian letters. What is written in Nigerian letters

The entire Internet marvels at the resourcefulness of the Chelyabinsk citizen, who managed to wrap an international swindler around his finger. The 28-year-old man posted a story on his blog about how he received the so-called "Nigerian letter". This is a common type of fraud: the victim receives a message from Africa, in which they offer to divide the inheritance or participate in a financial transaction. The man, blinded by the prospect of wealth, agrees, and the swindlers swindle him out of his money.

I received a letter from sunny Togo from a lawyer named Hanson Dugbe, - writes Alexander, - he offered me to cut down the inheritance of his late client, who, by a lucky chance, turned out to be my namesake. The client himself died in a car accident. He has no children and grandchildren, but he has a stash in the bank of $8,500,000. For fifteen minutes I was in a state of euphoria, I felt like a real dollar millionaire. But then I still came to my senses and decided to look for information about this Hanson and his office. And he, of course, turned out to be a well-known swindler.

The blogger decided to teach the swindler a lesson and entered into correspondence with him. To convince the victim, the lawyer sent Alexander copies of the death certificate of the namesake, his own passport and lawyer's license. From the photograph, the kindest chocolate uncle was smiling, well, how can such a deceive!

The fraudster and the victim exchanged documents for two weeks, the Chelyabinsk citizen filled out some bank forms. And Dugbe continually added fuel to the fire of their international friendship. Mr. Hanson addressed his counterpart exclusively as "Brother Alexander", and was even going to come to visit and present an African shirt.

And so the "deal" reached its climax. The African asked to send 780 dollars. This is where Russian ingenuity came in handy.

In a response letter, I began to act like a fool, - says Alexander, - dear Hanson, I wrote, my wife says that this is all a scam, and does not give me money. Hansonchik, dear, could not send me some symbolic amount on his behalf, say, 10 dollars, so that my wife would be convinced that you are not a swindler.

A few hours later, the Chelyabinsk citizen was awakened by a phone call from an unknown number. It was Hanson himself!

Brother, he said in English, I sent you 10 bucks via western union.

Indeed, at the bank, Alexander was given a crisp green piece of paper with the first US Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton. Like a decent swindler, after that our homegrown Bender no longer got in touch with Hanson.

I will leave this banknote as a souvenir, - a savvy blogger told Komsomolskaya Pravda, - and Hanson then wrote me a letter in which he called me and his wife scammers, he was very offended.

HELP "KP"

Nigerian letters are a type of scam that originated back in the 80s. From Nigeria and countries with a large Nigerian diaspora, letters scattered around the world in which people were offered to cut down the inheritance of a namesake or distant relative or help transfer money from account to account. There are many variants of legends: from offers of profitable work abroad to a fictitious marriage with an African princess for the sake of a million dowry. Either way, the victim gets nothing. With the advent of the Internet, millions, if not billions, of such letters began to be sent by e-mail.

"Nigerian" spam is a type of computer fraud, an attempt, under some fictitious pretext, to gain access to a user's bank account or otherwise receive money from it.

The standard pretext in "Nigerian" letters is the need to cash out a large sum of money. The spammer usually claims that he has millions of dollars, but they are not acquired in a completely legal way or are stored in circumvention of the law. For example, these are stolen foreign investments or UN grants. Further, the author of the letter explains that for this reason he cannot place money in an account in the banks of his country, and that he urgently needs an account in a foreign bank, where he can transfer "dirty" money. Another typical version is that the money was acquired legally or inherited, but due to political instability in the country, it is impossible to cash it out.

One way or another, the recipient of the "Nigerian" letters is asked for help in cashing out a large amount of money. As a reward for assistance, from 10% to 30% of the amount stated in the letter is offered.

The idea of ​​fraud is that a gullible user gives the author of the letter access to his account. It is not difficult to predict the result - all the money from this account will be withdrawn and will go in an unknown direction. Or the scammers ask for a small amount of money compared to the future reward (several thousand dollars), which is allegedly necessary for the successful implementation of the plan, and, having received it, they disappear. Another option is that scammers persuade the user to come to Nigeria or another unstable country, where real extortion, blackmail and threats are already beginning.

This type of spam differs from many others in that spammers are forced to maintain feedback with the recipients of the letters, therefore, in the "Nigerian" letters, the return address or even the contact phone number is available for communication, which allows law enforcement agencies in different countries to successfully track scammers. There are known cases of arrests and trials of the organizers of such mailings.

The letters are called Nigerian because this type of scam was invented in Nigeria, for which Nigerian spammers even received the so-called anti-Nobel Prize in Literature in 2005. Another name used in English-language documents is "scam 419". It is also associated with Nigeria: 419 is the number of an article in Nigerian law that specifically prohibits this type of fraud.

Why Nigeria? This country has a sad reputation as one of the most corrupt in the world. During the chaos and military dictatorships that have succeeded each other for twenty years, crime has taken root in the country. In terms of income from foreign exchange transactions, fraud in Nigeria currently ranks fourth.

Until now, thousands of people around the world receive letters from alleged former dictators, non-existent Nigerian businessmen or employees of Nigerian ministries. However, "Nigerian" letters have long been sent by scammers from different countries.

Spammers promptly react to the situation in the world, tracking the centers of instability. Therefore, new varieties of "Nigerian" letters are constantly appearing - for example, "Kenyan" or "Filipino". During the war in Iraq, there were active spamming of "Iraqi" spam. These are letters that deal with money stolen during military operations in Iraq. The authors of such letters are usually signed by fictitious or real names of Iraqi dignitaries. It is not uncommon for a letter to be written on behalf of the wife or widow of an Iraqi official.

The vast majority of "Nigerian" spam is in English, but in 2004-2005. spammers began to actively explore the Runet. "Nigerian" spam in Russian appeared, exploiting hot events in Russian political life. The attention of spammers was attracted by the sensational Yukos case, and Runet users were asked to cash out Khodorkovsky's millions.

When the Yukos affair became known in the West as well, the spammers switched back to mailings in English. Obviously, for the time being, foreign users are more “pecking” at such a bait as interest on cashing out. Or among gullible Russians there are not so many people with their own bank accounts where large sums of money can be transferred. Or we don't have as many gullible users as it seems.

A typical "Nigerian" letter:

"Nigerian" letter with "Russian accent":

Among the "Nigerian" letters come across real masterpieces written by people who can not be denied a sense of humor. Some copies of such letters diverge on the Web by the thousands, and users themselves forward them to each other as a sample of funny text. An example of such a masterpiece is spam with a touching story about a Nigerian cosmonaut who has been in space for 14 (fourteen!!!) years on the secret Russian space station Salyut. But now the Russians do not want to take him back to Earth, because. it's too expensive. All this time, his salary was regularly transferred to an account in a certain bank. And now the cosmonaut's relatives are turning to everyone with… YES, WITH A REQUEST TO HELP CASH THIS GIANT AMOUNT and help return the astronaut to Earth. Considering that the date of the initial distribution of this letter is April 2004 (April 12 is Cosmonautics Day in Russia), then a competent reader understands that this is a hoax. True, it is not known how the spammers reacted to the letters of those who decided to help the astronaut...

Here is the text of this wonderful "Nigerian" message:

Subject: Help a Nigerian astronaut
Dr. Bakare Tunde Astronautics Project Manager National Space Research and Development Agency (NASRDA) Plot 555 Misau Street PMB 437 Garki, Abuja, FCT NIGERIA

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989.
He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access his trust fund we need your assistance.

investigators, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

Readers of the portal began to apply with a request to clarify the situation associated with a massive attack on their electronic mailboxes with proposals for cooperation.

As our readers report, most of the letters are addressed by unfamiliar citizens of distant and little-known African countries.

Hello from Nigeria!

Have you ever received an email asking for help in executing a multi-million dollar cash transaction for an immodest percentage of the transaction? Did the widow of the president of Zaire approach you with such a proposal? Or maybe the daughter of the former president of Liberia? If yes, then with a high degree of probability notorious Nigerian spammers tried to deceive you.

Nigerian spammers are an organized criminal network that has been operating almost all over the world since the early 80s of the XX century and trades in financial fraud related to extorting money from people.

Prior to the mass spread of the Internet, Nigerian letters came to addressees by hard mail or fax. Since the beginning of the 2000s, a wave of African messages on the topic of money has literally swept the World Wide Web.

In the middle of the first decade of the 21st century, “Scam 419” (named after an article in the Nigerian Criminal Code that punishes financial fraud) came to Belarus.

One of the most famous cases of deception by cunning Nigerians of our compatriot occurred in 2007. At that time, the Belarusian businessman “gave” over $200,000 to the scammers.

What is written in Nigerian letters?

The diverse plots of Nigerian fraud have long been well studied by law enforcement agencies in different countries. However, even this does not prevent criminals from making hundreds of millions of dollars (!) from unsuspecting victims around the world every year.

Most often, letters from unknown recipients come from prominent people: royal families, high-ranking officials or the richest businessmen from Central African countries (Nigeria, Zaire, Angola, CAR, etc.).

A logically sustained message sets out the primary information necessary for the “fish to bite”. For example, an offer to earn easy money by participating in a completely legal transfer of astronomical sums from Africa to Europe. All that needs to be done is to provide an account through which the money must pass, and after transferring it, transfer it to another European account. A small amount (from $ 100 thousand or more, depending on the offer) can be kept as a reward for the service. First, of course, it is necessary to pay modest expenses for the mythical service of the operation by an African bank.

In addition to Nigerian princes and Angolan politicians, bank employees of various African structures can also send letters asking for help in financial matters.

Thus, one of the most common proposals of this kind in Europe in the early 2000s was the appeal of the President of the African Development Bank, Donald Kaberuk, who, through a computer monitor, personally invited Internet users to help him in obtaining a fabulous amount of money stolen from the African treasury by cashing it out through ATMs. the country where the victim lives. For the transfer of money from Africa to another continent, a small financial deposit was taken.

Who writes from Nigeria?

The main task of the scammers is to “hook” the victim in the first letter, telling a completely true story in it with the involvement of little-known, but telling surnames and names of distant African politicians and businessmen.

Today, there are even several specialized resources on the Internet dedicated to the "419 Affair" (for example, 419.bittenus.com), where you can find a "black" list of people on whose behalf Nigerian spammers send letters.

So, the most famous and favorite figureheads of scammers are:

  • Maryam Abacha(Mariam Abacha), widow of the 10th President of Nigeria;
  • Olusegun Obasanjo(Olusegun Obasanjo), 12th President of Nigeria;
  • Umaru Yar"Adua(Umaru Yar'Adua), current president of Nigeria;
  • David Mark(David Mark), President of the Nigerian Senate;
  • Adenij Olu(Adenyu Olu), Foreign Minister of Nigeria;
  • Shamsuddeen Usman(Shamsuddin Usman), Minister of Finance of Nigeria;
  • Charles Soludu(Charles Soludu), Chief Executive of the Central Bank of Nigeria;
  • Charles Taylor(Charles Taylor), former President of Liberia;
  • Donald Kaberuka(Donald Kaberuka), President, African Development Bank;
  • Stella Sigcau(Stella Sikkau), former Minister of Labor of South Africa;
  • Susan Shabangu(Susanne Shabangu), Minister of Health and Safety of South Africa;
  • Ban Ki-moon(Ban Ki-moon), UN Secretary General;
  • Robert Swan Mueller III(Robert Mueller), head of the US FBI.

In addition to the high-ranking officials themselves, letters from Africa may also come from their children, wives, husbands, brothers and sisters.

And here are a few more options that Nigerian spammers like to speculate on:

  • from a refugee den, the son/daughter of a well-known political criminal who was killed by opposition forces in a distant African country writes, asking for help to withdraw from the country a couple of billion dollars that his/her father "stole" during his public service;
  • the banker offers to share with him a part of someone else's money account of his rich client, for which it is necessary to first give a bribe to a mythical official;
  • the lawyer reports the death of a distant relative abroad and offers to participate in the opening of the inheritance, for which he asks to send a certain amount as payment for the state duty;
  • on behalf of a reputable company, a letter arrives with a proposal to fill a very serious vacancy, access to which can only be made after payment of the necessary fees;
  • a foreign company reports a lottery win. In order to receive money from abroad, you must pay a fee;
  • a letter arrives from a charitable organization offering a voluntary donation of money to a non-existent church in Africa;
  • on dating sites, messages come from girls or young people who tell the same story that they are forced to emigrate to Somalia due to a coup in their country, and in order for them to return home, they need a little of money;
  • an offer to give in good hands puppies / kittens of elite breeds, for the transfer of which to the country of destination you need to pay (we already wrote about this).

By the way, specifically for the gullible Russian-speaking victims, the Nigerians even took into circulation the image of Mikhail Khodorkovsky, writing from prison and offering to help him in opening multibillion-dollar accounts hidden from the investigation in Swiss banks in sentimental letters to the victims. As usual, people are promised interest, fees, and payments for helping people.

Why from Nigeria?

Nigeria is not the poorest country in Africa. However, with large oil reserves, the country has long suffered from political instability and corruption of the highest rank. Nigeria's oil money often goes into bureaucratic pockets, leaving the people - the legitimate owners of mineral deposits - simply with nothing.

The high level of crime associated with the low income of the country's population in the early 80s of the 20th century provoked an increase in the number of fraudsters specializing in financial fraud in the country.

Many experts involved in the fight against criminals believe that graduates of Nigerian universities play a big role in the formation of gangs, who subsequently do not have the opportunity to find a decent job in their country.

In addition to Nigeria, which became the ancestor of the criminal business, fraudulent letters also come to addressees from other African countries, the fate of which the honorable inhabitants of the United States and Europe know little about.

At various times, the electronic boxes of ordinary Americans and Europeans were attacked by residents of Angola, Benin, Gabon, Liberia, Gambia, Somalia, South Africa, etc.

With a high probability, similar “greetings” coming from London, Paris, Berlin, Madrid, Dubai and other large cities, where a large diaspora of people from Central Africa lives, can be attributed to the number of “Nigerian” letters.

Professionalism on the verge of fantasy!

If you naively believe that the Nigerian scammers are two and a half black citizens who have not received a penny from spamming in their entire life of crime, you are deeply mistaken.

The turnover of Nigerian spammers, according to various estimates, ranges from $100 million to $1 billion a year, and there are entire front organizations with real addresses, telephone numbers, and even secretaries, lawyers, and accountants at the service of scammers.

Although with all this, the scheme of criminal activity is very simple. At the first stage, hundreds of thousands of e-mails with various proposals for cooperation are distributed over the network through an Internet e-mail address aggregator. Of course, most of those who receive such letters, they are deleted. But there always remains a small percentage of gullible citizens who are ready to earn some money "for free".

It is at the very moment when spammers receive a response letter from the victim with questions about what and how to do, the following actors enter the game - no longer ordinary Africans who speak English poorly, but practically graduates. In the future, they enter into a dialogue with the victim, extracting all the necessary data from it: information about accounts, personal numbers, passwords, etc.

Sometimes, correspondence can last for months until the victim is “ripe” to send money abroad. As a rule, the account to which a certain amount must be transferred in order to receive a gigantic percentage of a profitable transaction is located in European banks, which is why the situation of the victims may not cause any concern.

After the first "requisition", the correspondence may continue (if the "client" is ready to pay more), or it may end abruptly. The account to which the money was transferred is immediately closed.

Finding the ends of the criminal Nigerian business is very difficult, almost impossible. In the entire history of spammers, only a few members of criminal gangs have been caught, and even then only small fry.

By the way, international practice is familiar even with cases when, in pursuit of the mythical Nigerian billions, people came to various African countries, where they were captured and waited for release for a ransom from relatives. Most often, the invitation to come to Nigeria semi-legally (without a visa) came to businessmen who were able to pay for their lives.

Despite the age of the history of "Nigerian" letters, fraud continues to flourish, including among Belarusian Internet users.

The portal asks all readers to be careful and carefully handle unfamiliar electronic correspondence that enters the mailbox and is not filtered as spam!

What are Nigerian Chain Letters?

...Nigerian letters are a common type of fraud, which has received the greatest development with the advent of mass mailings by e-mail (spam). The letters are so named because this type of fraud was especially widespread in Nigeria, and even before the spread of the Internet, when such letters were distributed by regular mail. However, Nigerian letters also come from other African countries, as well as from cities with a large Nigerian diaspora (London, Amsterdam, Madrid, Dubai). The mailing of letters began in the mid-1980s. In 2005, Nigerian spammers were awarded the Anti-Nobel Prize in Literature.

As a rule, scammers ask the recipient of the letter for help in multi-million dollar transactions, promising solid interest on the amounts. If the recipient agrees to participate, large sums of money are gradually lured away from him, allegedly for processing transactions, paying fees, bribes to officials, and then fines ...

And here is another funny excerpt, this time from the site Argumenty.ru -

...On the first wave of "Nigerian letters" only the Americans lost 5 billion dollars. The total amount of losses from such letters around the world amounted to 10 billion dollars. Australians, for example, lose about $36 million a year. One of the Belarusian businessmen lost 200 thousand dollars. The Russians must be given their due, they not only do not fall for such proposals, but, having come into contact with the authors of the letters, they often pass us data that helps to find traces of criminals. True, we must state with regret that among the swindlers who have now begun to conduct a massive attack on Russia, according to preliminary data from the investigation, graduates of the Patrice Lumumba Russian University of Friendship of Peoples have crept in. This is indicated not only by the peculiarities of linguistics in the Russian-language "Nigerian letters", but also by a rather careful selection of their victims - representatives of small, but rising, and medium-sized businesses. Computer databases of such "clients" are sold illegally in Moscow and other major Russian cities. Employees of the Ministry of Internal Affairs and tax authorities are looking for sources of information leakage from their departments, but so far without success...

Representatives of Interpol warn that in the wake of the global financial crisis, the “Nigerian mailing list” has also grown sharply. In the hope that some will treat the “inheritance” that fell from the sky as a lifeline. It got to the point that in some letters they ask to send not three thousand dollars, but at least a hundred. And one more disturbing statistic: if at the beginning of the year there were three or four applications a month from Russians about the receipt of “Nigerian letters”, now their number exceeds a dozen a week ...

The scheme by which scammers always work

First of all, it must be emphasized that the swindlers count on the totality of human stupidity and greed, and they find fertile ground. Therefore, in most cases, I personally do not feel sorry for the victims of African spam. Well, pray tell, what sane person would think of responding to a letter like this -

... I am compelled to address you in the hope that you will enter into my position and understand the urgent need for your assistance, as well as maintain the confidentiality that this matter requires. My name is Fred Williams and I am the son of Salim Williams, a former defense minister who was killed for resisting arrest during a coup in Guinea-Bissau. Due to government persecution, I was forced to flee to Côte d'Ivoire, where my father has $ 21.8 million on deposit, according to my father's will, money can only be withdrawn from the account with the help of his foreign partner. In the bank where the deposit is opened , they do not know this partner... I chose you as a partner for your honesty... Tell us what percentage of the total amount you expect and send us your bank details so that we can share the money...

Fraudsters almost always send their messages on behalf of crown princes, ministers of disgraced African republics, fugitive oligarchs, and always with invariable requests to assist in banking operations related to the transfer of money from Africa-Asia. The schemes are absolutely banal, and to some extent I even feel embarrassed for opponents who are unable to come up with anything more original. For greater persuasiveness, they send you your money, which is waiting for you in Nigeria in incredible quantities -

If the victim of the letter responds to a cunning swindler, then several scans of “documents” are sent to him, supposedly confirming the legitimacy of the transaction and the honesty of your opponents. We are always talking about handicraft fakes made by a person who is absolutely not familiar with Photoshop. Black brothers and sisters who worship the power of paper bombard you with their handicraft works of the Photoshop genre, trying to impress you.

A small collection of selected "trophies" (click twice to view) -

...An African alchemist was detained in Yekaterinburg. True, he did not work with gold and lead, but with paper and foreign currency. Cameroonian Tombu Eric Hilton told local businessmen that he had the secret of turning money into paper and vice versa. Surprisingly, there were those who wanted to test the wonderful skill of the Cameroonian. He claimed that he had money, but they were in the form of so-called candy wrappers, that is, plain paper. And in order for this money to turn into its usual state, exactly the same amount of real money is needed. By folding and processing with some kind of appropriate chemical reagents, these candy wrappers allegedly turned into money, according to the scammer. Here is one such person pecked at the trick of this scammer. One of the residents of Yekaterinburg, an entrepreneur who laid out 10 thousand euros, became the victim of this scammer as a result. A lot of this story remains to be clarified by the investigating authorities. In the temporary detention center, he said: "Tell everyone that I will be back soon"...

Who are the Scambaiters?

From the English words “scam” and “baiter”, that is, beating crooks. With the growth of the number of Africans involved in Internet piracy, there are also those who fight them with their own methods. It is enough to enter the number “419” in Google and you will see dozens and hundreds of scammer sites. Fans of making fun of crooks communicate with each other on forums, share email addresses from which spam comes. And then they play a game without rules with the crooks, creating the appearance of easy money. As a result, the scammer spends a lot of time and effort on you without getting anything in return.

And scammers have the concept of spoils of war. For example, you managed to confuse the crook's head so much that he is ready for any of your whims in order to get money from you. For example, you suddenly write that you are a 100% Muslim and are ready to send money only for the construction of a mosque. The fraudster immediately forgets that he is the Crown Prince of Guinea and a devout Catholic, and is ready to accept Mohammedanism -

But even this is not enough for you, and you demand not only a receipt for the adoption of Islam, but also a change of name in the passport. And the swindler, forgetting that he is a masculine person, sends you a scan of a woman's passport stolen on the Internet, while spoiling it with inept Photoshop skills (note how clumsily the first and last names are entered) -


To increase and evaluate the skill of African Photoshop lovers, double-click


Here the black crook apologizes to Zhorik Miloslavsky for not answering letters for a long time

There are many opportunities to harass crooks - it all depends on your imagination. If you are a Catholic, you demand to convert to Orthodoxy and send a certificate from the Russian Orthodox Church, if he is a Muslim - you demand to accept Judaism, from a Jew - to accept Buddhism. For a woman - to have an operation and become a man and send a photo. You can demand to send photos of relatives, electricity bills (if you are asked for money to create a fund to help refugees from the Congo). At the same time, you are distrust itself, you are a grumbler and a villain in the eyes of crooks. Either you don’t like the quality of the scan, then you don’t answer for a week (there is still work besides games!), then you find an annoying typo in their “documents”. And so on ad infinitum. As a result, the impatience of the black brothers reaches a boiling point and they break down into rudeness and threats - this is a victory, an absolute victory!

Examples of jokes on black brothers

Depending on what they write to you, you insidiously laugh at black brothers and sisters. To a lonely girl looking for love and accidentally finding your profile on a dating site (you don’t actually have any profiles!) You write the following:

...Dear Mauren,
Unfortunately I "m lesbian and I" m 100% muslim. Why do you address me this message? I "m searching for a lesbian person betrayed by all heart and soul in ALLAH.
Are you lesbian? Are you Muslim?
p.s I wear men "s clothes, that" s why some ppl think I "m male yes...

Offering you a bank loan on super favorable terms (before asking him to send him $ 3,000!) you answer -

...Dear Walter,
OK, you compel me to tell you something intimate about me. Mrs Choo is not a woman. His real name is Larry Bukhari, and he is my boyfriend. Yes I "m homosexual. Surely I trust him and he can use my mail box. However, I"ve been too much angry to discover, that Larry used my email without my permition.
Are you satisfied now? Can we continue?...

You tell the person who offers you a job in the Emirates that you suffer from AIDS and have already infected all your partners, and moreover, you express a desire to continue in the same spirit -

...Dear Sir,
Please advice me, what to write about my age? I "m 55 years old. Some banks and funds ignore such an elderly persons. The problem is that they think I have no chance to find a new job. My health is not too good yes, because when I was younger i" ve got AIDS. All my wifes passed away because of my lethal sickness, but I still living because I believe in GOD.
Please reply...

I am offered to fill out a questionnaire for a loan of 25 million Ghanaian Kedis, and in it, in addition to the standard full name, there is the question "sex", that is, your gender. What would you answer this question? Does everything seem so simple? Not really! Here's how to turn the conversation around -

...Dear David,
Please help me! I feel confused about this very personal question "Sex". What do you expect me to write over there? The problem is that I had no sexual relations for about 5 years, since my ex-gilfriend heavily damaged my genitals. She cut off half of my penis with a knife, it was terrible!!! All because I loved her collegue without a police permit. In our country, Bukharia, you need a special permit from the police in order to have sexual ralations with a woman.
Do I need to write about it?...

And here's another option. Do you think a sex reassignment operation can separate loving hearts? Let's see -

...Dear Dennis,
Are you male of female? To say the truth, I feel no difference because I "m bi-sexual. I was born as a woman, however, later I changed my sex in the name of GOD. After the operation I look like a male, my only problem is unstable potention since my penis was taken from another person who was killed during the civil war in Afghanistan.
I ask for your great patience and love, since I "m not such a usual person to fall in love with. Is it OK with you?
Yours...

Perhaps these games take a lot of time?

Not at all. It's like ICQ on your computer. You are doing business, and if you just want to take a little break from work, you raise the window with the black brothers and look. What's new? Oh great, did Mr. Bumba get back to you and send you a photo of his runaway dad, the Prince of Rwanda? Great, but can't the whole family go to Hinduism, and the photo is of poor quality - is it a prince, or a princess? Hah!

Routine

Okay, I'll take care of booking a flight from Porto, Portugal, to Madrid for the end of January, and then from Madrid to Paris. The fact is that Ryanair changed the schedule for my flight Porto-Paris, notifying me of this 2 weeks before departure. And now the plane flies 6 hours earlier, which is absolutely unacceptable for a number of reasons. They are ready to return the money, which I have already taken advantage of, but now I have to look for alternative flight options. Mdda.