A faithful beautiful wife has a huge story. Best friend. Is it possible to forgive

Women's infidelity is not like men's. It has its own mechanisms of development, its causes are always strikingly different from men's. And therefore manifest female infidelity will be different. About its features, as well as how to identify the betrayal of a wife or girl, will be discussed in this article.

The reasons

It so happened that the infidelity of a woman to her chosen one is condemned by society more strictly and categorically than the betrayal of a man, although if you look at the situation from the outside, then both sexes have equal rights to adultery. Another question is that men are more likely to experience betrayal. The self-esteem of a representative of the stronger sex deceived by a beloved woman falls, suffers and his ability to work productively and interact with the world around him. The consequences of female infidelity can be devastating. Far more serious than the consequences of male adultery.

A woman cheats in marriage much less often, 75% of male deceivers account for only 25% of women who decide to cheat on their husband or partner.

Many are stopped by the ancient instinct to preserve the hearth, many are afraid of the consequences of a “tarnished” reputation. It is only in the speeches of politicians that the two sexes are equal; in life, a woman is still allowed and allowed by society much less than a man.

The psychology of a woman is such that she always attaches great importance to relationships, and relationships on the side will not be an exception. Light flirting for one night is not about women. If treason takes place, then the situation is nowhere more serious. Therefore, a deceived spouse, no matter how painful it may be, should not start by collecting a suitcase and diatribe against the wrong “traitor”, but by looking for reasons, including in oneself. Only then will it be necessary to answer the question of what to do next.

If a woman cheated, you can believe that she had very good motives for this. A woman appreciates the emotional side of relationships; without it, relationships lose all meaning for a lady. Therefore, one of the main reasons for female infidelity can be considered the search for spiritual contact, understanding, support on the side, if such concepts no longer exist in marriage. Tired of inattention, callousness of her husband, lack of support and help, a woman is looking for in another man not sex and not an orgasm, she needs to talk, cry, feel desired, loved, beautiful, tender, the way she has not felt herself in the family circle for a long time .

At the same time, she runs the risk of truly getting closer and spiritually intermarrying with that second man, which may well destroy the marriage, since she does not want to change something in this. Often at this stage, women either admit to infidelity, or completely refuse intimate life with their husband. Women usually cannot live with two partners at once, as cheating men often do, with rare exceptions.

Women who cheat for a long time usually do it with the same partner, changing them is not included in her plans, women usually do not "collect" victories on the love front.

Cheating "on the occasion" (alcohol, corporate party, and so on) among the fair sex is very rare. Specialists in such spontaneous betrayals are usually men. And also most women do not tend to change for the sake of satisfying sexual needs, which for some reason are not satisfied in marriage.

Among other reasons and motives for female infidelity, one can name betrayal for career reasons or financial interests.

It is for such reasons, as well as under the influence of the fear of losing their jobs, that women cheat with superiors and higher-ranking employees. Quite rarely, but there are married cheaters who pursued purely mercantile goals - to get money for sex, expensive gifts.

Women are touchy, and men should not forget about it. Therefore, among the reasons for female adultery, not the last place is given to betrayal out of a sense of revenge - in response to the betrayal of the spouse that occurred earlier, to the strong offense, the pain that he caused her.

Women can cheat out of boredom. And it is true. If there is no room left in the family for a drop of romance, and at the same time a woman has a lot of free time to analyze and sort through pleasant memories in her memory and heart, then one day there may be a need to feel them again, but with another man, since this one is forever busy and cold.

The main difference between female infidelity and male infidelity is that it can be prevented. There are such borderline stages of a relationship at which a man can already notice the inner readiness of a girlfriend of life to go “to the left”, and here he can still change the situation if he is interested in this and loves his companion.

More than others, independent women, who earn more than their husbands, and occupy a high position on the career ladder, are prone to cheating. Adultery is more likely if a woman has a higher level of education than a man, if there are no common interests and hobbies.

How to recognize?

Women are more sensitive to the feelings of others, and therefore any unfaithful girl or married woman usually carefully hides the fact of adultery, fearing to be misunderstood and condemned by society. On the one hand, it is always more difficult to notice a woman's infidelity than a man's, and on the other hand, it is easier, because a woman's behavior changes. The more serious the relationship becomes outside of marriage, the more tangible it is in marriage.

Women who have something to hide become more anxious and vigilant. They no longer leave their mobile phone anywhere, they hastily close the message box if you approach them from behind while chatting with someone on the Internet. The phone is password protected.

A woman blossoms, changes outwardly. A new hobby makes her be more attentive to her own appearance - she often goes to the hairdresser, does not leave the house without makeup, she always has well-groomed hands, a lot of new clothes have appeared, and especially underwear and stockings.

It is possible, of course, that all these changes are carefully controlled by her, and everything is started for her husband, and therefore, only on the basis that the wife has suddenly become prettier, it is stupid to suspect her of treason.

With the advent of a new partner, a woman, as a rule, has many new friends with whom her "husband is unfamiliar" and whom she is not going to introduce to him. She does not take her husband to parties with them. They often stay overnight. The amount of sex in marriage is significantly reduced, and gradually this infrequent one also disappears - women always have many reasons why they don’t need sex at the moment (headache, menstruation has begun, menstruation has not ended, the stomach hurts, tired, and so Further).

As relationships outside of marriage develop, a woman becomes less tolerant of her husband's actions and judgments. She begins to get annoyed by his touches and jokes, his way of eating pasta from a frying pan with his hands in the middle of the night in his shorts, the smell of his cologne. On the other hand, control is lost. If a woman used to often call and ask where her husband was when he arrived, now she is completely calm, even if he stays with friends or at work for a long time, does not bother, does not call and does not require explanations. It would seem that this is exactly what the husband wanted quite recently, but not everything is so simple. Now her silence and the removal of him begins to strain.

Is it possible to forgive?

You can forgive everything, and female infidelity too. But forgiveness will require a certain determination, courage and maturity from a man, the ability to cope with his grievances and a great desire to save his family. Moreover, you need to forgive, whatever the decision. Even if it is impossible to save the family further, it will be better for everyone if the cheater knows that she was forgiven and released in peace, and it will be much easier and more comfortable for the man himself to live on and build his life from the position of a person, but bearing the desire to take revenge in his soul .

Another question is whether to forgive. The man must answer it alone. Without seeking advice from relatives, friends. Only himself, because no one knows so well what exactly this woman and the relationship with her means to him. It makes sense to ask this question only after the first wave of indignation, resentment, bewilderment and indignation subsides. It would be better if the spouses live separately for this time. When the understanding comes that everything has already happened, that nothing can be changed, then acceptance will occur, and after that you need to start a conversation with your wife about what will happen next.

The conversation should be calm and constructive, shout at a woman, insult her, call her names.

This will not bring relief, but only alienate you from her, and her from you. It is necessary to speak respectfully, not to get personal, not to blame and not to reproach. It is important to listen to her position, to understand why she acted the way she sees your future relationship.

If a woman sincerely repents and regrets, promises never to repeat this again, if you want to save your family, it is quite possible for both to improve relations, but this, of course, will take time and mutual efforts. It is very important for a man to step over his own pride and understand that there is a share in his partner’s betrayal and his guilt, and then the couple will only have to understand what correction should be made to the relationship in order to eliminate further misunderstanding.

It is important for a man to understand that by his forgiveness he does not oblige his wife to anything. She is not obliged to humiliate herself in front of him, to serve him for the rest of her life just because he generously forgave her, the unfaithful one. If forgiveness is voiced, this means that never, under any circumstances, in any quarrel, a man has the right to remind about this case, to reproach or blame his wife, to blackmail her with this. For such families, alas, the prognosis is unfavorable.

It may also happen that the woman herself does not want to continue the relationship. This is possible if she really fell in love and does not want to deceive anyone anymore. In this case, there's nothing to be done - by force, as they say, you won't be nice. It is important to maintain your human dignity, not to break loose and not blame her, but simply discuss the details of the divorce with dignity, or leave them to her discretion.

There are not so many families that managed to restore relations after a serious test of female infidelity, but they do exist. And if the partners do everything right, then their relationship can become even better than it was before.

How to prevent cheating?

It is ideal to start a relationship with an honest approach- do not try to give gifts to the chosen one and shower compliments at every step - time will pass, romance will decrease, and then the woman will feel deceived, misled. Be yourself.

It is important to always be interested in how her affairs are going, what's new with her.

The more alive the husband is interested in the problems, experiences and events of his wife, the higher the degree of trust between them, the better the relationship develops. Remember that wives can only go to the one that listens better, understands more, participates more often, advises, helps, and not at all to the one who knows more poses from the Kama Sutra.

Respect the woman and her personal space. Trust her. Don't try to control your wife. Even if you have a lot of work and you are very busy, find time to just talk to her, be alone.

Marriage unions are very fastened by common interests and hobbies, joint hobbies and leisure activities spent together.

If a man thinks about how to prevent adultery, if he has already felt “disturbing” changes in his wife, then he will mistakenly roll up scandals and follow her, limit her movements and freedom of communication, meet her from work and read her messages on a mobile phone. It is much more correct to pull yourself together, not to offend a person without evidence, but to simply try to change the relationship, starting to pay more attention to your wife.

If cheating is imaginary for you, then the woman will be pleasantly surprised by the changes in you that she has been waiting for so long, and will accept them with pleasure. If she already has her own, second life, the options may be different. It happens that even at this stage, husbands manage to return their loved ones and save the family.

I want to put on display one of the sides of our joint sexual life with my wife. We started our relationship with her (Svetlana) when she was 15, I (Vitalik) was 18 years old. So there were circumstances that we lived at that time in a village near the glorious city of Voronezh. She is a simple pure girl without any life experience, but I am a guy who has already tasted the sinful fruit. We walked in the same company, then we began to be friends, I saw her home, the first kisses, annoying pauses of silence. In general, love spun.

Sveta had an amazing figure. She was a thin blonde woman with long legs and a size two chest. By the way, it was from the chest that this very story of mine began. Without any "rear" thought, Svetlana put on a T-shirt in a mesh in the summer, through which it was possible, if you look closely, to see where her papillae begin, what circles they are and moles on the side on one of these incomparable breasts, however, as it seemed to me, the guys from our environment.

Sveta and I were inseparable. And I, as her boyfriend, naturally already was jealous of her guys, who at least somehow drew her attention to themselves. But when she was wearing that same fishnet T-shirt and I saw that someone was clearly staring at her chest, jealousy grew into something else, more saturated, my mind became blurry and it really ... excited me. Although at that time there was no sex between us. Sex happened after about three months.

She was very constrained. Kissing her, I took off her T-shirt, touched her elastic girlish breasts with my lips, gently sank down to her tummy, pulled off her skirt with my hands. From such overexcitation, I was ready to explode at any moment, but I did everything to bring what I started to the end. After another portion of kisses and persuasion, she nevertheless allowed to take off her panties. I entered it. With difficulty, having made my way to the entire length of the penis, I slowly entered her for about ten, fifteen minutes, so as not to cause pain and, as a result, unpleasant memories for Sveta, until I finally discharged all the energy of love and passion accumulated over these months into the sheet.

From that day on, he went to visit his Beloved in a more HIGH mood. We had sex wherever we were alone. Even leaning on a rare but high fence near her house, I entered her from behind and both of us could see what her parents were doing in the yard. They, too, if they looked in our direction, saw us, and from this we were even more excited. Sometimes, after sex, Sveta did not have time to put on her panties if we heard approaching steps or something else.

And she walked in a short skirt, which slightly hid everything that until recently was inaccessible to me. All around us were my friends and the rising wind could easily betray our secret with Sveta. It gave me the same feeling as when she was wearing a fishnet T-shirt with her breasts bare underneath. I realized that I was very excited when other guys see the body of my Svetlana.

Time passed, we played a wedding, but did not sign. Svetlana was still 17. We moved from the village and bought a house and a car. Once at home taking pictures, I offered to take a picture of my young wife naked (I keep photos to this day), to which she easily agreed. They printed a photo where my betrothed is completely naked in various poses and put it in a separate envelope in the album. My friend Pashka came to me and while sipping beer we watched the album and when he saw the envelope with the photo, Pashka asked what was in them and I allowed him to look.

Taking out the pictures of my naked wife, he was a little taken aback, but I replied that everything was ok. and we looked at her together. Then he came to me, more than once asked me to show them. We often went to the village to drink wine and vodka in the same company. Boys and girls crowded into my car and drove to the river. I'm driving, Sveta is closer to me in the front passenger seat, the same Pashka is at the door, behind are two kissing drunks like all of us, young couples. The radio was playing, we stopped on the shore, but no one was in a hurry to get out of the car to feed the mosquitoes. I pulled Sveta to me, began to kiss and paw her breasts and everything else. Pasha sat facing us, but pretended to be talking to someone from behind. Sveta sat breast to him, kissing me. There was no bra, as always.

It's night outside, but you can see everything in the car from the moonlight. I lifted her blouse, Sveta did not resist. I saw how Pashka's eyes sparkled and how eagerly he looked at her breasts. I continued to kiss her so that she would not come to her senses and pull down her blouse, continued to play with her breasts in every possible way and was very excited when I saw that Pashka saw her. Then I took Pashka's hand without breaking the kiss and laid it on my wife's chest. The drunk alcohol spoke about itself and Svetlana did not notice how his hand greedily clapped her breasts several times, went down to her panties and .... at that moment the door opened from behind and my passengers tumbled down to swim. Pashka withdrew his hand and followed him out.

We recovered and went with my wife to the company. Pavlik asked me about what had happened, to which I replied that I did not mind if a chance came up and Svetka allowed him to touch himself or something more. Drunk guys decided to swim without swimming trunks and insisted on following the same example of their two companions, to which one agreed to take off only the top, and the other, on the contrary, left only a T-shirt that slightly covered her ass, and they all ran to swim together. Pashka left them. I suggested to Sveta to strip naked and put on my T-shirt. With a short pause, she waved her hand, changed into my T-shirt, and with wine-gleaming eyes, we followed. She was a poor swimmer and stayed closer to the shore. I took her in my arms and put her back on the water, like I'm teaching her to swim on her back.

She thrashed her legs, her T-shirt pulled up to her chest. The rest bathed in the middle of the river. I saw that Pashka swam very close to us on an outstretched hand. Sveta lay there without hearing anything, as I held her on the water and slowly led her around. Pashka came very close. Together we admired her hips, tummy, slightly swollen labia. Sveta raised her head and saw Pashka. Pashka, not at a loss, cheerfully said that you don’t know how to swim and you don’t teach your wife correctly, took Sveta in his arms and dragged him into the depths as a joke.

Svetka laughed and began to grab onto him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist so as not to choke on water and said that Pashka should take her to the shore or let her go. Pashka did not drag out this joke and carried it closer to the shore. Light was not offended, everyone understood that this was a joke. And only Pashka and I cooled our ardor in the water for some time, I from what I saw, and he (as he later told me) from the hot touch of her labia on his stomach. We went to spend the night with him, took the rest home. Only my wife and I and Pashka remained. In order not to upset our mother (mother-in-law) with our drunken appearance, we stayed at Pashka's for the night.

They went to sleep. My memories of bathing and seething blood in Svetlana mixed with alcohol did not let me sleep. Sveta naked moaned under me, I stopped but without leaving her, invited her to invite Pashka to bed, the agreement was about five minutes and she hesitantly agreed. I, choking with excitement, went into the next room where Pashka was sleeping and heard his wife whisper: "I'm completely naked." But I already showed Pashka to follow me. He, as if on alarm, jumped up and with a stupid question "where and why", moved after me. Sveta lay covered with a blanket, I lay down next to her, Pashka on the other side.

I started kissing my wife and slowly pulled the covers off her. Pavlik began to stroke and kiss my wife's body, descending to her pussy. I was kissing her breasts when I heard her breathing quicken and a slight moan was heard. I saw Pashka greedily licking my wife's labia and clitoris. Svetlana's stiffness began to disappear and she relaxed, spreading her legs wider, giving herself to two excited males. She pulled me towards her, probably still embarrassed by the situation. Several times I entered her pussy, hot and wet from Pashkin's kisses. Then he moved away and gave it to a friend. I had never experienced such a peak of excitement before.

Pashka, an outsider, rose above Svetlanka, ran his hand from her neck along her chest to her very hips, spread my wife's legs in one motion and thrust his penis into her, began to increase his tempo to slap his pubis against her pubis. It seemed to me that this went on forever, with one hand of Light hugging him with the other she held my hand and waving her hips in time, she groaned, whispering words of pleasure. We changed positions, then Pashka had her from behind and I, pressing her head to me, stuck a member into her mouth, then on the contrary, like a dog, I entered her from behind and saw how Pashka's member now and then breaks into her mouth between her lips, which until recently I kissed and his cock rests on her cheeks. I finished first on her back.

Pashka put Svetka on her back, snuggled up to her body and very rhythmically waiting for an orgasm began to fuck her. My wife moaned under him and writhed. And then, finally, he took out a member of her and finished on her stomach. I saw how sperm escaped from a pulsating penis on her chest, with the next push on her stomach and the last drops fell on her pubis, flowing down red, rubbed, sexual lips swollen with excitement.

When we woke up in the morning, we all pretended that nothing had happened and went about our business. Later in a conversation with his wife, she admitted that she would not mind infrequent meetings for threesome sex. However, this was the case until we grew up. Now I am 29, she is 26 and we have two children. when the youngest grows up to such an age that he can be sent along with his eldest daughter to his grandmother, I hope everything will be repeated as then. Only how to convince his wife, it seems she is no longer so tuned in to such sex. And there is no suitable porter. Can anyone help with advice, or maybe deed?

Good wife

I'm 35. Outwardly, I'm pretty cute, I often get compliments that I have an awesome ass. I have been married for 15 years, all these fifteen years I have been faithful to my husband, although he was not my first man. I have always been interested in sex, I got my first orgasm with my husband, not without the help of my hands, of course. My sexuality improved a lot after the first pregnancy, I became more sensitive there ... In general, my husband, as I can now say, is not a bad and technical lover. In general, my story is that having lived such a time with my husband, I wanted someone else, you all immediately think another b ..... etc. But, understand me correctly, having gone through the experience that I acquired in the revelations written below, my relationship improved, I again felt like a woman, desired, loved, and my intimate life with my husband also benefited. For objective reasons, I can’t tell my husband about my adventures, so in order to take the burden off my shoulder, I’ll share it anonymously here.
This year, at work, I was certified and sent to improve my qualifications in another city for two months. I knew about this, therefore, since I definitely decided that I would cheat on my husband, I prepared an alibi for myself in advance and prepared candidates for the execution of my insidious plans. I am not a stupid girl, not naive, I understand men and know my worth. I registered on a dating site, got used to it, about the number of degenerates, wants new, perverts, whoever understands the topic ....)) I clearly knew who I was looking for, if someone decides to follow my path, take note. I selected 15 candidates for potential lovers, on principle. Be sure to be married, so as not to pick up something from lonely revelers, all the same, in order not to bring anything to their wife, they often think with their heads. Plus, there is less hemorrhoids with them, they always have a short time, always on a leash, so they won’t endure my brain. I talked to everyone beforehand, finding out who they are, what and with what they are. I don’t like stupid and stupid people, they were immediately eliminated. In general, by the time I left, I was ready, in the city where I was retraining, no one knew me, at my request, through a realtor, my husband rented me an apartment in advance for this period. I immediately, even during communication, directly said what I want, my dear men were only glad to pass to such communication. Before flying to the city of N, I underwent a complete medical examination by a gynecologist, I had an IUD installed, which was very pleased with my husband, and not only him))) I took smears and passed the tests. In general, prepared in earnest. The men with whom I planned to commit adultery, I asked in advance to also prepare certificates.
I'm in place, the apartment is good, jacuzzi, expensive repairs, I liked it. I bought a martini and drank a little for courage, climbed onto the site and wrote to the first man that I was ready to meet him, address and phone number, on the spot I connected to a new operator. On the same day, he wrote that he did not mind coming up with an alibi for himself and at six in the evening he would be with me for the night. And then I got scared, I went to the shower, shaved my bikini area, put on sexy lingerie, drank a little more for courage. My husband called, I talked to him a little, said that I was tired from the road and I was going to go to bed, if he knew with whom)))
The intercom rang, someone asked not very confidently: "Julia lives here, this is Andrey from the site." I opened it, my throat was dry, my heart began to beat faster, I wait until it rises and I feel like a cow going to the slaughterhouse ... Everyone got ready to open the door, there was a man, I immediately felt so small, a dream .... beautiful, in the photo he looked different to me. Big beautiful hands ... It was pleasant to pull in the lower abdomen. I clearly understood that today there would be sex, that this man would fuck me. He took off his shoes, gave me a bouquet, made some nice compliments. We went to the kitchen, I cooked dinner, mostly afordisiacs, shrimp, pineapples, etc. Honestly, dumb at the beginning, we talked about him, about his problems that his wife rarely had sex with him, etc. In general, the standard conversation about anything. drank a little, I got tipsy. He did not take any active actions, then I decided to act. I went up to him as he was smoking out the window and put my hands in his pants. He turned and began to stroke my ass, around the waist, I was pleased. I sank down and abruptly took off his pants along with his shorts, he remained in his shirt. I took him by the cock and pulled him into the bedroom. A member, by the way, as a member, is normal, not big, only fools like big ones, the uterus then hurts from such. But a very pleasant shape, a big head, like a boletus mushroom))) I pushed him onto the bed, he smelled nice, smelled of sex ... I took him in his mouth and began to give him a blowjob when I felt that he was ready, I told him Andrei to relax, I felt that he was pinched. 15 years of married life were not in vain, I knew and knew how to bring a man to ecstasy, I trained on my husband. I sat on top of him, right away we didn’t get where we needed))) God, how nice it is, I felt something new, hot, adrenaline that filled me with lust. I realized that everything, there was no turning back, I changed, and you know, I liked it ... I felt such a surge of strength, I realized that I am a cool woman, that they want me, they can and should fuck me, I was created for this. I have a beautiful waist, a neat ass, breasts, which, after feeding two sons, are in good shape. In general, I told him, do not think about anything, and do not restrain yourself. Three minutes later he violently finished jumping out of me. I was indignant, we discussed everything. I'm sorry he said habit, you deprive me of pleasure, I grumbled. Men, if a woman gave you, use it for its intended purpose, I love it when they don’t think about me, but end up. ... so pleasantly then the juice of conscientious labor flows out ...
I went for napkins, wiped everything off, took his cock in my mouth again and began to prepare it for the second call, we didn’t satisfy me. I picked it up quickly, then he took me further. After my husband, this was the first man in me for the last fifteen years. He fucked me two more times during the night, today I didn’t finish, but I know that I’ll finish with another, it was just nerves. In the morning I made him coffee and a blowjob, and escorted him home to his beloved wife. I decided not to see him again.
I went to school, for the evening, a new boyfriend was already ready. By the way, I noticed that men never mind spending money. In the evening he arrived, he is also a handsome brunette Sergey, there is a ring on his hand, I asked why he didn’t take it off, he answered that he never takes it off. He behaved much more confidently than Andrei. I say in plain text, I flowed. I wanted a member. He escaped for only a few hours, so we didn’t chat for a long time. It was a completely different man, he did everything himself, first he took me to the shower, we kissed and washed. I had a good look at him, athletic, fit, and what an ass .... Then in bed, it was something, he did everything himself, they just fucked me, he didn’t say anything, he just twisted me like a toy, he fell and drove his x..y into me, I felt my uterus was not my size. But how good it was for me, I was all flowing, like the last whore, probably we are all the same masochistic women, I just wanted to be taken without being interested in whether I wanted it or not. One more, BUT, I liked him, but I didn’t like how he ends up, I don’t like it when men moan. I think that I should moan under me. A good man in general, he fucked me two more times, I didn’t do a blowjob, he didn’t ask, I didn’t offer. But he finished well in me. I'll be honest, I didn't finish again. But she was satisfied.
I decided to take a break for a couple of days, there was still plenty of time, I read books, climbed the grid, read forums. I looked at my candidates, selected a candidate for tomorrow, a Caucasian, you have to try everything in life.
The third day of my fucking, he arrived, his name is Surazhi, he examined me all over, I see with black eyes, the whole section, I already fucked in all poses, my eyes are so sly.
For a long time, to break a comedy, they did not, immediately into battle. Here is my size and not big and not small, such as it should be. The impudent, however, put me in cancer, and entered without preparation. But what about me, I immediately flowed like a whore, everything goes in and out, for a long time, well, my knees are tired, I'm tired in this position, drives my piston and drives it. I begin to understand that this is it, I will now finish without outside help, I begin to wave him harder. He goes out, I did not immediately understand the maneuver, inserts a member into my mouth. And violently ends, I growl, but I don’t show it, the bastard broke off, I so wanted to finish. He says that to love Russian women, especially married ones, I said that I noticed. Then the second call, all according to the same scenario, I asked to cum in me. Finished, wiped my cock on my face, didn't kiss, packed up and left. I lie, I bring myself to orgasm myself. God, I finished, for a long time, the contractions of the vagina pushed Surazhi's sperm out of me. Doesn't accept Caucasian, I thought)) I liked Surazhi, I'll probably meet again. I lay down and thought, my husband called, asked how things were going, said that she was bored, and I really want sex, she lied. I looked at the photo of my husband, I thought what am I doing .... such a man. But, I decided that I would return to throw it all out of my head, like a bad dream. In the meantime, I will continue to play pranks, the very fact of treason excites me very much. Nothing to do with these men, only the desire to use them, and I love my husband.
I signed up with Dima, handsome, younger than me, he is 30. Lucky, his wife flew to Turkey to rest ... He stayed for the night, the organ is what I need, my husband's member reminded me very much. And the smell from him is the same as from her husband, she finished with him, for the first time herself, without the help of her hands, only from frictions. A good lover, the first time he was gentle, he did cunnilingus, I moaned like the last whore, it's good that the neighbors don't know me here. He finished in me, I lie caressing me after sex, I feel like a cat ... It's so nice with him. He put two fingers into my vagina and played with them there, pulling the uterus, I finished again. There was sex four times a night, I didn’t time it, I finished with him for the first time eight times ...
I met Dima four times later, it was always super.
In total, I met eight men in two months. I don’t regret it much, I realized that all men are different, and sex is different with each one. Some liked it, some didn't.
She returned home, not herself, her husband did not suspect anything. I went to the gynecologist for a checkup, passed all the tests, pah pah pah clean.
But I got carried away, now I can’t stop getting these thoughts out of my head, sex with my husband has become much better, often the most important thing.
I started a page on the Internet, on one of the sites about this, that I want MMZH, many men responded ... I choose for now.
Husband flew away on a business trip for 10 days. I signed up with a man and agreed that on Saturday I will go to the bathhouse with them, he will be with a friend. I came with them to the bathhouse, the boy at the reception looked at me like I was a whore, strange. Steamed up, everything was decent so far. I’ll never let my husband into the sauna again, never mind, I didn’t even know that there were rooms with sunbeds where men had whores.
The guys were experienced, all cultural, in a condom, miramistinchik. In the beginning, Cyril started to fuck me, in this room with a bed, I finished with him, he didn’t, then he came and put a dick in my mouth. They fought me all night, I finished and moaned ... a buzz, two men is a buzz, that's what every normal woman should try. I felt like such a whore, a member, in my mouth, a member from behind, they roughly hold my waist, mumble, suck me fuck. She crawled out, even her legs buckled. And so four times. I want to try anal.
I always wanted to do one nasty thing, and I did, I have one bosom friend from the institute .... I saw how her husband was looking at me. Yesterday, I was visiting her when she was not at home .... Her hubby tore me on her bed, we covered him with sperm all over the sheet, and I also left little evidence there, let him now think who it is. .....
I tried anal, I liked it, the main thing is to prepare so that it does not hurt. If my husband knew how I was torn off in #opu, he would have kicked me out of the house. She returned satisfied and excited, gave her husband a blowjob so that he would not suspect anything. At night, she fucked with her husband, waved under him, he violently finished. He says he doesn’t recognize me in bed, I say, it’s just that now my hormones are beating, my age is 35 ...
I don't know what to do, I like it all. I have my secret. And I know that my husband will never know about my adventures.

I want to tell you the story of my trip to the sea with my wife. We have been married for 6 years. I am 30, my wife, her name is Lena 27. We have a child, a son, he is 4 years old. I don’t want to brag, but my wife is simply beautiful, and the birth of a child practically did not affect her figure, if only her hips were a little rounded. But that only made her sexy. As she says, this beauty is given to a woman over the years. With Lena, what I always liked in our relationship is that we had mutual understanding, we never quarreled or quarreled. Only sex left much to be desired, it was somehow constrained and monotonous. But no matter how I tried to change it, it did not work. Something I digress.

So we decided to have a second child, and you yourself understand that you can forget about vacation for the next two years. And we decided to go to the sea. I took a ticket to the recreation center from my work and we set off, leaving my son with my grandmother. The recreation center consisted of three dozen, four separate wooden houses, each house consisted of two separate parts with a common veranda. My wife and I settled on the right side of the house, while the left side remained empty, which could not but rejoice us. Having unpacked our things, we immediately went to the sea along the way, capturing one and a half liters of wine. It was great sea sun wine. Anything your heart desires was worn on the beach. In short, after a dusty city, just a paradise. There was only one negative on the second day, it got a little boring just lying on the beach.

On the evening of the second day, we had neighbors three men. We saw them just when we returned from the beach. Although they were quite noisy, they seemed to be decent and polite. We met and they went to the side of numerous beach cafes. Lena and I also changed clothes and decided to sit in some cafe. Lena put on a light summer dress, it really suited her. She was very sexy in it. Lena wanted to dance, so we chose a cafe where there was good music and it was quite cozy. We ordered something to eat and drink, I don’t remember. And sat enjoying the coolness of the evening sipping local wine. It was evident that Lena's cheeks were flushed from drunk wine, and she was eager to dance. And as a friend, one of our neighbors comes up to us, his name was Andrey, like me, and wishing a pleasant evening, he asked permission to invite his wife. I said that I did not mind and Lena happily agreed. The neighbors were sitting in the corner of the cafe, so we did not notice them, but now it was clear that they were already tipsy but not very drunk. I looked at Lena again with a neighbor and noted that he was hugging her quite tightly to himself and talking about something cheerfully with her. I wouldn't say that jealousy arose in me, but something similar. The dance ended and he gallantly escorted her to the table and thanked her for the dance. Literally through the song, Lena was invited by another of our neighbors, his name was Igor, he was the most talkative and probably the most attractive of their company. I surreptitiously watched them dance. And I noticed that his hands are constantly moving along her back, and one from time to time falls on his wife's ass, but this happened when the wife turned to face me in the dance. Lena corrected his hand at first and then stopped. It was obvious from her expression that she really liked it. If I wasn't here, she would probably cheat on me. But why, then from these thoughts I got a member. There was such a mixed feeling of jealousy and arousal. It was a little uncomfortable, my wife was being pawed by a strange man, and I was turned on by this. When this dance ended, Lena was immediately invited by the third neighbor, his name was Dmitry, he was the most silent and healthy of their company, he was two meters tall and had a dense body build. Lena looked like a moth in his arms. From the very beginning of the dance, he immediately put his paw on Lena's ass, which completely covered her one bun. And probably reinforced by the fact that Lena did not protest much, he began to unceremoniously crush her. And from time to time, lowering his hand just below the buttocks and pressing it harder and up literally tore Lena off the ground. It was clear that she was ashamed of such frank dances, but how not very actively she resisted, it was clear that she was very excited and even closing her eyes at the end of the dance pressed against his shoulder. When the dance ended, Lena, embarrassed and trying not to look me in the eye, sat down at the table. I asked her.

Did you like it?

She blushed and looked at me with a slight pause and said with guilty eyes.

Yes, they are so cute, I got compliments all the time.

And not only in my opinion.

Lena raised her eyes and drank some water without answering.

We were probably still in the cafe for about an hour at which Lena was again invited by Igor, just at that moment I went to the toilet. And apparently he decided to take advantage of my absence and slaughter my wife. What happened.

Returning to the house, Lena hugged me very pleasantly and, like a cat, rubbed her nose near my ear. It was understandable that she was very excited and in her playful mood. And when she entered the house, she immediately attacked me. Such sex that we had, for our life together can be counted on the fingers. I will not say that he was very diverse, but very energetic and temperamental.

After sex, we fell on our backs and could not catch our breath for a long time. I didn’t get out of my head that I didn’t arouse Lena, and that if it weren’t for me now, she would probably have sex in the next room. I knew that if she had the opportunity, she would take it. I took Lena as a virgin, and besides me, I am more than sure she had no one. I understood that everyone wants to try everything in life, especially if it gives such pleasure. Remembering myself, at first I wanted to fuck anyone, when I tried I wanted certain girls and in certain positions and in all holes. In short, you always want something that you have not visited, you gush about this topic, and when such a situation turns up for you, you forget about everything in the world. And I wanted to talk to her about it. Although she always avoided such conversations, she laughed it off and avoided answering. And then seeing her mood decided to try.

How do you like our neighbors.

Neighbors are like neighbors, gallant men.

But tell me, if I were not here, you would have cheated on me, only honestly. I will also answer honestly agreed. I would, if they pestered me like that, I could not stand it.

Would you change me???

I don't know but if she was as good as you then probably yes.

I don't know dear, I love you very much and that's why I might not risk it for some kind of affair. By the way, they beckoning called to them when you fall asleep. Well, as a joke.

Seriously, what did you say.

Nothing I had to answer.

But you would like to try it with another man.

Well, I don't know, probably not.

But we agreed

Are you sure you want an honest conversation?

Yes, I would like to try something else. I only had you.

What if I don't mind you trying.

Do you want me to change you.

No, betrayal is when lies and betrayal break into a relationship. And I hate betrayal. But I cannot but understand that you want this, and if this does not happen by the end of your life, you will blame both me and yourself. I saw today how you liked the caresses of other men, there was nothing special about them, but you were pleased because you dreamed about it. And if you want, I can let you, you can not seduce anyone, or accept the proposal of the neighbors, I will not mind. Here, no one knows us, and therefore everything will remain only between us. Consider that for the duration of our vacation, I give you freedom. I love you very much and I want you to rule time well and your fantasies come true.

There was a pause, Lena was silent, I understood her, desire and love for me fought in her. I noticed that while we were talking I was very excited. I put my hand to her crotch, she was very aroused. I started slowly stroking her. For a while she accepted my caresses, but suddenly she turned to me.

You really won't mind?

I said no.

What if I want to leave now?

I didn't say anything to her, I just kissed her. Lena looked into my eyes, kissed me and said.

I want to get some air.

Here I became scared, I myself pushed my wife into someone else's arms, I was afraid that she would be better off than with me and she would want to leave me. But to stop her now would be to deceive her, and it is not known how she would react. Lena began to dress, and I lay and watched as this perfection put on her light dress and straightened her hair and headed for the door. I did not know what to say, and did not find a better way to ask.

Why do you need panties.

She looked at me so defiantly, and without looking away, lifting her dress, she took them off and went out. I was lying with a protruding member and did not know what to do. I still can't sleep. I got up and poured a whole glass of wine and drank it in one gulp. I went to the window and furtively pushed the curtain a little and looked. Lena stood on the veranda. This calmed me down a bit and I went to bed. I do not know how much time has passed, but suddenly I heard the cheerful voices of our neighbors. Climbing up to the veranda and quieting down a bit, they approached Lena and asked where I was and invited her to their place. Apparently she didn’t have to beg for a long time, although I hoped that she would refuse, I heard voices behind the wall. I didn't even know there was such a sound. When you put your ear to the wall, you can clearly hear everything. She was offered to drink wine and apparently she drank it. I did not distinguish the voices of men, but I heard the voice of my wife distinctly. The men apparently did not catch up badly for the remaining time, since all their courtesy was drowned in the drunk.

Oh yes, we are without panties. What great skin you have. Let's take off the dress. Don't hide behind, you're amazing.

Who is first, then me.

And literally after a while, the creak of the bed and the groans of his wife were heard. Then the moans became more muffled, probably they gave her in the mouth. I could not stand it and just holding the cock finished. Behind the wall it was heard that it was being used in full. I heard her being told to stand up, spread her legs, open her mouth, and the like. I lost count of how many orgasms Lena had then she moaned especially hard. But suddenly I heard someone say.

Give me some butter from the refrigerator, I'll take it in the ass. Your husband fucks you in the ass.

Lena began to protest, but in my opinion they were of little interest, and soon I heard a groan of pain. We never went there, she didn't want to. But after a while, the creaking of the bed and the moans resumed, apparently she was already being torn in the ass. And I finished again. Partners changed, I heard how when one of them finished saying who was next. Already closer to two o'clock in the morning, only one was left to fuck her because snoring was heard. He spoke quite harshly and in monosyllables with Lena, forcing her to stand up in different poses. I thought it was Dimitri. And in the end he ordered her to bring the oil herself and get up cancer. She tried at first to object, but then the groans and creaking of the bed were heard again. Lena did not even moan, she screamed. Then I heard.

Well, see you tomorrow. You are a cool girl. Hello husband.

And just a minute later, Lena entered. She spread her legs wide and looked at me with a hazy look and went into the bathroom. I followed her right away. She looked terrible, her hair disheveled and dried semen on them. When she took off her dress, her crotch was red and chafed. She gently washed herself and asked to bring the cream. I told her that I myself will anoint and carried her to bed. Yes, everything was turned upside down there, apparently their members were not small. The anus was also red, and when I lubricated it, two fingers calmly plunged into it and sperm continued to flow out. After I lubed it. Lena looked into my eyes for the first time and said, crying.

Forgive me dear, I'm a whore, right?

I love you, sleep.

And she hugged me literally immediately fell asleep.

In the morning, the wife woke up and hiding her eyes and embarrassed went to the shower. While she was washing, the neighbors could be heard waking up and noisily discussing last night and Lena. When she returned from the shower and heard what audibility was here and realized that yesterday I heard everything.

You heard everything yesterday.

What a shame, I don't want to leave here.

Calm down, dear, no one here knows us. Did you feel good? And this is the most important thing.

I heard they invited you to go on a yacht for two days.

And what did you answer.

Would you like to go?

Lena was silent, but it was clear that she did not dare to tell me what she wanted, or maybe it was really wrong to go with unknown men to no one knows where. But I was wondering and very excited if she would go for it.

And if I don't mind, you'll go.

I said no, or you want your wife to be fucked by anyone.

And you yourself do not want this? Don't want to be a free woman?

Do you want me to go?

No, you don’t understand, I want you not to be shy, and if you want to go and have fun, I give you freedom during the holidays, just be careful.

And what about you, you are left alone.

Am I already a big boy or are you afraid that I will cheat on you. Don't worry, I won't disappear. By the way, how are you feeling after yesterday?

Fine.

So are you going?

She looked at me so that I did not ask her any more questions.

Okay let's go have breakfast.

After breakfast we went to the beach. Three hundred meters from our beach was a fairly large Yacht. I noticed how she looks askance in that direction. And about an hour later, I was just swimming in the sea, one of our neighbors approached her and talked to her about something. When I returned Lena sat as if nothing had happened.

What did he say to you.

And why are you sitting.

I won't go.

There was a pause. I was also silent. I knew that everything was fighting in her and did not interfere with her. But suddenly she said.

I'm afraid. He told me that pay a thousand dollars if I go. But I'm not a prostitute.

But it turns you on, I see you have goose bumps, you always have it when you are turned on. Go and then you will regret it. Go, I'll wait for you, I love you and I hope you remember this.

Lena looked into my eyes and moved closer to me kissed me on the lips.

I love you. Would you forgive me?

I did not answer, only smiled meaningfully. Lena, grabbing her dress, went towards the yacht. She was transported by boat to the yacht. The yacht stood not far from the shore for another three hours, probably, the silhouettes of people were sometimes visible, but nothing concrete was visible. And then the sails went up and after some time disappeared over the horizon.

On this day, I thought about all this for a while and then I took some woman and fucked her all night. Lena returned only on the fourth day. She was brought by a neighbor, and looking at me said that we are returning safe and sound. Lena came in and sat on the bed next to me.

Fine.

How you spent your time.

Stormy. You hate me.

What did you get from.

She fell silent.

I did not stop asking her questions, although I really wanted to know what and how in detail. And she didn't say anything. We came home from vacation. She was a little silent for a while, but then everything fell into place. After the holidays, our sex has changed for the better. Of course, Lenka’s holes were developed decently, sometimes I couldn’t finish for a long time because of the lack of friction, mine dangled like in a bucket. It was not very convenient for me to offer her those types of sex that we had not done before. But I wanted to because she did it with others. But strangely enough, Lena very easily agreed to this and happily substituted her ass and even swallowed sperm, although she had not liked it before. I even began to think about some new experiments, but did not dare to propose them. In principle, I was all exactly how and where to have sex, the main thing is that it be varied and exciting.

And after some time, Lena said that she was pregnant. And her term fell just on our vacation. We both understood that most likely she was pregnant not from me, but we decided to keep the child anyway. After the birth of the child, we never raised this issue. While Lena was pregnant, we did not have sex, and when it became possible for something to explode in her, she constantly wanted to.

Once we quarreled for some banal reason, something she had to do in my opinion to bring my papers to a neighboring house, I did not have time and asked her, but she forgot. I lost my temper and started screaming, and she lowered her eyes and said so quietly sorry and knelt down and began to give me a blowjob. I was still angry and in the heat I planted her head all the way to the penis, I was even scared for her. But surprisingly, she herself began to sit down on a member, taking it deep in her throat. And when I started to finish, she plunged it into her throat and began to swallow. Her throat can be said to have milked me. Then when I calmed down I asked her where she learned it. To which she replied that she was on a yacht. And that there was a professional prostitute in the place with her who taught her a lot and helped her on the yacht. And that she had to learn quickly because she was constantly taken in the throat like that. And in general they were taken as they wanted and where they wanted.

From time to time Lena began to tell me what was on the yacht. I was surprised more and more because she was treated there like an ordinary whore. As she said that there were ten passengers and four crew members and that everyone fucked her as they wanted. And as she confessed to me, it even excited her. We were so excited by her stories that then everything ended with just amazing sex.

It turns out that when I sat on the beach and watched the yacht, she was already being fucked by two tipsy passengers, whom she did not even know. In principle, they and Viola, that was the name of the prostitute, were being fucked almost non-stop for four days, when the passengers got tired of them, they were sent to satisfy the team or put on a show. Most of all they liked several rides. When they found out that one of the sailors simply had a gigantic dignity, they asked him to fuck them in turn in the ass in front of them and watched them writhe in pain and humiliation. And once, after such a fuck with their necks, they put a full half-liter bottle of mineral water in their ass and kept it until it all poured into their intestines. As she said it was very painful and unusual. Especially when they sat with their asses hanging overboard and fired, they fired her out of themselves.

Or forced them to put on their lesbo show. And fuck brug friend with fingers or improvised objects.

On the one hand, all this greatly excited me, well, her stories, how and what they did there, and on the other hand, when the excitement subsided, I was very jealous.

Somehow Lena admitted to me that she would like to try all this again, and it didn’t get out of my head. I myself pushed her to this and now I myself am suffering. I woke up a whore in her, probably it is in all women, only this is all squeezed in them in a variety of frameworks, decency, upbringing, etc. What do you think?

Collected works in three volumes. T. 1. M., Terra, 1994. OCR Bychkov MN I My wife was a tall, beautiful and slender woman. Before the wedding, she constantly went in a Little Russian costume, lived in a dacha in an old wooden house surrounded by a dense cherry orchard, sang Khokhlat beautiful and sad songs and liked to confuse the simplest, red and yellow flowers in her black hair. Behind the garden of the dacha where she lived with her brother and his family, there was a railway with a high, strangely even embankment, at the bottom overgrown with burdock, and at the top covered with even sand, white in the moonlight, like blue chalk. My brother, a big bilious and bald man with a low belly, in a yellow canvas pair, always sweating under his armpits, did not like me, and I never visited their dacha. She came out to meet me through the cherry orchard, along the embankment, into a thin and white birch grove. Even from afar, her tall and flexible figure was visible and cut out in a soft silhouette in an infinitely wide deep sky, dotted with gold, blue and red stars and far drenched in the even cold light of the moon. Behind the embankment was a dense, black and eerie shadow, in which thin trunks of birch trees stood motionless and sensitive, and tall, damp grass silently stretched from the ground. In this grove I was waiting for her, and I felt eerie and cheerful in the transparent blue shadow. When in the sky, high above me, a familiar silhouette loomed, I climbed towards, sliding on the wet grass, gave her a hand, and both of us, as if falling, swiftly ran down, with force dispersing the thick air that fluttered my hair and rustled in my ears, flew in into the dusk and silence of the grove and suddenly froze at once, knee-deep in the grass, strongly and embarrassedly pressing their whole bodies against each other. We didn't talk much, and we didn't feel like talking. It was quiet, smelling of a strange, mysteriously incomprehensible aroma, from which the head was spinning, and everything disappeared from the eyes and consciousness, except for the burning and disturbing pleasure. and a tender body, how a round and soft chest slid and slipped from my wet fingers. Close, close to my face, I saw in the darkness half-closed eyes, as if saying nothing, faintly and mysteriously gleaming from under the lashes. The grass was wet and sprinkled with cold, pleasant dew on the naked body, strangely warm in the cool and damp air. It was as if the triumphant beats of our hearts were resounding throughout the grove, but it seemed to us that in the whole vast vast world there was no one but us, and no one could come to prevent us among these shifting birches, night shadows, wet grass and the stupefying smell of a damp, deep forest. Time passed somewhere outside, and everything was filled with one burning, inexplicably beautiful, powerful and bold enjoyment of life. Then, when the sky began to brighten and the darkness under the birch trees became transparent and pale, the moon silently and quietly emerged over the embankment, and its pale, mysterious light touched the darkness in some places, dazzled the thin birch trunks with pale spots and stretched their tangled shadows over the wet grass. Over the embankment, black as coal, instantly covering the moon and covering the grove, the embankment and the stars with shreds of torn, tenacious smoke, a long black train rushed past. the thin twigs of the birch trees quivered fearfully. When the train calmed down in the distance and the smoke quietly melted in the predawn darkness, I helped her up the embankment, holding on by strength on my very weak legs. She climbed to the very top alone, and I stood a step lower and looked at her from the bottom up, hearing a rustle and the smell of wrinkled skirts near her very face. She smiled shyly and triumphantly, we said something in a whisper, and she walked away along the embankment, drenched in the pale light of the low-lying moon and the still faint dawn, and for a long time it seemed to me that everything around me whispered in her voice and smelled of her disturbing and sharply voluptuous smell. I looked after her for a long time, and then walked away along the embankment, striding broadly with strong legs, breathing deeply and easily and smiling towards the dawn. Everything inside me sang and stretched somewhere with an irresistible living force. I wanted to wave my arms, scream, hit the ground with my whole chest and it seemed strange and ridiculous to give way to oncoming trains with their dead fiery eyes, roar and whistle. The dawn flared up in front of me like a joyful wave, engulfing the whole sky, and inside me there was a powerful, tender and grateful feeling. II I was working on a big picture at that time and loved this picture. But I never talked to her about my painting, just as I never talked about my life at all. In my life there was a lot of fun, boring, hard and gratifying, but most of all petty, usually uninteresting: I ate, drank, slept, took care of my clothes and worked, I had comrades with whom I was free and simple, and all this was ordinary and understandable. . And she was so beautiful, disturbing and mysterious, and I needed such a beautiful and mysterious, unlike everything else: she was supposed to give me something that I could not find in the rest of my life. And in my life, like day and night, there were two worlds, and although both of them gave a full life, they did not merge together. III We got married in a small and dark country church, only with the most necessary witnesses. I didn't think about marriage, and she didn't push for it, but other people were pushing for it, and we didn't oppose it, because it seemed to us that it should be so. Only on the eve of the wedding I was hard, scared, stuffy. The church was dark and noisy. The priest and the sexton read and sang something unintelligible and unfamiliar to me. I was curious and a little ashamed: it was strange and embarrassing to realize that all this was completely serious, important and really should change my life forever, mysteriously, like death and life. When I tried to convince myself of this, I involuntarily smiled and was afraid to offend everyone with this smile. His wife, as always beautiful, slender and tender, stood nearby, and instead of the usual, simple and colorful costume, she wore a gray, hard and long dress. She seemed to me so beautiful, mysteriously and pleasantly close, but somewhere inside me there was something strange, perplexed and hostile. When we kissed in front of everyone, I was only embarrassed, and I felt with cold curiosity that her lips were hot and soft. Then we all walked together along the stupidly noisy street. Brag, whom it was inconvenient and unpleasant for me to kiss when congratulating, offered to drink tea in a restaurant, and everyone agreed not with pleasure, but as if this was all that was lacking. My wife and I walked in front arm in arm, and we were ashamed and pleased to walk side by side, clinging to each other in front of others. As we walked, under the gray solid dress, I felt with my elbow the familiar voluptuous, soft and warm body warming under the stretched cold matter, and I kept repeating, trying in vain to concentrate: “But this is still there: she is my wife ... wife ... wife ". I tried to pronounce this word in every way, looking for the tone in which it would sound like a great and mysterious symbol. But the word sounded, like any other word, empty and light. In the hotel we took a separate office, drank tasteless tea and ate some sweets. There was nothing to talk about, and everything seemed strange that nothing special was happening around when something happened in our life that had never happened. Then we rode in an almost empty car of the suburban train and, under the rumble of wheels, argued about some proverb that seemed terribly stupid to me, but to her brother and the best man student - smart and accurate. My wife listened and was silent, and her eyes shone brightly in the semi-darkness. It seemed to me that the student and I were not arguing at all about what interests us, but we were competing in wit in front of her, and I clearly saw that she was thinking the same thing and that she it's nice. I was offended and strange that even now she could treat both of us equally. Then she got up and went out onto the platform, and I wanted to follow her, but for some reason I did not go. It seems because everyone expected me to get up and go, and because it was "needed" to do so. At the dacha they again thought of drinking tea, but instead another student, a cheerful and simple fellow, took out some vodka. At that time I drank little and did not like to drink, but I was very happy with vodka, laughed, drank, ate herring, which tasted unpleasant. It was embarrassing for me to talk to my wife, and she sat far away. I occasionally glanced imperceptibly at her, and at that moment it seemed strange to me that she could sit so calmly and self-confidently and look at everyone in my presence that she was not ashamed of what was in the grove. It also seemed to me that the student hated me for her, and I felt uneasy, as between enemies who must be feared and hated. When a student spoke for some reason about fencing, I said that I was not bad at fencing. Another student, laughing, brought us two tin children's sabers and offered to try: - Well ... cut off each other's noses! We stood between the table and the sofa, in a narrow, uncomfortable place, and crossed our sabers, which tinkled weakly and anxiously. My wife got up to make room for us, and again I saw the voluptuous curiosity in her eyes. And suddenly a passionate, irresistible rage and hatred for the student seized me, and from his rapidly pale face I realized that he, too, hated and feared me. Everyone must have felt it, because my brother's wife got up and took the sabers from us. “You’re also gouging out each other’s eyes,” she said, and threw the sabers into the closet. The brother giggled strangely, the student was silent, and the wife had a self-satisfied, false expression on her face. At night, my wife went to her room, and we, two students and I, lay down on the floor in the same room. In the darkness it occurred to me again: why wasn't my wife ashamed of what was going on between us in the grove? Why was it a secret? .. Or is it not at all shameful, but good, or is she shameless, insolent and depraved? If this is good, then why is everyone hiding with this and why did we get married; and if it’s bad, it means that she is depraved, fallen, and why then did I marry her? Why do I think that she will not now, secretly from me, as before from everyone, give herself to others, as she gave herself to me? she was still my wife and both of us were free with all our being, I liked the freedom and courage with which she gave herself to me, went for everything for the sake of life and love. Then I did not think at all that it would be just as pleasant, and scary, and interesting for her with any man who could take my place. This did not concern me any more than the free flight of the bird I admire. And now, when she became my wife and entered my life and took it, and gave me hers, it began to seem terrible to me, because it would be absurd, it would crush everything, destroy all meaning in what we did and what we intensified to consider it immeasurably important. I tried not to sleep all night. I was hot and heavy from a heavy, cruel, greedy feeling, and it seemed that as soon as I fell asleep, that student would get up and stealthily go to my "wife." Something like a nightmare burned in my chest and in my head, and it seemed that my wife was awake behind her locked door and silently and disgustingly waiting for something. I felt that I was plunging headlong into some kind of dirt, emptiness, abomination, and I realized that this ugly, absurd, disgustingly insignificant feeling was not at all characteristic of me, but had come from somewhere from the outside, like a nightmare, like a child, crushing me, strangles, destroys me. "It can't be... it's not like that, it's not!.." I tried to assure myself and didn't know why not. IV It became strange and difficult for me to realize that I was no longer alone, that every word and deed was terrible resonates in another person who sees, feels and thinks completely different and not like me. And from the very first day everything beautiful, mysterious and strong that gave us night passion disappeared. Thousands of trifles, dry and harsh, rose from somewhere in a stupid mass and made everything ugly, simple and insignificant. I was embarrassed to dress in front of my wife. The stale linen, the occasional vomit, the frayed, oily jacket, the small place that I occupied in society - everything was petty and destroyed without a trace that beautiful and strong image that the night, the grove, the moonlight, my strength and passion created in her eyes. And the wife somehow immediately sank, became heavy and became everyday. Three days later she was already as understandable and ordinary to me as any woman in the houses and on the streets, and even more. In the morning, still unwashed and uncombed, she seemed much worse in face, wore a tack of yellow flax, which sweated just as wet under her armpits as her brother's jacket. She ate a lot and ate ugly, but very carefully, easily irritated and bored. I had to do what I was not used to: a lot of small and serious things, not the way I liked it and it seemed necessary for me and for me, attacks, as it was necessary for both of us, for two completely different people. This was possible only by giving up a lot of my own, and every day the number of these refusals increased and what I wanted to do and experience in my life decreased. We settled in the city, in a small room not furnished by us, where it was clean and tidy, and therefore every chair, lamp, bed spoke in simple and boring language about a long, monotonous life. The wife got pregnant. When she told me about it, I got more everything! I was struck by the very word, so rude, heavy, boring and finished. And even more things rose from the floor of life, like dust, trifles that were no longer trifles, because importunately and powerfully, like a law, climbed into the eyes, demanded serious attention, tension of mental strength, absorbing life. When I was alone, I was not afraid for myself if I didn't have any dress, food, apartment; I could go somewhere, even to a rooming house, look on the side, I could overcome the severity of the need with humor and carelessness, and it was always easy and free, and there were no boundaries to my life; and when there were two of us, it was no longer possible to leave or forget anything, but we had to take care at all costs that everything “was” and it was impossible to move, as if roots had entered the heavy earth from the body. It was fun to endure it yourself, but it was impossible to calmly know what another person, dear to you, connected with you for life, is suffering. Even if it were possible to forget, to leave, it would not be easy, but cruelty. And, no matter where I was, no matter what I did, the little things now relentlessly followed me, reminded me of themselves every minute, screamed annoyingly in my ears, filled my soul with longing and fear. The days went by. I loved my wife, and she loved me, but with a new, calm, uninteresting love of the owner, in which there was more need and affection than passion and strength. And sometimes it was simply even strange to remember that all "this" was done precisely and only for the sake of passion. And while we thought, felt, did everything that was necessary for us, while all this seemed to be life, excited, delighted or tormented us, the wife’s pregnancy went its own way, according to iron laws independent of us, taking up more and more space in our lives, crowding out all other interests and desires. It was strange to me how my wife treated her position: it was for her something immeasurably important, deep and, moreover, sacred. She never forgot about it for a minute, took care of her unborn child and never asked herself who it would be, why we need him, why happiness would come or grief would bring with it. His birth seemed to her like a bright sunrise of some kind of radiant sun that would illuminate both her and my life from a different, real side and give meaning and joy to everything in it. And at the same time, I was clearly aware that the child was coming to me regardless of my will, that I could want him or not, but he would come anyway, that I had never needed him, I didn’t need him now (not at all like always and everyone needs the sun), that I don’t care about the future of a person, that his life may not be at all what is interesting and seems good to me, and that I have my own, big, free and exciting life, which I have not yet exhausted and which no one can claim from me. And the more I thought about the future, the more unnecessary and burdensome the birth of a child seemed to me: it confused all my plans for life, and, finally, this whole pregnancy began to arouse in me an evil feeling, as an uncomfortable, difficult circumstance of life. Once my wife said to me: - The father and mother are the slaves of their child! And smiled happily. I was surprised and kept quiet. Until now, I always thought that I could not be a nobody, and I thought it was good. Now I felt that this is how it is and it cannot be otherwise: I will be a slave and cannot but be one, because I am a kind and conscientious person, and because instinct will be stronger than me and will instill in me this stupid, senseless, narrow-animal love for to your cub. And at that very moment I felt a surge of impotent despair and a bitter, evil feeling. I saw that it was stronger than I, and I hated the future with that inexorable and hopeless hatred with which an accidental slave hates his master. And the wife saw true happiness in this slavery, as a born faithful slave, who did not even understand freedom. “How to explain,” I thought, “that even the Bible says that God gave motherhood as a punishment, and people made joy out of it? ..” I had two comrades, both artists, like me, simple, cheerful and lively people, whom I loved very much. Previously, we constantly dangled from side to side with them, and in our life there was all the infinitely varied charm of unconnected, cheerful bohemia. Now it was inconvenient for me to lead such a lifestyle, even to often leave the house for a long time: I would have caused grief to my wife, and I did not want to upset her, because I loved her. True, she willingly let me go to sketches and even sent me herself, but she frowned, felt sad and, apparently, suffered when I went to where there was a game or there were women, and although she did not say anything about it, she silently condemned me for the game, for revelry , for carelessness. The worst thing was that she was right: it was all bad, and I knew it myself, but it was strange and insulting that it was not “I” who decide to change my life, but another person does it for me. Exactly what was their charm disappeared from the sketches: before, leaving the city, I felt only one thing - that I felt good in the endless expanse of fields, and wished only one thing - to go as far as possible. If I lost my way, spent the night in the field, it was even better, even freer, even wider. And now I thought it was not good of me to leave my wife alone for the whole day. - Will you come to dinner? the wife asked. And all the time I thought irritatingly only that it was not necessary to go too far, diligently noticed the road, hurried on the way back and sincerely suffered when my comrades were carried away by sketches and stopped somewhere on the road. - Why don't you write? - they asked, cheerfully throwing live colors. - So ... laziness ... - I faked a smile, got up, lay down, walked away and came back with anguish in my soul, afraid that they would not guess about it, and thinking that they guessed. It was kind of embarrassing. It was excruciating like a painfully healthy and cheerful animal let into the meadows with a rope on its feet. The comrades could not understand this for a long time, and when they understood, the delicacy tried not to delay me. It was boring and uncomfortable for them, and therefore soon, sooner even than one could expect, they hated their wife as an annoying, God knows where and for what hindrance that had fallen on them. They began to go without me and, in order not to offend, they hid it, but I noticed, and I was annoyed and offended. At home, they felt uncomfortable with me: they understood only painting, talked only about it, and my wife was much more developed and more readable than them, and she wanted to talk about what they were not at all interested in. I loved her, and therefore I always responded with joy to her every thought, even if at the moment it did not occupy me by itself. But my comrades did not at all want to obey a man who was alien and incomprehensible to them. If it were not for me, they would simply be indifferent, touching each other a little, but I forcibly bound them with me, and they began to be burdened by my wife, and she by them, and it was hard and difficult for me in this stuffy atmosphere. And out of love for my wife, I became angry with them; it seemed to me that they should, although out of delicacy, not be as they are, but as the wife likes. Little by little they stopped going to each other, and then there was a break. That in itself was hard for me; and in the fact that this happened against my will and desire, there was something especially heavy, humiliating, insulting, like a mockery. It seemed to me that I had made a great sacrifice to my wife, and she thought that she had done well for me by opening my eyes to what empty and insignificant people my comrades were, as if I did not know this myself. We did not understand each other: she looked for one thing in people, I for another, and I had an unfortunate feeling for my wife, although she was not to blame for the fact that my views were not her views. VI One evening in the evening we went with my wife to the suburban area. They climbed down at an empty half-station, where the peasants were sleeping side by side and walking around like sleepy, dull switchmen; quietly, arm in arm, they walked along the embankment for half a verst and with difficulty descended along the slippery dry grass to the grove. We entered it with a strange feeling of sadness and bewildered expectation. The grass had already withered, and fallen leaves lay on it in a thick, soft and quietly rustling layer. The birch trees were half-falling down, and because of this they seemed to part and thin out; it became empty, and an empty, cold sky shone above. We sat down on the embankment, looked at the yellow leaves quietly and silently circling between the birches, were silent for a long time, not moving, and kissed softly. There was a smell of withering leaves, dry twigs crackled faintly somewhere, and in the distance, dull and drawn-out, the locomotive screamed. We kissed again, sat quietly, smiling sadly at each other, and kissed again. All around became quieter and quieter, fallen leaves swirled quietly in the air and silently covered the ground, twilight was advancing in a transparent but dull shadow, inaudibly, imperceptibly, but quickly. It became cold and uncomfortable. It began to rain. "Let's go home," said the wife. “It’s good to be away, but everything is better at home,” she added, weakly joking. We went back without looking back, and we were in pain and wanted to cry about something buried. A lamp was burning at home and the samovar was ready. There, behind the samovar, quite unexpectedly for myself, I suddenly became embittered and cruel, enjoying this anger, like revenge, began to speak, finding fault with some trifle, which I did not remember already in the middle of the conversation: - ... There cannot be two people in one flesh , it's impossible... Love comes, and love goes away, like everyone else, but there is no end to the desire to live... And that they will give birth to a child together, it doesn't mean anything... - How does it mean nothing? - offended and angrily cried his wife. - So ... Yes, and they do not give birth together, but only conceive together, and this is not ... But a woman gives birth, a woman feeds and a woman brings up! that for many centuries men were taken to raise children ... My wife looked at me with frightened eyes, as if I had said something stupid and shameful. And precisely because at that time I myself did not yet know whether I was speaking bad or good, this look inflated in me still more a feeling of embittered protest. “A man and a woman meet only for pleasure, and not for the birth of babies,” I screamed shrillly, and I wanted to hit something on the floor, and I suffered from this desire, “and you know it, and I know, and everyone knows. No one will dare to deny that when he meets a woman, he thinks only of her and wants only her ... It's true! approach a woman! - And you push away! - quietly and maliciously rejoicing, I said, twisting my lips. The wife turned pale and looked down. - A woman has the strongest instinct of motherhood, and ... - And the instinct of fatherhood? the wife asked. - What instinct?! I said rudely. - There is no such instinct... - You have! and you are a freak! - quietly and angrily uttered his wife. - Well, let ... Who will prove it? .. Yes, and that's not the point ... - Even in animals, - the wife said in confusion and made such a movement with her hands, as if she was clutching at something slippery and hard. - Nonsense! I shouted. - I can't stand it... Sparrows, doves, she-wolf with cubs! When a person does something that cannot be worse, they say "atrocity". And when you need to pity, now the "animals" are on the stage ... Ha! Don't inflate! I said with malicious joy. “Why on earth should I be guided by all sorts of rubbish like sparrows, tits ... and what else! a sparrow on eggs, damn him completely! .. - So at least he feeds the female ... - the wife said in a strange, pitiful voice. - Eh, I'm not talking about that ... - I said with annoyance. - It feeds ... and I will feed, and it’s not worth talking about it ... It’s too fair, simple and good, then pity alone is worth something ... But you have to sacrifice your whole life, transfer all your “I” into another person, whether for a wife, for a child ... But why on earth? .. For what? .. If you are a slave by nature, so much the worse for you ... I don’t want to! ? - suddenly asked the wife and quietly began to cry. I immediately fell silent, and I felt sorry for her and therefore ashamed of what I had said. But when I began to console her, and she kept weeping and pushing me away with her mean and cruel face, I felt vexed and offended. “After all, I didn’t say that I didn’t love her, but what does she care about what I feel for the child ... What does she need from me? What I don’t have, pretense? .. I can’t even subordinate my thoughts to her ... "And then for the first time it occurred to me that all people, not just one wife, by some right want to subordinate my thoughts to theirs, to make me believe and feel the way they believe and feel. And such anger seized me at the same time that I wanted to shout, hit my wife, throw something heavy at her and go somewhere to the ends of the world, from all people, from everything that they invented, arranged badly, recognized At night I was frightened by something formidable, stronger and bigger than me, and, looking with wide-open bottomless eyes, I began to be ashamed of my cruelty. this, "an aimless confusion, a heavy chain worn on my life, and therefore, it is not my fault for my cruelty, but for what caused it. VII A month later I had to go to another city for a long time, and my wife stayed. When I left for the carried out suitcase, I cried big frequent tears and. The thought that I would not see her for a long time seemed to me sad and heavy. I never returned to her again. I arrived in another city, settled in a large and noisy hotel, went to the theater, visited people I knew and drank at one of them all night. I still yearned for my wife, but all the same, the most pleasant thing in the opera that I heard, in the people I saw, in the songs, in the wine, on the railway trip, was that I was alone, that I could listen to the play and not listen to according to my desire, that I could look for people that were pleasant to me, I could drink wine as much as I wanted, without thinking about how the other person looks at it. Everywhere, in the theatre, on the street, at a party, I looked with wide eyes at all the women, and it seemed to me that I was seeing them for the first time, that a rich, immeasurably interesting world was again unfolding before me, which my wife had been hiding from me for a long time. The revelry at the acquaintance's was noisy and sweeping, a revelry of healthy, strong and, it seemed, free people. There was so much freedom, fun, scope, loud distant singing, that it became stuffy and cramped not only in the smoke-filled room with a bluish fog with burnt air, but as if even in the whole world. One of the guests sang in a thunderous and beautifully cheerful voice: In the sta-arina lived the de-eating Vesels of their grandchildren! The owner, swaying, came up to me and, tilting his lean face close, said in a drunken and sad voice: - You know, we all think that it’s good - Christianity, culture, humanity there ... everything ... but this is death ! It was then that life was when a person wandered in the forest, in the field, knee-deep in the grass, was afraid, fought, killed, took, he died. .. there was movement, strength, life, and now... Boring, brother, dry... sluggish... death is coming. He waved his hand and, smiling weakly, said: “Anyway, I’m drunk ... a sober man would still think before saying this ... Naughty! .. We are all cowards, brother, that’s what! .. Yes ... On In the yard it was a white, fluffy winter, the frost distinctly screeched underfoot, and the sky was, as always in winter, frosty, especially infinitely clear, blue, and starry. I looked at the distant pale circle of the moon, past which the clouds quickly ran, and I wanted something strong, impassive, full, carefree. A woman passed by, hurriedly creaking with small steps of small legs, and from behind I saw a thin silhouette of a soft round waist, sloping shoulders and a large black hat over a white neck under the hair at the back of the head. I followed her and walked for a long time and kept looking at her soft, agitated waist, which shimmered in the dark white neck. And there was something pleasant and strange. I clearly felt that this is exactly what I and all living things need more than anything. I had no thoughts, no words, but one sweet, anxious, languid desire to live. The woman quickly and easily disappeared under the gates of a large and black house, and she went home, looking into the endless expanse, where the pale, quiet moon shone. She stood above, right in front of me, and her light filled me with everything, and it seemed that in my soul so as light as everywhere else in the vast world. And when I came home, I stretched in bed so that it crackled to the bed, and clearly and consciously saw that I had no need to return to my wife, that what she felt was that she “needed” to love and feel sorry for her, that it was necessary to take care of the unborn child precisely because it is necessary - does not concern me at all, has no connection with that burning and powerful curious desire to live, which is beautiful, stronger than me, I myself am. And no matter how much, out of cowardly pity, I tried to remember my beloved, dear, necessary wife, no matter how hard I tried to pity myself, I was bored and insignificantly remembered her as she was already a wife. And it was a burning pleasure for me to remember all our meetings, when there was nothing between us but passion, random and free. And that night, and more than once after, I dreamed that I was lying with her on the damp-tepid grass, hugging her soft, pliable body, looking into strangely gleaming eyes, and the wide, full, round moon seemed to come close, close, and now through the thin, black twigs minted on it, motionless and mysterious, point-blank looks at us. Looks, is silent and all is silent. There was a sharp, disturbing and immeasurably complete pleasure in everything, and it seemed that there was no more time. And then everything disappeared, some people came, it was stuffy and sorry for something. VIII After that I saw my wife only twice. The first time she came for me, she stopped at some acquaintances and came to me. She had recently given birth and was still thin and pale, with large dark eyes that looked perplexed and timid. I felt sorry for her, I wanted to caress and hug her, I felt a voluptuous attraction and tenderness for her. We stood in the dark hallway, and I don't know what I was saying to her. Something very confused and not at all expressing what I felt and wanted to say. Finally, she asked in a strange, trembling voice: So, is it over?.. I was silent, and she turned away, knelt down in front of a tub, and bit her hand with all her might. My whole heart was bursting with love and pity; I knew that it was not at all that I was sorry that she was losing her husband, and I also knew that if I hug her, say at least one kind word, then this will not fix anything and will not help anything, and will make everything as tedious, heavy, stuffy as was before. Then I did not see her for three years, but only, without letters, sent her money for a child. I did this not out of pity and not because it was necessary, but because it seemed to me fair, and in doing so I felt completely calm. I had to visit the city where she lived in the winter. When the train approached the stop, I pressed my forehead against the cold glass and far below, under the embankment, I saw an endless field covered with white, even, sad snow and the vague skeleton of a familiar grove pressed against the white embankment, dejectedly, like a ghost, stirring in the white haze. And then I wanted to see my wife so that I went straight from the station to her. My wife was not at home, and I waited for her for a long time in an empty, little female room with a narrow iron bed. On the table stood a card of a student I did not know with a beautiful and exaggeratedly bold, but unoriginal face, and under it I found an album of poems signed with a name that did not tell me anything. Inside me there was a joyful, a little embarrassed expectation and a keen interest in what and how should happen. She came alone and right in a fur coat and hat came up to me. Her face was beautiful and freshly flushed from the frost, and she smelled of freshness, cold and weak perfume. It was clear that she, like me, did not know what to do and was afraid of me inside. "Hello," I said in a mockingly simple voice, and held out my hand. She thought for a moment, but held out hers nonetheless; soft, familiar, with long thin fingers. - What do you want? she asked, and her lips twitched and drooped. - Nothing, I answered and immediately felt that there was no tragedy in all this, that it was all simple, interesting, and therefore good, although it seemed difficult and awkward. She thought again, and a vague thought was visible in the dark eyes that rested on me. Then she shook her head, took off her hat and fur coat, threw down the bed, and stood slenderly in front of me two paces away. - Well, how are you? I smiled. "Very well," she answered shortly, and her face did not change the expression of a vague thought and a wary question. I was silent and smiled. I was very glad to see her, to hear her familiar, once so sweet voice. And I was annoyed and strange that she did not understand what I understood, and did not become as simple, cheerfully calm. - Who is it? I asked, taking a card from the table. The wife was silent. “My lover,” she answered harshly and vindictively afterwards, and instantly flashing and hardened eyes, I saw that it was from that moment, because she said this, that she already hated me and took revenge. - Is it? I asked. "Yes," she repeated with hard and vindictive joy, without moving or changing her posture. - Well, are you happy? - Yes, very happy - she hit through her teeth. “Well, thank God,” I said. In fact, I was almost glad and wished her nothing but happiness. But she suddenly flushed all over and clenched her teeth with all her might. She was hurt and offended that I was calm. “You see,” I said, “if we had parted earlier then ... after the grove, we would see each other now as old friends ... because why would wives hate each other? Not for the same pleasure that we gave ourselves? .. But precisely because we have a common child, you hate me ... and it's stupid, and it's a pity! - You think? - she asked with vicious and confused irony and folded her hands on her chest, squeezing her fingers. “I wish I hadn’t thought that!.. And how much anger and stupidity can be in one person!.. You don’t love me now, do you?” - Of course. It was strange that her face was just as motionless, angry, vengeful. Why do you hate me now? She suddenly dropped her hands helplessly, walked away, sat down on the bed and began to cry. And immediately she became small and miserable. - I ... beat my head against the wall then ... - she said. I got up and went up to her with a burning desire to caress and console her... - And if I had stayed then?... Well, a year, two, ten would have passed... , so they would calm down ... they would turn into a boring, monotonous married couple ... and their whole life would be over. I spoke and took her by the hand. She looked up at me through tangled hair and tears streaming down reddened and immediately swollen cheeks. - And now you love someone too ... you are again experiencing everything that we experienced together, remember? .. And so am I ... Now we have just as much life ahead of us, how much youth and strength. We do not kill or shorten lives. And if I had stayed then, everything would have been reduced only to the upbringing of babies and the skin of death ... Personal life would have been completed, ended, and you cannot imagine the horror of this! .. This is death, rotting alive! .. It was fast, boring, dead ... And besides, we would still be young, strong, would like to live, passionately would like. We, like all people, were born in different circumstances, lived differently, were and are completely different beings, with different souls - we had two different lives, and they could not be brought to the same denominator without completely distorting. - A ... - she began and did not finish. I was silent, and I felt good about what I said. The wife fell into thought, staring her black eyes, still shining from tears, into the corner. "Well... maybe you're right..." she suddenly said and sighed heavily, then suddenly looked at me timidly and smiled. Maybe for the better ... now, eh ... - she again did not finish. Then she got up and straightened her hair for a long time, and I waited. - What about children? she asked without turning around. - Well, what about the children ... - I objected calmly and seriously. - They are always happier with their mother than with their father... - But do they still need a father? - Why? - I was surprised. - Does mine ever ask about me? - Now, of course, no ... - And he will never ask if he is not inspired with a senseless and stupid thought that it is a shame not to have a father at hand. If, growing up, he wishes to see me ... so, out of curiosity, let ... we may be friends! - Material conditions? - quietly asked again wife. - What can I say about it! .. Otherwise it would be too hard for a woman ... To love? .. Strange... - Would you like some tea? she suddenly asked, turning around. I laughed. - Want! And she laughed, and suddenly became so close, simple, kind, sweet. “But I was terribly cheerful right now, in front of you,” she said, “and really ... what ... that is, what, in fact, something irreparable happened? Like a disease, so ... There are better than you, there is! And life is good in general... It's just so... I can't look as easily as you! "Sorry," I said. "Yes, sorry," she shook her head and sighed heavily. Two hours later, when I was leaving, having simply and amiably said goodbye to her, a tall and handsome student ran into me at the gate, whom I immediately recognized. He stepped aside, looked at me indifferently, and passed on. For a second, somewhere in the depths of me, a bad, poisonous, kind of rotten and disgusting feeling stirred, but immediately it passed. I wanted to say something cheerful and cheerful to him, to hit him on the shoulder, to smile. Joyful and easy. “Jealousy, self-love…” I thought as I left. “Everyone laughs at them, but how difficult it is to rise above them… so difficult that, believing, believing with all my heart that this is a bad feeling, it’s scary to admit that it doesn’t exist!” I walked along the deserted long streets, bathed in the cold blue silver of moonlight and cut through by sharp black shadows from houses, trees and telegraph poles, and I felt so light, as if some huge sticky weight had fallen off me. I was happy for my wife, for myself, for every person who can live freely, boldly and cheerfully. I raised my eyes to the sky, and before me stood a huge world, a boundless bottomless expanse, flooded with myriads of sparkling stars and streams of joyful, living, endless light. Mikhail Petrovich Artsybashev.