Can a Jew be baptized in a church like a believing Christian? Baptism of Jews and "conversions" in the Russian Empire in the 19th - early 20th centuries

Listening to lectures on the history of religion by A.B. Zubov (by the way, I recommend everything - a very interesting professor and his transition from atheism to Orthodoxy is very interesting, the only problem is that he adheres to the fact that the Earth is millions of years old and, accordingly, following this, faith in a whole echelon of scientific machinations) , discovered a new unexplored topic for himself ... a Jewish anecdote ... and not just a Jewish anecdote ... you won’t believe it - a Jewish anecdote on the topic of God. I didn’t believe it myself - a nation that for centuries was afraid to mention the name of God (which the cunning Jehovists took advantage of), was afraid to once again remember Him in vanity (which expressed itself up to the anecdotal fear of writing the very word “God” - they write or “Gd "or simply B.), which is quite characteristic of the Jews with their legally-pharisaic attitude to the commandments of God, suddenly gave birth in its depths to a whole layer of verbal culture. And here we don't know.

I think Zubov just embellished about this feature of the Jewish people, who love to poison jokes about God ... but no ... the search led to a terribly interesting article by Michael Dorfman (see the notes at the end), and for completeness, it’s a matter of technology to find other sources .

It turns out that there are even whole parodies of Old Testament stories, so to speak, a humorous Midrash (something looks like atheistic parodies of the Soviet era; I did not quote them here, because they are unnecessarily cumbersome), and this does not offend the Jews themselves in any way (especially that they themselves wrote them).

But it was a hint. And here is the fairy tale itself, i.e. jokes:

An old Jew is dying. He asks his wife:
- Surele, my soul. I feel very bad. Call me a priest.
- God be with you, Abrasha! You must have lost your mind and want to call a rabbi?
- Well no. Call the priest. It is a pity to disturb our old rabbi on such a rainy night.

A Jew prays in the synagogue:
- Gotenyu, Holy God, blessed be your name. Why am I so unhappy? But every day I come to the synagogue, study a sheet from the Talmud and pray to you, pray, pray. Have I ever taken a single step since childhood without consulting you? Is there anyone else who refers to you so often? I'm so poor... Here's my godless epicoirus brother! So he has successful children, and his wife is beautiful, and the business is booming, and the house is rich. Lord, king of the universe, I do not ask why you do not punish him. I'm just asking why? Why did I get such a lot?
After long appeals, the synagogue froze and a voice announced:
“Because all you do, day after day, day after day, is that you come here and torment me!”

Moishe Levy was baptized in a Lutheran church. Before the baptism, the pastor asks what Christian name he wants to choose:
- Martin Luther, - replies the neophyte, - And what spiritual meaning does such a famous name have for you?
- You know, I don't want to change the initials on the linen for the laundry.

Fievel and Feitel went to be baptized. Fievel went into the font first. After the baptism Feitel asks: -
- Hey Feitel! Well, how was it?
- First, not Feitel. My name is Philip. And secondly, I don't talk to Jews. You have killed our Lord.

The unsuccessful merchant Gurevich returns home empty-handed on the eve of Hannuka. And here on the Methodist prayer house there is a large inscription “Who will accept holy baptism will receive $100. Abramovich went, was baptized and earned $100. He comes home. There, the wife asks for money for lunch. Daughter asks for a dress. The son is on a bike. Mother-in-law - for glasses. He distributed it to everyone and said to himself:
- That's how it always is. Only the unfortunate goy will earn a couple of kopecks, as these Jews will take them away from him.

- Gotenu, my Lord. Didn't I diligently study the Torah and teach it to others? Have I not diligently kept Your Law? Didn't I do good deeds, as commanded in the Teachings of the Fathers? So why is there such grief? Why did my son, my beloved son converted to Christianity.
- Is it only your son? - the voice answered him according to Jewish custom with a question for a question.

in the book "Three Rabbis in a Boat", this anecdote sounds a little different:

The father of the family comes to the rabbi with tears in his eyes.
“Rebbe,” he says through tears, “tell me what to do.” This is something terrible: my son wants to marry a shiksa*!

The rabbi answers:
- But only? I would like your problems. Here my son not only wants to marry a non-Jew, but also to accept Christianity! And they look at me, at the first person in the community, as an example. So do what you know!

There was silence. Then the parishioner asks:
- Rebbe, everyone comes to you with their problems. And who do you turn to?
- To whom else, if not to God?
- And what did he tell you about it?
- He said: "Your son? And you look at mine"

the anecdote itself seems to be so popular that here is another version that is more straightforward

An old Jew prays in the synagogue and cries.
They ask him - what's the matter, grandfather?
Oh, the old man answers, I have such grief, such a misfortune. My son has been baptized!
God's voice is heard from above: "I sympathize, but I can't help in any way - I myself have the same problem!"

A deeply religious person saw a dream in which God told him to become younger. He began to play sports, had a hair transplant, put in new teeth, put in contact lenses, went to Florida for a tan. And in this new guise, he stumbled along the edge of the sidewalk and got hit by a heavy truck. In heaven, to his amazement, God paid no attention to him.
Then he called out to God:
- Hey, it's me! You told me to become younger - and I became. It cost me a fortune, and now you don't even want to see me!

God took a closer look at him.
- Don't be mad at me, Irving, I just didn't recognize you.

(variation)

One Hasid fell in love with a Russian girl. He cut his sidelocks, changed his frock coat to an elegant suit, Let go of his little mustache, bought a bouquet of flowers and went on a date. A car came around the corner and hit him. When he appeared before God, he turned to him with a plaintive reproach:
- God! For what? I believed in you so much! Followed all your commandments!
And heard in response:
- Moishe, is that you? But I didn't recognize you!

Kornblum, an amateur mountaineer, thought he had enough skill to climb Mount Horeb. During the ascent, a stone falls out from under his foot, and Kornblum begins to roll down. After a few meters, he manages to grab onto the bough of a tree. He hangs on a branch and calls for help. And suddenly a trumpet voice is heard from heaven:
- My son, do you believe in me?
- Yes, Lord, I believe! And I always believed!
- Do you believe without limit?
- Yes, God, yes!
- Then let go of the bitches.
- Let go?
- Yes, I, your Lord God, command you to let go of the boughs.

A young man, about twenty-five years old, knocks on the door of the famous scientist Rabbi Schwartz.
"My name is Sian Goldstein," he says. - I came to you because I want to study the Talmud.
- Do you know Aramaic? - Asked the Rabbi. - No. - And Hebrew? - No. - Have you studied the Torah?
- No, Rabbi. But don't worry about that, I graduated from Berkeley in philosophy and recently completed my Ph.D. thesis (PhD) at Harvard on Socratic logic. And now I want to complete my education by studying the Talmud a little.
- I have serious concerns that you are not ready to study the Talmud. This is the most secret book of our people. However, if you wish, I would like to test how good you are in logical reasoning, and if you successfully pass the test, then I will undertake to teach you the Talmud. The young man agreed.

Rabbi showed two fingers:
- Two people go down the chimney. One came out with a dirty face, and the other with a clean one. Which one of them is washing? The young man stared at the rabbi.
“Is this a test of logic?” The rabbi nodded affirmatively. “The one whose face is dirty is washing his face,” the young man answered boredly.
- The answer is wrong. A man with a clean face is washing himself. The logic is simple. The one whose face is dirty will look at the one whose face is clean and decide that his face is also clean. The one who has a clean face, seeing how dirty the face of another, will decide that his face is the same. Therefore, he who has a clean face is washed.
"Very cunning," said Goldstein. - Give me another task.

Again the Rabbi showed him two fingers:

- We have already established that a person with a clean face washes.
- Not true. Both are washed. the logic is simple. The one with a dirty face looks at a person with a clean face and thinks that his face is also clean. A person with a clean face looks at someone whose face is dirty and decides that his face is also dirty, and therefore goes to wash. When a person with a dirty face sees that the one with a clean face is washing himself, he also goes to wash. And thus both are washed.
“I didn't think of that,” Goldstein says. - I am shocked that I made such a logical error. Give me another task.

And again the Rabbi showed him two fingers:
- Two people go down the chimney. One came out with a dirty face, and the other with a clean one. Which one is washing?
- Washes each of them.
- Not true. None of them wash. the logic is simple. A man with a dirty face looks at someone with a clean face and decides that his face is also clean. The one with a clean face looks at a person with a dirty face and thinks that his face is dirty. But when a person with a clean face notices that the one with a dirty face does not wash, then he also decides not to wash. And thus, none of them washes.

Goldstein in despair:
- I am qualified to study the Talmud. Please give me another task.

He lets out a groan when he sees the Rabbi showing two fingers:
- Two people go down the chimney. One came out with a dirty face, and the other with a clean one. Which one is washing?
- Nobody washes.
- Not true. Now you see, Sian, why is the logic of Socrates not an acceptable basis for the study of the Talmud? Tell me, how can it happen that two people who go down the same chimney come out one with a clean face and the other with a dirty face? What, don't you understand? The question itself is narishkeit, stupidity, and if you spend your life looking for answers to stupid questions, then all your answers will also be stupid.

The man went to the zoo and ended up in a cage with a lion. There he sees the literal fulfillment of Isaiah's prophecy - a lion and a calf in the same cage. Astonished, he calls the attendant.
- How long do a lion and a calf live in the same cage?
- It's been more than a year.
- How do you do it?
- This is not difficult. Every morning we launch a new calf.

From the Jewish site:

Three proofs that Christ was a Jew:
First, he was thirty-three years old and still living with his mother.
Secondly, he believed that his mother was a virgin.
And thirdly, his mother believed that her son was God.

A Jew dreamed of an angel.
- You lead a righteous life, and God decided to reward you. What do you want: fame, money, power, wisdom?
- Wisdom, thinking, said the Jew.
You have become the wisest of the wise! What do you say?
- You should have taken the money!

- It is said in Scripture: "Gold belongs to me, and silver belongs to me."
So I asked God: "If all the gold and silver are yours, what is for you, Lord, some 10 thousand?! Lend them to me just for one day."
- Why only one?
Because one day for God is like a thousand years. For it is said in Scripture: "And a thousand years for you is yesterday."
- And what did God answer you?
- He told me to wait until tomorrow.

Drought. Jews come to the rabbi and ask him to make it rain.
- No, - the rabbi tells them, - I won't be able to perform this miracle, because you don't have faith in the Lord.
- Why do you say that, Rebbe?
- Because if you really believed, you would come with umbrellas!

A Jew is standing at the wailing wall and has been praying for a week: "Lord! Send me wealth!" The second week he prays, the third ... In the end, how he cries out:
"Lord! You might think: I'm talking to the wall!!!"

- Why is the seven written with a horizontal line in the middle? - Because when Moses came down from Mount Sinai, he began to read the ten commandments to the people and reached the seventh<Не прелюбодействуй>, everyone shouted in unison: "Cross out the seven, cross it out!"

As a Jew, I can tell you that the word "baptism" conjures terrible images to my people. FROM early years Catholic Jews were forced to be baptized as Christians. Sometimes under the threat of death. In other times, the consequence for those who were not baptized was eviction from home and countries. For example, the Spanish Inquisition at one time decided that Jews who did not convert to Catholicism (and, of course, were not baptized) should leave Spain.

In other cases, Jews were kidnapped and forcibly baptized, as was the case with the son of a rabbi in 1762. This happened in Russia only two centuries ago. The Russian Empire took Jewish boys from the age of 12 to serve in the army. "Forced, almost always forced baptisms have probably outnumbered all such cases in other countries throughout history."

What did he do?

Because of such openly gangster stories, the Jews cringe at the mere word "baptism." When they hear the news about a Jew who came to faith in Yeshua and was voluntarily baptized, they simply turn back. And this can be understood, this disgust is based on historical facts. But, you know, it wasn't always like that.

who can forbid them to be baptized with water...? (Acts of the Apostles 10:47)

Who are "they" and who says it? These are the words of the Jewish apostle Shimon Peter, and he speaks of the Gentiles in the house of Cornelius. There has been a serious controversy about the baptism of Gentiles as believers in Yeshua. After all, this has never happened before. For the first nine years, the gospel was preached exclusively to Jews.

Shimon Peter, after a vision and a word from the Lord (10 chapter of Acts), slightly embarrassed, goes to the house of the Roman military and shares the news about Yeshua with the people in this house. The Holy Spirit comes upon people right in the middle of fellowship. Believing Jews who witnessed this are stunned - Gentiles receive the Holy Spirit!!!

Shimon Peter said: “Who can forbid those who, like us, have received the Holy Spirit to be baptized with water?” This became a major point of contention that was not resolved for the next ten years (Acts 15).

Reverse dispute

But since when did Gentile baptism become controversial? Can you imagine the accusations against... the First Baptist Church for baptizing non-Jews? It would be funny. However, if they baptize a large number of Jews, it will raise a wave.

What most people—Jews and non-Jews alike—don't know is that baptism (or immersion) is originally Jewish. Long before Queen Isabella forced the Jews of Spain to convert and be baptized, the Jews of Israel were familiar with the waters of immersion.

When John the Baptist, the Jewish prophet, came to preach repentance through baptism, we find no record of outrage: “What is this strange new tradition you are introducing?”. Water immersion was already a significant part of Judaism. The Torah taught that priests were to be immersed in water as part of their sanctification (Exodus 29:2-5). Before any Jew could make a sacrifice in the Temple in Jerusalem, he had to dip in a mikveh, a water tank for ablution, thus symbolizing the ritual of purification.

How to submerge three thousand people without a river?

Have you ever wondered how Shimon Peter and the apostles managed to submerge 3,000 male Jews in one day in Jerusalem? Jerusalem is not Tel Aviv or a city in the Galilee where you can use the Mediterranean Sea or the Jordan River. Jerusalem is on a mountain. And there are no lakes, rivers or seas nearby. However, archaeologists have unearthed about 50 mikveh - water tanks for immersion - which were used in the Temple service. 50 tanks, each containing 60 people - three thousand people could take a water dive in a few hours. Without these Jewish mikvahs, this would not have been possible.

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Today, connecting Judaism with the act of immersion in water - what we see among New Testament Jews - is like trying to combine oil and water. But this was not the case in the first century. The problem of those days was the question of what to do with the baptism not of Jews, but of Gentiles! And Shimon Peter immediately heard what other Jews thought of him, as soon as he did the “unthinkable” - he baptized, immersed the Gentiles in the Body of Yeshua.

1. The apostles and brethren who were in Judea heard that the Gentiles also received the word of God.
2. And when Peter came to Jerusalem, the circumcision rebuked him,
3. saying, You went to uncircumcised people and ate with them.
(Acts of the Apostles 11:1-3)

Strange, isn't it?

It's worth it, of course, it's worth being baptized! - I will say this at the very beginning, so that my ever-hurrying and impatient readers know what to expect, and if they are waiting for another answer, so that they do not suffer, do not spoil their little eyes in vain and do not waste precious time.

Jews treat baptism like old maids - or, say, radical feminists on their wedding night. We heard a lot about it, both about joys and about horrors. But installation - no way! Everything, but not this. Like in the story about the chicken that ran away from the rooster and got hit by a truck. The old maid saw this and said: “She preferred to die!”

So the Jews love to talk about martyrs who preferred to die rather than be baptized. And there were those who killed their children so that they would not accept the faith of Christ. And here you feel a resemblance to radical feminism, because for those, intimacy with a man is a betrayal of the highest purpose of a woman in their eyes, her complete autonomy.

Old maids have their joys. The Jews also have their joys. There is an imitation of worship, but there is no jubilation. And if you look closely, there is a constant longing for incompleteness. That's the first difference. Christians have one hard, dreary day of the year - Good Friday. This is the day when the long-awaited Messiah died, and it is not known whether he will rise again. Passion Saturday comes to replace it, when the promise of the resurrection flashes Holy Fire- but there is no resurrection yet. Such are all Fridays and Saturdays among the Jews. There is no Messiah, and it is not known when there will be. He does not send letters and does not call. For Christians, they are replaced by the eighth day of the week - Sunday. Christ has risen and returned to us. For Jews, the week begins anew - weekdays, melancholy, practical matters, so that by the end of the week they will again find themselves in a state of expectation and unfulfilled hopes.

And Messiahs are different. The Jews have a national hero who will exalt the kingdom of Israel and resume worship in Jerusalem in the temple. The calves will be slaughtered again. For Christians, the temple has already been restored - this is the body of the risen Christ. Instead of slaughtering calves, we have our communion. Therefore, there is no sorrow, only joy.

Our Christ - does not care about all of Israel, but about each of us. He is not a hero, he is God. Only God can save. And the national hero is from the field of state building. The exaltation of earthly kingdoms is not a task at all for Christians qua Christians. So there are no empty expectations.

Why is he needed, the Jewish Messiah? Not needed at all - if you are not a rabid Jewish nationalist. After all, he will not give anything to an individual person - except maybe a hundred goyim slaves, if you are an orthodox Jew. And Christ saves us from sin, gives us joy, leads us to God.

Judaism is a collective faith, one that is one is zero. The Christian faith - it has a collective, a church, but there is also a person. There is the joy of repentance, confession, cleansing - this is the joy of being alone.

But collective joy is the joy of communicating with the people. Not only with the Jews, who are everywhere in the minority, but where they are in the majority - there is little joy from this. You will see how your attitude towards people changes. Common communion breaks down the wall of mistrust and hostility. You will be able - in Israel - to freely pray and commune with the Palestinians. They will no longer be your enemies, but your beloved brothers and sisters. You won't need a separate Jewish state to avoid the society of non-Jews. And in Russia, and in any other Christian country - you don't have to go to the ends of the world in search of a synagogue, you don't have to go through security and show your purse or turn out your pockets. There is always a church near the house. Yes, and believers are prettier, simpler, socially closer.

This is if you are not a banker, not an oligarch. And it is probably easier for a banker and an oligarch to remain a Jew - the Christian faith does not approve of excess. Of course, the oligarch also has a choice, but it is easier for a camel to go through, as we know, needle eye(there are such narrow gates in Jerusalem) than to save the soul of an oligarch. But a camel can pass through the Eye, and a rich man can also be saved. There is no social or biological determinism.

Discovering Christ is a fabulous moment in life. The Japanese call it satori, and we call it Epiphany. When God appears to you, or you stand before Him, you will experience a feeling of such power that all others will fade.

There were times when a Jew, coming to Christ, parted with all his relatives, friends, relatives. And now we have to part with many, but not with all. So many Jews came to Christ in last years that the Jews are accustomed to this and do not tear their hair, do not wear mourning, do not come to horror. Persecution? Well, they are not so terrible that it is worth thinking about.

You just have to go to the end, do not slow down. The brakes were invented by a coward. It happens that the Jews slow down, try to sit on two chairs. We are, they say, both Christians and Jews, twice elected. I have come across these. I think that this is both wrong in essence and harmful to the soul - if this is not just a missionary tactic. We become former Jews - the same Christians as our newfound brothers and sisters in faith, no more and no less.

For the Jews living in Russia, the coming to Christ will also make it possible to coincide in phase with the Russian people, who are now experiencing a huge spiritual upsurge. Remaining with their old faith - or unbelief - the Jews continue to fight with Christ, and not only harm others, but also destroy their souls.

If before the revolution, baptized Jews were suspected of baptism for the sake of profit, today there is no self-interest in this - but there is benefit for the soul. And the losses are small - a few unnecessary acquaintances, and some atavisms. History shows that the best of the Jews usually come to Christ. The children of the most famous Jews - Theodor Herzl, Moses Montefiore - were baptized. Baptism opens the heart and soul. It is no coincidence that Russian poets of Jewish origin, whose names are well-known, Pasternak, Mandelstam, Brodsky - were all baptized. Jewish faith - not Jewish blood - interferes with the creative impulse. People must be loved, but Judaism teaches that only Jews should be loved.

Theodor Herzl, the founder of political Zionism, wanted to baptize the Jews, just as Vladimir had baptized the people of Kiev. Perhaps it will come to this, but so far - the font is a personal feat. And personal great joy. I remember the feeling of water and oil, the smell of myrrh, the exit from the temple to the sound of bells, the radiance of the Jerusalem sun - give everything for such happiness, and do not be sorry. For a person with a living soul, baptism is a miracle. And to a person with a dead soul I will say - Christ resurrected the dead Lazarus, already touched by corruption. He can also resurrect your dead soul.