Hello! I'm Diana Morientes, science fiction writer. And what else, if not fiction, can be called "Beloved Student" - the love story of a little girl and a school physics teacher? Let me tell you everything in order.
At the age of twelve, I fell in love with a teacher. Actually, not only me - we were half a school. Maxim Viktorovich (name changed for purposes and fabulously handsome - a kind of angel who got lost in school: a cheerful blue-eyed blond with shoulder-length hair and dimples on his cheeks that appeared when he smiled looking at us, little seventh graders. He treated our sympathies condescendingly : he allowed himself to be entertained at breaks, favorably accepted offerings in the form of love notes, generously gave good grades.As I said, there were half the school of us: someone patiently ran after the physicist until the Graduation Party, and someone gave up his place in the retinue teachers to the younger generations, I was among the most faithful against my will.
At fourteen, apparently under the influence of puberty, I confessed my love to him. Personally, eye to eye. It was a rash move on my part, but I've always been on good terms with the teachers and it turned my head. I was sure of understanding on his part, and although I was not mistaken, I regretted my courage: it did not lead to anything, except that it only made me unbearably ashamed to look into his eyes during the lessons.
In peace and quiet, I drew a wall newspaper in the teachers' room after school. He came in to hang the key to his office in the locker, and we, left alone for almost the first time in our lives, had a heart-to-heart talk. No, not about us! About my problems with my parents. Since then, he has become my adult and wise friend.
Being a dreamer, I constantly dreamed about how our relationship with him could develop. I grew up, liked the boys and regretted that none of them could compete with my idol. Dreams about Him gradually turned from the pages of a personal diary into a light-fiction text: it turned out to be a little fairy tale about how a schoolgirl managed to win the teacher's heart. I made up names, believing that no one would guess that way ...
He read this story. After I passed my final exams in the 11th grade, I printed out a copy on the computer especially for Him. I had to gather all my recklessness together in order to dare to present this “abstract” to him. He smiled at the volume of paper and said, "Don't forget to live in the real world too!"
I didn't think he would read this so soon! I didn't think he would read this at all! At the Prom, he invited me to a slow dance (himself!!! I was in the sky!!!) and expressed his opinion about my writing ... He praised. I expected the words: “Well, you understand, this is a fairy tale, and it doesn’t happen like that,” but I heard: “You write well. Continue!" I thought that this story was a light casual chatter, and he said that it was “a novel with elements of practical psychology”! For all these years, I got used to living in a permanent state of unrequited love, but now I did not want to put up with this state! These three minutes of dancing changed everything in me in one step. He held my waist, pedagogically not pressing against me with his body, and my hands on his shoulders were trembling treacherously. All I wanted was to kiss him, but, firstly, I understood that he would pull away, and secondly, I had never kissed at all.
And with him - and never in my life.
Our communication with him logically stopped exactly after I graduated from school. I entered the university and swirled in a whirlwind of entertaining student life: KVN, cafes, hiking trips, sessions ... I got a prestigious and interesting job, and this added to my adulthood in the eyes of others. I realized that I am interested in people, their stories, their thoughts, their lives. Sometimes, rummaging through the archives of someone's memory, I found such amazing files that, without hesitation, I rewrote my life experience for another clean copy. I tried to live with a man older than me, then changed from one serious relationship to another, and then fell in love at first sight with a handsome volleyball player. It turned out that this is the best person on the planet, and sex can lead to the perfect lasting marriage. We have been married for five years and in all this time we have never quarreled. The ingenious teacher Maxim Viktorovich taught me how to get along with people in my teens, and having appreciated it only now, I remembered a sweet fairy tale about Him…
The name "Beloved Student" suddenly played for me in new notes. Maxim - the main character - is really Natasha's teacher. Only he teaches her not physics, but life.
To begin with, the “happy ending” invented in his youth was followed by real events: the difficulties of a serious relationship - with problems, scandals, pain and conclusions. Then the main character graduated from high school, and the "fairy tale" turned into a completely realistic picture: a man and a woman with a noticeable age difference. She is still young and is just beginning to feel the taste of life, but he has already walked up and wants a quiet family hearth ... He educates her out of habit, but she (with his own help!) Is turning into an independent person ...
Two strong, stubborn characters, calculated with mathematical precision, a logically thought out storyline - there are no random trifles in this book.
Get ready for the drama, because as you get to know Maxim and Natasha better and better, you will feel everything they feel. You will live with them for ten years of their life, go to bed with them, meet their friends, get carried away by their careers, fully enjoy the beauties of a chic resort on the Black Sea coast of the Caucasus ...
Are you ready to be in Sochi?
I typed the beginning of my story several times, but sooner or later I held down the "Backspace" key. This is because it is really difficult to start - whether you need to talk about childhood, about acquaintance with him, or about our problems now ... If it turns out clumsily, don't get angry, this is my first experience of writing a life story :)
And it was two years ago, when I was just getting used to the role of a ninth-grader. In our lyceum, severe exams are taken after each academic year, and not only in the 9th and 11th grades, that time I got to the August retake, for which I was preparing day and night, so when everything was behind, I wanted to calmly exhale, despite the beginning of the school year. It was not there: at the very beginning of September, I was sent to some kind of competition-Olympiad in history. I had to go there accompanied by a teacher, but when I stood at the school at the appointed time, I was met by a very nice woman, our head teacher. She said that my teacher was ill, so her son, Ilya, would take me. "Well, okay, Ilya, so Ilya, if only he would drive up soon, because we are terribly late." - I thought then.
We met him along the way. They couldn’t help but talk - both are talkative, and it’s somehow difficult to keep silence while in the same car. It turned out that he was a 3rd year student of our local university, but he did not study at our lyceum, so we had not crossed paths before. He told about his hobbies, asked what I plan to do. As a result, he cheered me up, ordered me not to return without first place, and very unexpectedly hugged me. Just firmly, in a friendly way, hugged for good luck. I was confused, and then I realized that he hugs cool :) People who hug great are generally cool.
Then amazing things happened: on the same day he found me on VKontakte and added me as a friend, wrote, found out how the Olympiad went. He very much asked me to report the results as they become known. I fulfilled his request - after about two weeks we celebrated my first place in a cafe, watched a movie on the tablet and ate ice cream. It was so easy with him, so cool and interesting that, according to the laws of the genre, I didn’t watch the hours - I returned home later than 12 o’clock, for which I heard a couple of strong words from my mother.
After that, we often wrote to each other, called, but did not meet anymore - study absorbed both him and me. True, we spent the New Year together, and with us was his brother (my classmate), friends and girlfriends. Then everyone had fun, we spent the whole night walking, skating and driving around the city.
From that moment there was silence until May of next year. I did not miss him, did not remember him and did not think, therefore, there were hardly any feelings then. Just a guy with whom we just had fun once - without kisses and something more, in a friendly way. He probably thought the same.
I almost managed to forget about the existence of Ilya, when suddenly life threw us an unexpected meeting. In May, my classmates and I went to the dacha to Roma (Ilya's brother) for barbecue. There were a lot of people (two parallels), but in the midst of the fun, Ilya joined us. In general, no one called him, but he wanted to take a break from preparing for the session and, having seen tempting photos of fried meat in Ig, he went to the dacha.
We then had a very atmospheric evening and the same night. It was cool outside, but we had a fire burning, the guys played guitars, we sang along with them and just enjoyed the moment. Ilya sat next to me, started whispering sooooo funny things in my ear, than spoiling the whole romance of the moment: D And then someone came up with a brilliant idea to go swimming, despite the cold water, the second hour of the night and the lack of swimsuits for everyone. As a result, I, in shorts and a T-shirt, "rolled" on the water on Ilya's back. We drove home with him.
There were no proposals to meet, touching words and confessions - we just from that night by the fire automatically began to consider each other as one, or something. A week later, when our parallel, teachers and several other girls from the elementary grades went to St. Petersburg, all the painful hours on the bus I dozed on his shoulder and ate his strategic supply of food, and at night we waited for the "guards" to lie down sleep and moved to each other's rooms, where they watched movies and just had fun.
We spent the whole summer together. He graduated from the university, at the graduation he introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend. When I was somewhere in the region of Greece, and he ate pizza in Italy, we almost never left Skype and "walked" like this through the streets of our cities. We brought each other a sea of gifts and literally did not get out of bed all day (in the absolutely decent sense of the word), slept together and were glad that now we will part very, very soon. He told me that he was looking for a job, then he said that he had found it, but did not tell me which one. He asked me not to rush things, explained that soon I would find out everything myself. Well, I didn’t interrogate, I didn’t care much at all.
And now, the first of September. On the festive line, he stood next to the teachers, but I did not attach any importance to this, because. Ilya held a camera in his hands, therefore, he photographed what was happening and from the teacher's seat it was simply better to see. After the director's speech and the speech of the lyceum students, we went to the classes, where we received leaflets with the schedule. Opposite the name of the subject was the number of the classroom and the name of the teacher. On the second of September, the first pair we had was computer science, and Ilya was supposed to lead it. His last name, his first name, his patronymic, everything is clearly printed without a single mistake. It was as if I had been doused with cold water, I did not know how to react to such a turn of events.
Well, I still don't know. I didn’t go to class yesterday, and didn’t pick up the phone all day, and today he had a day off, we haven’t seen each other yet. Am I acting like a fool because, on the one hand, nothing catastrophic happened, and on the other hand, the relationship between the teacher and the student? All my classmates knew what happened, some teachers were in the know, and now everyone considers it their duty to play a joke on how I will earn grades.
I don’t know what position to choose, what to answer and whether it is worth continuing this relationship, if so, how to maintain it in this case? How to protect yourself from public attacks, how to protect yourself and Ilya from teachers and children? If not, then how to explain to Ilya why we are breaking up? On August 31st, everything was great, we rode around the city with him in search of a birthday present for my grandmother, and the very next day this sticky feeling of fear appeared. Ilya is the first guy with whom I wanted more than friendship, I feel happy with him, I get unearthly pleasure from our meeting, and it’s just terribly hard for me to even imagine that a new circumstance will destroy all relationships. But how to be? How?
It's been such a good start to the year.
When I was a 10th grade student, we had a new German teacher at our school. He was young and handsome. He was a charming, blue-eyed, blond, twenty-three years old. From the first day he arrived at school, all the middle and high school students ran past his office during recess to get another look at him. Dmitry Evgenievich (that was the name of the teacher) was clearly flattered by such attention and it was noticeable. Also, he was not deprived of the care and attention of young teachers, who simply did not give him a pass.
I, like most girls from our school, was in love with him. I went to all his lessons regularly and always did my homework. However, unlike the others, I was a modest girl. My classmates frankly flirted with the teacher and showed their interest in every possible way. I only carefully selected outfits and conscientiously studied the assignment before each lesson. But during the classes themselves, I was terribly embarrassed, although I tried to hide it, my heart jumped out of my chest and my knees trembled. Apparently, the teacher noticed this and constantly called me to the blackboard. Fortunately, he always appreciated my efforts as "excellent".
Throughout the school year, thoughts about the young teacher haunted me, I even dreamed of him and seemed to be in almost everyone I met. It got to the point where it wasn't enough for me to see him at school. I found out where he lives and walked around his house every day. Sometimes happiness smiled at me and I met him, in such cases a conversation started between us about studying and we parted. If I met him in the company of girls, then I went crazy with jealousy.
In the eleventh grade, a tragedy occurred - Dmitry Evgenievich quit. I suffered greatly, often wandered around his house, but I could not see him. But the time has come for me to prepare for entering the institute and I signed up for preparatory courses. At the very first lesson, a surprise awaited me - German was taught by Dmitry Evgenievich at the sub-courses. I was overjoyed to have the opportunity to see him again. During the course (about six months) we can say that I became a favorite student of Dmitry Evgenievich. And somehow it turned out that by the end of the course, many students fell ill and a couple of times I studied individually. These two classes were enough for me to get a little closer with the teacher. The fact is that he was interested in my affairs, told about himself and then offered to take me home. Then it became a habit and Dmitry Evgenievich began to see me off all the time. I just lost my head with happiness - he seemed to me the most beautiful, the smartest, and so on. I was drowning in his bottomless blue eyes and catching his every word. After a while, we began to meet more often - we walked in the park on weekends, went to the cinema, cafes. I still remember our first kiss, when the earth seemed to have left from under my feet.
For me, a 17-year-old girl, it was a blessing that my teacher paid attention to me. However, it so happened that Dmitry was offered a job in the USA and he had to leave for a while. It was very difficult for me to part with him, but I hoped that he would return soon. At first we corresponded, and then I moved, entered another institute and our connection was interrupted. It's been 8 years since then and I only occasionally thought about my romance with the teacher. But one day I accidentally found him in one of the social networks and we agreed to meet. Before our date, I was very worried, because for me he remained the same ideal man. But at the meeting, I no longer saw the one I remembered. Dmitry got a little fatter, bald patches appeared, his eyes no longer seemed so blue, and the jokes were not so funny. We chatted all evening, but I already understood that I no longer felt the feelings that I had. After all, I'm no longer the student who hangs on his every word. I was pleased to communicate with a wonderful person from my youth. But after our meeting, I realized that my ideal Dmitry Evgenievich remained in those distant school years. As time goes by, we grow up, forget about our past loves, become less romantic and more rational.
The theme of love between a student and a teacher is as old as the world. Tender feelings can arise both in the first grader Maxim for the first teacher Anna Ivanovna, and in the third-year student Katya for the teacher of sociology Alexander Mikhailovich. Usually emotions pass, and love is forgotten, but it happens that feelings grow into “something more.” Comments on love stories are given by psychologist, director of the Center for Successful Relationships Elena Dubovik.
SCHOOL LOVE: IRA + VIKTOR EVGENIEVICH
— In order to understand this story, you need to live in the village. How is it there? Quiet and smooth: there are girls, and the guys - once, twice and counted. Therefore, each new man is worth its weight in gold. Ira was 16 years old, Viktor Evgenievich - 23. He came to the village to work for two years by distribution, - recalls Lyuda, Irina's classmate. “Of course, they didn’t start right away. He behaved seriously - after all, a teacher! And she didn’t flatter herself too much: the guy, of course, is young and promising, but in her class there were seven more girls with the same advantages as hers - youth and breasts of the fourth size.
Relationships began at school on New Year's Eve. Disco, dancing, twilight ... Everyone knew about their romance: both teachers and parents, but they closed their eyes - they understood that Ira had arranged her personal life. True, the couple was in no hurry to marry after graduating from her school. She went to college, got pregnant towards the end of her studies, and a couple of months later the whole village played their wedding. Now they live in the village, in the house of her husband. They have a one-year-old baby, soon the second will be born. I don’t know if this is love, but Ira is sure that her life has been a success: there is a ring from the Sapphires and Dyamants store in the district center and the mandatory minimum - two children - has been fulfilled.
VOGATSKAYA LOVE: DASHA + DMITRY VALERIEVICH
- Dima and I met in the Druzhba camp near Rakov. I ended up in a profile shift for activists of organizations, honors students and other cool kids,” says illustrator Dasha. - The program there was rich: thematic trainings, vocals, dancing! I remember how terribly upset I was when they didn’t take me on vocals - I considered myself a noble singer. The counselor randomly signed me up ... for a stage fight. I came to the first lesson without any plans to arrange a personal life - in sweatpants and a green jacket that did not fit them.
I could not comprehend the complex art of non-tangent combat. The course was taught by very cool people, it was immediately obvious - the actors. Dima came to work together with Vova's best friend. But since my consciousness was clouded from the fiasco in the singing field, and strict upbringing forbade looking in the direction of male teachers, I had no thoughts about Dima as a man. I thought: "They are 30 years old and have had wives-children for a long time." Then everything was the same: that the young beautiful Dima, that the mustachioed physicist Nikolai Stepanovich. The teacher is everything. I was 16 then, he was 24.
The counselors wanted live communication with the children and immediately gathered around them everyone who seemed interesting to them. We went to the forests to fry sausages, play volleyball ... They both fascinated me, but there was still no talk of any love. I became very attached to them. And then one morning I woke up, and they left for Minsk. I cried for half a day: I felt betrayed - friends don’t do that! Sobbing I sobbed and suddenly received a mysterious letter. It told me where to go to find the hiding place. The hiding place contained a bouquet of wildflowers and Pasternak's poems. In general, after a while they returned - and Dima began to look after me. He sent poems about love by cool poets, gave all sorts of romantic things like a crow's feather, a glass horse or a cone ... Then I fell in love completely.
When the shift ended, I went to another camp - to Ukraine. I was bored, I was killing myself ... And one day I came to the dining room - and there Dima! Waiting for me! I arrived! I didn't know exactly where I was, so I spent two nights in a tent. We returned to Belarus together. Then there was hellish romance: while I was finishing my studies in the 11th grade, he came a couple of times a month, was at the graduation. Then I entered the university, and after the 3rd year we got married.
I stopped calling him you only when he kissed me, and I finally realized that we have love, and not "teacher-student." He was Dmitry Valerievich to me, and it was difficult to switch to “just Dima”. Of course, I had to relearn: after all, calling your husband to you is not very good. If such a story happened to a teacher at the university, it would hardly have happened: my upbringing and internal barrier do not allow me to play tricks with teachers. And it happened with Dima, because our age difference is not so big, and relations in the camp are not so formal.
UNIVERSITY LOVE: MARINA + STANISLAV IGOREVICH
“Marina was a real sex bomb from the periphery in our group,” says Zhenya, a former student of the philological faculty. - And Svyatoslav Igorevich is a slightly faded metropolitan playboy. He taught philosophy at the university, and she came to him for lectures and seminars.
Of course, at first no one knew anything about their romance - neither girlfriends nor classmates. Later it turned out that feelings bloomed for almost a year. Once they were just caught kissing in the audience. Time passed, course after course, until Marina became pregnant.
Six months later, we learned that they were married. Marina dropped out of school for the sake of her family: now she is raising her daughter, salting cucumbers, endlessly rolling up some salads - in a word, making a nest. And 52-year-old Svyatoslav Igorevich still teaches at the university, and we are afraid that he might look after himself a new wife.
On his Facebook page that for 16 years the history teacher of one of the Moscow schools had a relationship with his students. Despite the fact that many teachers and students knew about it, no action was taken. According to the journalist, she made several attempts to describe the story in the press, but her colleagues, who also graduated from this school, asked her not to do this. However, the recently unnamed parents succeeded in getting the teacher fired.
From the comments on the Krongauz post, it is clear that we are talking about one of the most prestigious physics and mathematics schools in Moscow - No. 57 - and about the teacher Boris Meyerson, who left his former job a month ago.
The story caused a heated discussion: some accused the teacher of pedophilia (although, presumably, he had relationships with high school students who had already reached the age of sexual consent - 16 years old) and asked to call the school administration accountable, others recommended not to take dirty linen out of the hut and save reputation as "the best school in the city".
The Village decided to find out how ethical and legal the relationship between a teacher and a student is and what to do if you witnessed such a connection.
Teacher's opinion
Dmitry Martynenko
physics teacher, deputy of the municipal council of the Lomonosovsky district of Moscow
Even if the student has reached the age of consent, such relationships are completely unethical. And to regulate such situations, there are enough requirements for the level of moral qualities of the teacher. The Labor Code has a separate clause about dismissal for committing an immoral act. I am not a linguist and cannot say exactly what is meant by this formulation. But sexual relations between a teacher and a student definitely fit this point, so you can get fired for such things right away. At the same time, from my point of view, if you know about such relationships, it’s better not to get into this situation. But if you are the victim of harassment, you must immediately contact the school administration or law enforcement agencies.
As for higher educational institutions, we still have a division in our country: the school has an educational function, and the university only provides specific knowledge and skills. Prohibiting relations between teachers and students in higher educational institutions, in principle, is probably not very good. But if we are talking about a situation in which the assessment of a particular student depends on a particular teacher and they are connected by relationships, then this is a classic conflict of interest. And this, in principle, is not punishable, but in general it has a bad effect on objectivity. Such a situation should not arise based on the professional qualities of the teacher, but if it has already happened, it is necessary to resolve the conflict. For example, change the teacher in the group.
Psychologist's opinion
Evgeny Osin
Associate Professor at the Faculty of Social Sciences and Member of the Department of Psychology at the Higher School of Economics
Regardless of the student's age, this is unethical as it creates a dual relationship. The teacher is simultaneously in a position of power in relation to the student and has an informal connection with him. He cannot be objective because he has romantic feelings. That is why in all codes of foreign universities there is a provision that if a relationship is established between a teacher and a student, the teacher must at least transfer this student to another university employee.
If the teacher harasses you, then you need to try to talk to him personally, if he doesn’t help, look for help somewhere else. Only it is not clear where in our country it can be found. As you understand, school leaders may try to hide this situation, but you need to tell at least friends and parents. It is probably not worth publicizing the relationship between a student you know and a teacher, as this is an interference in personal space. But at least you can talk to that student or teacher first.
Lawyer's opinion
Maria Bast
lawyer and chairman of the Russian Bar Association for Human Rights
I believe that it is necessary to proceed from subjectivity. If this is mutual consent, then there is little we can oppose here, since there is the concept of legal capacity. The age of sexual capacity (16 years) implies the ability to make decisions independently - if we are talking about a relationship by mutual consent. If we are talking about harassment against will, through blackmail and threats, then, of course, there should be criminal liability. But in Russia, unfortunately.
That being said, I believe that the ban on sexual relations in universities and workplaces is wrong. This is an invasion of personal space, we cannot forbid people to love each other. The sphere of personal life is very individual, boundaries cannot be set, they can only be protected. The state has no right to interfere in the privacy of adults.
There are spheres of life that regulate public-state rules, for example, the activities of officials. If two officials, for example, a subordinate and a boss, have a relationship, one of them needs to be fired. But in such a way as to categorically prohibit - no, these are human rights and freedoms that are guaranteed by our constitution.
What is the mechanism of such relations?
Anfisa Kalistratova
child psychologist, gestalt therapist
It is impossible to measure everything according to the stereotype that the student is always under pressure from the teacher. But, of course, the teacher should not violate the ethical norms that everyone understands. At the same time, it’s definitely not worth talking about the relationship of your classmate with the teacher to the school management, this can leave an indelible mark on a person’s reputation. But to discuss with a specific person his relationship with the teacher or not is your personal choice.
A young girl may fall in love with her 40-year-old teacher because he matches her imagined ideal man. It can be an example of a father, an anti-example of a father. Suppose all the qualities that are opposite to the father are collected in the teacher, and he immediately attracts attention.
In general, people under 25 often attribute a lot of some additional positive qualities to the object of attraction. A person begins to objectively evaluate partners a little later, taking into account age, social status and other factors. But our children are not yet taught to think with their heads, but they are taught to obey, which is why such situations happen. It is generally difficult to talk about love within the walls of the school, the atmosphere is not conducive.
But an adult is pushed into sexual relations for certain reasons, these are not just illusions of a teenager. A forty-year-old man can go into a relationship with a 16-year-old girl because of unfulfillment in his personal life. If a man has a woman of his age and needs, has a family and intimate life, why would he have sex with a teenage girl? This indicates problems: a person begins to look closely, to think that he can raise a wife for himself or feel young through sexual contact with a girl or boy.
In any case, such relationships have no future, and they raise a lot of questions from others. In addition, the one who is older will tend to suppress the younger. It happens that a 16-year-old teenager is at the psychological level of a 25-year-old adult and the relationship develops successfully, but this happens very rarely.
Illustration: Nastya Grigorieva
