How and why to keep yourself in a relationship. How to keep yourself close to a toxic person. Empathize but don't regret

Hebe is a genus of bushy plants belonging to the Norichnikov family. Its number is more than 130 species. He came to us from Australia and South America. In culture, it is grown in winter gardens and greenhouses, but cultivation is also found in pots. If the climate allows, then the plant is grown as a garden plant in open ground.

More than 10 species of Hebe are bred in culture. In the greenhouse, this flower grows up to two meters. The leaves on the bush are formed crosswise. Different species have different leaf shapes. The inflorescence is represented by a group of small flowers of white, blue, lilac flowers. Growth is fast, blooms almost all summer.

Varieties and types

Not grown outside of container culture. The flower grows up to half a meter tall. Flowering takes place in early summer, has white inflorescences.

A rather whimsical species for growing, similar to a coniferous plant because of its small leaves. It has low varieties, growing mostly no higher than 30 cm. The color of the leaves in different varieties ranges from green to bronze.

The view includes both low varieties (15 cm) and higher (50 cm). Grown mainly in containers.

It grows a little higher than 10 cm. Young leaves have a reddish tint along the edges, there are a lot of white flowers. And the variety Sutherlandii has gray leaves.

It grows to almost a meter in height. The leaves are oblong, green. Flowers are white. The species is easy to grow, normally withstands transplants.

Hebe planting and care in the open field

It feels great in bright light, but in order for the plant to withstand direct sunlight, you need to prepare it for bright light starting in spring by taking the containers out into the sun.

You can grow a flower in partial shade, but in this case, flowering will be weaker than in good light. In winter, it is advisable to supplement the daylight hours with fitolamps up to 10 hours.

Hebe bush loves heat, the best temperature for it is 20-25 ° C. In winter, the temperature can drop to 10°C.

Hebe rakayenskaya withstands sub-zero cold, but other species die if the scale drops below 7 ° C.

The plant tolerates dry weather well, but in high heat it is advisable to spray the bushes and the air next to them. Usually one spray per day is enough, but in too hot weather, the procedure is carried out twice, in the morning and in the evening. Water for this is taken warm and settled.

Before watering the plant, check if the topsoil has dried out after the previous wetting. It is necessary to carry out moderate watering, but the soil should not dry out too much. In winter, water much less often. You also need to arrange drainage.

The soil can be made from a mixture of soddy soil with leafy, peat and sand, just one share each. Before laying the substrate, drainage is added, it also does not hurt to add charcoal to the soil.

Transplantation is carried out annually in the spring, before the plant blooms. The flower does not tolerate root damage very well. In the case of cultivation in a greenhouse or a pot, a transshipment method is possible.

You can not transplant a recently acquired plant. Before this procedure, hebe must go through an adaptation period, which lasts about a month.

During the growing season (almost all summer), hebe needs to be fed. Once every 15 days, a liquid fertilizer for flowering plants should be used. Fertilizer should be diluted with warm water.

In early autumn, after flowering, hebe requires pruning, otherwise the decorative effect of the bush will decrease.

Hebe propagation by seeds and cuttings

The first method is little used, since the seeds rarely germinate. In the spring, the material for sowing is placed in a mixture of sand and peat to a depth of 1 cm. The pots are covered with polyethylene or kept in greenhouses, since the seeds need good moisture. When three true leaves appear, the seedlings dive into containers with adult hebe soil.

When grown from cuttings, seedlings occur much more often than with seeds. A bush for cutting cuttings must be at least three years old. The tops are cut so that the stalk is about 10 cm in size, and then planted in a mixture of sand and peat. Rooting will take place in a couple of weeks and seedlings can be transplanted into permanent containers.

Diseases and pests

If hebe is grown in open ground, then possible damage by aphids, spider mites . If pests are found, you should immediately use special means to eliminate them.
If the plant has too long shoots and small leaves then you need to provide more light.
Brown spots on the leaves appear from burns if the flower is not accustomed to direct sunlight.

leaf falls off when the bush freezes, too much watering, lack of enough light.
With a lack of water leaves begin to wilt .
Mold forms high humidity and too low temperature.
If you do not spray in the heat, the leaves of the plant will turn yellow .

In love, we always give and receive, it is impossible to remain a separate person, otherwise what is the point of being with someone. Nevertheless, many are afraid to dissolve into feelings, despite the fact that this is the pleasure of a relationship. Are there real dangers in this or is it all empty fears? Looking for an answer.

One unit

When a relationship is just beginning, you don’t really want to think that there are still some grinding, crises and difficulties ahead. We fly “on the wings of love”, rejoice that the very “own” person has been found, and feed on illusions. The expression alone - "it seems that we have known each other for a thousand years" - is worth something. There is a disconnect from reality: people who met a few months ago know each other exactly for these few months. But the mutual interest is so strong that it is strange to think that this person is still some other, although it seems to be very suitable for you. It's not surprising that you both want to know everything about each other and a little more, since you don't know each other so well. Even if his moods and interests seem strange and a little alien to you, at first it will only give him an aura of mystery. At this time, you do not remember about yourself at all. To some extent, because he thinks about you, and, of course, because feelings are more captivating than the familiar world in which you existed before he appeared. The question arises whether there is a danger of falling into dependence on a man.

The psychologist comments:“It is worth understanding that there are different stages in a relationship. The first stage of falling in love, when two people feel like one whole, you cannot live for a minute without your beloved, and he without you. And it seems so natural to share all his hobbies and share with him everything that you have. But gradually you both remember that you are two separate and rather different people. There comes the next stage, when you return to your life, maintaining a common space.

Way to yourself...

Such returns are not always painless. We can't understand why we're fighting when everything has been so good so far. During the time of falling in love, we are already accustomed to receiving a lot from our beloved - attention, understanding, support, the feeling that you are together. And this “dose of happiness” has become as familiar as a glass of your favorite juice in the morning, without which, of course, you can live, but the effect is not the same. Which of you becomes part of the other is difficult to understand, probably both of you are exchanging parts of yourself. And you yourself become a little different person and create that very “we”, without which a couple is not a couple, but neighbors in a hostel. This stage can become even happier than blind love, if you do not rush to understand how to get rid of dependence on a man, but calmly treat possible disappointments. It is unlikely that it will be possible to remain yourself until the end, but for many of us, sacrificing is so scary that parting seems to be the only way out. Or a furious attempt to completely remake the partner "for themselves."

The psychologist comments:“Problems usually start right here. One of the two is still stuck at the merging stage, while the second is already reaching out for his own affairs and hobbies. Most often, the first person to go to this stage is a man, but this is not necessary. At this moment, it is important not to strangle your loved one in a "bear hug", or, conversely, remember that a return to everyday affairs and everyday life can be perceived as cooling or alienation.

…and back

Probably, the search for a norm for dividing life into “own” and “common” that is convenient for both takes more than one day. It is strange to imagine how, for no reason at all, yesterday's "doves" scatter each to their perches, while nothing bothers anyone. There are not so many women who are one hundred percent self-confident among us, who, lingering, for example, at work, do not even think that their beloved will forget for a second that he is no longer alone. You can send follow-up texts or provide pre-cooked dinners, but in the end, that's not the way to go. And confidence also often borders on naivety. Enough examples of how alienation occurs almost imperceptibly. We protect women's independence, and men are unable to understand what is good about it.

The psychologist comments:“The modern world, with its heightened sense of personal freedom, sometimes makes us run away from intimate relationships for fear of dissolving in a partner. Articles about dependent relationships, domestic violence are full of all print and online publications. Yes, indeed, in exchange for love, we always give away a part of freedom. There is no love or even just sex without commitment.”

happiness in pieces

Meanwhile, personal territory is not only a hobby, an opportunity to devote time to a career or hang on the phone for two hours, even if a man is not very pleased. It is also dependence on a man, his bad mood, a tendency to take the blame for any misunderstandings that arise, attempts to plug all the holes in the accidents of a love ship and do it at the expense of himself, his desires, plans and just experiences. More often than we would like, we forget that relationships are a matter of two.

Hebe was isolated in a separate genus. Both Veronica and Hebe are representatives of the same Norichnikov family. These evergreen shrubs are divided into two groups. One unites non-winter-hardy species grown in pots and tubs. The second included partially winter-hardy varieties.

Hebe growing area

Some confusion within the family led to confusion with the botanical names of two plants - veronica and hebe. However, despite this, it is reliably known that about 140 species of a plant belonging to the genus Hebe are found on the territory of New Zealand and the Australian continent. In addition, shrubs are comfortable in the vastness of South America and New Guinea.

Botanical description

Hebe has two life forms: spectacular dwarf shrubs and trees reaching seven meters in height. Small exotic shrubs look like conifers. Their leathery leaves look like conifer needles. The hebe plant blooms in summer. Its flowers bloom in axillary vertical racemes. The color of the flowers depends on the variety. They are painted in shades of white, blue and carmine red.

Painstaking breeding experiments have made it possible to bring out beautiful types of hebe. Popular with Hebe Anderson gardeners. It was possible to gain fame for the garden form Variegata, which impresses with variegated leaves. The carmine-red species of the shrub have also become widespread. Gardeners are happy to grow Evelyn, Seduisant, which, due to their striking resemblance, are often confused with Callistemon.

cultivation

In Russia, almost all varieties of shrubs are grown as a houseplant. The plant in the open field is not able to withstand spring and autumn frosts and harsh winters. In the garden, attempts are made to grow only relatively low varieties belonging to the sixth zone.

Not every hebe can withstand the conditions of a cold snowless winter. A plant in the open field (wintering for it is a real ordeal) may well die.

Gardeners are advised not to take risks and grow sissy as a container culture. In winter, the shrub must be kept in a well-lit, cool room. He feels great in winter gardens or on glazed loggias, where the temperature is kept within 5-10 0 C.

They try to keep the plant dormant until the onset of spring days. While the daylight hours are short, they tend to prevent its growth. If the shrub suddenly rushed to growth, provide artificial lighting that prevents the shoots from stretching and losing the brightness of the color of the leaves.

In the spring, when the period of severe frosts has passed, the plants are taken out into the street. At the same time, hebe bushes are left in tubs or pots. There is no point in growing a plant in open ground. In autumn, the containers with chebe are returned to the winter garden.

Care

In the garden, on balconies and loggias for a heat-loving plant, a windless corner is chosen, well protected from adverse conditions. Bushes that are sensitive to cold, when there is a threat of frost, are cleaned in warm rooms. Hebe ornamental plant requires the same care as many other evergreen shrubs, which need rooms where it is quite cool for wintering.

In the summer, with an interval of two weeks, the bushes are fed. Calcined fertilizers are not suitable for top dressing. The earthen ball is kept moist, remembering that the hebe plant is intolerant of drought. Bush care also consists of daily spraying in the spring and summer.

Any soil is suitable for growing flowering bushes. They thrive well even on poor soils. But they do not tolerate clay soil. + 20-22 0 C is considered a favorable temperature for the plant. The heat has a detrimental effect on the bushes, their foliage falls and flowering stops.

Heba needs bright lighting. Bushes are not afraid of falling directly. However, they grow well in shaded corners. True, in the shade, hebe is not capable of lush flowering. In addition, the shoots begin to stretch strongly even with light shading.

In the spring, the hebe plant must be transplanted. The bush is carefully removed from the container, trying not to damage the roots. Without shaking off the ground, it is transplanted into a larger container. Peat, sand, charcoal are mixed with the planting soil. The bottom of the container is covered with expanded clay.

reproduction

In the spring, cuttings are cut from the bushes, cuttings capable of fast pinching are repeatedly pinched. As a result, a lush compact bush with an abundance of branches is formed. Pinching does not affect the number of inflorescences.

Varieties

Indoor and conditionally garden crops are represented by hybrid varieties bred as a result of crossing various types of shrubs. The bulk of them are united under the name of Anderson's hebe.

Currently, hebe mix has gained incredible popularity among gardeners. The plant, according to amateur gardeners, is sold in stores marked on Hebe mix labels. In addition, this type of hebe is offered to buy online stores.

In the description of the variety, the main characteristics inherent in the genus Chebe are given. In fact, this is not a new variety. A mixture of plant varieties was just planted in a pot. In a container, with the same degree of probability, there may be hebe of the same variety or several specimens of different species. If there is only one bush in a pot, most likely it was grown from a mixture of seeds of several varieties.

When we fall in love, we adapt to our beloved, we don’t even need to make any efforts on ourselves for this, everything happens automatically. A man also adjusts, but to a lesser extent, simply due to less active natural flexibility. And then, in a few years, when the pink fog clears, we look around and find that we have no career left (we quit for objective reasons), friends (they fell away on their own or we moved away from them, because, apart from our beloved, we have no one was not needed), dreams are forgotten, hobbies are abandoned, we live only with our husband or more children, if any. And even when free time and funds appear, we don’t really understand what to do with it. If before there were many plans, and I wanted this, and this, and that, now it’s too late to dream about it, and it’s missed here.

There is a desert all around, and it is even impossible to understand where you are drawn, what you want. Maybe start some business, but what kind? Maybe go to study, but there are no desires, no ideas of what to study. This is a fairly common situation. And I must say, finding a way out of it is not easy. Psychologists in such cases advise women to find some kind of passion, hobby. Only it is not clear how to find it, if it does not pull anywhere. In order not to start actively “looking for yourself” in your 40s, it’s better not to lose yourself. It is not necessary immediately after the march of Mendelssohn to take out all your previous life in the trash. Perhaps you will already devote less time to them, but do not give them up completely. Any hobby can then turn into a business, and into a path of development, and into a kind of social club of interest. Were engaged in dancing - you can then teach (and always be in great shape) or sew costumes for dancing.

Everything happens in life, you can not put all your eggs in one basket. If you have a hobby, it can always pull out if it doesn’t work out with your husband. Of course, there's no point in reveling in your hobby in the midst of a romantic relationship. What for? You need to enjoy the moment, have fun. Everything has its time. But you don't have to forget yourself. Yes, the family imposes certain obligations on you, you will have to give up something or cut it slightly, but you don’t need to give up everything. Plan your time, don't sacrifice it for your husband. You have the right to your time: go to the salon, dye your hair, go to the pool, get a massage. This is not only a well-groomed appearance, it is a pleasure from life. And certainly in no case should you cut off what is important to you, what you love. Do not give up your hobbies, otherwise at the moment of emerging from passion, and this moment will definitely happen, you risk losing yourself. We must remember that only your life makes you a person. And if there is no personality, there is nothing to love. As soon as the boundary “I” is erased, an empty place remains instead of a person, he becomes just an attachment to the house, to the household. Can you love empty space? Your husband can't either.

Often men try to change the style of their wife's clothes. I can't say it's always bad. For example, my husband has very good taste and we go shopping together, he will choose clothes for me and for himself. I am very satisfied, because for me, shopping, choosing something is flour, and he can do it for hours, he likes it, so why not. Another conversation, if the husband has no taste, and he seeks to dress you up or generally believes that he has the right to dictate to you.

I had a client who had been married for 20 years. Recently, her husband began to move away from her, and she began to doubt whether he had a mistress. In the course of our conversation, it surfaced that her husband had always dreamed of seeing her in red. He gave her red dresses, red underwear. But she didn’t like red, and he didn’t suit her, she has very pale skin. After the consultation, full of enthusiasm to restore the intimacy she had lost with her husband, my client ran to the store, bought the first red dress that came across, which, from her point of view, was terrible. When in the evening her husband saw her in a new dress, he was delighted in a way that he had never been happy at all. After 20 years of marriage, people began a new honeymoon.

In marriage, it is very important to learn to hear each other. Sometimes you can dress specifically to please your husband. But that's just "sometimes". While you are doing your own thing, you can look the way you like. But if you go to visit your husband's friends, dress in a way that will please him. What is the problem? To perceive with hostility everything that your husband tells you, in any case, is not necessary. Listen, quite often men say quite the right things. At least they see us from the outside.

Reference

Ekaterina Fedorova- Extra-class psychologist with 14 years of experience, coach, leading sex trainer in Moscow, participant in TV programs, author of educational books, provocative trainings and video lessons.

Ekaterina's master classes all over the world are sold out. Refusing theoretical advice in favor of practical advice, using jokes, examples from her own life, as well as questions that a person himself finds answers to, during the training, Ekaterina helps to change life for the better. Everything becomes clear! About them, about him, about myself...

Once belonging to one of the types of veronica, the hebe plant was isolated in a separate genus. Both Veronica and Hebe are representatives of the same Norichnikov family. These evergreen shrubs are divided into two groups. One unites non-winter-hardy species grown in pots and tubs. The second included partially winter-hardy varieties.

Hebe growing area

Botanical description

Not every hebe can withstand the conditions of a cold snowless winter. A plant in the open field (wintering for it is a real ordeal) may well die.

In the garden, on balconies and loggias for a heat-loving plant, a windless corner is chosen, well protected from adverse natural phenomena. Bushes that are sensitive to cold are removed to warm rooms if there is a threat of frost. Hebe ornamental plant requires the same care as many other evergreen shrubs, which need rooms where it is quite cool for wintering.

Heba needs bright lighting. Bushes are not afraid of directly falling sunlight. However, they also grow well in shaded areas. True, in the shade, hebe is not capable of lush flowering. In addition, the shoots begin to stretch strongly even with light shading.

reproduction

In the spring, cuttings are cut from the bushes that are capable of rapid rooting. Rooted cuttings are repeatedly pinched. As a result, a lush compact bush with an abundance of branches is formed. Pinching does not affect the number of inflorescences.

Indoor and conditionally garden crops are represented by hybrid varieties bred as a result of crossing various types of shrubs. The bulk of them are united under the name of Anderson's hebe.

Norichnikov family. Homeland New Zealand, Australia, South America. There are about 140 species in nature. This plant is not for ordinary city apartments, but for winter gardens and cool greenhouses. In the southern strip of Russia, some types of Hebe are grown in open ground.

Hebe willow leaf Hebe salicifolia- a tree-like shrub with oblong leaves, pointed at the end, about 15 cm long and about 3 cm wide. The leaves are opposite, sessile, smooth, green. Numerous flowers are collected in fluffy racemose inflorescences about 20 cm long. The flowers are small, 0.5-1 cm in diameter, white or purple.
Hebe cypress Hebe cupressoides- a small, strongly branching shrub. The stems are thin, covered with tightly seated leaves about 2 mm in size. The leaves are fleshy, bluish in color. The flowers are blue or pale purple about 3-4 mm in diameter in loose capitate inflorescences.
Hebe beautiful Hebe speciosa- a tree-like shrub with oblong leathery leaves on short petioles. Leaves are about 10 cm long and about 3-4 cm wide, glabrous, with slight pubescence along the central vein. The flowers are red or purple, about 1 cm in diameter, collected in many-flowered racemes.
Hebe thick-leaved Hebe pinguifolia- a small, well-branched shrub up to 40-50 cm tall. The leaves are densely seated to each other, fleshy, oblong in shape, pointed at the end, green-gray in color. The flowers are white about 3-4 mm in diameter in loose racemose inflorescences.

In culture, you can most often find hybrid varieties obtained by crossing a wide variety of Hebe species. Most of them are grouped together under the name Hebe Anderson Hebe andersonii. By the way, there are very beautiful variegated varieties.

Hebe - home care

Hebe speciosa (beautiful) grows quite vigorously and soon it needs a lot of space. To restrain the growth of a shrub, it can be repeatedly pinched and cut, but only immediately after a dormant period or at the end of flowering. Inflorescences are formed at the ends of young shoots.

Temperature: hebe prefers moderate temperatures in summer within 20-22 ° C, in winter it is much cooler - about 6-8 ° C. In too warm rooms sheds buds and leaves. For the winter, this plant should be placed on an insulated balcony, in the summer - taken out into the garden.

Lighting: hebe is photophilous, many species do not require shading from direct sun in summer, but they gradually accustom it to it in spring so that the plant does not get burned. In winter, additional artificial lighting may be needed if the temperature is not cold enough.

Watering: plentiful in summer, the earthen ball should not dry out, but excessive dampness is not allowed. Make sure the pot has good drainage. In autumn - winter, watering is much more moderate, but depends on the ambient temperature. The colder, the less often watering. Before watering, feel the soil in the pot to see if it has dried out enough.

Top dressing: from April to August, every two weeks with liquid fertilizer for ornamental flowering plants. Fertilizer should contain more phosphorus and potassium than nitrogen. It is desirable that the fertilizer includes trace elements - boron and zinc.

Air humidity: sprayed periodically. If in summer the temperature is above 26 ° C, then spray more often, or put the pot on a wide pan with water.

Transfer: annually in the spring. Soil - 1 part turf, 2 parts leaf, 1 part peat and 1/2 part sand. The soil should be loose and not heavy. Fine expanded clay and pieces of birch coals can be added to it.

Reproduction: seeds and stem cuttings.

From personal cultivation experience, Maria Zyryanova: “As you probably already understood, Hebe is more of a greenhouse plant than an indoor plant, and it is grown on the streets in the southern regions of Russia. But if you have a well-insulated balcony, you can easily grow Hebe in a pot, leaving it to winter at positive temperatures on the balcony until spring. If it suddenly gets very cold, you can move it to the landing for the time of frost. If this is not possible, then you need to leave Hebe on the balcony, but carefully insulate the plant - place it in a box and wrap it with blankets. If inside the box there is a temperature of + 2 + 3 ° C and a completely dry soil, then the plant will perfectly tolerate the absence of light.

Hebe plant in the open field reproduction and possible difficulties

Hebe cypress quite whimsical to grow, similar to a coniferous plant because of its small leaves. It has low varieties, growing mostly no higher than 30 cm. The color of the leaves in different varieties ranges from green to bronze.

Hebe thick-leaved the view includes both low varieties (15 cm) and higher (50 cm). Grown mainly in containers.

Grade Pagei grows slightly above 10 cm. Young leaves have a reddish tint along the edges, there are a lot of white flowers. And the variety Sutherlandii has gray leaves.

Hebe rakayenskaya grows to almost a meter in height. The leaves are oblong, green. Flowers are white. The species is easy to grow, normally withstands transplants.

Hebe plant outdoors