So remember seven main characteristics that, from the point of view of employers, "kill" your personality.
Words-characteristics that destroy personality in a person
"Responsible"
This word is found in almost one hundred percent of resumes. Headhunters (people involved in the selection of personnel) react to it as to "white noise" - something that carries absolutely no information. It's almost the same as if your friend, let's say, a long time dreaming of his personal car and generally obsessed with them, told you for the thousandth time that he would like a red Ferrari. Do you want to emphasize this quality of yours? Then try to find for him...
...Synonymous wordings: punctual, obligatory, disciplined, accurate, perfectionist, "I am anxious that the work be done on time"...
In order for the resume to make an impression, headhunters recommend writing it not in clichés, but in simple language: a clear description of the stages of personal development, specific examples of your work.
"Purposeful"
This is another word - "white noise", which in the eyes of employers builds you into a number of exactly the same applicants. In addition, purposefulness is a dual quality. It's one thing if it means that you are moving steadily towards your goal set by management. But after all, no one guarantees that your "purposeful" is not a synonym for "I will achieve my goal at all costs."
Synonymous wordings: able to bring the work started to the end, independent.
"Effective"
Phraseologism "effective manager" has long caused not delight, but soreness and creates a strong impression that you are not writing a resume, but a reply. This means that you are not so interested in finding a job. Next!
Synonymous wordings: "result-oriented", "flexible and quick in making decisions", competent.
"Communicable"
Of course! Since you have used this word, then most likely your intended work is related to communication in a team or with clients. And since it is connected with communication, your "I am sociable!" - it's like "I can work with a computer" for a person who came to get a job as a system administrator.
Synonymous formulations: "I easily find a common language with people around me", "capable", sincere, friendly.
"Creative"
This characteristic was in vogue about five or seven years ago. Today, you will not surprise anyone with it, especially since many do not even know what is behind this word. Well, if you are really a person (that is, you are able to think creatively and), then prove it at least in your resume, trying not to use common clichés.
Synonymous formulations: "I can find non-standard approaches to solving business issues and tasks", "my motto is: each task has at least three solutions, of which I always choose the best one."
"Teachable"
This stamp is good, but too inexpressive.
Synonymous formulations: "ready to learn new knowledge and learn skills", "determined to improve in the profession."
"Stress resistant"
Headhunters believe you. But it will be much better if you still explain what exactly you are investing in such a vague characteristic.
Synonymous wordings: reliable, tolerant, tactful, balanced.
There are a lot of interesting people around who are ready to share the joy with us, give advice, help in a professional way, or just talk about abstract topics. But what if you're shy and talking to another person gives you panic attacks?
Stop worrying and listen to the advice from books that will help you connect with others.
Don't be afraid to appear vulnerable
Most of us just feel like we stand out a lot. After all, each person is the center of his universe. because we're so fixated on our behavior, it's hard for us to accurately gauge how close - or superficial - attention others are paying to us. in fact, there is often a discrepancy between how we see ourselves (and think others do) and how others see us. Most will not notice your mistakes and oversights. But what about those who see them?
Vulnerability is attractive. Gaffes show that we are human and increase our attractiveness to others.
Scientists Elliot Aronson, Ben Willerman and Joanne Floyd set out to find out what people really think about those who make mistakes. They asked study participants to listen to a recording of a student saying how well they did on a test. First, he talks about the preparation, and then modestly adds that he completed 90% of the task.
But here's the catch: One group of subjects was given a tape in which you can hear the student at the end spilling a cup of coffee on himself and planting a stain. The other did not hear any of this. The scientists asked both groups what impression the student made on them.
And you know what? In the recording where the student spilled coffee on himself, he seemed more attractive to the subjects and received a higher rating.
Learn to joke
Not a single speech by the leaders of different countries is complete without a joke, and there can be no more serious and responsible work.
The ability to joke helps to reduce the tension of discussing any acute problem. But a joke must be presented like a gourmet dish from a chef. There is no need to hurry, and in no case should the speaker himself laugh at his witticism.
Look for strings
Tie Theory is an incredibly easy way to start a conversation, and besides, you will always have a few thoughts to continue the conversation. The more common topics, that is, threads, you find, the longer your communication will last - and the more sympathy you will cause.
People: Mutual acquaintances are the best way to find similar interests. You can spice up the conversation by trying to find mutual friends.
Context: Think you have nothing in common? Remember what brought you to this meeting. Maybe you're both on LinkedIn, or you're both on a conference call. To start a conversation, you just need to know about the motives.
Interests: Shared interests are the best connecting threads: you can come up with a topic that both of you understand, it will bring to mind many amazing stories and will be the key to a great mood.
An effective way to achieve mutual understanding with the interlocutor is to adjust to the pace of his speech. That is, if he speaks fast enough, you should try to speak at the same pace, unless, of course, this gives you too much inconvenience.
Matching the pace of speech is necessary not only for mutual understanding. Different people perceive and process information at different speeds. This is reflected in the speed of speech.
Therefore, if someone speaks relatively slowly, or the pace of their speech is noticeably slower than yours, this may mean that he needs to think carefully.
Be an enthusiastic fan
People like to be labeled positively. They improve our self-image and gently push us to be better.
from a few phrases that you can use.
- “Yes, you know everyone here - you must be an expert in networking!”
“I am overwhelmed by your dedication to this company - they are incredibly lucky to have you.”
- "You are so knowledgeable in this matter - how glad I am that you are among the guests today."
Let the interlocutor charm you, let him impress you. Listen to how eloquently he paints his ideas. Find a way to enhance their effect. Share his enthusiasm.
The ability to communicate properly with people is one of the key skills for a top manager. Most people who run successful companies are good speakers and good at leading people.
I think it's kind of like natural selection. Charismatic leaders know how to find words that resonate with the audience, ignite people - the mood rises, you want to be better and follow them.
There are many good communicators among both men and women. Women tend to be better listeners, while men sound more confident. But regardless of gender, innate abilities and status, each person has their own strengths and weaknesses in communication. Missing competencies can be developed. In addition, they are useful not only in business, but also in everyday life.
Listening skills
What makes up successful communication? In my opinion, the most important thing is the ability to listen. The key to the success of any customer service project is to understand the customer's initial need. Your interlocutor does not always know exactly what he wants. Moreover, he can articulate something quite different. And if you don't get to the bottom of it by asking the right questions, your brilliant solution may end up responding to a need that isn't what the customer really cares about.
You need to listen and hear. I learned this lesson very well at the beginning of my career. A senior partner took me to my first meeting with the CEO of a large company. I was very excited, getting ready to show our beautiful slides to a potential client and hear his opinion. But a colleague on the road turned my script upside down: now we are going not to talk, but to listen. In youth, this is more difficult - pauses during the meeting seem too uncomfortable, you want to fill the information space, express some smart ideas right away, make an impression. The ability to naturally create for the interlocutor the opportunity to speak freely comes with experience. I have noticed more than once that more self-confident people are ready for listening, for a dialogue based on monologues.
Ability to structure a problem
You can only move on to finding a solution after it becomes clear to both of you what problem you are trying to solve. Many mothers, by the way, hone this skill in communicating with children - they need to feel for what really bothers the child when he demands ice cream or something else. You can help a person understand what he really wants by formulating questions correctly.
An important point: when you, carefully listening to the interlocutor, found out his real task, you need to summarize the essence so that the interlocutor hears his thoughts in a structured way, passes it through himself. A good psychologist does not say what needs to be done, but through leading questions helps to understand the problem and realize it. It is the same in the client business - we do not bring a ready-made solution, we must develop it together with the company so that it can be implemented.
Ability to speak clearly
At one time, a video was popular on YouTube, where at a meeting one of the employees suggests how to improve sales, no one responds to it. The same ideas, but more confidently voiced by another person - and everyone applauds. You need to be able to speak so that you are heard. The ability to clearly and clearly express your thoughts will ensure 50% of your success, allowing you to convince others.
Ability to remain calm
Do not hurry. From the fact that you speak quickly, you will not have time to say more. Better slow down - this will give you the opportunity to find the right words and look more confident. Often, by the way, young employees who are rapidly advancing in their careers, at some point rest against the fact that they are not taken seriously. It seems to them that this is due to age, but it is rather a matter of behavior. When you twitch, fuss, feel insecure, it all gives the impression of inexperience.
Of course, it is important to find the key to the interlocutor so that he trusts you. But people are very different. No matter how professional you are, purely by temperament it will be easier to communicate with some client, with some - not so much. You may not be cheerful at a meeting, but it is important to be attentive to your interlocutor.
Ability to make contact
There are people who like to talk about life before they start talking about business. Others, on the contrary, will consider you a frivolous partner for lyrical digressions. Someone immediately needs an answer from you, and then the whole course of reasoning, while the other considers this a manifestation of arrogance. It is important at the first meeting not to get into trouble by guessing what type your interlocutor belongs to. There is only one piece of advice here - try to study its ecosystem. Some conclusions can definitely be drawn by noting how he behaves, what kind of office he has - laconic or filled with gizmos. Your task is to understand how this person prefers to communicate. And adapt to it in style (the junior adapts to the senior, not vice versa, and in the case of the service business, the client is always the senior). This does not mean at all that you have to agree with him in everything, but in any case, it is important for you to understand the point of view of the interlocutor and try to reasonably convey yours to him.
If the interlocutor insists on his point of view and does not hear yours, asking why he still thinks so helps - you give the person the opportunity, in the process of searching for arguments, to realize that there are other options. This kind of dialogue can be very effective.
Ability to be sincere
I am a supporter of the theory that a person cannot be strong in everything and you should not go against your nature, trying to develop everything at once. It is very important to know your natural strengths, which can compensate for your inherent weaknesses. If a person is an introvert, he does not need to try to be a "lighter". Perhaps you should choose a different conversation format - for example, one on one. You need to determine what you naturally do best and build the foundation of your communication with the client on this.
Ability to complete a meeting
Every meeting should have a sense of progress, of moving forward. Then you understand that there is a reason to continue to communicate. It is always necessary to give the meeting participants a clear understanding of what they have achieved, what will happen next, when, who will take responsibility. There should be a clear understanding not only of the space where we are now, but also of how this stage relates to the whole, where is the horizon for the end of further discussion. As soon as there is uncertainty about the progress of your joint process, there is a feeling of dissatisfaction after the meeting.
And finally, a topical tip for the success of any negotiations - leave your phone alone. Otherwise, the interlocutor will never feel that the conversation is important to you and that you are serious.
Why we do not understand each other- not otherwise, because we communicate in different languages or dialects, then how to find a common language; maybe I don't understand you because I'm dumb and you're deaf; or we are both deaf and dumb, and even blind ... or maybe we just don’t want to, we don’t know how to understand each other ...
One way or another, without understanding between two or more people, without finding a common language for communication and interaction: whether in the family, with parents, children and adolescents, at work, in society and politics, in love and friendship - people will not be able to constructively solve common, work and business, personal and family problems, establish harmonious relationships, simply, they will not be able to communicate normally: love, make friends, raise children, grow personally and build a career or business.
Why do people not understand each other, speaking the same, but not a common language
Problems of misunderstanding between people, frequent contradictions, quarrels and conflicts, can be not only due to banal psychological incompatibility, but also in the inability to listen, and most importantly, to hear the interlocutor; inability to perceive children's speech; unwillingness to treat with understanding and empathy the desires and needs of another person.Often, the egocentrism left from youth, or the heightened own psychological defense "projection", coupled with the accentuation of character and the difference in the interhemispheric asymmetry of the brain, make people do not understand each other, although they communicate, speak the same language and dialect.
But the key place in this problem is occupied by the personal worldview of each individual person, his model of the world, a deep conviction about himself, others and the world as a whole, as well as the main representative (sensory) system of a person associated with perception, i.e. vision (visual) , hearing (auditory), and touch (kinesthetic), to the latter one can add taste and smell.
How to learn to understand each other and how to find a common language
Often, when trying to convey, as it seems to us, useful information, in the form of advice and recommendations, to the interlocutor, instead of gratitude, we meet, at best, indifference, and even hostility.This happens because we, as it were, drive our thoughts and ideas into someone else's, sometimes closed consciousness, trying to break through someone else's perception, someone else's shell. Such an action is perceived as an attack, as a threat.
What to do? How to learn to understand each other and find a common language?
The first thing we can do is take our time and look at our interlocutor, or rather, at his body language. With the help of facial expressions, gestures and postures, you can determine how a person relates to your information.
Second, you need to define its representational system, i.e. who is our interlocutor: visual, auditory or kinesthetic.
And on the basis of the received data about your counterpart, it is possible to build bridges of constructive dialogue and communication, i.e. you can solve joint tasks and problems, as well as introduce your thoughts and ideas.
But first, before studying another person, you need to determine your own body language and leading sensory system.
If you learn how to do this, if you can pick up, find a common body language and match the representative system of the interlocutor, then you will easily communicate and interact, i.e. understand each other.
In the next article, you will learn how to find
Any person from time to time has to worry about how he looks in the eyes of others. Someone - fitting into a new company, others - joining the team or getting to know relatives of the second half.
First of all, when entering a new circle of people, do not worry too much. You should not set yourself up for a negative result in advance and think that everyone and everyone will examine you. After all, you still do not know how you will be received, so why expect a cold reception in advance? If you feel that you are not confident in yourself and are very worried, work on your self-esteem in advance.
Take care of the first impression. They meet, as you know, by clothes, which means that it is important to take this rule into account. If you are going to an interview, think about the dress code in advance. When you go out on your first day at work, also think about clothes: if the company where you got a job has a strict dress code, you will look defiant in jeans, and if, on the contrary, a free style and conducive to easy communication is adopted, defiant ones will already turn out to be your formal blouse or tight tie. The same should be taken into account for those who are worried before an important meeting with parents or friends of the second half.
Don't fit in with those around you. Having taken care of your appearance and that you are "accepted as one of your own", remember that you are a new person. You may not be accepted right away, and there is nothing wrong with that. You should not build yourself into your boyfriend or best friend of everyone around: this may seem strange. But after waiting for some time, you yourself will feel like your own person, to whom you are accustomed and whom you have accepted.
Choose a topic for conversation. Try to find out how your strangers feel about music, politics, cinema. What is better not to talk about, and what they consider inappropriate - the latter is especially important when you choose a topic for the first conversation.
Use the "echo" technique. Its essence is very simple - try to unobtrusively repeat the pose of the interlocutor, copy a couple of his gestures, just make sure that it does not look like you are trying to imitate the person with whom you are talking. Notice the speaker's key words and then use them to respond. This behavior is subconsciously endearing - you make it clear that you share the point of view of the person with whom you are talking.
Say nice things. No, fawning, of course, is not worth it. But if you liked your colleague's hairstyle or her manicure, and your future husband's mother cooks well, why not give a compliment? It costs you nothing, and your interlocutor will be pleased to hear sincere words.
Don't gossip. Even if it's accepted and you want to "fit in" - beware. It's better not to talk about people in the third person.
Expand your horizons. Make it a rule to learn something new every day, in the most unexpected areas. Even if it seems to you that this advice has nothing to do with your problem, try it anyway. By diversifying topics for conversation, in any case, you will only win.
Keep what you promise. So your word will gain weight, you will demonstrate that you are a reliable person who can be relied upon and trusted.
Be mindful of sign language. A stooped back, a “closed” posture, arms crossed on your chest - all this makes it clear that you are not confident in yourself, fenced off from the interlocutor, or even want to end the conversation. If you are afraid to look cheeky, rehearse in front of a mirror.
Finally, don't be afraid of trouble. This attitude can literally program yourself for failure. And then, instead of communicating with pleasure, you will have to think how to get rid of the negative program. We wish you good luck, mutual understanding, and don't forget to press the buttons and
