These people are well aware of what this or that posture of the applicant for the position signals.
Often we feel awkward and constrained in situations that are responsible for us. Is it possible to change this state and demonstrate self-confidence to your interlocutor? There are certain gestures and demeanor that can convince most people of your self-confidence and endear them to you. So, what needs to be done to make a good impression on everyone without exception?
smile
If a person smiles, it means that he is not only happy and satisfied, but also self-confident. His smile signals that he is not afraid of the world around him and feels completely comfortable. Such people invariably evoke the sympathy of others.
Straighten your shoulders
A self-confident person usually does not stoop or shamble. It is worth straightening your back and straightening your shoulders in order to radiate strength and make a positive impression on others. It is better to walk wide, and not mince, timidly looking around.
Look into your eyes
A confident person has nothing to hide. He does not look at the floor, does not hide his eyes and calmly maintains the gaze of the interlocutor. It is very important to make eye contact during conversations. this convinces your opponent that you are sincere and confident in your words.
Get your hands out of your pockets
Do not hide your hands in your pockets or behind your back. This can convince your interlocutor that you are still hiding something. It is best to let your hands be in a calm and relaxed position. If you are sitting, you can, for example, put them on your knees or on a table.
Keep an eye on your appearance
An untidy person with disheveled hair and the smell of unwashed armpits may arouse the sympathy of others, but hardly their sympathy. Yes, and it will hardly add confidence to you. It is worth devoting time to your appearance not only before responsible events, but also on any other day.
Radiate serenity
Many people who have to carry on a difficult conversation start dangling their legs, jerking their knees, or gesticulating too much. It certainly takes away from the feelings of fear and anxiety that are burning you from the inside. However, such gestures make an unpleasant impression on the interlocutor. First, they clearly show that you are nervous. And secondly, they infect others with the same nervousness. It is better to calm down and radiate calmness.
Don't cross your arms
This gesture is interpreted by most people unambiguously as a gesture of protection. You demonstrate to others that you do not want to communicate, or that the topic of conversation is unpleasant for you. It is unlikely that this will add to you the sympathy of colleagues or acquaintances. This position is one of the most unfortunate in the interview.
Don't flicker
Many of us constantly twirl something in our hands during a conversation, cross our fingers, clench our hand into a fist, or constantly touch our faces and run our hands through our hair. This clearly signals our lack of self-confidence. It is best to try to sit still and not make too many unnecessary movements.
It is impossible to please everyone, but in certain situations we need to make a good impression on others. Whether we're in a job interview or on a date, self-confidence and a positive attitude will always tip the scales in our favor.
But what does it look like on the outside? confident man in himself? Psychologists say that confident can only be the one Human who loves himself. Of course, it should be a healthy, adequate love for oneself. You can't be selfish. However, you need to feel love for yourself, please yourself. And only after that you will gain confidence and will freely communicate with others.
But how can this be achieved?
Now we will formulate the main characteristics inherent in a confident person, and based on this, we will try to understand how to achieve a confident external image.
In the arsenal of a confident person, the mandatory attributes are:
1. Confident look.
A person who is self-confident has a special look. He is calm and sincere. It has self-confidence and self-righteousness, intelligence, healthy pride, lightness.
Insecure people may look confident on the outside, but their eyes give them away. They have fear, shyness, timidity.
There is a question. How to learn such a look? There are tricks that can do this.
Go to the mirror and take a good look at yourself. Try to remember those events in your life that you are proud of. Maybe it's a victory in a competition or a successful defense of a diploma, or maybe everyone admires your culinary skills. Remember and look at yourself in the mirror, you will feel a surge of joy and pride. The eyes will light up, and the look will become brighter and bolder. This is the look of a self-confident person. Try to remember it.
If later during the conversation you suddenly feel that confidence is slipping away, begin to intensively recall the most successful things in your life and a confident look will appear again.
2. Calm expression.
The face of a self-confident person is calm, friendly, harmonious.
Let us dwell separately on harmony. A person who is self-confident rarely resorts to methods that do not correspond to his life principles. Therefore, his words and emotions are always true. There is no disharmony on his face.
In the facial expressions of a confident person, there are no halftones and hints that are not uncommon in everyday life. Of course, it would be wrong to assume that a confident person is always uncompromising and straightforward, but basically, there is one specific emotion on his face, and it is always clear what he intends to say.
To learn how to manage your emotions, you need to train in front of a mirror. But in order to consolidate the result, it is necessary that mimic expressions are based on inner confidence.
3. Style that emphasizes confidence.
How should a confident person dress? In a strict business suit, haute couture clothes, fashionable and always out of place?
This is not what should be emphasized, although all this, of course, is important. Most importantly, the style of clothing should carry valuable information about your essence. So that looking at you, you can give an adequate assessment.
Moreover, the style of clothing should push you to improve your image.
So, it is better for a shy person to dress as brightly as possible. This will draw attention to him. Although at first it will not be easy, but gradually the shyness will go away.
If a person is timid in actions, then a strict business suit will push him to decisiveness in actions.
4. Open and fluid gestures.
By the gestures demonstrated by a person, you can tell a lot about his confidence. So, a confident person shows his hands to the interlocutor. This is a sign that he is not hiding anything. It is known that arms crossed on the chest are a sign of closeness, fenced off from the world.
He is also not inherent imposing and swagger. He doesn't wave his arms.
To give the impression of a confident person, you need to be precise in gestures and use them only when necessary.
5. Simplicity, constancy, truthfulness.
A confident person looks natural. But naturalness does not contradict originality. If you overdo it when trying to create an image of a confident person, you may look too bland, without bright features. Here it is necessary to find the golden mean.
You should not focus on the shortcomings, on the contrary, you should behave in such a way that your advantages are more clearly visible.
Many people play someone all the time. They often change their image. It is not right. The information that a person carries must be constant for at least some time. For example, if today you play the image of a business person, tomorrow a self-confident person from the world of bohemia, and the day after tomorrow - from the world of politics, then due to the frequent change of image, nothing will remain of your confidence.
Remember: behavior, manner of communication and posture can tell a lot about a person. People instinctively read the body language of the interlocutor and draw the appropriate conclusions.
Also, by body language, people can decipher insecurity, shyness, fear, tightness, timidity, relaxation. There is nothing worse for a man than looking scared, insecure, shy, or pathetic. They will no longer reckon with you, they will consider you a coward, a mumbler or a rag. How to avoid it and look solid in every situation?
1. Don't slouch
Most modern guys like to slouch. It's not for nothing that your parents told you not to slouch and keep your back straight. It can be difficult, but you have to start somewhere. When sitting, standing and walking, keep your back straight. Get in the habit of pulling your shoulders back and not cramping your chest. You will be surprised how great you look from the outside.
2. Direction of gaze
Do not look under your feet - this is a sign of an insecure person. When talking to a person, do not look away or down. Look at the interlocutor. Approximately in the area between the eyes and mouth.
Source: depositphotos.com
3. Don't fuss
Most people tend to give in to a little panic and start to fuss. The person does not stand still, twitches, actively gesticulates, shakes his arm or leg. Any vibration or movement looks like panic. Such nervousness is immediately visible, and the person looks ridiculous and ridiculous.
4. Firm handshake
There is nothing more disgusting than to greet a sluggish and frail hand. The strength of the handshake is judged on the firmness of character. Stretch your palm perpendicular to the floor, and not with your palm up (asking) or down (patronizing). Shake hands firmly and confidently, but do not overdo it.
Readers of my blog often ask me the question: how to become a confident person". In this article, I will answer this question.
Self-confidence is determined by our subjective perception of ourselves, our capabilities and skills, our psycho-emotional state, our beliefs and internal attitudes. In addition, this quality is based on our actual skills and abilities.
When you are good at something, and, at the same time, reality has repeatedly demonstrated to you that you really succeeded in this skill, you have less food for doubts about your ability.
If you have never had problems in communication, if you have always been able to clearly articulate your thoughts, be an interesting conversationalist, and you have always seen what a good impression you make on other people, then it will be difficult for you to doubt yourself as an interlocutor.
But things are not always so simple. Often we do not have an adequate assessment of our skills, and regardless of what we can and cannot do, we still doubt ourselves.
I will give 25 tips on how to become self-confident. Self-confidence concerns different aspects. Firstly, it is confidence in one's own strengths, in one's abilities, in one's undertakings. Secondly, it is self-confidence in the process of communication, which is expressed in firmness, perseverance and lack of shyness. Thirdly, it is the perception of your real qualities. By developing these qualities, you can be confident in them.
In my advice, I will touch on all these components. I'm not going to break down advice in terms of how it relates to these several levels of self-confidence. After all, self-confidence is associated, for example, with confidence in communication. All these tips are interconnected and will suit a person who is afraid to communicate and a person who doubts his abilities or cannot defend his own point of view.
Nevertheless, I will try to follow this line: first there will be advice related to working on eliminating doubts, then there will be advice regarding confidence in communication, and only then I will talk about acquiring some personal skills and abilities.
Tip 1 - Don't try to get rid of doubts, live with them!
When I started writing articles for this site, I was tormented by a whole lot of doubts: “what if I won’t be able to write, what if my advice will not be useful to anyone, what if no one will read my site, what if my thoughts seem stupid, etc. »
At the same time I was reading a book by G. Hesse - The Glass Bead Game. And one phrase from this book helped me to awaken faith in myself. “... his doubts did not stop at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation…”
Some of my readers may think that my phrase will follow this: “I read this, and, at this moment, all my doubts were miraculously resolved!”
No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me to finally be convinced of what I only guessed. Doubts and uncertainty are natural and natural. They accompany any undertakings. You can't always run away from them. . Moreover, this is normal, because I started doing something new, unusual for myself and ambitious. Therefore, my first task is not to resolve doubts, but simply to do my own thing, not listening to the voice of uncertainty when it interferes with me.
The fact is that in a lot of cases doubts are just emotions that have nothing to do with reality. Just because you think you can't do something doesn't mean you won't really succeed if you put in your best effort.
If it seems to you that they will not understand you, that they will laugh at you, this does not mean that everything will be that way.
Doubt and confidence constantly replace each other. These are transient phenomena. If you want to test this thesis, then remember the moments when you doubted something, and the next day you were sure of it more than ever. And if you don’t remember, then just watch yourself for a few days, pay attention to how confidence constantly replaces uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in themselves in the morning, when they are full of strength, than in the evening, when strength leaves them.
Self-confidence depends on your tone, on your mood and even on your health. It's just one of those emotional states that comes and goes. Of course, this does not mean that you should simply ignore this condition in every case. Sometimes it can tell you something, for example, that you overestimate your strengths. Sometimes you can just get rid of it as a hindrance, an internal limitation that prevents you from achieving your goals.
But in other cases, you just need to stop listening to this voice of doubt and act. Self-doubt is normal, and sometimes it even helps to get rid of a lot of arrogance. But doubts should not get in the way of all your endeavors.
My point is that becoming self-confident is not the same as never doubting yourself. Being confident means overcoming your doubts and fears!
If you want to know, I still often doubt myself, but do I come across as insecure? If I stopped every time I had doubts, you would not see almost a single article on this site.
Tip 2 - Know the time when self-confidence leaves you
Pay attention to when, in what situations, you are usually tormented by doubts. If you find any pattern in this, then do not attach much importance to this.
For example, I noticed that I begin to strongly doubt myself, in my undertakings, in my words, in my thoughts just before going to bed, when I start to fall asleep. I'm already used to it, and when self-doubt visits me again, I meet her as an old acquaintance: "here they are, evening doubts, as usual."
I cannot say that I completely ignore this voice, but if I do listen to it, I make allowances for the fact that this is a familiar emotional state for this time of day. And if at this time I doubt what I said, this does not mean that I am really wrong.
On the contrary, in the morning I am usually confident in myself, sometimes even too much. And evening doubts balance morning confidence, therefore I don’t deprive the evening doubting voice of attention, I just make corrections.
Learn to pay attention to the temporary, incoming nature of doubt, depending on your current state. Remember at what moments uncertainty visits you. And if this happens all the time, and you see a pattern in this, lower these doubts about the “price”.
Also use moments of "self-confidence" to destroy your doubts. Think about what you doubt when you are on the rise of vigor and strength. This will help you decide on something.
Sometimes, if I'm tired or upset about something, one unfriendly comment on the site can kill for a while the confidence in what I'm doing in a matter of seconds. (True, this has been happening less and less lately. Not comments, but uncertainty.)
And at this moment, it doesn’t matter to me that I didn’t doubt anything a few minutes before. It also doesn't matter to me that reality has repeatedly shown me the correctness of what I'm doing.
People tend to overestimate the importance of the present moment in time and they extrapolate their current state to a global perspective of life. If it now seems to them that they are capable of nothing, then they begin to think that this has always been the case, despite all past successes.
At such moments, just try to look at reality, at your real opportunities and successes, without succumbing to the current state. Like “actually, I can do this and that, I can do this and that, I have already achieved this and that.”
For example, when I start to doubt my ideas, I think: my site has helped many people, which they have already written to me about, they regularly read it and leave grateful comments, someone, thanks to my advice, has learned to cope with panic attacks, etc. d.
At such moments, I do not try to praise myself, but simply look at the facts in order to regain an adequate understanding of reality.
I recommend that you stop on the facts and no longer argue with yourself. If your doubts are caused by your current mood (tiredness, irritation), you most likely will not be able to get rid of them until this condition passes.
And if you start thinking about it a lot, then your mind, bound by a state of fatigue, will continue to doubt and lead you to uncertainty. So just tell yourself that these doubts are lies. Rely on reality, not emotions. Didn't help much? Nothing happens. Then just forget about it and don't think about doubts. They will pass along with your bad mood.
Tip 4 - Don't listen to people who say "you can't do it"
It happens that when you doubt something, you share your plans with your friends, people you know. You expect to get support from them in your new endeavor, but often you get only a stoplight.
Some people are simply not able to dispel your doubts for the reason that they care about their own psychological comfort, and not about your happiness.
You don’t think that you are the only insecure person, and you are surrounded only by self-confident people? Unfortunately, most people do not dare to do something bold and independent. They want to believe that if they can't do something, you can't either.
They secretly desire your failure and even expect it. Because your success can become a living reproach for them, a reminder of missed opportunities.
Imagine that you have decided to start your own business and you are consulting with a person who has been employed for most of his life. What advice do you want from him? Most likely, he will say that nothing will work out for you (because it did not work out for him), that you are taking risks and you should not go into this area, but continue to live a normal life and go to work every day.
Therefore, consult about your undertakings with those people who have already achieved some success in the area about which you want to get advice. Take an example from them, and not from those who did not succeed.
Tip 5 - When in doubt, think about your "ideal self"
It happens that our self-doubt tries to fraudulently pass itself off as arguments of common sense. For example, you are afraid to approach a girl or a young man and ask him or her out on a date.
You tell yourself that it is not fear that is holding you back, but some objective obstacles. You think that this person will refuse you, that he already has someone, that you are not his type, and therefore it makes no sense to call him on a date and waste your time on this.
But, in fact, you are simply afraid and do not want to admit your fear to yourself, coming up with excuses. How do you know what fear is holding you back?
Form in your mind the image of the “ideal self”, which is not afraid of anything and which is always confident in itself. It is a perfect replica of yourself. Think about how it would have acted in your place? Wouldn't it even try to get its way?
But even if this “ideal self” decided to invite another person on a date, this does not mean that you must do it. You are not perfect. But when you realize that, ideally, you would have to cast aside doubts and act, you realize that all that is holding you back is only your fear and no other restrictions. The problem will immediately lose the complexity that you assigned to it. With this understanding, it will be much easier for you to decide on something.
Learn more about the "ideal self" method in my article.
While you are tormented by doubts: “I won’t succeed”, “I’m not capable of anything”, “I can’t, etc.” , remember that everything depends only on your will. It is up to you to determine whether you succeed or fail. If you want and show diligence, then everything will work out. And even if not, then try again.
You are free people, and no innate qualities, character traits prevent you from achieving your goal and becoming the person you want to become, having received from life what you want to receive. There are many more things subject to your will than you yourself used to think.
Stop seeing limits where there are none. Do not be afraid of difficulties, just start acting.
The next few tips will address the problem of self-doubt in communication.
I already wrote about what I want to tell at this point in the article, and I will repeat it here again. Do not think that all the people around you are constantly watching you, noticing all your shortcomings and remembering all your words. People are obsessed with their problems. They think of themselves most of the time, even when they pretend to listen to you.
So relax and calm down. There is no reason to be afraid of communication or public speaking. People pay much less attention to you than you yourself think about it.
I give this advice in many of my articles. Here I give it for the following reason. If you learn to direct your attention to someone other than yourself, then your mind will be less perplexed to be afraid of opportunities and tormented by doubts. You will stop endlessly thinking about yourself, about how you look, talk and what they think of you.
You will look at other people, have a dialogue with them. You will be distracted from your fears and see in other people much of what you did not notice in them before. You will realize that there are more similarities between you and other people than differences. And so there is no need to be afraid of anyone.
You are not perfect. And no one is perfect. Accept it. Therefore, you should not painfully react to your mistakes and failures, which undermine your self-confidence. Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay.
So be patient with your mistakes. If you feel that you did something wrong or said something wrong, then just draw conclusions from this situation, learn a lesson. Try not to make this mistake in the future, instead of worrying about how stupid you were.
Making mistakes is human, there is nothing wrong with that.
The people around you most likely have a lot of flaws and weaknesses, even if they look very confident in themselves. No need to think that when you find yourself in society, you become in the position of a small fish surrounded by sharks. In fact, you may be surrounded by people who are just as meek and self-doubting as you think you are. Even if they try to hide it.
You should not be afraid of people, especially if they cannot do you any harm. Do not be shy in front of bosses, women or men, colleagues. They are people just like you.
You should not go out of your way to convince people that you are the smartest, the most sophisticated, the most erudite, the most “correct”. Such attempts, as a rule, speak of uncertainty in some of their qualities. When you are not too sure of your mind, you try to make other people believe in it.
Therefore, in some cases, vanity, boasting, excessive assertiveness in communication can speak of internal self-doubts.
So stop showing off and trying to impress every person. First of all, you need to convince yourself that you are worth something. Be who you are by interacting with other people.
Undoubtedly, moderate modesty is a virtue. You do not need to seem better than you are, but worse than you are, you also should not seem. Everything must have a limit. Feel free to speak directly about your strengths if you are asked about them (for example, in an interview).
If you are not afraid to talk about your strengths, it shows your confidence in these qualities. And when other people see that you are confident in yourself, they become confident in you. They think: “I see that this person does not doubt himself, and since he does not doubt, then most likely he has nothing to doubt, and I can also be sure of him.”
And if other people praise your qualities, then do not be embarrassed, accept their compliments, as if you deserved it. Thank people for kind words addressed to you.
Despite the fact that a little higher in the article I advised you to be yourself and not pretend, all the same, I recommend portraying self-confidence in situations where you feel a lack of this quality.
First, it is beneficial to appear confident in yourself, for the reason that people become more confident in you. It is a fact that insecure people are less loved and respected.
Secondly, when you just pretend that you are confident, you actually become confident. Indeed, very often feelings of insecurity, doubts are not related to your actual qualities. These are just emotions that can be overcome. And when you try to do something different instead of following them, you take control of them.
Smile more, be interested in other people's problems, cheer them up. This will position the interlocutors towards you. And when people are located in relation to you, then it is easier for you to maintain self-confidence.
Do not withdraw into yourself, speak openly about your views and thoughts, if the situation allows and this will not disturb the comfort of other people.
Before, when I was an insecure person, I constantly kept something on my mind, not letting go of myself. But this did not help me gain faith in myself, but quite the contrary, it only contributed to the fact that I was losing it. As a result of self-development, I became very open. It seems to me that for my close people I am always at a glance.
On the one hand, I am confident in my thoughts, so I speak directly about them. On the other hand, I am not afraid that I will not be understood or criticized. I am not afraid to admit my own wrong, to give up my views if someone convinces me.
It is interesting for me to discuss with people on topics that bother me, to learn someone else's opinion, expanding my horizons.
When I speak about myself out loud, when I present my thoughts to the general court, then I have to eliminate all doubts, since I do this. And this action helps to be more confident in myself, because I put myself to the test of opportunity and face other people's opinions. Under the influence of these factors, self-confidence flourishes!
Don't wait for someone to pour their soul out to you first to open your soul to that person. Take the first step (although the circumstances must be suitable, you don’t need to pour out your soul unnecessarily. You should start a sincere dialogue as delicately as possible, removing all barriers). Be frank with the interlocutor, and then the interlocutor will become frank with you. And when someone opens up to meet you, then your faith in yourself will increase!
Of course, appearance has some significance, but charisma, intelligence and charm mean incomparably more! 😉
Speak clearly. Look into the eyes of the interlocutors, do not make unnecessary gestures with your hands. Don't wrinkle your fingers, don't pick your lips, don't "eeeeee." Just watch yourself, the position of your body, hone your communication skills and then, sooner or later, you will start to succeed.
Have a firm stance and unshakable views regarding some things. Do not rush to agree with everyone. A firm position does not mean blind stubbornness in opinion. This also does not mean that you always need to aggressively defend your opinion, conduct long meaningless disputes (although, in some situations, you have to defend yourself).
This means having a solid, well-founded, deliberate position, a set of own principles that cannot be shaken by every random opinion.
I am confident that I am doing the right thing by maintaining this site and filling it with articles. I am convinced that there are benefits to meditation and many of the benefits are lost to people if they do not practice it. I am sure that people themselves are responsible for their shortcomings. I am sure that every person .
I have strong principles and views on which my words and actions are based, and therefore I am confident in these words and actions. This confidence helps me keep doing what I'm doing. Sometimes clouds of doubt begin to obscure it, but behind these clouds you can always see the Sun, because it does not disappear anywhere.
Form your life position. Understand what you want from life. Consider your principles, stick to them, but avoid stubbornness, blind passion and rejection of other people's opinions! Keep a balance between moderate healthy stubbornness and softness, be flexible but firm, rely on the opinions of other people, but do not depend on it!
State your principles. Let me give you an example of this principle: "if you show diligence, then everything will work out." Realize how confident you are in this principle. Think like this: “The experience of many people confirms this principle. The one who really strives for something does not give up, only he achieves something. Therefore, I can be sure of this principle. It doesn't matter what others say! Anything can be said!" Hold on to this principle. Sometimes it will be obscured by doubt, then again return to your inner certainty, again and again find confirmation of the truth of this idea in life and in experience.
You do not necessarily need to attend any special courses to increase self-confidence. Why do this, why pay money when reality provides many reasons to develop this quality?
Why do you need to train in some artificial situations when life gives you the opportunity to hone your skills in real situations?
You need self-confidence for life, so learn from life!
Meet other people, go to meetings, collective events (better refrain from alcohol, why - I wrote in an article about). Apply the recommendations given by me in practice, watch yourself, be aware of your fear and insecurity. Try to figure out what things you're not sure about and why. What are you going to do about it?
are excellent free lessons in business communication and self-confidence. Just remember to put a salary higher than your current level on your resume. The higher the salary you ask for, the more difficult it is to justify that you are worthy of this money. But in the process of such communication, your self-confidence will be strengthened.
A side effect of such training may be that you will find a better job for yourself for more money. Isn't it tempting not to pay for lessons, but to receive one yourself?
Of course, it is very difficult to be confident in your qualities if these qualities are poorly developed. Self-confidence must be based on something real, on your real worth.
Of course, self-perception, emotional mood are very important components of self-confidence. People need to stop belittling their dignity and learn to deal with doubts, as I wrote above.
But, unfortunately, this alone is not enough. I think it's not entirely correct to convince them that they are better than they really are. Increasing self-confidence must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself, self-development, so that something appears in a person that one can be sure of.
Therefore, develop your personal qualities. This blog is dedicated to how to do this. Read my articles, try to apply the recommendations. improve self-control.
Read more books of any kind: fiction, science books, educational books, etc.
Improve your professional skills. Think about what you want. Follow this goal.
Always strive to learn something new about this world, to learn some skills. As you master certain skills, your confidence in those skills increases. After all, it is difficult to doubt what you have devoted so much time to and what you are doing better than others.
Think about what you are good at.
If you constantly learn something, put your skills into practice, see the return to your actions, then there will be much less room for self-doubt!
Update 01/22/2014: As I read in the book, it turns out that people who think that all their qualities are given by nature and cannot be changed are less confident than those who believe in the possibility of self-development and growth! Why is this happening? Because people with the so-called fixed mindset (qualities cannot be developed) believe that if they are shy, uncharmable, and not smart enough, then it will always be so. Therefore, they are afraid of communication, as it will once again remind them of their "ineradicable" shortcomings.
But people with a growth mindset (qualities can be developed), on the contrary, do not miss the opportunity to develop their communication skills and self-confidence. For them, the mere fact that they are not smart and self-confident does not mean that this will always be the case. It may be difficult for them to communicate and believe in themselves yet, but everything can be developed. That is why failures do not undermine the faith of these people in themselves. They are not afraid of challenges and are only looking for a reason to develop themselves, to become better!
Someone else's criticism is not a sentence for them. It becomes valuable information that they can use for self-development purposes. Failures stop being failures, they become valuable lessons. Readiness for trials and failures, healthy stubbornness and intransigence form in people self-confidence! And if you do not strive to develop your qualities and consider yourself a worthless person who will never be capable of anything, you will not achieve anything and will not be able to develop self-confidence.
Therefore, I reminded once again that any qualities can be developed! Every person can change! You suffer from self-doubt not because you are “that kind of person”, but because you have not made any effort to change!
I have already said that you should know your strengths. But besides this, you need to know your shortcomings. What for? To be calm about them and understand what you need to work on.
Instead of thinking: “I’m so bad, I can’t do anything,” you need to reason like this: “I can do this, this and that, but I am weak in this, this and that. Some qualities I can improve, some I don’t need at all, and with some of them I can’t do anything. It's okay, you can't be perfect."
Make a list of what you are good at and what you are not good at. And think about what you can improve in yourself. Take these shortcomings not as a given, not as something permanent, but as a front for future work.
Yes, you don’t know how to do something now, but in the future the situation may change thanks to your efforts. All in your hands. This understanding will give you extra confidence in your abilities, which will not bother you at all.
If you believe that almost any quality can be developed (and you certainly can) and strive for this, then you will stop avoiding those situations in life that you were afraid of because of self-doubt. Because, as I said earlier, many of these situations in life are training in your personality.
Are you having trouble with communications? Instead of avoiding communication, on the contrary, communicate! This is the only way you can develop your communication skills.
Are you afraid of speaking in public because you think you're not good at it? There is only one way to learn this, and I think you can guess which one.
Do not avoid what you are afraid of, work on eliminating your shortcomings, those features of your personality that you are not sure about. Learn new skills and use those skills in practice in a variety of life situations. Instead of giving in to difficulties, overcome them, armed with a desire to develop. And then you will discover many more life opportunities than if you just sit with your hands folded.
If you don’t know how to do something, if you doubt your quality, develop it! Why grieve? Try, experiment, be diligent. And if something is impossible to implement, then, all the more, there is no point in being sad about it! Why worry about what you can't change? Accept it!
Tip 25 - Don't Wait for Confidence - Take Action
This is the last and most important tip. No need to wait until you have no doubts and fears before you decide on something. You can wait for the appearance of this state all your life to no avail, without starting to do something.
Doubts and fears will not go away. Remember, I said that doubts accompany any bold undertaking. And you will not be able to become self-confident until you begin to step over your fears, act in defiance of them, ignoring your anxiety and insecurity.
Your goal is not to get rid of fear, but to learn to ignore it! And the more control you have over it, the smaller it becomes. Therefore, do not wait for it to become easy, act now, through strength, through uncertainty. Then life with all its troubles will temper your character and it will become hard as a diamond and indestructible as a typhoon!
How difficult and long way you need to walk in order to educate and grow it in yourself?
I wonder how faith in one's own strength and trust in one's own personality begins? Your opinion?
It turns out that confident behavior is the result of confident thinking. How a person presents himself, so he looks. And he acts on the basis of internal attitudes, ideas about himself.
How to become confident?
You can start with the simplest thing - to portray a confident person in any life situations. In the supermarket, in the pool, on the street, among colleagues, in the subway. Here the well-known law of the transition of quantity into qualitative changes will work. You will show more, with each action you will become more confident. Step, one more, next. And the process has begun! With every step better, more natural, more persistent.
So you can outsmart your thinking, fixated on patterns. You can easily and unobtrusively rebuild, imagining yourself as an actor who selflessly and talentedly plays a role. You decide when to release the actor on stage, when to turn the "switch" to turn it off. You are in complete control of the situation. We decided that at the party you will be embarrassed - there will be strangers there, so go ahead. Feel good! With all my might! Tired? Flip the "switch" - choose confident behavior, communicate on an equal footing, with dignity and self-respect.
How to look confident?
Absolutely in the history of your life there were moments when you were a confident person.
Remember them.
Perhaps in childhood, when you helped your little sister fasten her sandals, or at school, when you recited a learned poem with pleasure. Or in your youth, when you won in sports.
Or in situations where you were among close and dear people, when you spoke to an audience or talked with some person.
Reproduce in your memory the intonations, how you spoke, how you breathed, how you moved, how you gesticulated, what position were you in? How did the voice sound, what did the face express, what were the sensations?
Now, in order to “turn on” a confident person in yourself, repeat all this, copy the posture, pace and volume of speech, gestures - enter the desired state. There is no need to invent anything, you have already been in this place - in the body, you were such a person, now you remember this and make it your natural state.
When you are self-confident, others perceive your dignity, self-confidence, self-respect. And they strengthen you even more in these feelings.
- Space. A confident person settles well in space. Fully occupy the proposed chair or armchair, lean back, use the armrests. Make broad gestures, on a grand scale, expanding your area of influence. Differ from the insecure one, who, on the contrary, tends to shrink, shrink, take up as little space as possible, sit on the edge of a chair, limit himself to mean gestures.
- No fuss. Is there a model of a confident person for you? Who is it? Margaret Thatcher? Angelina Jolie? Ivan Urgant? Sylvester Stallone? Or someone else? Imagine your ideal, which nervously bounces in a chair, fidgets, intensely fiddling with a tie, pounding a drum roll with his fingers on the table. Yes, it's hard to imagine. Confidence is incompatible with vanity. Take her away.
- Straight posture. In any position, standing and sitting, maintain an even posture. It allows you to radiate confidence, feel it and look like a confident person. Practice: chest forward, shoulders back, keep your head level in a horizontal and vertical plane. Imagine that a string comes out of your crown and pulls you into the sky. Remember this posture and merge with it.
- The pace of speech. When someone chatters, speaks quickly, it is difficult for him to be confident and independent. A confident person speaks with feeling, with sense, with an arrangement, without tension. He knows that he will not be interrupted, he will be allowed to speak. The pace of speech is average, smooth. Take it as a rule, the more you worry, get nervous, the slower and calmer you speak, pause. Speak as if you are communicating with a child and it is important for you that he understands you.
- Me, me and me again. Speak in the first person. Use phrases: I think, I think, I decided, I found out, I support, I disagree, I think differently. Feel free to express exactly your opinion, do not hide behind the streamlined and impersonal “we”, “all”, “joint decision”, “everyone”. Avoid excuses!
- Eye contact. A confident person shifts the focus from themselves to others. He is not fixated on himself, he is interested in the interlocutor and the world around him. Therefore, a direct open look is very important and helps to be confident, makes people understand your interest. In communication, you connect not only your hearing, but also an additional channel of perception, “listen with your eyes”, perceive and understand the interlocutor more clearly.
- Dignity. Take the example of the king of beasts, the lion. What plasticity, strength and power he has in his movements. Slowly, with dignity, confidently, elegantly. To be more confident, slow down your movements. Move like a king. Your movements should be smooth, meaningful, thoughtful, unhurried.
- Acceptance of yourself and others. Be calm, friendly and benevolent, even if the interlocutor does not agree with you or you with him. Believe in yourself, in your point of view. Yours doesn't make people think the same way you do. Yours is to be respected.
- Gesture of a confident person - spire gesture. The fingertips of one hand touch the tips of the other hand at an acute angle, forming a spire. This is a signal of confidence and calmness. Use it as an additional way to confidently behave.
- Don't try to please everyone. You need to be good, first of all, for yourself. Your confidence should not depend on how, when and how they evaluate and accept you.
- Pauses. Insecure people are afraid of silence, they are afraid of silence and quickly break it. You do not need to "get out of your skin" to fill every second, albeit meaningless, but chatter. Pause before answering. small. One or two seconds. Think about what you heard, what the interlocutor wanted to convey to you. This will give you confidence and help you master the situation in communication.
- Laugh. Don't giggle. You are not in the circus. Giggling is a sign of insecurity and instability. Appreciate good jokes: smile or laugh quietly.
- Nodding disease. If you listen to the interlocutor and agree with him, you don’t need to continuously nod your head - you are not a “Chinese dummy”. You are a serious, confident person. A couple of head tilts in agreement are sufficient.
- Secret and obvious. Being in any situation: in or with people, in the rays of the sun or in the dark - do not do what you will be ashamed of in front of you. Act in accordance with your principles, do not prevaricate, and she will reward you with the foundation of the foundations on which self-confidence and high self-confidence will be kept.
- I don't know and I'm not afraid. If you want to be trusted, never be afraid to admit that you don't know something. “I have not yet faced such a challenge. Right now I don't have an answer to that question." It is impossible to know everything. Realize this and speak boldly about what you do not know. This will help you further build your confidence.
Friends, everyone has absolutely everything they need in order to be sure, starting today, from this moment. You do not need to read additional literature for this, make an appointment with a psychologist, or undergo trainings. Just decide to be the confident person, flip the switch and turn on the new personality. Good luck!
Video for you "Confidence is the key to victory."
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