How to find a common language and learn how to properly interact with anyone, how to converge with them, making a good impression. All these are very important skills in the modern world, which will certainly be useful to everyone, no matter what a person does.
All people in the world are undeniably social beings and cannot live without others. But this does not mean that each of them really knows how to communicate with others and find a common language. Often, many do not even realize what they are doing wrong, and are in no hurry to admit it to themselves. However, communication is an art. Having set out to master it, it is worth starting with establishing contact.
How to get your interlocutor interested in a conversation
Nobody refuses a pleasant conversation. But for it to be such for the interlocutor, it also has its own conditions:
- do not talk about topics that are not interesting to at least one of the people communicating;
- it is not recommended to talk too much about yourself;
- do not explicitly argue;
- it’s not good to hide emotions and pinch;
- it is not necessary to try to fill the pauses that have arisen;
- Knowing when to end a conversation is important.
First of all, the conversation will not stick if the topic itself is not interesting. Any communication always has a specific purpose. If it disappears, then the interlocutor is uncomfortable, uncomfortable. Then the person who continues the conversation on an uninteresting topic will not be perceived as a good conversationalist, and the attitude towards him will not be the best. At best, he will be thought of as just a person with dissimilar interests, but he can also be assessed as boring, narcissistic, stupid. Therefore, it is important to monitor the reaction of the interlocutor.
For the same reason, you should not talk too much about yourself and talk a lot. Such people are also at risk of being misunderstood and misunderstood. Of course, there is nothing wrong with saying a few words about yourself, but if it turns into endless ranting about everything that a person likes and wants to say, then the interlocutor may think that they are not going to pay attention to him here. Also a kind of failure in the mission. Any conversation is truly enjoyable if it is balanced: everyone talks a little about themselves and is interested in opinions and facts about the interlocutor.
Also, no matter how wrong the interlocutor may seem, do not immediately tell him about it. The world is very multifaceted, and each point of view has the right to exist. Therefore, to reject someone else's opinion and prove the correctness of your own is simply short-sighted. And it is not at all necessary that it is the interlocutor who is wrong - it is always better to take a different look at your own position and evaluate it again. Then there will be no possibility of a conflict, and it will be possible to better understand the interlocutor.
In addition to the love of talking about topics that are not interesting to others and excessive love for yourself, this is perhaps one of the most common mistakes. Be tolerant and patient! And if you still don’t want to agree, then it’s not necessary to say “no, it’s not like that.” So a person will immediately feel neglected. It is worth expressing: "Yes, this is true, but, nevertheless ...". In this case, everyone will be happy: everyone will be able to express their opinion and not humiliate anyone.
Another of the golden rules of communication: never hide feelings. Of course, you should not shout or swear, even if something did not suit you (although with normal interaction it is unlikely that it will come to this). There is simply no need to restrain and disguise them - it is better to convey and express them in some convenient way. Because otherwise the dialogue will become heavy and unpleasant. Any unsaid things will create internal discomfort and affect the quality of communication, and this, in turn, will be felt by the interlocutor. Even if there was an idyll before, it will certainly fall apart.
In the opposite situation, when emotions and thoughts are all expressed and expressed, the desire to revive them in an unnatural way, trying to come up with all sorts of insignificant questions and take leftist topics from the ceiling, will not do good. All this will violate the main rule of communication - the presence of interest. If something that was interesting was said, and other fascinating things do not come to mind, then you should just be silent. This will allow you to relax and gather your thoughts to continue the conversation, and will not let you fall into the dirt on your face.
And if you still don’t want to continue this communication after a long pause, then the dialogue has been exhausted. Goals have been achieved. All important and interesting topics are discussed. Time to say good-bye!
How a person perceives the interlocutor
There are many criteria about how to behave, how to look and what thoughts to express out loud. Often, specific people try to impose certain stereotypes of communication, which they represent as the ultimate truth. But in fact, everything is easier. If you want the interlocutor to reach out to the leader in the dialogue, it is useful to pay attention to the following aspects:
- the desire to be useful to the interlocutor;
- correspondence of the external appearance to the goals and nature of the intended communication;
- a story about his own merits (however, not turning the whole conversation into self-praise);
- own health, affecting the external appearance;
- inner health.
Do not be mistaken - even if a person does not know with his mind that the other does not care about him, he will still feel it, no matter how he hides it. Therefore, anyone should be approached with interest. And not with a desire to get something from him, but with a desire, on the contrary, to give him something useful. Then the contact is created, and a good impression is also provided. For the sake of a positive opinion about yourself, which is also very important in building relationships, you should definitely tell something about yourself that in the eyes of this particular person will be significant, significant, because of which he will begin to appreciate his interlocutor. However, it is not recommended to get carried away with this too much: so that a person does not feel flawed and pushed aside in comparison with another.
It is equally important that the appearance and manner of communication correspond to the nature of the acquaintance and common interests. If you meet business people, then, of course, it is important to be in a good suit and look neat and presentable. Speak more formally and respectfully with the interlocutor, but do not go too far. If you meet fishing enthusiasts, then a non-binding T-shirt with jeans and a warm, informal one, in places, maybe even with the transition to familiarity of addressing each other, is enough. In general, it is enough to simply analyze and understand such trifles, and it is fashionable to boldly go to a meeting, fully realizing why it is needed.
And, finally, the basis for everything is your own state of health: internal and external. Those who follow their shape, see a doctor in a timely manner and treat all diseases, and also make efforts to make their appearance healthy, are always in the top of the best interlocutors, and are among the most attractive people. As mentioned earlier, people perceive not only the picture (although it is also important), but also what is behind it. This explains the difference between the conventional standards of beauty and the majority of those individuals who are ultimately considered attractive.
Often, people unconsciously choose what's on the inside over the outside, though they always attribute it all to how the other person "looks". That is why the standards of beauty are very diverse: if they were the same for everyone, then only people of the same type would be considered beautiful all over the world. Inner beauty is part of health. It is very important to think positively, learn to get rid of bad and destructive desires, overcome, grow above yourself, come to meet people, only wishing them all the best. Then life will improve, and the attention of other people will be ensured!
All of the above communication rules and recommendations are universal. They always act and create meaning in communication as such and, as a result, the desire to make contact. Moreover, all these points are very flexible and allow you to freely express yourself without hurting the interlocutor's pride. So with them you can always succeed both in conversation and in life! Try to find a common language!
All for now.
Sincerely, Vyacheslav.
Many today cannot figure out how to find mutual language with people so that your communication becomes more pleasant, so that you are a good conversationalist and attract positive friends and buddies into your life. After all, all life is impossible without communication, so until we learn to find a common language with the people around us, we will not be able to achieve success.
This article will show you how to find mutual language with people, what needs to be done for this, what methods and tips are there to improve relationships with others. Anyone who learns to find a common language with any person can achieve anything in life he wants.
Understand what people want
To get along with people, first understand what they want. Start a conversation about what will be useful for your interlocutor, and end with what you need. To receive something, you must first give it away.
Try to talk less
To find a common language with a person, give him the opportunity to speak more than you. Listen carefully, support and extract the information you need. So you will get more benefit, as you will learn something new and become a good friend and interlocutor for this person.
smile
To get along with people, try to smile during a conversation if it's appropriate, especially when your interlocutor is joking.
Respect people
You also need to learn to respect and appreciate the person with whom you communicate and then, he will do the same.
Don't take too long, speak clearly
To find mutual language with a person, you need to stop taking him and your time for nothing. Immediately talk about specific things that will help this person and you as well. People think of themselves most of the time, so offer them something they can't refuse.
Try to speak confidently and clearly
To find a common language, try to speak confidently and pronounce words clearly. If a person does not understand you, then it is unlikely that you will achieve his respect for yourself and find common ways out of a particular problem.
Compromise
Do not criticize, do not quarrel or argue
Remember to find a common language
with any person, never quarrel and do not see each other for criticism. Even if you are the best versed in this or that issue, but the person does not want to listen to you and proves his point of view, it is better to leave the conversation and never return to it. 
But if it is possible to turn to facts and logical resolutions of the dispute, then prove in practice what is true. But at the same time, do not leave the interlocutor in an awkward position. Support his point of view and offer to turn to more detailed facts and examples, rather than mere words.
psycho- olog. en
In an ideal world, any person with whom we have to interact is good, kind, attentive, sympathetic, and so on. They would understand our jokes, we - theirs. We would all be in a wonderful atmosphere where no one would ever be saddened or tarnished by slander.
But we don't live in an ideal world. Around us there are far from ideal people who sometimes just drive us crazy. The ones we don't like are inattentive to us, aggressive, spoil our character, don't understand our motives, or simply don't take our jokes - but expect us to laugh at them.
You may be wondering if it's okay to be lenient with someone who annoys you all the time, especially if you also have to be together during your lunch break at work. You may be surprised when you realize that this is possible if you learn to understand people.
According to Robert Sutton, a professor of management theory at Stanford University, it's almost impossible to get a group of people who are all the people you want to be around.
The difference between smart people is that they understand it. And here's how they do it:
- They realize they can't like everything
Sometimes we drive ourselves into a trap, being sure that we are the best in the world. We think that every person we interact with should please us, even if we don't. This will inevitably lead to the fact that you will constantly encounter difficult people in communication who will not share your point of view on a particular issue. Smart people understand this. They also recognize that disagreements or quarrels are also the result of different worldviews in different people.
Just because you don't like a person doesn't mean he's bad. The reason why you cannot find mutual understanding is that you are just very different, and this creates difficulties. One day you will realize that you cannot please everyone, and you cannot like everything, because you have a different view of the world, and realizing this can help you deal with emotions.
- They associate (rather than ignore or fire) those they don't like.
Of course, you can tolerate constant criticism and grit your teeth and listen to stupid jokes, but this may not be the worst scenario for the development of events. “You need to be around people who have their own point of view, and who are not afraid to express their opinion,” says Sutton. “They are the kind of people who can keep you from making rash decisions.” This may not be easy, you need to be able to interact with them. These are often the people who challenge or provoke you, who can spark new ideas in us and help us succeed. Remember, you are not perfect, but others still "tolerate" you.
- They are polite even to those they don't like.
If you feel something about someone, that person will be strongly attuned to your attitude and behavior, and will be a reflection of yourself. If you are rude to him, then he will most likely answer you in the same way. Therefore, you must be responsible for yourself in order to remain fair, impartial and collected.
“The development of diplomatic traits in oneself is very important. You have to be able to stay positive, says psychologist Ben Datner. In this way, you will not sink to the level of such people and will not be dragged into their dirty games.
- They analyze their own expectations
It is not uncommon that many people have too high expectations and demands from others. We can expect people to do exactly what we would like, or to say what we might say in any particular situation. However, this is unrealistic. People have well-established character and personality traits that will greatly influence their behavior and reactions. Expecting others to do everything the way you would like, you doom yourself to disappointment and despair in advance.
If a person makes you feel like that, adjust your expectations. Thus, you will be psychologically prepared for such situations. Smart people remember this all the time. Therefore, they are never surprised by this or that behavior of the people around them.
- A smart person looks inward and focuses on himself.
No matter what kind of interaction you try, some people can really be deeply interested. The main thing is to learn how to control yourself when you have to communicate with a person who annoys you. Instead of focusing on your annoyance, think about why you are reacting the way you do. Sometimes what we dislike in others is a reflection of our own shortcomings.
It is necessary to identify the impulses that complicate your sensations. Then you will have the opportunity to know in advance, soften or even change your reaction. Remember that it is easier to change your perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors than it is to force another person to change.
- They give themselves a break
The people around you may differ in personal characteristics. Maybe it's co-workers who miss deadlines all the time, or someone who makes stupid jokes. Carefully study what annoys you and causes a negative reaction.
If you can pull yourself together and control your emotions, it will make your life much easier. In stressful situations, taking a deep breath and stepping back can also help you calm down and control your negative reactions.
- Smart people voice their own desires
If some people constantly make you angry and annoying, just calmly talk to them and explain your emotions. Avoid accusatory language, try to communicate calmly and kindly. Then take a break and wait for a response.
You may find that the other person didn't understand that you didn't finish talking because your colleague, for example, was so excited and engrossed in his idea that he inadvertently interrupted you.
- Smart people keep those they don't like at a distance.
Be kind to yourself. If at work you have to deal with an unpleasant colleague, try moving to another office or moving as far away from him as possible. Of course, it would be easiest if those we don't like were as far away from us as possible. But life is not so simple.
All people are different, so it can be difficult to find a common language with a stranger. We will show you several ways that will help you find a common language with people.
Speak to the point
Before you start a conversation, think about what exactly you want to say and say it in a calm voice. Try not to talk too much, it's easy to say too much.
Keep your promises
It happens that we promised something and immediately forgot. And the person, most likely, is waiting for the promised, and if he does not receive it, he loses confidence in you. Therefore, either do not promise, or keep your promises without excuses.
Speak kind words
If there is a desire and opportunity, say kind and pleasant words. It can be a compliment, gratitude or praise. It costs you nothing, and the person will be pleased and he will be more predisposed to you.
Respect others and yourself
If a person does not want to communicate with you, respect his right. If a person wants to pour out his soul to you and you do not mind, then this will bring you closer. If you do not want or cannot be a pillow for tears or gossip, then gently explain this to the person. You do not have to please everyone, but you must be respected as a person.
Share the positive
People are drawn to those who are positive, who know how to enjoy life and share their mood with others. Everyone has problems, but everyone has a different attitude to them. Try to go through life easily and people will sympathize with you.
Try not to argue
If you are not sure that you are right, it is better to agree with the dispute. It is better to say that you agree than to argue and then bet. Few people like people who like to argue.
Don't discuss others
Remember once and for all - no one likes gossip. If someone tries to tell you gossip or discuss your boss, it's better to leave or switch your attention to something else.
Don't be afraid of criticism
Criticism is not always meant to hurt. Often people want to draw your attention to some problem in this way. Try to look at criticism as an opportunity to improve.
If you don't know, ask
There is nothing shameful in asking a person with experience or a specialist something that you do not already know. This will only show that you are open to everything new, ready to learn and learn. And this is commendable.
Be sincere
Nothing wins people over to you like your sincerity. Be honest and sincere in your desires and expressions of friendship, in your compliments and your advice. Show genuine interest in the lives of those around you. When people realize that they are not indifferent to you, they begin to reach out to you.
Why we do not understand each other- not otherwise, because we communicate in different languages or dialects, then how to find a common language; maybe I don't understand you because I'm dumb and you're deaf; or we are both deaf and dumb, and even blind ... or maybe we just don’t want to, we don’t know how to understand each other ...
One way or another, without understanding between two or more people, without finding a common language for communication and interaction: whether in the family, with parents, children and adolescents, at work, in society and politics, in love and friendship - people will not be able to constructively solve common, work and business, personal and family problems, establish harmonious relationships, simply, they will not be able to communicate normally: love, make friends, raise children, grow personally and build a career or business.
Why do people not understand each other, speaking the same, but not a common language
Problems of misunderstanding between people, frequent contradictions, quarrels and conflicts, can be not only due to banal psychological incompatibility, but also in the inability to listen, and most importantly, to hear the interlocutor; inability to perceive children's speech; unwillingness to treat with understanding and empathy the desires and needs of another person.Often, the egocentrism left from youth, or the heightened own psychological defense "projection", coupled with the accentuation of character and the difference in the interhemispheric asymmetry of the brain, make people do not understand each other, although they communicate, speak the same language and dialect.
But the key place in this problem is occupied by the personal worldview of each individual, his model of the world, a deep conviction about himself, others and the world as a whole, as well as the main representative (sensory) system of a person associated with perception, i.e. vision (visual) , hearing (auditory), and touch (kinesthetic), to the latter one can add taste and smell.
How to learn to understand each other and how to find a common language
Often, when trying to convey, as it seems to us, useful information, in the form of advice and recommendations, to the interlocutor, instead of gratitude, we meet, at best, indifference, and even hostility.This happens because we, as it were, drive our thoughts and ideas into someone else's, sometimes closed consciousness, trying to break through someone else's perception, someone else's shell. Such an action is perceived as an attack, as a threat.
What to do? How to learn to understand each other and find a common language?
The first thing we can do is take our time and look at our interlocutor, or rather, at his body language. With the help of facial expressions, gestures and postures, you can determine how a person relates to your information.
Second, you need to define its representational system, i.e. who is our interlocutor: visual, auditory or kinesthetic.
And on the basis of the received data about your counterpart, it is possible to build bridges of constructive dialogue and communication, i.e. you can solve joint tasks and problems, as well as introduce your thoughts and ideas.
But first, before studying another person, you need to determine your own body language and leading sensory system.
If you learn how to do this, if you can pick up, find a common body language and match the representative system of the interlocutor, then you will easily communicate and interact, i.e. understand each other.
In the next article, you will learn how to find
