A short joke about a short bath. Bath jokes. Cool quotes about the bath

A father and his little son are taking a bath.
“Dad,” the son shows with his finger, “does mom have such a thing?”
- No, son, she uses mine.

If a naked man accidentally gets into a women's bath, women squeal and splash boiling water into him. And if a naked girl is dressed as a man's, all men are very happy, friendly and hospitable! This once again proves the kindness of a man's heart!

Two little boys in the bathhouse saw a man with a huge belly. Suitable for him:
- Uncle, what do you have there?
— Bomb!
“Let's blow it up,” one boy says to another.
- Nope. We won’t have time to escape, the wick is too short.

Three men in the bath, two girls came to them:
- Oh, there are three of you, let's call a girlfriend or pay extra?
- Girls, everything is fine, there are two of us, and Lyokha is reconciling with his wife today.

Two men came to the bath. One has shaved in the groin:
- What, the friend says with sympathy, mandavoshki?
— No, blowjob with gum!

- Would you, Vasily Vanych, even start a blog, adits?
- Fleas, Petka, will start themselves if you don’t go to the bathhouse for a long time ...

A Chukchi is walking, leading a cow on a leash and dragging a pipe under his arm. Towards another Chukchi.
- Hello, neighbor!
- Great!
- Where are you going?
- However, here, geologists invited me to the bathhouse.
- Why a cow? - They said, however, to come with their heifer. - What about the pipe? "But we'll be buzzing all night."

Two friends are steaming in the bath:
— Oh, Zin, your legs are crooked!
- And what, they are good to go to work.

- Where are you going?
- Buy eggs. - To the store?
- No, in the bath ...

- Hey, mine is banned ...
- He got a job with you, che, a system administrator?
- I walked around the baths with the girls!

In ancient China, baths were not divided into women's and men's, but when the population exceeded a billion, everyone realized that this was a mistake.

A man caught a goldfish and made a wish to her in order to experience an orgasm with his wife at the same time. A week later he comes to the fish and says:

- Cancel your wish!
- Why?
- Yes, it’s somehow uncomfortable, it turns out: we sit with friends in the bathhouse, drink beer and suddenly I finish!

- The terminator went to the bathhouse, drops the soap, leans over it. Suddenly a system message: - A new device has been detected.

— Kindergarten teachers left two Moldovan children in the sandbox. By evening they had built a dacha, a bathhouse and a swimming pool.

Girls in the bath
— Val, why do you have bruises all over your ass? Are you working as a prostitute?
- Well no. I go to Zaporozhets.

According to statistics, 70% of sauna visitors forget to wash, but 90% of them do not regret it at all.

A man and a woman came to the bathhouse, but the attendant did not give them one number. The man insists:
But this is my wife!
- Oh, what a neat lady she is! Today is the fourth time in the bath goes!

- Three people came to the bathhouse: a hard worker, a director and a deputy. Undress, look - everyone - up to the knee ... - The hard worker has hands, the director has a belly, the deputy has a tongue ...

A man enters the bathhouse, and there the Negroes are washing. All blacks have black members, and one has white. The man asks:
“Why are all of you black and that one white?”
We are not blacks, we are miners. And he got married yesterday.

***
One man says to a friend:
- I don't go to the bathroom anymore. They are not allowed into the women's room, but the men's room is not interesting.

Five Georgians come to the bathhouse, take out soap and suddenly it falls on the floor. One of them says:
- Well, damn it, and washed.

Call at 3 am:
- Is this a bath?
- Not?
- Why are you standing in shorts?

- Hello, is this a morgue?
No, it's a bath.
— Damn, I need a morgue.
- Well, you wash yourself first.

In the bath, one Chukchi rubs the back of another:
- Well rub, however, the T-shirt has already appeared!

One blonde to another
- Every year, on December 31, my girlfriends and I go to the bathhouse. What can you do, a thing of bucks is not superfluous ...

In the bath:
- Gogi, pick up the soap.
“You'd better pick up the soap, Givi.
- Okay, let's raise it once, and let's go.

In a rural school, due to the lack of anatomy textbooks... a hole in the wall of the bath was approved by the Ministry of Education!

— Hello, dear, I'm in the sauna ...
— And how is it?
- Everything is as you always say - no women, only men!

The men are sitting in the bath. The mobile is ringing. One picks up the phone:
“Yes, dear, what do you want?” - A fur coat?
- Yes, you certainly may! Do you know where the money is? Good! More boots! Yes please! And buy a bag!
Turns off the mobile and asks:
Guys, whose phone is it?

Hello, is this a brothel?
No, it's a sauna...
— How can I call the brothel?
- Call back in an hour and a half or two.

The guy and the girl decided to go to the bath. They approach, and the guard at the entrance says:
“Sorry, young man, but we can’t bring our own!”

Petka and Vasily Ivanovich are taking a bath, and Petka says:
- Vasily Ivanovich, your heels are dirtier than mine.
So I'm much older than you!

A Georgian walks through the city, sees a beautiful woman and says to her:
- Girl, girl, come with me to the bathhouse.
"Fool, impudent, idiot!"
Well, if you don't want to wash, go dirty!

Olya and Masha always dreamed of visiting the Tretyakov Gallery, but for some reason they were always taken only to the sauna...

- Estimate, my sister went crazy: she pretended to be a peasant and went to serve in the army.
- But she will have to go to the soldiers' bath! With men! Someone will definitely pass!
— Yes, who will hand over something?!

Vovochka washes with her mother in the bath and notices her curly triangle.
“What is it, Mommy!?”
- This is such a washcloth! Mom answers.
“You know, dad’s is better,” Vovochka remarks in a businesslike way, “he has a pen!”

Female and male: “Aaaaaa!!!”, when an individual of the opposite sex appears in the bath, they sound differently.

Foreman Petrov can't finish building his dacha, because he steals bricks from himself and builds a bathhouse out of it.

Two men enter the sauna and immediately jump out of the steam room, scalded. The temperature is outrageous. They go to complain to the director, they say, it is impossible to endure.
“You will forgive our new attendant. He only masters the temperature regime. All the hand will not fill in any way - a couple of days, as he was transferred from the crematorium.

Fire in the women's bath. Firefighters arrive, a man is standing near the bathhouse:
- Late, brothers, late!
- How late, the bath is on fire?
- The bathhouse is on fire, but the naked women have already fled!

Banya is a phenomenon of Russian culture that no foreigner has ever known! Pictures about the bath partly help to understand the culture of light steam. But, a bath is not just a separate building where you can wash yourself!
First of all, a bath is a place for a ritual of cleansing the soul and body. As well as a kind of health resort, where existing ailments were expelled, the body warmed up, preventing diseases. Light steam is inhalation, and a way to remove toxins through the pores on the body. Dousing with cold water, wiping with snow or swimming in an ice hole is a boost of energy for the coming week and the best method of hardening the body. And birch brooms are an excellent massager!

How nice to get together in a fun company for a joint ritual of purification. And don't pollute this place with alcohol. Humor and laughter will come to you without additional doping. Spank each other with brooms! Rub each other's backs! This is both fun and emotional release, and health benefits for both!

It is worth noting the modern hats for the bath. This is truly a storehouse of national humor.
In the old days, rituals and ceremonies were carried out in the baths, because this is the most energetically clean place where evil spirits do not enter.
Many of today's cool pictures about the bath are reduced to vulgarity. This is a little depressing.

From time immemorial, people have treated baths with special attention and awe. Bath - brings a person peace of mind, joy, helps to restore strength and relax muscles. Emotional uplift and the desire to create is another positive effect that a visit to the bath gives a person. Quotes about the bath, witty sayings of many famous personalities and cool proverbs are selected in this article.

Cool quotes about the bath

The red face is on fire!
Hair on end! Eyes like headlights!
This is not a thriller on TV...
This is my dear returned from the bath!

“Sell the last trousers, but drink after the bath.” Alexander Vasilievich Suvorov.

“Send healthy rich people, limping players, intriguers and all kinds of bastards to mineral waters. Let them swim in the mud there. And I'm really sick. And I need - a prayer, a village hut, a bathhouse, porridge and kvass. Alexander Vasilievich Suvorov.

In the bath, everyone is equal, but the couple obey (Kostanay Karataev)

The bath is a joyful centigrade torture. Georgy Alexandrov.

In winter, in frosts, nudists can be found only in baths, but in saunas, and only the most daring - in the hole. Vladimir Borisov.

Banya is a second mother or a mother.

The soul regularly asks for the sea, and her legs constantly carry her to the bathhouse. Author of the proverb: Yuri Tatarkin.

I don't go to the bath. They are not allowed into the women's room, but the men's room is not interesting.

Only in the bath it makes sense to change the awl for soap. Yuri Melikhov.

About one dirty bathhouse, Diogenes asked: “Where do those who washed here bathe?” Based on the story of Diogenes Laertes.

Washing one day in the bath, Demonakt could not decide to go into the hot water. Someone began to accuse him of cowardice. “Tell me, for the sake of the fatherland, should I do this?” Demonact objected. Lucian of Samosata.

Whoever loves the people should take them to the bathhouse. Heinrich Heine.

There are few sorrows in the world that a hot bath does not cure. Sylvia Plath.

Different people enter the bathhouse, but they leave happy. Vladimir Borisov.

"The only place that not a single Muscovite has passed is the BANYA." Moscow without baths is not Moscow. V. A. Gilyarovsky.

“Baths in Moscow, as a rule, were built near the river in order to quickly plunge into the water, and then return to the hot steam room. In winter, ice holes were specially made for this. V. A. Gilyarovsky.

"Without St. Petersburg and without a bath, we are like a body without a soul." Alexey Nikolaevich Tolstoy.

“Russians consider it impossible to make friends without inviting them to a bath and then eating at the same table.” Jacob Reitenfels.

A bath without steam is like cabbage soup without fat.

The bath will wash away all sins.

Bath drives any disease from the body.

The bath soars, the bath rules.

If you liked bath quotes, funny sayings, funny proverbs, selected in the article, share this page on social networks. Do you love baths?

Banya is a phenomenon of Russian culture that no foreigner has ever known! Pictures about the bath partly help to understand the culture of light steam. But, a bath is not just a separate building where you can wash yourself!
First of all, a bath is a place for a ritual of cleansing the soul and body. As well as a kind of health resort, where existing ailments were expelled, the body warmed up, preventing diseases. Light steam is inhalation, and a way to remove toxins through the pores on the body. Dousing with cold water, wiping with snow or swimming in an ice hole is a boost of energy for the coming week and the best method of hardening the body. And birch brooms are an excellent massager!

How nice to get together in a fun company for a joint ritual of purification. And don't pollute this place with alcohol. Humor and laughter will come to you without additional doping. Spank each other with brooms! Rub each other's backs! This is both fun and emotional release, and health benefits for both!

It is worth noting the modern hats for the bath. This is truly a storehouse of national humor.
In the old days, rituals and ceremonies were carried out in the baths, because this is the most energetically clean place where evil spirits do not enter.
Many of today's cool pictures about the bath are reduced to vulgarity. This is a little depressing.